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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23537143">Stronger Than Fate</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oracle507/pseuds/Oracle507'>Oracle507</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Stronger Than Fate [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Sanders Sides (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Anxiety Disorder, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Has Panic Attacks, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Needs a Hug, Bullying, Child Abuse, Child Neglect, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders Needs a Hug, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders Needs a Hug, Dissociation, Emotional Manipulation, F/F, F/M, Flashbacks, Hurt/Comfort, Logic | Logan Sanders Needs a Hug, M/M, Morality | Patton Sanders Needs a Hug, Multi, Nightmares, Open Relationships, Original Character(s), Original lgbt Characters - Freeform, POV Alternating, Panic Attacks, Platonic Soulmates, Romantic Soulmates, Self-Harm, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Spoilers for newest sander sides episode, Sympathetic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Sympathetic Deceit Sanders, Will Add Tags As I Need To</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 16:46:51</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>89,790</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23537143</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oracle507/pseuds/Oracle507</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Around 50% of the world’s population is born with a mark on their body labeling them as someone with a soulmate. With the soulmark comes an ability that connects them to their soulmates. The bonds between soulmates last forever, whether the relationships be platonic or romantic.<br/>Roman Kinner is a Courier, meaning whatever he writes on his body will appear on his soulmate’s body.<br/>Patton McCollough is an Empath. He can sense the strong emotions of his soulmates.<br/>Virgil Conners is a Savior, giving him the ability to sense when his soulmates are in danger and call out to them.<br/>Logan Smith is… nothing. He is part of the 50% that was born without a soulmark, no matter how much he wants one.</p><p>AKA a soulmate AU with way too much lore</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Anxiety | Virgil &amp; Creativity | Roman &amp; Logic | Logan &amp; Morality | Patton, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders &amp; Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders &amp; Deceit Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders &amp; Dr. Emile Picani, Anxiety | Virgil/Creativity | Roman/Logic | Logan/Morality | Patton, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders &amp; Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders &amp; Logic | Logan Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders &amp; Morality | Patton Sanders, Dr. Emile Picani &amp; Deceit Sanders</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Stronger Than Fate [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1883095</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>530</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>654</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Where All Roads Lead</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW: Child Abuse, Child Neglect, Bullying.<br/>Update 7/27: I have edited this chapter to fix minor grammatical errors, clarify things, and fix a minor continuity error.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Logan, Age 6:</p><p>Logan hated his town. California as a whole was a very accepting place for people with and without soulmates alike. Of course, his family <em> had </em> to live in a town full of Soulists. His parents explained it to him a while ago.</p><p>
  <em> “Some people are what we call Soulists,” Mom had said. “They don’t like people without soulmates. They think they’re… They’re not as special.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Of course, that’s not true,” Dad said. “You’re very special. Just… in a different way than we are.” </em>
</p><p>Logan didn’t like being special his way. His classmates didn’t like it either.</p><p>“Take this, loser!” Jake said as he pushed Logan over. Logan had been leaning against a wall during recess, trying to stay out of everyone’s way. </p><p>Jake's friends started laughing. “Again!” Before he could even try to get up, Jake kicked Logan’s face. The kick was barely hard enough to make his nose bleed. Still, it hurt a lot.</p><p>“Teacher!” a familiar voice yelled. Sure enough, Patton came running over. He yelled for a teacher again as Jake and his friends left still laughing. Patton looked around. None of the adults heard his screaming, too distracted by other kids. </p><p>“It’s okay.” Logan stood up, holding his nose.</p><p>“But you’re bleeding, and Mrs. Melly said we need to tell a teacher if someone’s hurt.” Logan shook his head. Things like this happened every day. He’d learned by then that the teachers here didn’t care. If he had a soulmate, that’d be a different story. “When my nose gets all bloody, my moms get toilet paper, but I don't have any. What do I-?”</p><p>“I’ll go to the bath-” He cut himself off as Patton started to take his shirt off. Logan was about to stop him, but then he saw his soulmark. It was a light blue heart with glasses that was, fittingly, right over his real heart.</p><p>“Use this.” Patton said, holding the shirt out to him. </p><p>Logan blinked a few times before shaking his head. “No, I’ll just go to the bathroom. You need your shirt.”</p><p>“Oh, right. Oops.” He put it back on. “Go to the bathroom and I’ll get a teacher.”</p><p>“No, it’s fine.”</p><p>“But-”</p><p>“You tell them every time and nothing happens. Thank you for helping, but don’t tell anyone. I don’t want another note home.”</p><p>“But…” Patton frowned. “Okay, but I’m going to the bathroom with you.”</p><p>Virgil, Age 7:</p><p>Virgil hated his soulmark. Most people have theirs on their upper arm or torso, but his is on the left side of his neck. It was a purple cloud with a white lighting bolt coming out of it. He would do anything to get the ugly, terrible, good for nothing thing off his skin.</p><p>Subconsciously, his hand moved to his torso, where he had many burn scars under his black shirt. He didn’t remember getting them, but he didn’t remember a lot of things, so it was fine. All he knew was that his father got mad one day and tried to get rid of his mark. It was all in vain, as the mark just moved to a new place every time. Virgil didn’t know if his dad forgot soulmarks did that, or just didn’t care. He didn’t know a lot of things.</p><p>He got up and held his ear against his bedroom door. He could hear the TV in the living room. His parents would probably leave him alone for a little while. He sat on his bed and took off the jacket he was always required to wear. He smiled at the sight of a new message from his soulmate on his right arm.</p><p>“Dear soulmates,</p><p>Hello! I hope you are all good. I’ve had a great day. We had show and tell and everyone in class loved my Prince Eric doll. Some of them said I shouldn’t like dolls cause I’m a boy, but Dad says I shouldn’t listen to them. We are having pizza for dinner later. I’ll talk to you again tomorrow. Bye!!!!!!!!!!! </p><p>Love, Roman.”</p><p>Virgil giggled as he read the message over and over again. He jumped when he heard the door open and hurried to grab his jacket.</p><p>His brother, Dee, walked in. “Mom wanted me to get you for-Hey!”</p><p>Virgil jumped up. “No! I was just-”</p><p>“Mom! Dad!” Dee ran to the living room. Virgil put the jacket on and chased after him. “Virgil was reading his arm.”</p><p>Mom gasped from the kitchen as Dad stood up. “Really? This is the third time this week. How many times do we have to go over this?”</p><p>“Dad, please-”</p><p>“Come with me.” He grabbed Virgil’s arm and dragged him over to the closet. He opened the door and lightly pushed Virgil inside. He didn’t bother fighting back as the door closed behind him, tears streaming down his face. “Now, repeat after me: I don’t have any soulmates”</p><p>“I..I don’t have any soulmates.”</p><p>“People with soulmates are weak.”</p><p>“People with soul… soulmates are weak.”</p><p>“No true member of the Connors family has soulmates.”</p><p>“No true member of the Connors family has…”</p><p>Dad sighed. “Has what?”</p><p>“Has soulmates.” At this point, Virgil was almost sobbing.</p><p>“Good. I’d normally let you out in an hour, but three times in a week is far too many. I’ll come get you later. Think about who you want to be and where your loyalties are. I love you, son.”</p><p>Dad walked away. Virgil waited until he couldn’t hear footsteps anymore before he finally let himself sob. The closet was dark, and Virgil was scared of the dark. Virgil was scared of a lot of things.</p><p>Roman, Age 7:</p><p>Roman hated his brother. Well, hate wasn’t the right word. Disliked a lot but in an affectionate way that could only exist between twins? Yeah, that’s better.</p><p>Remus never let him do his own thing. It was always, “Roman, play this game with me,” then “Roman, come outside with me,” then “Roman, help me with this coloring book.” He could never settle on one activity for more than ten minutes.</p><p>This time, it was “Roman, let’s do our homework together!” Roman wanted to scream, but held himself back. At least this was something he needed to do anyway.</p><p>“Hold on,” he said, “I’m gonna write something for my soulmates.” He took out his marker and started writing about his day. He had no idea if his soulmates liked his daily messages, but he couldn’t help himself. He felt so lucky to be a Courier. While being able to sense about where his soulmates were like his brother would be great, he liked being able to talk to them. Plus, it wasn’t like Remus could just go off to find them. Soulmates aren’t allowed to meet until they’re at least in high school.</p><p>Once he was done, he joined his brother in the living room. “Okay, let's do it.” Remus cheered as they got started. They asked each other questions as they made their way through the work.</p><p>“I’m home!” Mom called as she walked through the door.</p><p>“Welcome back, honey,” Dad said from the kitchen.</p><p>“Mom!” Remus got up and ran over to Mom, giving her a big hug. Dad came out and gave her a kiss on the check.</p><p>“How was the meeting?” Dad asked.</p><p>“Great. Obviously, we’ve gotta be careful about how we do this, but the protest is still on.”</p><p>Roman didn’t know much about his parent’s work. They lead a group called SAUD, or Soulists Against Unchoosen Degenerates. Apparently, a lot of people in Arizona were Soulists, which was great. Roman had heard a lot of bad things about people without soulmates and was glad to not know any of them.</p><p>Patton, Age 9:</p><p>Patton hated school. He didn’t used to. He looked forward to coming back every weekday and hanging out with his friends. That was before his parents started to become more well known.</p><p>His moms were huge activists for the rights of everyone regardless of soul status. Since their area was mostly Soulists, they spend almost all their time outside work organizing protests for the sake of those without soulmarks. They’d appeared on the news a few weeks ago, making their name rather recognizable in their community.</p><p>Patton was happy for his moms, truly. Sure, his friends’ parents made them stop hanging out with him, some of the teachers gave him dirty looks, and Logan wasn’t even in his class anymore, but that was fine. He knew his parents did important things.</p><p>He was sitting in class when a random wave of fear hit him. The fear wasn’t his, but rather one of his soulmates. Mama explained it to him a while ago. <em> “You’re an Empath.” she’d said. “That means you get to know what emotions your soulmates are feeling. The stronger the emotion, the most easily you can tell.” </em> When Patton asked why one of his soulmates was almost always either sad or scared, she didn’t have an answer.</p><p>Patton didn’t like being an Empath. He’d much rather be a Courier like Roman. Then he could write messages to his other soulmate and make them feel better. He couldn’t do anything right now but be sad.</p><p>Logan, Age 11:</p><p>As he walked up to the door of his new school, he couldn’t help but be sad he didn’t go to school with Patton anymore. He knew they hadn’t been together much for a while, but he was Logan’s friend. Patton defended him when no one else would, not even the teachers.</p><p>Still, Logan knew he should feel grateful. His parents paid a lot of money to get him into a private middle school where they had a no tolerance policy for any Soulist or Free Spirit bullying. He asked his parents what Free Spirit meant, and was shocked to learn that there were people without soulmates that thought they were better than people with them. He couldn’t understand that, but didn’t see why his parents would lie.</p><p>He quickly found his new classroom. He waved at his teacher as he sat down at a desk in front, for the first time in a while not fearing the idea of others attention to himself. A girl with blond hair and a blue dress sat next to him. “Hey, I’m Sarah.” She held out her hand. He shook it.</p><p>“Logan.”</p><p>“Cool! Where’s your soulmark?”</p><p>Logan’s old fear started to come back. “W-What?”</p><p>“I have mine on my ankle. I’ve never heard of anyone else having one there, but Mom says lots of people do. Is yours there, or is it on your arm or something? Ohh! I bet it’s on your shoulder.”</p><p>“Well, um… I… It’s on my back, actually.” He regretted it the second the words left his mouth. He got a new start and the first thing he did was lie.</p><p>“Oh, that’s so cool.”</p><p>“Excuse me,” his teacher said from her desk. “You’re Logan Smith, right?” He nodded, not knowing when she started paying attention. “Can you speak with me outside?”</p><p>She led him out the door and knelt in front of him. “Am I in trouble?” he asked.</p><p>She shook her head. “Not at all. I just heard you say you have a soulmark. Did your mom and dad tell you to tell people that?”</p><p>“No, I just… I didn’t…”</p><p>“It’s okay if they did. I just want to know so I can help you. Some very bad people make their kids lie. If that’s what’s happening, please tell me. You won’t be in trouble either way.”</p><p>“They… They didn’t do anything. I just… I got… I lied. I’m sorry.” He tried to fight back tears.</p><p>“It’s okay, but you don’t need to, okay? No one here will like you any less for not having a soulmate. If they do, come tell me and I’ll talk to them.”</p><p>He nodded. “I’m sorry.”</p><p>“You don’t need to apologize to me. Apologizes to your new friend in there. I’m sure she’ll forgive you. I’ll also talk to her about assuming other people have marks. We all need to be more tolerant, whether of other people or of ourselves.” She stood up. “And don’t lie about this anymore. Your parents could get in huge trouble if they’re accused of making you lie.” He nodded and they walked back inside.</p><p>Patton, Age 12:</p><p>“Dear soulmates,</p><p>I just found out something <strike>bad</strike> terrible. I know soulmates aren’t supposed to try and meet until they’re in High School, but I think I need help. It’s hard to explain, but basically Remus, who I thought all this time had a soulmate, didn’t have one. I’ve heard of people paying doctors off to pretend they’re kid has or doesn’t have a soulmate, but I didn’t think my parents would do that. I love my mom and dad, but I need to get Remus out of here. I want to help him but don’t know how. If you live near me, please come over.</p><p>24535 Maple St.</p><p>Phoenix AZ, 38420</p><p>Love, Roman”</p><p>Patton ran to the living room the second he was done reading the note on his arm. “Mom!”</p><p>She hurried over to him. “What is it, sweetie?” He held out his arm to her.</p><p>“We need to help.”</p><p>She stared at the message for a minute before grabbing her phone. “Go back to your room for a minute, okay? I’m gonna call your mama.”</p><p>He nodded and ran back, trying to ignore the feeling of deep sadness he was getting from one of his soulmates, probably Roman. Mom’s voice could be faintly heard from the other room. Patton knew eavesdropping was wrong, but couldn’t help himself.  He held his ear against the door.</p><p>“I don’t know what we can do. Arizona is way worse than here when it comes to Soulists. Some stations are completely corrupt. It's possible getting the police involved could make things worse. What if they completely ignore Roman’s accusation and he just gets in trouble for trying to contact his soulmates?” There was a pause. “I don’t think there’s anything we <em> can </em> do. But how am I gonna tell Patton that? He loves his soulmates so much… Okay… Okay, I’ll wait for you to come back. Thank you.”</p><p>Patton backed away as he started to sob. They weren’t going to help him. <em> Why </em> won’t they help him? It was their job to help people discriminated against for their soul status. Patton was finally gonna be able to help one of his soulmates when they’re feeling bad and now he can’t.</p><p>Not thinking straight, he ran to his closet and grabbed some clothes. He emptied out his backpack and filled it with everything he thought he might need: clothes, toothbrush, the few dollars he had left over from his birthday. Then he jumped out his first-story window (proud of himself for managing to land without scraping his knee) and ran.</p><p>A bus stop was only a few streets away. Or… maybe it wasn’t. Patton very quickly found himself lost. He could’ve sworn it was this way, but he didn’t recognize anything here. Terrified and with tears in his eyes, he kept running to find something, anything to tell him where he was.</p><p>As he was crossing the street, he heard a panicked voice scream “Look out!” It was only then that he noticed the car racing towards him. He jumped back, falling onto the sidewalk. He looked around to find the source of the scream. The kid sounded about his age, but he didn’t see anyone around. The driver parked her car and ran towards him.</p><p>“Are you okay!?” She asked, kneeling in front of him. Patton was still crying, barely able to control his breathing. He could hear her continue talking, but it barely registered. ‘That was my other soulmate. It must’ve been. He’s a savior!’ The joy of interacting with another soulmate was overshadowed by guilt. His soulmate was able to help him, but he could never do anything to help back.</p><p>Roman, Age 13:</p><p>www.soulstatusalliance.com/message-boards/help-for-minors</p><p>
  <b>Discussion: My Brother Doesn’t Have A Soulmate, But My Parents Are Making Him Pretend He Does</b>
</p><p>Posted By: Princey1937!!! 4:32 PM Nov. 13</p><p>Hello,</p><p>I live in Arizona and my parents are Soulists. I was too until I saw where my brother's soulmark is supposed to be and found out it wasn’t real. I don’t know what to do. I tried writing to my soulmates (I’m a Courier), but none of them could help me. I’m thirteen, and I know it was wrong to try and find them before I’m in High School, but I don’t know what to do. When I told my teachers, they didn’t do anything, saying I should lie. I wasn’t lying. I want to get my brother out of here, but I don’t know how. Does anyone have any ideas? I can tell my brother is hurt a lot by this. I looked things up and found out that lying about having/not having a soulmate can really hurt someone. If anyone can help, please respond to this. Thank you.</p><p>
  <b>Replies:</b>
</p><p>4:50 PM Crofter$1991#!: I can personally relate to your situation. While I have never been forced to pretend to have a soulmate, I live in a Soulist area and my parents used to be Soulists. You are correct that lying about one’s soul status can cause a variety of psychological distress. The most common effects are extreme anxiety, dissociation, depression, and, in severe cases, many cognitive disorders. Therefore, it is important that you remove your brother from his situation as soon as possible.</p><p>I personally go to a private school that has strict privacy policies and forbids any discrimination of any kind. Throughout my research, I have found similar schools in every state, including very Soulist states (such as Arizona) and Free Spirit states (such as Maine). Even so, that would not completely solve your problem as he would still live at home. There are some high schools, including one I recently got into in southern California, have dorm options for certain people who get in. I do not know how old your brother is, but that could be a viable option.</p><p>I hope I have been helpful.</p><p>5:04 PM Princey1937!!!: I didn’t know there are schools like that. My brother is also thirteen, so we’ll be going to high school soon. Still, I don’t think my brother could get into a school like that. I looked it up and didn’t see any schools like that in Arizona. Is the school you’re talking about Southside? I saw that one offers scholarships for people in the arts. My brother isn’t good at school. He can barely pay attention to one thing for more than a few minutes. His only real chance would be getting in through something like that, since he’s a good artist (won some competitions at our school).</p><p>5:11 PM Crofter$1991#!: While I would normally be reluctant to share personal information online, as you should be as well, I will confirm that my school is Southside Private School. While they will accept people for artistic merit, your brother will still need to pass a basic education evaluation exam. I do not know your brother’s intelligence level, but based on your description he may struggle with this part. I have already taken and passed this test. I could offer assistance in tutoring if you would like to go through with this plan.</p><p>5:13  PM Princey1937!!!: That’s amazing! Thank you! I should warn you that I am not exaggerating when I say my brother can barely focus on anything. It’ll be a lot of work to try and help him.</p><p>5:14 PM Crofter$1991#!: That will likely not be a problem, as I have some tutoring experience. You should label this discussion as solved. I will continue this conversation in private messages.</p><p>5:14  PM Princey1937!!!: I will do that now :)</p><p>Virgil, Age 14: </p><p>Virgil’s new town somehow managed to make him hate it just as much as his last one, if not more. That was bizarre, given how the two places were completely different. As prominent members of the F3 (Freedom From Fate) Society, his family was recently asked to join the Free Spirit group down in southern California to rival the dominant Soulist population. That only ended up making Virgil’s terrible family situation worse.</p><p>Now, not only does he lie about not having a soulmate, but no one at school will talk to him because of it. Most families with kids without soulmarks move, and Virgil can’t blame them. He spent all his time at school hiding from everyone else, trying to ignore the constant anxiety and resist the instinct to read Roman’s latest message. He hadn’t read anything for years, not since his mom caught him using his Savior ability and… He didn’t like thinking about what happened after that.</p><p>One day, his teacher caught him drawing when he finished his work early. The teacher leaned over his shoulder. “That’s very good, Virgil,” he said.</p><p>“T-Thank you, Mr. Martin.” </p><p>“Have you considered participating in any of our art competitions?” Virgil shook his head. “Maybe you should. I think it’d be fun.”</p><p>“Thank you. I’ll… I’ll think about it.”</p><p>Mr. Martin stayed silent for a second. “Would you mind staying after class for a bit? I’d like to show you something.” Virgil visibly tensed. “Nothing bad. I promise, you haven’t done anything wrong. Just… I think I have a good opportunity for you.”</p><p>“Okay, I’ll stay.” His teacher smiled before returning to his desk.</p><p>Soon enough, the bell rang and most of the students raced out of the room. Mr. Martin walked over to Virgil with a piece of paper. “This has information on a local school, Southside Private School. It can be hard to get into, but you could probably do it if you also send in some of your art. Something great about this school is that they have great anti-discrimination policies.” He paused. “I’m not… ignorant to the problems this school has when it comes to people without soulmates. I know this must be hard on you, especially since you used to live in somewhere that was pretty much the exact opposite. This school should be able to help with that.”</p><p>Virgil took the flyer and read it. It all felt like a huge joke. ‘Hey, go to this school so you won’t be bullied anymore for not having a soulmate… even though you do have a soulmate.’ He wanted to laugh, but that didn’t seem appropriate.</p><p>He almost gave the paper back before reading the last perk listed: Dorms Available- First Come, First Serviced. Virgil smiled. “Thank you, Mr. Martin,” he said before leaving the classroom. While he’d still have to pretend to not have soulmates, he’d at least be away from his family for a little while. The idea made him ecstatic before the guilt set in. ‘What kind of person is excited to get away from their family? Dad’s right, I am a monster.’</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hello! I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. This was basically giving everyone background info before getting into the main plot I have planned. I have never written anything with this much original lore in it. If you have any questions, feel free to ask. I will respond to every comment. Have a great day! Remember to wash your hands.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Welcome to Southside Private School</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW: Child Abuse, Implied (Blink and You'll Miss It) Child Neglect, Negative Self-Talk, Emotional Manipulation<br/>Updated 7/27: Fixed minor grammatical errors.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Roman - Sunday, September 1, 6:35 PM</p><p>Despite all of Roman’s expectations prior to arriving at Southside, Remus was actually an okay roommate. He stuck to his side of the room, didn’t mess with Roman’s stuff, and even cleaned up when he realized he got crumbs on their shared table. That didn’t mean Roman was especially happy with the arrangement.</p><p>The two of them had barely been accepted. If not for Roman’s acting skills and Remus’s proficiency at absurdist art, they would both still be home. A small part of Roman missed his parents. Despite what they had done to Remus, they raised the two of them. No bad deed could wipe away all his happy memories of trips to the park and family game night. Still, when he saw Remus looking out the window at their new campus with glee, he knew what he was doing was right.</p><p>“This school is so weird,” Remus said. “They don’t even have a main building. It’s just a bunch of buildings and we just… walk right into our classrooms from outside. That’s so weird. Why aren’t all schools like that? What happens if it rains? Oh, is that why not all schools are like that? Because it rains more in other places? But it does rain here, right? I know people say it doesn’t rain in California, and it has a drought, but if it never rained, wouldn’t there have been a drought forever?”</p><p>“Remus,” Roman said, “we have gone over this hundreds of times. You cannot just ask a bunch of questions without giving me time to answer.”</p><p>Remus pouted and sat down at their table. “When are we getting our schedules?”</p><p>Roman looked at the big Disney-themed clock on their wall. “Soon. The orientation thingy said 6:30, but-” Someone knocked at the door. “Ah, there we are.” He walked over and opened the door.</p><p>A pretty girl stood at the door with a huge smile plastered on her face. “Hello! This is Remus and Roman, right?”</p><p>“Yes, I am the dazzling R-”</p><p>“Great!” She held two sheets of paper at him. “Here are your schedules.”</p><p>He took them. Before he could even thank her, she was off to the next room. He closed the door. “Well, she’s certainly in a hurry.”</p><p>“Here, gimme.”</p><p>Remus took both the schedules out of his hands and slammed them on the table next to each other. “Yes!” He held them both up to show Roman. “We have the same Health and French class.”</p><p>Roman took his. “I didn’t know you were also taking French,” he said, trying to hide his disappointment. ‘I was expecting one class with him, but two?’</p><p>“Yeah. I saw you were taking it, so- Hey! I have free time on Fridays.”</p><p>“Everyone does. And we can’t just go back to our dorms. We pick a class we need more help with and go to our teacher.”</p><p>“Aw, well that sucks.” They both read through their schedule. It was unlike anything Roman had ever seen. Most of his classes occur twice a week for two hours. There were three classes a day (except Fridays). The requirements for which classes they had to take were looser than he was used to. Every student needed to pick one math they qualified for, a science, a language, and one elective. In addition to that, every freshman student takes English 1, European History, Physical Education, and Health. </p><p>As Roman read, nothing stood out except, “I have Drama on Monday and Friday. Do they really expect me to wait that long before going on stage again? I swear, academics have no sympathy for the struggles of an artist. How dare they deprive me of my craft for that long?”</p><p>“Roman…” He looked up, shocked by the softness of his brother’s tone.</p><p>“Yes?”</p><p>“The classes are two hours long. I used to not be good with an hour. How am I…”</p><p>Roman sighed. He hadn’t thought about that. Remus could rarely focus on one topic for more than a few minutes before needing to be reeled back in. Whether that be undiagnosed, extreme ADHD or a severe side effect of lying about his soul status for years, neither had any idea.</p><p>“I’ll think of something. Just… try to make it through tomorrow.”</p><p>Patton - Monday, September 2, 5:24 AM</p><p>While Patton was normally an early bird, 5 AM seemed a little extreme, even for him. He was just so excited to start at his new school. All the studying he’d been doing for the past year paid off (though his band experience didn’t hurt).</p><p>About one year ago, Roman had written this message:</p><p>
  <em> Dear Soulmates, </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Hello! I haven’t spoken to you much recently, and you have my sincerest of apologies for that. It appears that none of you live near me, and have therefore not been able to come to my home to assist me. Fear not, I do not hold this against you. It might even be for the best. I posted about my brother on an online forum and found someone willing to help enroll my brother and I into a private school in south California, Southside Private School. They are more willing to accept people with an artistic background, so we may have a shot of getting in. For now, do not worry about us. Please do not feel bad for not being able to help. I still cannot wait to meet you when the time is right. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Love, Roman. </em>
</p><p>Patton had excitedly shared the news with his parents and got to work studying so he could get in. It was hard, especially since his only chance was a full scholarship, but it worked out in the end. Today, Patton would finally meet one of his soulmates. Just the thought made him almost explode with excitement. He looked at his clock again: 5:38 AM.</p><p>With too much adrenaline to even think about sleeping again, he got up and went to the kitchen to make breakfast. Just as his toast popped out of the toaster, Mama walked in. “Sweetie, what are you doing up already? It’s only 6.”</p><p>“I wanna get to school early so I can look around and find all my classes.” He smiled wide and gave her a hug. “I can’t believe it! I’m gonna meet Roman!”</p><p>She hugged back. “I know you’re excited, but try not to get your hopes up. You might not be able to find him in one day. He has no idea you're even coming.”</p><p>“I know that, but… I’m gonna do my best.” She chucked and gave him a kiss on the forehead.</p><p>Soon enough, she dropped him off at school an hour before his first class started. He took out a map and started marking his classes. “Today, I have Health, English, and Geometry. The English and Math buildings are close, so…”</p><p>Patton spent the next 30 minutes finding all his classes and generally getting acquainted with the school. When he found the theater, he almost considered staying there until Roman inevitably showed up, but decided he couldn’t afford being late to his first class. He went to the health classroom. He was disappointed when he found out that both health and P.E. only happened once a week. Both of those classes were very important and he didn’t like them being treated as lesser.</p><p>Once he reached the classroom, he was excited to see one student sitting right by the door. He wore a purple jacket with the hoodie up. “Hello!” Patton said to his classmate. He flinched before looking up from his drawing. “I’m Patton. Do you have Health with Ms. Bannados first?”</p><p>The student held out his hand. “Virgil, and yeah. She’s in there already, but said she couldn’t let me in yet.” He went back to his art.</p><p>“Do you mind if I sit next to you?” Virgil shook his head, not looking up. Patton sat down about a foot away. ‘Even if I haven’t found Roman yet, I at least have a friend.’</p><p>Logan - Monday, September 2, 7:50 AM</p><p>Logan, forever a pragmatist, spent his time before his first period creating a schedule for himself. Summer break gave him lots of free time, a luxury he got too used to. He organized his classes into a daily hierarchy of importance depending on the difficulty of the subject and how many days he had between sessions within a week. He also had to give himself at least two hours a day for tutoring, one hour for helping at his parents' minor law firm, and whatever time he had left would be for forums.</p><p>He started spending his free time in help forums a few years ago when he heard about it half way through sixth grade. Since then, he’d answered common questions about not having a soulmate, directed people to helplines when in difficult situations, and, in his most extreme example, spent months working with a hyperactive student to help him get into Southside.</p><p>Knowing the relatively small size of the school, it was likely he’d have at least one class with one of the twins. They never shared names or contact information outside of their email accounts and nicknames. Even so, Logan had a feeling the two would be easy to spot. He had mixed feelings about meeting them in person. On one hand, he’d never been able to see proof of his efforts quite like this before. Most of the time, he dropped contact with the person he was assisting almost immediately. Now, he’d be going to school with them for the next four years of his life.</p><p>Still, tutoring Duke, Princey’s brother, had been… emotionally taxing to say the least. Logan was surprised by how intelligent Duke could be once he managed to capture his interest and full attention. The problem was, it always took a long time to get there. They worked out some strategies, such as audiobooks working far better than physical books and focusing on practical applications, but nothing could keep him from going off on twenty tangents an hour.</p><p>Logan flinched when the warning bell rang at 7:55. ‘I must have been more lost in thought than I realized.’ He got up and walked inside his Algebra 3 classroom. He sat up front and quickly got to organizing his materials. When he looked around, he was happy to find only a few other students. He’d known this would be a small class given it’s advanced level for his grade. This managed to be better than expected. Less students meant less noise, which meant less distraction, which meant he could get more work done. He smiled and waited patiently for class to begin.</p><p>Virgil - Monday, September 2, 8:00 AM</p><p>Virgil didn’t know what to do when the annoying kid from outside the classroom insisted on sitting next to him. Sure, having a friend would be nice, but Patton was a bit <em> too </em>friendly for his taste. He seemed like the kind of guy that would have one conversation and declare himself friends with that person forever. Since Virgil normally repulses those types of people, he decided Patton would leave him alone eventually and all would be as it should be.</p><p>As the bell rang, the teacher rang a little bell on her desk to get the classes attention. “Good morning, class. I am Ms. Bannados, your health teacher. If any of you are in the wrong class, please go to the front office and an office aid will direct you to your correct classroom.” No one got up. “Excellent!”</p><p>She passed out a syllabus and gave the class a rundown of what everything meant. Virgil took that time to drown her voice out and consider the rest of the class. Almost everyone was giving Ms. Bannados their full attention, except for a few kids in the back drawing on the back of their syllabus. No one had trouble-maker vibes, but that didn’t make Virgil any less on-edge. That just meant this class’s wildcard was harder to spot than most.</p><p>Soon enough, Ms. Bannados had everyone put away their syllabus and handed out a get-to-know-you survey. “This will both help me learn a little bit about each of you and let me see how much everyone knows going into the course. This will be graded on completion, not on correctness. If you don’t know how to answer a question, it is perfectly okay to write so.”</p><p>Virgil looked down at the worksheet:</p><ol>
<li>Name:<span class="u"> Virgil Conners</span>
</li>
<li>Gender Identity:<span class="u"> Boy</span>
</li>
<li>Age:<span class="u"> 14</span>
</li>
<li>Favorite Color:<span class="u"> Purple</span>
</li>
</ol><p>He answered the questions absentmindedly until he reached question 15.</p><ol>
<li>Do you have a soulmate? If yes, answer questions 15a-15d. If no, answer questions 15e-15f:</li>
</ol><p>Virgil's breaths became heavier as he tried to calm himself. ‘4 in, hold 7, 8 out.’</p><p>“Are you okay?” Virgil flinched and looked to the person on his right. Patton frowned. “Are you having trouble with some of the questions?”</p><p>“No, ummm.” Virgil took a deep, calming breath. “Why is it asking about soulmates here?”</p><p>“I dunno. I think she might talk about it a little bit when she’s talking about sexual orientation and stuff. Do you want to read my answer? It might help you.”</p><p>“No, I know how to answer. Thank you.” He took another breath to clear his head. Memories came back from a few months ago.</p><p>
  <em> “Hey, Dad?” Virgil waited for his father to pause the TV before continuing. “You know that private school I was trying to get into.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Yeah, I remember something about that. Why, did you get in?” Virgil handed him the letter he’d just received in the mail. “Huh… Well, not a full scholarship, but this is still pretty good. I’m proud of you, son.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Virgil fought the urge to celebrate his father’s praise as he pointed to a specific section of the letter. “As you were one of earliest one to complete your application and get in, we are offering you a place in our dorms. Please respond as soon as you can so that we can pass this opportunity on to another student if you decline.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Wow, this school’s just gonna give that to someone for being quick? Odd…” He looked back up at Virgil. “Wait, you aren’t wanting to get a dorm, are you?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Uh… I mean, I… I think it would be a good opportunity for me to… try and be more independent and… yeah.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Virgil flinched when his father started laughing. “Oh my God, you’re trying to get away from us aren’t you?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “No, of course not. I-” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Hey!” This father got up off the couch, much more serious than he was five seconds ago. “Did I raise you to lie to me?” Virgil shook his head. “Good. I didn’t think so. Listen, you’ve been doing so good for so long. I’m proud of you, I really am, but this? I can’t trust you to go off on your own like this. While I’m sure one day you will have the self control to keep yourself in line, right now you need us. Okay?” </em>
</p><p>Virgil shook his head and tried to focus back on the paper.</p><ol>
<li>Do you have a soulmate? If yes, answer questions 15a-15d. If no, answer questions 15e-15f:<span class="u"> I don’t have a soulmate.</span>
</li>
</ol><p>‘No true Conners does.’</p><p>Patton - Monday, September 2, 10:00 AM</p><p>Patton spent his entire time between classes looking for Roman. Sure, he’d never seen him before, but he knew some things. Roman mostly wore red, could be very loud, and had a brother named Remus. Patton went to the drama room again first before roaming the school. In the end, he didn’t find anything and went to his English class. </p><p>The class started about the same as it did in Health. The teacher, Mr. Poslin handed out a syllabus, went over it, and then gave everyone a private assignment. They all had to write a short essay about themselves to test everyone’s writing level. Then, they would read the essay to someone near them before passing the essays forward. As he wrote, he noticed the student next to him staring blankly out the window, tapping his foot. Soon, he was also drumming his figures against the desk.</p><p>“Are you okay?” Patton asked, finding it odd that he would find himself in this situation two classes in a row.</p><p>“I’m okay. I’m just not used to sitting in a classroom for hours like this. There’s a lot about this school that isn’t normal. That isn’t bad, but.. Well this two hours thing is bad, but-”</p><p>“Excuse me,” Mr. Poslin said, “no talking back there.”</p><p>“Sorry,” Patton said. He reached into his backpack and pulled out a fidget cube. While he was fine most of the time, he occasionally needed something to keep his hands busy. He handed it to the other student. He smiled and started messing with it. Patton got back to his essay, and was happy when he noticed the hyperactive boy also writing again.</p><p>Once everyone was finished, Patton asked him if the cube helped. “Yeah, can I have it for now? I can probably get another one by our next class on…” he checked his schedule. “Friday.”</p><p>“I have another one. You can keep it.” Patton held out his hand. “I’m Patton.”</p><p>The other student bowed slightly as he shook Patton’s hand. “Remus.”</p><p>Patton froze. “Remus?”</p><p>“Yeah. My mom loves history so she named me and my brother after the twins that made Rome or whatever. I don’t know much about it. I don’t like history.”</p><p>Patton fought to stop himself from jumping out of his seat in excitement. “Is your brother Roman?”</p><p>“Yeah. How did you know? Oh, I guess I did just tell you who we were named after. Still, the other twin wasn’t Roman. It was… Rommy.. Remon… I dunno.” In response, Patton showed Remus the inside of his right arm, which still had Roman’s last message. Remus’s eyes widened. “You’re his soulmate! Oh my God! Roman’s gonna be so happy. He’s wanted to meet you for <em> so </em>long. Are there others, or is it just you two? Did you move to California to find him? What’s your ability? I know one of them’s a Savior. Are you the Savior, or is the Savior another one?”</p><p>“Woah, one question at a time, friend. I’m not a Savior, but our other soulmate has helped me too. I haven’t met them yet. It was also complete luck that you two ended up moving here. And the fact that I’m meeting you! This is so great!”</p><p>“Yeah. Oh, wait!” Remus reached into his bag and grabbed a loose paper. “I wrote down Roman’s schedule here. I don’t really need it today, so you can have it. That can help you track him down. He has this class last today, so that’s pretty easy to remember.”</p><p>“Cool. Can I have his phone number, too?”</p><p>Remus thought for a second. “I don’t know. Roman always tells me to <em> never </em>give anyone his phone number, but… You’ve gotta be an exception, right? You're his soulmate.”</p><p>“No, it’s alright. I don’t wanna make my soulmate’s brother break his trust before I can even meet him. I’ll try to find him with this. If I can’t…” He ripped off a corner of the piece of paper Remus gave him and wrote down his number. “Give this to him when you see him.”</p><p>“Okay. This is so exciting. Are you guys gonna go on a date? What if-”</p><p>“Alright, class,” the teacher said, “I hope you’re all done sharing your essays. Now, pass them up so I can begin the lesson portion of today’s class.”</p><p>“Oh, oops.” They both laughed and passed their work forward. Patton put the schedule in his binder. ‘I’m actually gonna meet him!’</p><p>Virgil - Monday, September 2, 12:20 PM</p><p>Libraries were always a reliable place to hide during lunch. Luckily, Virgil’s European History class was right next to the school’s library, allowing him a quick escape. Another person in that class had the same idea as him and arrived soon after. Virgil didn’t know his name. He’d spend the entirety of their last period raising his hand to answer every question and occasionally inserting himself into other student’s conversations to “assist them in coming to the most accurate conclusion in their discussion.” Virgil with no hesitation labeled him as a ‘know-it-all’ type of student, deciding he likely wasn’t a threat, but could potentially be irritating.</p><p>As Virgil continued working on his drawing from that morning, he couldn’t help but notice the know-it-all working on homework already. ‘It’s day one. Mr. Maddison only asked us to read Section 1.1 in our book by Thursday. What the hell was his first class if he feels the need to work through lunch?” He shook his head and forced himself to focus back on his art. In all honesty, he barely even knew what it was. A lot of the time, he just let his hand do whatever it wanted until the scribbles in front of him finally formed a coherent image.</p><p>“Hello! I hope I’m not interrupting anything,” a female voice said. Virgil looked up in a jolt and looked around the room. Thankfully, the lady was talking to the other student and not him. “I just wanted to introduce myself.” Not wanting to risk being next, he carefully put his art pad back in his backpack and left. He found a semi-quiet place in the quad and sat there, hoping not to be approached. His phone vibrated in his pocket and he pulled it out.</p><p>
  <b>From: Mom 12:32 PM</b>
</p><p>
  <em> Hi, sweetie! I hope you’re having a great day. Remember to have the sandwich I made for you. You’ve been good recently and I’m so proud of you. See you soon. </em>
</p><p>Somehow, the message both made him smile and doubled his already high anxiety. ‘What’s wrong with me? My mom just said she’s proud of me. I shouldn’t be…’ He shook his head and pulled out his sandwich. She’d cut it in half, like he was still in Elementary school. He took out half and put the other half back in his backpack, just in case he needed it later.</p><p>Logan - Monday, September 2, 1:00 PM</p><p>While Logan sat in the front of the classroom in order to have a more optimal learning experience, he had a feeling the student next to him had less honorable reasons. When the teacher called his name during roll call, he stood up and bowed. “Good afternoon. Yes, I am Roman Kinner.” The teacher rolled his eyes before moving on to the next person. Something about Roman’s voice sounded familiar somehow. Where had he…? ‘Oh no… Of course someone who calls themself Princey online would be this attention-seeking in person.</p><p>Although most of his tutoring phone calls were strictly between him and Duke, Princey would join from time to time if Duke needed someone physically with him. Logan looked Roman over again. Red shirt, dyed hair, white bookbag rather than a backpack. He was surprised he didn’t recognize Princey on sight.</p><p>As everyone was writing their participation-credit essay, Logan considered the pros and cons of introducing himself.</p><ul>
<li>Pros:</li>
<ul>
<li>Easy start to a new friendship, and those can be valuable when it comes to group projects</li>
<li>Able to check in on how he and Duke are doing</li>
<li>If they need his services, he'd have more people to tutor should his workload run dry</li>
<li>Despite being loud, Princey seemed nice online</li>
</ul>
<li>Cons: </li>
<ul>
<li>Having more people know your real name and your screen name can be dangerous</li>
<li>If they need his services, he wouldn’t always be able to help, especially for free</li>
<li>Roman would likely tell everyone he can how Logan helped him, and the last thing Logan needed was to be recognized by students all the time.</li>
<li>Despite seeming nice, Roman is loud and Logan can’t afford that much distraction.</li>
</ul>
</ul><p>Soon enough, essay time was over. Before Logan could officially reach a logical conclusion, Roman held out his hand. “Hello! I’m Roman.” Logan shook it.</p><p>“I am Logan. I believe we’ve actually met before. I’m-”</p><p>“Oh, were you in one of my other classes today? Sorry, I’m not always the best at remembering people.”</p><p>“No, I-”</p><p>“Anyway, I want to read my essay to you before we need to turn them in.”</p><p>Deciding it was no use to argue, Logan let it go. ‘Later. I always have the option to say something later.’ Before he knew it, class was over. He quickly collected his things and left the room, only to run into someone he never expected to see again.</p><p>“Logan!” Patton wrapped his arms around him. “How are you? I haven’t seen you in years.” Logan was so shocked he could barely move.</p><p>“What? How?” He pulled away. “What are you doing here?”</p><p>“I’ll tell you in a second, but answer my question first. You just disappeared after elementary school. I missed you.”</p><p>“I…” What was he supposed to say? ‘I missed you too. I know it was best for me to go to a school with better anti-discrimination policies, but I still wished you could come with me. You helped me when no one else would and I will forever be grateful.’ Instead, he just said, “I am well. My parents moved me to a private middle school. How are you?”</p><p>“I’m good! I-” His eyes widened. “I’m sorry, but I actually need to do something. Did you see a Roman in your class?”</p><p>Logan tilted his head. “Yes. Why?”</p><p>Patton smiled and started almost shaking with excitement. “He’s my soulmate! He wrote about coming to this school so I worked really hard to get in and-” More students left the classroom. “Shoot! Where is he? We'll talk more later. I wanna find him.” Logan pointed him out numbly. “Thank you so much!” With one last hug, Patton ran off.</p><p>Logan couldn’t help but stare. He tried not to be jealous, but it was so hard. ‘He was your best friend and this is a very important moment for him. You need to be happy for him.’ He forced himself to walk away. He didn’t have the luxury of soulmates, of having someone fated to care about him. He took one last glance at Patton as he pulled Roman to the side. ‘At least he has someone. He deserves it.'</p><p>Roman - Monday, September 2, 3:05 PM</p><p>As much as Roman appreciated having admirers, he didn’t expect to get any so soon, especially to this extent. He didn’t know how to react to a random student coming up to him after school looking like he just won a life-time supply of candy and pulled Roman away from the crowds.</p><p>“Listen, I love your enthusiasm, but what are you doing?” he asked. The stranger's smile was so wide Roman’s cheeks hurt just looking at it. He didn’t say anything in response. He just pulled up the sleeve of his right arm and showed it to Roman. It didn’t take him long to figure out what he was seeing. “You’re… you’re my.”</p><p>“Yeah. My name’s Patton. I-” Roman cut him off with a hug. Patton quickly reciprocated. They stayed like that until most other students had already left the area.</p><p>“How… How did you…?” Roman was hard to make speechless, but this passed that threshold ten times over.</p><p>“You wrote that you were going to school in So. Cal, so I found the school and applied. Remus and I have the same English class, so he gave me your schedule.”</p><p>Roman fought the urge to hug him again. “I cannot believe this! This is so amazing! Do you have time? We can go to my dorm and talk. Learn about each other. It’ll be great.”</p><p>“Yeah. I told my mom that I was maybe gonna be able to meet you, so she’s not gonna pick me up until I text her.”</p><p>“Great.” He grabbed Patton’s hand. “Let’s go!”</p><p>It took barely any time for them to make it to Roman’s room. However, there was one factor Roman failed to consider. “Hey! You found him!” Remus said, shirt covered in paint. He was painted at an easel set up in the very small amount of free space they had with a cloth protecting the floor. “That’s awesome. I’m doing a thing for art. Well, it’s not for the class cause right now they’re doing basic things, but art class just put me in an art mood. Do you wanna see?”</p><p>Patton walked over to him. “Yeah, show me.” Remus stepped aside to give Patton a better view. “Wow, that is really good! Well done!”</p><p>Roman walked further into the room and sat his backpack on his bed. “Sorry, Pat. Do you wanna go somewhere else until Remus is done painting?”</p><p>“If you wanna leave, sure, but I think this is fine. Maybe when Remus is done, the three of us can do English homework together.” Roman felt guilty. He’d just more-or-less apologized for his brother’s presence in the room they shared and Patton was the one being nice and inclusive. He’s the brother. He should’ve been the one helping Remus feel included in things.</p><p>“If you are okay here, then I am, too.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I hope you liked the chapter! If you see any mistakes or if something doesn't make sense, please tell me about it in the comments. I want my work to be good as it possibly can.<br/>For this story, I went semi-crazy and literally made a basic map of the school and a class schedule for everyone. In case anyone wants to see it, the link to the doc is right here: https://docs.google.com/document/d/16yuzdLVrDorgHeCAEuK9YTl1uQx53dG_16KcEVdDbsY/edit?usp=sharing<br/>My goal is to post at least once a week. As I'm sure many have seen, I have separated each chapter into 8 parts, with two parts per POV character. I don't know if that structure is going to work out long term, but so far I think it's good. My main goal is to make sure I'm not giving any of the main four less attention than the others.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Unavoidable Truths</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW: Child Abuse, Negative Self-Talk, Panic Attacks, Mild Reference to Unintentional Self-Harm.<br/>Updated 7/28: Fixed a few grammar and spelling mistakes, changed a few sentences to add clarity.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Patton - Monday, September 2, 3:42 PM</p><p>Patton had never felt happier in his life. He was talking to his <em> soulmate </em>. How great was that? Sure, he’d prefer a more personal conversation with just the two of them, but Remus mostly stuck to himself, so it was fine. He felt bad talking about himself so much. He much preferred letting other people have the spotlight and hear their stories. Still, Roman didn’t really have much to say about himself that Patton didn’t already know about him from the messages on his arm.</p><p>“By the way,” Patton said as the conversation started to die down and he got more comfortable, “I’m sorry I wasn’t able to help when you needed help.”</p><p>“No, that’s alright. I know it was unlikely for one of my soulmates to come to my rescue. I had to become my own knight to save the princes. Well, not entirely on my own, but still.”</p><p>“When I told my moms, she said the police probably wouldn’t do anything. I still don’t get why. I mean, it’s their job.” Despite Roman’s calm expression, Patton could tell this topic was distressing him. “Oh, we shouldn’t be talking about something so sad right now. This is our first time together.”</p><p>“It’s alright. In all honesty, I don’t understand a lot about it. I just followed the advice people gave me in forums and… here we are, better than ever.”</p><p>“That’s really good. I’m happy my moms have always been supportive. I wish I was Courier. Then I would’ve written all sorts of supportive things to you.”</p><p>“Hey, I just realized. You’ve told me a lot about you, but you never said what your ability is.”</p><p>“Oh, I’m an Empath.”</p><p>Roman sat up straighter. “An Empath? Aren’t those super rare?”</p><p>“Yeah, but it’s true. For example, you’re surprised and a little bit jealous.”</p><p>“Well, I’m not exactly doing much to hide that, am I?” He chuckled. “Wow. I knew my soulmate would be amazing, but that is very cool. Being a Courier is so boring.”</p><p>“Aw, but I love your messages. I’m sure our other soulmate does, too.”</p><p>“Right. I can’t wait to meet him. It is just him, right? You would know how many soulmates we have. I just know we have another one that’s a Savior.”</p><p>“There’s only one other soulmate, but we don’t know their gender. While it’s probably fine, I personally prefer talking about them with gender neutral pronouns.”</p><p>“But… I don’t know your orientation, but I'm less straight than a rainbow-colored corkscrew. I can’t imagine myself with a woman.” He shuttered. “Or at least, I really rather not.”</p><p>“No, I’m pretty sure I’m gay too, but soulmates don’t need to be romantic. They could also be a really good friend.”</p><p>“Okay, that’s true, but… Unless their aroace, wouldn’t that be lonely? What if she is a wonderful maiden that loves the two of us but we cannot give that love back in return?”</p><p>“Oh, I hope not.” He couldn’t help but think about how many times he felt his soulmate’s anguish and wanted nothing more than to help. The last thing he wanted was to cause more harm. “Even if our soulmate isn't a man, some people with soulmates fall in love with people without one.”</p><p>“What?” Roman looked genuinely shocked. Remus also looked over, but quickly returned to his painting. “But, that’s not supposed to…” He shook his head. “No, it makes sense that my school would never teach us that. There’s probably a lot that I don’t know.”</p><p>“Well,” Patton took his hand, “I’m happy to teach you.”</p><p>Roman blushed. “Thank you… Out of curiosity, how is our lovely lady/lord/enby royalty?”</p><p>Patton felt himself frown as he thought about how to respond. “They’re okay right now, but… I don’t think they’re okay most of the time. They’re almost always either sad or scared. I… I really want to meet them so I can help.”</p><p>Roman’s face fell. “Yeah, me too. I wish there was something I could do to-”</p><p>“Done!” Remus said, applauding his own work. “So, are we doing homework now?”</p><p>Patton sensed Roman’s disappointment in response to Remus joining them now, although he didn’t show it. There weren't many things Patton hated, but people not communicating their true feelings was one of them. Still, Remus was already here, and Patton enjoyed his company. He gave Roman a questioning look, silently asking if he was okay with letting him join them.</p><p>“Now's as good a time as any to get work done. Let’s get started.”</p><p>Logan - Tuesday, September 3, 10:12 AM</p><p>Logan wasn’t surprised to see Patton in his Psychology class. While it was lucky they had it at the same time, he couldn’t imagine Patton willingly picking a different science. “Um, hi.” He said, taking the seat next to him.</p><p>“Oh, hey!” Patton said. “You’re taking psych, too? I thought you’d like physics or something more.”</p><p>“Oh, um…” He started feeling embarrassed, though he had no idea why. “I’m actually taking physics, too. I’m using this class as my elective.”</p><p>His eyes widened. “Really?” He smiled and poked Logan’s forehead. “I knew you were a smart cookie, but that’s a lot of work. Don’t you want one class to just have fun in?”</p><p>“I didn’t see anything interesting in any of the other choices. I prefer things that are more mentally stimulating.”</p><p>“Uh…”</p><p>“Not to say whatever you chose was bad. Just… not for me, I suppose.”</p><p> “Well, it’s good that you found something you like.” The two of them fell into an awkward silence.</p><p>Luckily, Logan was spared having to say something when the bell rang. The teacher didn’t talk to the class long. They just introduced themself and passed out a questionnaire. They didn’t tell everyone they weren’t allowed to talk, so the class quickly became a cacophony of sporadic conversations.</p><p>“Hey, Logan?” Patton asked. “I’m sorry I walked out on you yesterday. I just <em> really </em>wanted to meet Roman.”</p><p>“It’s quite alright. I understand your desire to meet with someone you have only had a parasocial relationship with for years.” ‘Don’t be jealous. Don’t be jealous.’</p><p>“Well, I’m free after school today. Do you maybe wanna hang out? I wanna know what you’ve been up to since elementary school.”</p><p>Logan shook his head. “I’m interning at my parent’s work tonight.”</p><p>“Oh… well, when are you free? I’m going on my first official date with Roman Friday, but-”</p><p>“I’m not free all that often.” He cringed internally when he realized he’d just cut Patton off.</p><p>“Why not?” When Logan looked up from his work, he was surprised to see him not angry, but worried. ‘I don’t know why I’m surprised. This is Patton, after all. He only gets mad at things like bullying and kicking puppies.’</p><p>“I intern for my parents a lot. When I’m not doing that, I tutor or help people on message boards.”</p><p>“Okay, but… what do you do for fun?”</p><p>Logan had to think about that for a minute. “I find the things I do fulfilling. You do not need to worry about me.”</p><p>“Okay, well… I still think you need time to just… be you. Read a book, hang out with friends, something.”</p><p>‘What friends?’ he almost said. “We can catch up during lunch, if you wish. You can tell me about your soulmate.”</p><p>Patton smiled. “Okay, but I wanna hear about you, too.” He got back to work, but Logan could tell he wasn’t going to drop the subject. Logan finished the rest of his worksheet and took out his Algebra homework. ‘Never waste a moment.’</p><p>Virgil - Tuesday, September 3, 1:32 PM</p><p>Of all the classed Virgil had had so far, art was by far his favorite. Since all the mini-projects they were given were easy, he could just turn his brain off and go with the flow. He’d felt more at peace than he had in ages. That was why, when he noticed one of the students doing something completely different than what they were asked, he panicked.</p><p>‘What if the teacher notices?’ he thought. ‘Then she would get mad and yell at him and then there’d be yelling and I don’t want that I don’t-’ He took a deep breath.</p><p>He tapped the student’s shoulder. “Hey, shouldn’t you be working on the assignment?” he asked.</p><p>The student jumped before laughing. “Oh, right. Oops, forgot I was supposed to be doing something.” He turned to the next page in his sketchbook. “Thanks, whoever you are.”</p><p>“Virgil.”</p><p>“Nice to meetcha, Virge. I’m Remus.” He did a slight bow.</p><p>‘Remus? Where have I-’</p><p>
  <strike> “Remus stole my markers AGAIN. Why did I need to have a twin? Most kids at school aren’t stuck with one.” </strike>
</p><p>Virgil violently shook his head. ‘I don’t have a soulmate. I don’t have a soulmate.’</p><p>“Are you okay?” Remus asked. Virgil realized he was losing control of his breathing. ‘4….7…….8……..4….7…….8……..’ “Do you have asthma or something? My brother had a friend with asthma before. You need a breath thing.”</p><p>
  <strike> ‘Brother... He has a brother.’ </strike>
</p><p>‘Don’t ask him about his brother.’</p><p>
  <strike> ‘What if it’s Roman?’ </strike>
</p><p>‘There is no Roman. You don’t have a soulmate.’</p><p>
  <strike> ‘I could meet him.’ </strike>
</p><p>‘DON’T’</p><p>“What’s your brother’s name?” Virgil covered his mouth with his hand the second the words escaped.</p><p>“What?” He laughed. “Oh, you can breath. That’s good. His name is Roman. Why?”</p><p>Virgil felt a jolt go throughout his entire body as he grabbed the table for support. “Don’t… Don’t…”</p><p>“Don’t what?” He cupped Virgil’s face with both hands. “Your eyes are all weird. Should I take you to the nurse or something.”</p><p>Without thinking, Virgil raced out of the classroom, somehow managing to grab the bathroom pass on the way. He made it to the bathroom before collapsing in one of the stalls.</p><p>
  <strike> ‘Roman…’ </strike>
</p><p>‘You don’t know a Roman.’</p><p>
  <strike> ‘My soulmate.’ </strike>
</p><p>‘You don’t have a soulmate!’</p><p>
  <strike> ‘I want to meet my soulmate.’ </strike>
</p><p>‘People with soulmates are weak and disgraces to the entire human race.’</p><p>
  <strike> ‘Please…’ </strike>
</p><p>‘Stop being weak!’</p><p>He sat there, holding his head, crying in the stall until someone knocked on the door. “Virgil? That you?” ‘Of course Remus would be the one to come after me.’ He forced his brain to turn off before standing up and opening the door. “Did you throw up? Do you want me to take you to the nurse?”</p><p>“No. I’m not sick.” ‘Not that kind of sick.’ “I can go back to class.”</p><p>“But you… you were just crying. Why were you crying?”</p><p>“No good reason.” He walked past Remus. “Let’s go.”</p><p>Roman - Tuesday, September 3, 4:23 PM</p><p>“So… you were just talking to him and he randomly ran off to have a meltdown?” Roman asked. He sat down next to Remus at their table, not wanting to think about the homework they probably should've been working on.</p><p>“Yeah. And he wanted to know your name for some reason. Do you know him or something?”</p><p>Roman tried to think if he recognized anyone with the description Remus gave: dark hair, eye-shadow, heavy purple jacket despite the fact that it isn’t nearly cold enough for it. “No, I don’t think so. Although, this school is so small that I’ll probably run into him at some point. If I do, I’ll have to ask him about it. At least make sure he’s alright. As a prince, I cannot leave a peasant in peril, especially if my name added to their hardship for some unknown reason.”</p><p>Remus thought for a moment. “Maybe he’s an only child and really wants a brother.”</p><p>“And hearing my amazing name only added to his jealousy?” ‘Unlikely, but a prince can dream.’ “Anyway, we should probably get to work.” He let out an exaggerated sigh. “Alas, I have heard rumors that the French teacher assigns way too much, so I should tackle as much as I can right now.”</p><p>Time flew by at Roman worked on Geometry and Remus stumbled his way through chemistry. By 6:00, they were watching old episodes of The Office and eating leftover pizza from the night before. He must have fallen asleep, because when his phone rang, he opened his eyes to an entirely different episode and Remus already fast asleep. He checked the caller ID. ‘Patton? Why is Patton calling me this late?’</p><p>“Good 12:45 PM to you, Patton.”</p><p>“Hi, Roman. I… I don’t…”</p><p>Roman sat up straighter when he heard his panicked tone. “Are you okay?”</p><p>“Yeah, yeah, it’s just… There’s nothing we can really do, but… I just… our other soulmate has been having a really bad day, I think. They were feeling… lots of things during school today and now… this is the worst I’ve ever felt them and I don’t know what to do. I want to help but there’s nothing I can do. I-” he sobbed. “I don’t like not being able to help. I wanna give them a hug or something. This isn’t fair.”</p><p>“It’s… it’s okay, Patton. It’s not your fault.” Roman himself started to feel a bit worried. He knew that having a soulmate meant you had to meet them eventually, but… How okay are they going to be? What’s going on in their life? Are they being abused? Do they have a mental illness that isn’t being treated?</p><p>“What’s going on?” Remus asked, startling Roman.</p><p>“Sorry for waking you. You don’t have to worry about this.”</p><p>Remus got up and turned on the light. “But I am worried. What’s going on with Patton?”</p><p>“Is that Remus?” Patton asked.</p><p>“Yeah, I woke him up. I’ll-” Remus took the phone out of his hand and put it on speaker.</p><p>“Hey, Pat. What’s the problem?”</p><p>Roman sighed. “Dwelling on the issue might just make it worse in this case. There really isn’t anything we can do. What might help distract you? We can screen-share and watch the office or-”</p><p>“I don’t want a distraction! I want to help!” Patton sobbed some more.</p><p>“I know you’re an Empath. Is something going on with your other soulmate?” Remus asked.</p><p>“Yeah, they’re… something’s really wrong and I don’t know how to help them. I can’t ever do anything.”</p><p>“Okay, but… Roman’s a Courier. He can write something to help them feel better or something.”</p><p>Patton gasped. “Remus, that’s a great idea! Roman, can you do that?”</p><p>“Yeah, I’ll grab a marker right now.” Remus threw him a sharpie and they sat down at the table.</p><p>Virgil - Wednesday, September 4, 1:06 AM</p><p>Virgil had found the term a long time ago: Attachment Withdrawal. Once someone with a soulmate becomes aware of their soulmates presence near them, they start to experience withdrawal symptoms if they reject the opportunity to find them. Virgil had feared this since he first found out about it while googling symptoms of pretending to not have a soulmate.</p><p>
  <strike> <em> “Note: It is highly dangerous to lie about one’s soul status. If you are a child and your guardians are attempting to force you to do so, please tell a trusted adult. This list is meant to help people spot someone forced to pretend they do not have a soulmate.” </em> </strike>
</p><p>When he’d tried to tell his mom about it, she yelled at him for googling such things when he doesn’t even have a soulmate. He’d never done any research into it again, which he regretted now that it was hitting him and he had no way to treat it.</p><p>A large wave of panic woke him an hour before, leaving him curled up on his bed trying to control his breathing. It took all this strength to not check his arm for a message. He’d fought the urge for years, but now it was stronger than ever.</p><p>‘Weak. I need to be better. I can’t.... I don’t have a soulmate. I don’t have a soulmate…”</p><p><em> Soon after coming home after an average day of Middle school, Virgil was at the dinner table waiting for Dad to get home so they could eat. He felt a tingling sensation on his </em> <strike> <em> soulmark </em> </strike> <em> . Knowing what was about to happen, he tried to leave the room, but it hit too fast. Vague images of a car and a silhouette about to run into its path flooded his vision. “Look out!” he screamed. Moments later, he was back in reality and sighed with relief. ‘They’re okay…’ </em></p><p>
  <em> “What was that?” Mom asked. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Nothing, I… I didn’t-” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> She walked over to him scowling. “Don’t lie to me, Virgil. What. Was. That?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I… My soulmate-” Slap. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “You do not have a soulmate. Understand?” He nodded. “Good. Now, go to your room. I’ll talk to your father about this when he gets home.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> As he rushed to his room, fighting off tears, he heard his brother snicker. “Well, that worked out for you, didn’t it, Virge.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> He tried to block out everything, his brother, the smell of dinner, anxieties regarding his father’s, as he curled up on his bed, waiting for the inevitable. </em>
</p><p>He forced himself back to the present and noticed himself scratching his arms with enough force to cut his skin had he not been wearing his jacket. ‘Jacket…’ He tore off his jacket as if his arms were moving on their own. ‘Don’t read don’t read don’t read don’t read don’t-’</p><p>“Dear Our Savior,</p><p>While I don’t know who you are, I can’t wait to meet you. I have recently met one of our soulmates, and he’s an Empath. He told me that you are anxious a lot, and that you’re struggling right now. I don’t know what state you're in, but even if you can’t read this right now, I hope it will make you feel better when you can. While the two of us are happy to have met each other, there is an emptiness waiting to be filled by you. I want to help you out in any way I can. If you are able to call us, here are our numbers:</p><p>457-983-4604</p><p>845-364-2139</p><p>Remember that you are destined to meet us at some point. Whatever situation you are in, know that it will get better. Things will always get better.</p><p>Your soulmates,</p><p>Roman and Patton.”</p><p>‘Phone numbers… their numbers are right there. I can… I can call them. I-’ He slapped himself. ‘No, I can’t. I don’t have a soulmate. I don’t have a soulmate.’ He hugged his right arm against his chest.’</p><p>‘I need to calm down.’</p><p>‘I can’t keep being this week.’</p><p>‘I can’t meet them, but I don’t want Patton to be worried about me all the time.’</p><p>‘I’m not a part of them. I don’t have a soulmate.’</p><p>‘4….7…….8……..4….7…….8……..’</p><p>Patton - Wednesday, September 4, 7:56 PM</p><p>Patton knew he should be enjoying his only overlapping class with Roman, but only having 3 hours of sleep didn’t leave him very present. Roman more or less had to drag him to two desks near the center of the French room. “I love how we both have <em> this </em>class at the same time. Two soulmates learning the language of love together.”</p><p>“Yeah, that is cool,” Remus said as he sat down in the row next to theirs. Patton took a second to piece together Roman’s emotions. He seemed to be on a constant cycle of being annoyed by his brother then feeling guilty about it. He didn’t know how to stop it, nor how to bring it up in the first place.</p><p>“You alright, Patton?” Roman asked.</p><p>“Yeah, I will be. I just-” The bell rang. “Let’s talk about it later.” Class was pretty boring. Mme. Varon mostly just lectured at everyone while speaking French the whole time before assigning far too much homework. Patton was happy to confirm with Remus and Roman that no one had any idea what she was saying. The parted ways and Patton made his way to psych.</p><p>Logan was, unsurprisingly, already waiting outside the classroom. “Oh, hello, Patton,” he said. “Mx. Alberden isn’t here yet. They should let us in soon.”</p><p>“Good.” Patton leaned up against the wall next to him. “How did your interning/tutoring/forum-post-responding go?”</p><p>“It went well, though I only tutor over the weekend. I don’t have many clients right now, since the year has just started.” Logan stared at him for a moment. “You didn’t get an adequate amount of sleep last night.”</p><p>“Ha. That obvious?”</p><p>“Lack of sleep can negatively affect your memory, it weakens your immune system, and it increases your risk of heart disease.”</p><p>“That is correct.” Patton turned around to see their teacher, Mx. Alberden, open the classroom door. “Someone’s been reading ahead. Good job, kid.” They held the door open for them and gestured for them to enter.</p><p>Patton thanked him before sitting at his desk. “Thanks for the concern, Lo, but it’s fine. I just had a rough night.”</p><p>“Lo?” Logan asked.</p><p>“Yeah. I used to call you that. Remember?”</p><p>“Yes, I do. It’s just been a while since I’d last heard that.” He smiled as he pulled out his notebook. “As for last night, if there is anything you need any assistance with, feel free to ask.”</p><p>Patton smiled as well. “Thank you.”</p><p>Roman - Wednesday, September 4, 12:58 PM</p><p>When Roman walked into his chemistry classroom for the first time, his eyes quickly landed on a student in the back right corner of the room. ‘Dark hair, eye-shadow, and a heavy, purple jacket… Yep, that is definitely the person Remus told me about.’ Roman debated sitting next to him, worried about causing another panic attack, before his curiosity forced him in the student's direction.</p><p>“Hey! Mind if I sit here?” </p><p>Eye-shadow, as Roman started calling him in his head, flinched. “Umm... yeah, sure, go ahead.”</p><p>Roman sat down and looked him over. He managed to look more exhausted than Patton had, if that were even possible. Despite his attempts to cover them with eye-shadow, the bags under his eyes were clearly visible. His head was rested in his hand, eyes only half open. “Are you doing alright? You look like you only got five minutes of sleep after going to the world's most emo rave.” ‘Probably not the best way to start this conversation…’</p><p>“I’m fine, so stop bothering me.”</p><p>“Okay, geez, I was just trying to help.” ‘To ask or not to ask, that is the question.’ “Hey, do you have art with someone named Remus?”</p><p>Eyeshadow jerked up so fast Roman was half convinced he’d found a way to chug a 5-hour energy drink within the last 5 seconds. “Why? Are there rumors going around or-”</p><p>“Nothing like that. I’ll admit, I like to gossip from time to time, but not about something like that. My brother told me about you, so I decided to make sure you’re okay. He said you looked pretty upset in the bathroom.” ‘Sure, Roman, pretend you’re acting out of concern and not curiosity. That’s not emotionally manipulative at all…’</p><p>Eyeshadow stared blankly at him. He went to grab his backpack, likely planning to change seats, when the bell rang. “No no no” he mumbled. He sat down, breathing heavily and scratching at his arm through his jacket sleeve.</p><p>The teacher was still at his desk, not quite ready to start class yet. “Sorry, I probably shouldn’t have brought it up right before class. Mr. Skeller will probably let you leave for a minute if you need a second to-”</p><p>“You shouldn’t have talked to me at all.” Roman was shocked by the coldness in his voice. “Just don’t say anything else, okay? I have no interest in being friends with you.” </p><p>Not knowing how to respond, Roman stared at his desk, hoping he’ll be able to change his seat later. ‘Well, at least I tried. Can’t help if he won’t even talk to me.’  At least sitting in the back made it easier to hide being on his phone. He scrolled through Twitter during attendance, but didn’t miss Eye-shadow's real name being Virgil. ‘Weird name for a weird guy.’</p><p>Logan - Wednesday, September 4, 8:39 PM</p><p>By the time he had finished interning at 7:30, he was already tired of reading boring papers. That could’ve been why his Spanish homework was taking far longer than it reasonably should have. Nevertheless, he soldiered through. He kept his preferred forum site, Soul Status Alliance, up on his laptop, refreshing it whenever the Spanish words muddled in his brain.</p><p>Finally, right when he finished Spanish and was about to start Physics, something interesting popped up:</p><p>
  <b>“Discussion: I Don’t Have A Soulmate, But I Have A Crush On Someone Who Does</b>
</p><p>Posted By: TLIIP26!! 8:47 PM Sept. 4</p><p>Hey,</p><p>I know other people on here have bigger problems, but I really don’t know what to do. There’s someone in my class I’ve been friends with for ages, and she’s talked about wanting to meet her soulmate for a while. I’ve never liked listening to her talk about that, but I only found out why earlier today and I’m freaking out. I’m jealous of her soulmate! Is that even allowed? It feels so wrong because they’re the one chosen to be with her. They already belong to each other. I can’t try to hurt that. It’d be cruel. She’s been my best friend forever and I don’t want to ruin our friendship with this. Any advice would be great. Thanks!”</p><p>As he read the post, Logan’s mind went back to his reaction to Patton meeting Roman. ‘I know I momentarily felt jealousy, but that wasn’t about Patton. I was just envious of the fact that they had someone to be with and I did not.’ He pushed the thoughts out of his mind and read through the replies that had already generated.</p><p>“8:58 PM Dr.E2024^^: First of all, I want to clarify that your feelings are valid, and you have every right to ask for help. “Bigger” problems do not negate the existence of your problems. Back to the actual topic, this is definitely a sucky situation to be in. Just remember that this is not something that will ruin your friendship (unless you’re creepy about it or she’s a jerk). You just need to have an honest conversation. As long as both of you know what’s going on, you can work through it together.”</p><p>Most of the other replies were very similar, leading Logan to wonder why anyone posted after the first one. Only one quote stuck out at him. “Many people who don’t have soulmates gravitate towards people they have had a friendship with for a long time. A lot of the time, the feelings go from platonic to romantic without the person even realizing it at first.”</p><p>‘I’m… I have a crush on…’ He shook his head. ‘No, I’m overthinking it. This question has already been answered adequately, so there’s no need to…’</p><p>“9:07 PM Sarah2%853@9&amp;: This is why I hate people without soulmates. All of us have everything figured out, but NOOOOOOOOOOOO. You all have to come in a screw things up. Go get addicted to drugs and die like the rest of you heathens.”</p><p>
  <em> Logan ran into the house after his first day of fifth grade. Patton wasn’t in his class anymore, but other than that, it was great.  He was about to knock on his parent’s door when he overheard his name. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Logan is great, and I don’t love him any less than you do,” Mom said. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Then why are you so against this? Soul status isn’t even genetic. If anything, having one kid without a soulmate means our next probably will have one.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “But… I can’t…” She sobbed. “You see how Logan is. He can’t connect with anyone at school. He’s gonna end up alone and I…. I can’t have another kid like him. I just can’t.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I know, sweetie. I know…” They don’t hear as their son steps back from the door and runs to his room. </em>
</p><p>Logan clicks the flag next to the comment and reports it for bigoted language before closing his laptop. ‘I need to stop thinking about idiotic things and focus on my studies.’</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hello! Thank you for reading this. As always, please leave a comment if you notice any mistakes or are confused by anything. I am always striving for improvement. Also, please let me know if you feeling like I am focusing more on some characters than I am on others. Virgil and Logan are my faves, so my biggest concern going into this story (besides it sucking) was that I was gonna give them way more focus than the other two.<br/>One other thing: I may have overused strikethrough in this chapter. If it was too much or hard to read, please let me know and I'll edit the chapter to remove it.<br/>Funny note: The french class was based off of my first day in French. She literally spoke in French the whole day and no one had any idea what was going on. My teachers was so nice, but boy did she suck at teaching.<br/>Stay safe and wash your hands!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Comfort From Unexpected Places</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW: Insecurity, references to bullying, unhealthy eating habits, references to self harm, PTSD-like symptoms, flashbacks, panic attacks, child abuse, emotional abuse, VERY minor ableism, emotional manipulation.<br/>Updated 7/28: Fixed minor spelling and punctuation errors, edited a few parts to reduce redundancy.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Logan - Thursday, September 5, 10:24 AM</p><p>As he sat in his history class, Logan couldn’t help but devote part of his attention to how gross he felt. He could never understand why there were any P.E. classes first thing in the morning. Despite being able to take a short shower, he still felt unsanitary and desperately wanted to go home and take a longer shower with warm water.<br/>He only realized he’d zoned out when he heard the teacher mention partnering up. Panicked by both not knowing exactly what they were doing and not having friends in the class, Logan ended up being one of the few people left without a partner.</p><p>“Okay, we’ve still got a few people left,” Mr. Maddison said. “Let’s go with Julia and Charles together, and Logan and Virgil.” Logan was flustered as his partner walked over, somehow looking more embarrassed than he felt.</p><p>Once he took the empty desk next to him, Logan realized he recognized Virgil from somewhere outside the classroom. “I see you in the library a lot. I assume you also dislike loud places?”</p><p>“Oh, um… Yeah, I’m not really a people person or whatever.” He drummed his fingers on his desk before opening up his textbook. “Let’s get this done as soon as possible.”</p><p>Once Logan caught on to what they were asked to do, they got through the assignment rather quickly. Based on the conversations he heard around him, most of the other groups were only about half way done. Making the most of his time, he pulled out his Psych homework and started working on it. “Do you just feel an impulsive need to get work done right after it’s assigned?”</p><p>Logan tilted his head in confusion. “No, this was assigned yesterday, actually. I had P.E. earlier today.”</p><p>Virgil nodded. He kept to himself for a second before asking, “Just out of curiosity, do they let you change in the bathrooms of the locker rooms? I’m not really… I don’t…”</p><p>“Well, they never specifically told us not to, so I assume the answer is yes.”</p><p>His posture immediately relaxed, though some of its previous tension was still present. “Oh, good… Thank you.” He started drumming the desk again, staring out the window.</p><p>‘He’s obviously anxious about something. If Patton were here, he’d know how to help him, but I…’ He shook his head. ‘What am I thinking? I spend my free time helping people on support forums. Just treat this like that.’</p><p>“You know,” he said, “when I had to change in front of others for P.E. for the first time in Middle School, I was nervous about it. I knew that the school had strict anti-discrimination policies, but I still worried over other’s reaction to me not having a soulmark. Of course, I can see now that no one would be looking me over to check, thus making the chances of anyone noticing rather small. I don’t know if you have similar anxieties, or if your worries come from another source, but I… I don’t know exactly why I’m saying this to you, but-”</p><p>“No, it’s… Thank you.”</p><p>"Alright, class,” Mr. Maddison said, “you can finish up whatever question you’re on and return to your desks. Whatever you didn’t complete will be added to your homework.”</p><p>Virgil stood up. “Hey, umm,” he said, “so we don’t need to get called out for not having friends in this class again, do you wanna just partner up on things like this from now on.”</p><p>“Yes, that would definitely be beneficial for the both of us.”</p><p>“Good… See you later, I guess.”</p><p>Patton - Thursday, September 5, 12:15 PM</p><p>As Patton left the gym to head to lunch, he saw Logan leaving his history classroom. “Hey!” He ran over to his momentarily startled friend. “Are you doing anything right now?”</p><p>“I was going to the library to work on our psychology homework.”</p><p>Patton frowned. “But that’s not due until next Tuesday.”</p><p>“Yes, but I like to finish things as soon as possible. It’s impossible to know exactly how much free time you will have in the future.” </p><p>“That makes sense, but… How about this? You come with me to each lunch with my friends and you can work while you’re there.”</p><p>“I prefer getting things done quickly, and that won’t happen in a loud environment. Thank you for the offer, but-”</p><p>“Please!” He grabbed Logan’s arm. “I want you to meet my soulmate. You guys are pretty different, but I’m sure you’ll like each other. I’m eating with him and this brother. It’ll be so much fun if you’re there.”</p><p>Logan pulled his arm back. “I’ve already met Roman, but okay.”</p><p>“Yay!” He guided Logan over to his normal area of the quad. Sure enough, Remus and Roman were already there. Roman was eating a sandwich as Remus appeared to be working on something. “Hey guys! I brought someone.” He raised Logan’s arm. “Logan!”</p><p>Remus waved but didn’t look up from what he was doing. “We have the same English, right?” Roman asked.</p><p>Patton sat down, gesturing for Logan to do the same. “Yeah, we sit next to each other. You read that essay to-”</p><p>Remus dropped his pen and pointed at Logan. “Crofters!” Logan looked surprised, but there was something else there, too. Guilt, as if he’d been caught doing something he wasn’t supposed to.</p><p>“I’m sorry about that,” Roman said. “It’s just… now that he’s pointed it out, you do sound like the person that helped Remus get into this school. We called him Crofters because of his username.”</p><p>“Wait!” Patton had to stop himself from jumping up and down at this development. “Logan, you help forums and stuff, and you like-” Patton cut himself off when Logan rested his face in his hands.</p><p>“Yes, that was… that was me.” He sat back up. “I didn’t exactly want anyone knowing both my real name and my screen name, but you’ve already connected the dots.”</p><p>“Oh, I remember you saying that now. Sorry.” Remus’s apparent remorse failed to overshadow the excitement plainly written on with expression. “But I’m super happy to meet you! I’ve been wanting to find you this whole time but I knew you’d probably be taking more higher level classes than me so being in the same class wasn’t gonna happen probably, but it’s cool that I could recognize your voice.”</p><p>“Yes, well...” He blushed, looking down at his backpack. “Please refrain from making a big deal of it. It was the least I could do to help someone that needed it. And I’m willing to tutor some more.”</p><p>“That’s great!” Roman smiled. “Thank you!”</p><p>Patton smiled as well. ‘I know that fate brings soulmates together in lots of different ways, but this is so cool! The fact that it used one of my old friends to do it is awesome.’ He gave Logan a hug. “Thank you, Logan! Thank you thank you thank you!”</p><p>Logan attempted to disguise his laugh with a cough. “Your welcome, but I did come here on the condition that I could work, so…”</p><p>“Oh, right. You get on that.”</p><p>“Speaking of which…” Roman lightly elbowed his brother. “You need to finish that,” he gestured to the work in front of Remus, “by next period.”</p><p>Remus sighed exaggeratedly. “<em> Fine </em>.”</p><p>“Wait, it’s due next period and you’re only finishing now?” Patton asked. He leaned over and recognized the assignment from European History. “I can help you.”</p><p>“No, I need to be able to figure things out on my own. Crofters said that doing things on my own is the best way to make sure I actually learn things.”</p><p>“Well,” Logan said, “I meant that you should find the answer yourself. Someone can guide you if you require it. Speaking of which, I can help you get better at time management at some point so you will not end up in this position again.</p><p>“Oh, wow! Thank you!” he excitedly got back to his work.</p><p>Roman took one last bite of his sandwich before throwing the bag away. “Patton, aren’t you gonna eat?”</p><p>“Oh, right!” Patton took out his lunch bag. His moms took turns packing it everyday. Mama had packed this morning, which meant, “Yes, a cookie!” He looked over at Logan, who was back to making flashcards. “Hey, don’t you have a lunch, Lo?”</p><p>“Hmm?” Logan looked up. “No, not today. I typically spend my lunches in the library, so I can’t eat. I have been eating snacks throughout the day instead.” Patton frowned and begrudgingly held out his cookie. “Oh, thank you, but I don’t eat sweets outside of special occasions.”</p><p>“You don’t…?” He stood up. “That’s it. I’m buying you something from the cafeteria.”</p><p>“But-”</p><p>Patton pointed at him. “Stay.”</p><p>“I’ll go with you.” Roman stood up. “That sandwich wasn’t nearly enough to get me through Chemistry.” They held hands as they walked off together, discussing plans for their date the next day.</p><p>Virgil - Friday, September 6, 12:35 PM</p><p>Virgil made his way to the library as soon as free period started, not able to believe what he was doing. He didn’t know if it was the relief of not having any issues changing for P.E. or the overwhelming desire to not have a repeat of Tuesday night, but he hadn’t felt this bold in years. ‘I can do this... I can do this.’ He pulled up google and typed in “coping with Attachment Withdrawal.”</p><p>Most of the results were about how it’s dangerous to lie about one’s soul status (propaganda), depriving oneself of their soulmate is a form of self harm (propaganda), forcing a child to lie about their soul status/enter Attachment Withdrawal is abusive and punishable by law (propaganda), and things like that. It took him a shockingly long time to come across something genuinely helpful.</p><p>“Many people may wonder why I am posting this article anonymously. After all, doesn’t that lessen the credibility? Maybe so, but that risk is better than the alternative. A lot of people are under the impression that telling everyone that they should never allow themselves to enter Attachment Withdrawal and that forcing someone to is abusive will stop everyone looking for answers from entering that state. In my opinion, that is reckless and naive. Some people need help and cannot get out of their current situation that easily. This article is for them.</p><p>Before I get into effective coping methods, I want to go through all of the side effects and explain why encouraging this state in others is a criminal offence.”</p><p>Virgil skipped past that part and skimmed until he found exactly what he was looking for.</p><p>“Coping methods include:</p><ul>
<li>Interactive entertainment, such as games, puzzles, and art.</li>
<li>Engaging in things that remind you of your soulmate to simulate interaction</li>
<li>Reading messages from Couriers if your soulmate is one</li>
<li>Talking to another person about your feelings</li>
<li>Physical contact with someone you are close with</li>
</ul><p>Under no circumstances should you:</p><ul>
<li>Sit around waiting for the episode to end. They can take hours to finish if nothing is done about them.</li>
<li>Do something passive such as read a book or listen to music. That will not distract you enough in most cases. People have reported turning certain passive activities into triggers for future episodes.</li>
<li>Engage in self harm. This most commonly manifests itself as scratching at the skin. While the urge can be hard to resist, giving in will do nothing but make the episode worse. If the urge becomes unbearable, contact a self harm hotline.”</li>
</ul><p>“Virgil?” A voice said behind him. Panicked, he exited out of the tab just as his chest tightened. </p><p>‘Caught, caught.’ “<em> Mom, Virgil’s staring at his arm again.” </em> ‘Someone knows.’ <em> “Sweetie, you need to stop this, okay?” </em> ‘They saw.’ <em> “I didn’t raise you to disobey me!” </em> ‘Don’t tell.’ <em> “I love you, but I hate how you keep making me do this. I don’t like it just as much as you.” </em> I’m sorry, don’t tell.’</p><p>“-irgil? Can… touch… grounding…” He nodded, numb to the world around him as he struggled to force air into his lungs. The person grabbed his hand. “Good… You’re doing good. Can you hear me?” Nod. “Good. Let’s go through some breathing exercises. Breath in for four, hold for seven, out of eight.”</p><p>They stayed like that until the risk of hyperventilation was gone. He realized he was on the floor. How did he get there? “Do you think you can walk now, Virgil. It’s okay if you can’t.” Although he was far from entirely present, he could place the voice now. ‘Logan?’</p><p>“Yeah… Yeah, I can….” Steady hands helped him to his feet.</p><p>“Don’t worry about his stuff,” a female voice said behind him. “I’ll keep it behind my desk until he’s well enough to come back for it.”</p><p>“Thank you,” Logan said, guiding Virgil out of the building. They ended up sitting at a bench in the quad. “Do you know of the 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 grounding technique?” Virgil shook his head. “That’s okay. I’ll walk you through it. Can you name 5 things you see?”</p><p>They went through the steps until most of Virgil’s anxiety was gone and replaced by embarrassment. “Thank you, Logan. I… Thank you.”</p><p>“It was no problem. How are you feeling?”</p><p>“Better. A lot better, actually. Tired and… How… How many people saw me in there?”</p><p>“It was mostly empty, and Ms. Clawfield kept everyone else away. I assume it was me surprising you that triggered the attack? If that is the case, I will avoid doing so in the future.”</p><p>The relief hit equally as hard as confusion. ‘Why is he so okay with what just happened? I just had a meltdown? What is he even doing still talking to me?’ “You’re fine. I overreacted. That’s all. I shouldn’t… It’s on me.”</p><p>“No, that’s not the case at all.” If Virgil didn’t know any better, he’d say Logan looked concerned. “That was at best a strong panic attack and at worst a flashback. Neither of those things are your fault. You have nothing to be ashamed of.”</p><p><em> “What the hell are you freaking out about? Man up or get out.” </em> Virgil shivered at the memory of his father’s words, desperately not wanting to think about it.</p><p>“Listen,” Logan said, “I don’t know your past experiences, and I don’t know anything about your home life. What I do know is that you need help. I would recommend a professional therapist, but…” He pulled out a piece of paper from his bag and wrote a phone number down. “If you can’t go to therapy for one reason or another, you can call me.” </p><p>Virgil took the paper and put it in his pocket. As he did so, the bell marking the end of the day rang. “Oh, I should go get my stuff. Thank you for… yeah.” He pulled his hood up and started leaving before abruptly stopping. “One more thing, did you see what I was reading when you walked up?”</p><p>“No. Why do you ask?”</p><p>“No reason. Thank you.” He walked to the library before Logan could respond.</p><p>Roman - Friday, September 6, 3:04 PM</p><p>Roman was very excited as he left with Patton for their first official date. Sure, they’d just spend the last two hours together in Geometry for their free period, but this was different; they actually got to be alone with one another. Patton offered his hand, which Roman gladly expected. They’re plan was to walk to a coffee shop and hang out for a while. While Roman would’ve preferred something much more extravagant, that would have to be enough for now.</p><p>“So,” Roman said, “how is our soulmate now?” Patton had felt another episode of heightened anxiety from their soulmate during their free period. Roman had taken the time to google anxiety coping mechanisms and write them on his arm, even though he knew it wasn’t likely to do much in the middle of an attack.</p><p>“A lot better, but that’s not really saying much.” Patton forced a smile. “Still, any improvement is good. I just hope they’ve got someone looking out for them.”</p><p>“I’m sure they do. Someone as wonderful as our soulmate must have allies. If not, then we will someday be at their side and fight to defend their honor.”</p><p>Patton laughed. “You’re really into that knight stuff, aren’t you?”</p><p>“More of a prince, but all of the best princes must be able to stand up against hordes of knights.”</p><p>The conversation maintained that light tone until they made their way to a busier part of town. Distracted by the conversation, Patton wasn’t paying attention as he stepped out onto a sidewalk. Panicked, Roman had to yank him back to avoid a car. Admittedly, Patton likely could’ve gotten out of the way in time on his own, but the incident still left the two of them shaken.</p><p>“Are you okay?” Roman asked.</p><p>Patton stared at the crosswalk for a moment before responding. “Our soulmate saved me from getting hit by a car once…”</p><p>Part of Roman wanted to groan. As much as he wanted to help their soulmate, he didn’t like thinking about it. Until he could help, every thought about them just led to guilt and sadness. He wished Patton would stop bringing it up. The more logical side of Roman knew that wasn’t fair. Patton couldn’t help but know every time they were sad or afraid. He deserved a chance to vent.</p><p>“They saved me once when I was 6. I sneaked onto my roof somehow and wanted to jump from there to my swimming pool. Right before I jumped, I heard someone behind me scream for me to stop.”</p><p>Patton hugged him. “I’m happy they did. I just want to give back, you know?”</p><p>“Yeah… I do.”</p><p>After taking a moment to collect themselves, the two continued until they finally reached the coffee shop. They ordered a Caramel Macchiato (Roman) and a Vanilla Bean Frappuccino (Patton) before sitting down.</p><p>“So,” Patton said, “I know you’re favorite class is Drama-”</p><p>“Guilty.”</p><p>“-so, what’s your least favorite.”</p><p>He thought for a moment. “Probably Chemistry, but that’s only because of the jerk lab partner I got stuck with.”</p><p>“Oh no! Did you talk to your teacher about switching?”</p><p>He took a sip of his drink. “I tried, but she said no because I didn’t have a good enough reason.”</p><p>‘“They need more than him being a jerk?”</p><p>“Well… I don’t really wanna get the guy in trouble. He’s definitely got an anxiety thing or something. I still hate him, but I don’t want him to have a meltdown in class or something.”</p><p>“I wouldn’t call an anxiety attack a meltdown. Still, I get what you-”</p><p>Roman’s phone rang. He checked the contact: ‘Mom’. “Can I?”</p><p>“Sure, I don’t mind.”</p><p>He answered. “Hey, Mom! What happened to catching up on Sundays?”</p><p>“Hey, kiddo. I remember. It’s just that Seymour is being adorable and I wanted permission to send pictures.”</p><p>He rolled his eyes. “Mom, you do not need to call me before sending me things. Just send it.”</p><p>“Alright, fine. I’ll hang up and send them over. Bye!”</p><p>“Bye! Thank you!” He put his phone down. “That was my mom. She wants to send some pictures of our dog. I’ve told you about Seymour, right?”</p><p>Patton nodded, but obviously had something else on his mind. “How do you feel about your mom and dad now?”</p><p>“What do you mean? They’re my parents. Of course I love them.”</p><p>“I know, but… With what they did to Remus…”</p><p>Roman rested his face in his hands. “I… I know that, but… I don’t…”</p><p>
  <em> “Hey, Remus!” younger Roman said, running over to his brother. “Wanna know what I just heard about Suzie’s Mom?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Yeah, what is it?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Roman got closer to whisper. “Her little sister doesn’t have a soulmate.” He backed up again and pretended to gag.</em>
</p><p>“I know what they did was wrong, but… I can’t not like them, you know. I have to think they can get better, cause if they can’t…” His phone buzzed, signifying a text message. He couldn’t bring himself to pick it up.</p><p>“Roman, I know you’re still guilty about the things that-”</p><p>“We’re not talking about this anymore, okay!?” Patton flinched slightly in surprise. “I’m... I just want to have a normal date, okay? I don’t wanna think about the other soulmate, my parents, and especially not that.”</p><p>“Okay… Yeah, let’s drop it.” He took a sip of his frappe before going back to his happy persona. “So, who’s your favorite teacher?”</p><p>Logan - Saturday, September 7, 12:00 PM</p><p>Logan’s plans for Remus’s first in-person tutoring session were rather different than his other clients (if you couldn’t call someone that doesn’t pay a client). His main goal was to set Remus up to be able to help himself when Logan became too busy for free sessions. He wrote down all of Remus’s classes on a sheet of paper.</p><p>“Here is how I organize my priority order for homework. I take every assignment and give it a score. Lower the score, higher the priority. Step one, how many days until it is due. One week is 21, four days is 12, ect. Next is length of assignment. Add one point for every 15 minutes you expect the assignment to take. Finally, there’s difficulty. Let’s go through your classes and rank them with 7 as the hardest and 1 as the easiest. 1-2 is 1 point, 3-5 is 2, 6-7 is 3.”</p><p>The two of them eventually started making their way through everything Remus currently had assigned. Logan gave him the goal of finishing everything due Monday and Tuesday over the weekend, advising Roman to the same. After that, he helped Remus find an audiobook version of the book their teacher assigned for they’re first book report.</p><p>“Now,” Logan said, “I know that we just created a priority list, but since I’m here to help you now-”</p><p>“I need help with Pre-Algebra.” Remus pulled out his text book. They worked on that until around 1:00.</p><p>“Okay, I should leave soon. I have a client I need to meet at the library soon.” Logan stood up. “Text me if you have any questions.”</p><p>“I will. Thank you!” Remus chewed the end of his pencil as he stared at the next question.</p><p>Roman got up from his bed, where he’d been scrolling through his phone for the entire session. “I’ll go with you.”</p><p>“You… You want to sit in on my tutor session?”</p><p>“No, of course not. I just want to walk down with you.”</p><p>“Why would you-” Roman held a finger to his lips. “Okay, then. Let’s go.”</p><p>Roman started talking the second the door closed behind him. “How do you do that?”</p><p>“Do what, exactly? If you would also like help with math, then-”</p><p>“No. I mean, sure, but that’s not what I meant.” Logan was about to press the elevator button when Roman stopped him. “No, that elevator sucks. The stairs are always faster here.” They headed in that direction.</p><p>“I feel the need to warn you,” Logan said. “Once demand for tutoring increases, I will not be able to help Remus, or you, for free. That’s why I prioritized giving Remus skills applicable for the future today.”</p><p>“That’s kinda what I was asking earlier. I don’t know how you can get Remus to listen to you like that. You got him focused on work for an hour straight, and I didn’t hear a single rant about something literally no one ever thinks about.”</p><p>“Well, there’s no way no one else ever thinks about…” He cut himself off. ‘He was using the colloquial version of the word. It is illogical to attempt to correct everyone, when definitions of words change throughout history.’ “I can teach you some of the strategies I use to keep his attention, but I don’t imagine he will listen to you as much as he listens to me.”</p><p>“Why not? I’m his brother.”</p><p>“I’m aware, and that’s the point I’m attempting to make. You are both equals. You’re not the authority. I’m his teacher, and you’re his friend.”</p><p>“I’m pretty sure he’d be upset if you told him you’re not his friend, but I see your point.” He sighed as they left the building.</p><p>“I’m not under the delusion that my clients are my friends. They pay me for a service and I provide it.”</p><p>“Well, Remus definitely sees you as a friend. You’re better to him than lots of people.”</p><p>“I’m sad to hear that. That’s a rather low bar.”</p><p>“Yeah, well… You’re already a lot better than I am.”</p><p>Logan looked at him with concern as they reached the library. He checked his watch: 1:13. “I don’t have much time, but you should know that I think you’re a great brother. I spend a lot of time on forums and I rarely see people asking for help for another’s sake. No matter what harmful thing you’ve done in the past, you’re helping now. You should focus more on that.”</p><p>He walked inside before Roman could respond. ‘First Virgil, now this? When did I become everyone’s therapist?’ As he sat down at a desk to wait for his client, he came to a startling yet heartwarming conclusion. ‘Patton’s been rubbing off on me.’</p><p>Virgil - Sunday, September 8, 11:14 AM</p><p>Virgil felt nervous as he walked over to his father holding a stack of papers. Every class assigned a syllabus on the first day and asked for it back in a week, signed by a guardian. Virgil initially planned on holding off until Sunday night, but decided it would be too obvious he’d been putting it off. He re-checked the papers to make sure Health was last.</p><p>“Hey, Dad? Can you sign these for me?” He handed him the stack.</p><p>“Huh… This every class?” Virgil nodded. “Good, I can get them all out of the way at once. Efficient.” He started meticulously reading.</p><p>“I don’t really think it’s that important to read all of it. It’s just boring class stuff.”</p><p>“Nonsense. This school may not be full-on Soulist like everywhere else in this state, but that doesn’t mean it is immune to Soulist propaganda. I wanna know exactly what this school is teaching you.”</p><p>Virgil resisted the urge to pull out his phone as his father read every word of every page. “Tried to sneak it in at the end there, huh?” Dad said.</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>“You’re dumbass health class. ‘We will have a section based on soul status. We will go over different types of soulmates, the theories behind them, and the misconceptions surrounding both those with and without soulmates.’ Why the hell would you need a whole section for <em> that </em>?”</p><p>“I wasn’t… I wasn’t trying to hide it or… yeah.” ‘Liar.’</p><p>“The fact that they let schools talk about this is ridiculous. Kids don’t need to hear about this stuff. ‘Types of soulmates’? Who the hell cares about those weak, good for nothing idiots?”</p><p>Virgil closed his eyes. ‘Focus on breathing. It’s okay.’ “Yeah, I agree that they shouldn’t… talk about those things.”</p><p>Virgil had to restrain himself from flinching when he felt a hand land on his shoulder. “It’s alright, son. I know you hate this stuff just as much as I do.” Virgil opened his eyes and found himself leaning into the touch. “Hey, how about this? When that section comes around, I can call you out sick. A friend can drop the work off here or something, and we can work on it together. How’s that?”</p><p>‘What friend?’ he almost asked. ‘The only person I’ve even talked to in that class is Patton, and…’ For a terrifying moment, Virgil considered telling Dad everything. No matter what the punishment for keeping it a secret would be, he’d at least have help. He’d have someone to talk to, tell him what to do. ‘No, no, I can’t. I can’t just… I…’ “That sounds good, Dad,” he finally said.</p><p>Dad clapped him on the back and signed the bottom of the page.</p><p>Virgil hurried back to his room. Instead of being able to calm down in the solitude of his room, he found Dee laying on his bed. “Hey, little brother.” He sat up. “ How’s school? You haven’t really told me anything. I swear we never talk anymore. It’s almost as if you’re avoiding me.”</p><p>“Don’t take it personally. I avoid everyone.”</p><p>Dee laughed. “Wow. And here I thought that was a stereotype for people <em> without </em>soulmates. Funny how the only person in this house who does that is the only loser with one.”</p><p>Virgil dug his fingernails into his palms. “Don’t let Mom and Dad hear you say that.”</p><p>“Oh, God, who cares? It’s not like they don’t talk about your soul status all the time.” He made his voice go high pitched. “‘Virgil cried again last night. I knew people with soulmates are cowards, but we didn’t raise him to be a crybaby.’”</p><p>“Get out of my room, Dee.”</p><p>“Fine, fine.” He got up and started walking out before stopping at the door. “I’m trying to help you, you know. Mom and Dad aren’t your friend. You’re gonna meet your Soulmates soon. How long do you think it will take them to kick you out when that happens?” He waited a second for Virgil to respond before leaving.</p><p>Patton - Sunday, September 8, 6:48 PM</p><p>Patton sat on the couch in his living room as he finished his reading for English. He didn’t have anything against reading - he found it to be an enjoyable way to pass time - but something about being forced to read something made it a painful chore.</p><p>“<em> Of Mice and Men </em> , huh?” Mama said as she sat down next to him. “I remember having to read that in school. I preferred <em> To Kill a Mockingbird </em>, but that one’s good, too.”</p><p>“They’re talking about killing a dog because it’s too old.”</p><p>“Oh no.” She gave him a side-hug. “You’ll be alright.You only gotta read the first two chapters, right? That means you’re almost done.”</p><p>“Yeah, but it’s all either boring or sad.”</p><p>She pouted. “Okay, how’s this? I read the rest of it to you, and then we can marathon Parks and Rec.”</p><p>Patton handed the book to her. “Thank you!”</p><p>It only took her a couple more minutes to finish before they started their binge session. As much as Patton loved the show, he had trouble paying attention. Mama paused the TV in the middle of their third episode. “You doing okay? You look a little spacey.”</p><p>“I’m okay. Thank you, though.”</p><p>“Come on.” She poked his arm. “I know you’ve got something’ goin’ on up there.” No response. “Is it Roman? From what you’ve said, he sounds nice, but I haven’t met him yet. There a reason for that?”</p><p>“You’ll get to meet him soon, I promise. It’s just… It’s about my other soulmate.”</p><p>“Ah, yes, your little Savior.” She tried to act calm, but she must have known where the conversation was going.</p><p>“I think they’re getting worse. I know it’s been getting worse and worse for a while, but this is… I don’t know what to do. I can tell Roman doesn’t like talking about it, but I need to. I can feel it every time they’re upset or scared or anything like that.” She pulled him into a hug as tears started to flow. “I know we’re not supposed to do things like this, but… I asked Roman to write our phone numbers down on his arm for them. They haven’t called or anything. I wasn’t expecting anything right away, but I… I wanted… I just want to help them. I wanna help them so bad. Why aren’t they calling?”</p><p>She rubbed circles on his back. “There are lots of reasons, sweetie, but I don’t think you’ll like any of them.” She pulled away to look him in the eyes. “But you’re doing everything you can. Remember that, okay?” He nodded. “Someday, you will meet them and give them the love and support they deserve. Right now, all we can do is wait. You did the right thing.”</p><p>Roman - Monday, September 9, 8:09 AM</p><p>“Alright, here is our first exercise of the day,” Ms. Weller said. “Everyone split into groups of 3-4. You will be given an improv prompt and ten minutes to prepare before performing in front of the class.”</p><p>As much as Roman was appalled by the idea of preparing for an improv scene, he didn’t speak up about it. Instead, he found Ashlyn and Kelly. He’d watched everyone closely the previous week and decided they had the greatest acting potential. “Mind if I join your group?” He asked.</p><p>“Yeah, sure,” Kelly said. “The prompt is pretty easy.”</p><p>It didn’t take them long to get a game plan, proving Roman’s point that the drama teacher was going too easy on them. “Hey, Roman,” Ashlyn said. “You’re Remus’s brother, right?”</p><p>‘What did he do?’ “Yeah. He’s a little… out there sometimes.”</p><p>“Oh, totally. He’s so funny.” ‘What?’ “I normally wouldn’t like people like that, a little too hyper, but… I dunno. He’s cool.”</p><p>“He’s in my history class,” Kelly said. “I haven’t really talked to him, but he seems nice.”</p><p>Roman didn’t know how to respond at first. He’d been fearing people coming up to him annoyed with Remus’s antics. This was the last thing he expected. “It’s good you’re getting along with him.”</p><p>“Well, it’s not hard,” Ashton said. “He’s really friendly. Um, speaking of him… I don’t know if it’d weird to ask this, but-”</p><p>Kelly cut her off. “No, It’s weird. Don’t finish that sentence.”</p><p>“Well, how else am I supposed to find out?” She took a deep breath. “Does Remus have a soulmate.”</p><p>Roman tilted his head in confusion. “What? No, but why are you-”</p><p>“Oh, thank God. I don’t either. Should I ask him out later, or-”</p><p>“Ashton!” Kelly yelled. “You shouldn’t be talking to your crush’s brother about this. Are you insane?”</p><p>‘What the hell is going on here?’ “I… um…. It’s fine.” ‘How could a strong prince like me be made speechless so easily?’ “I haven’t talked to him about it recently, but a little why ago he told me he thought he was gay, so...”</p><p>“Aw, well that sucks.” She elbowed Kelly. “See, this is why it’s good I asked.”</p><p>“Oh, yeah, you’re <em> totally </em>right. Asking your crush’s brother if you should ask him out is definitely a good idea ‘cause there’s a 1/10 chance he’ll warn you that he’s gay.”</p><p>“Oh, shut up. You’re just like Sarah.”</p><p>“Who’s Sarah?” Roman asked.</p><p>“Oh, that’s my dad’s soulmate.”</p><p>“Your dad’s…” ‘Why is everything throwing me off today?’ “Wouldn’t that make her your parent, too? Why do you call her Sarah?”</p><p>She sighed and gave Kelly a ‘here we go again’ look. “They’re platonic soulmates. My dad and her are both aroace. He adopted me.”</p><p>“Oh, that makes sense. I apologize. I’m sure you’re tired of explaining that to people.”</p><p>“It’s fine. I’m way better off than Kelly in that department.”</p><p>“I mean,” Kelly said, “I wouldn’t say it’s worse for me. Just… Everyone assumes that all four of my parents are soulmates, but it’s actually a pair of soulmates and two people without them. Soulists and Free Spirits are bad with that. It’s like… they just can’t get it. I hate it so much.”</p><p>“Wow, um…” Again, Roman had no clue how to respond. “I… That would suck to need to explain to everyone. I actually didn't think it was possible until now for someone with and without a soulmate to have kids together.”</p><p>“You didn’t?” Ashlyn looked confused. “That’s, like, common knowledge. Where did you grow up?”</p><p>“Arizona.”</p><p>“Ahh…” Kelly said. “That makes sense. They don’t teach you anything there. No offense.”</p><p>“None taken…” ‘How ignorant am I? I guess I have a lot I need to learn.’</p><p>Ashton must have heard the guilty in his voice, because she spoke softer than he’d ever heard her. “Hey, you’re a lot better than most people I’ve met from there. The fact that you’re trying to learn is good.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Kelly said. “I think-”</p><p>“Attention, class!” Ms. Weller said. “Your time is up. Everyone sit in their group and I’ll call on you one by one.”</p><p>“Oh, shoot,” Ashton said. “I forgot everything we planned.” The three of them laughed as they took a seat.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading. I have a couple of things I want to say.<br/>1. I literally just picked a couple of random states when deciding where Roman and Virgil were from. I have nothing against Arizona and Maine.<br/>2. I legit got sad thinking about Patton's reaction to the end of Of Mice and Men.<br/>3. My inspiration for the scene with Virgil and his father came from a quote I recently heard about why people stay in toxic relationships: "The main source of the victim's suffering is also the main source of their comfort. They're only, in many cases."<br/>4. I recently watched Little Shop of Horrors for the first time and wanted to name Roman's dog Seymour. I have no other explanation.<br/>And most importantly:<br/>5. Say safe and WASH YOUR HANDS!<br/>Bye!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Communication is Key</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW: Unhealthy coping methods, Self confidence issues, Bullying, Panic Attacks, Dissociation, Mild Self Harm<br/>Other Content Warnings: I spoil Of Mice And Men.<br/>Updated 7/30: Fixed some grammar and spelling errors (evidently I can't spell the word apologize right 90% of the time)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Logan - Monday, September 9, 12:56 PM</p><p>Logan had forgotten over the summer just how exhausting the combination of work and school could be. Logan’s subpar attention span led to his least productive lunch yet. He must have zoned out at some point, because he barely even registered the school bell going off.</p><p>“Alright, Nerdo, time to get up,” Roman said, tapping Logan with his foot. Logan apologized as he put his Algebra work away and stood up. Roman watched him with concern as they started making their way to English. “Everything good? You look pretty tired.”</p><p>“It’s just work. There’s no need for you to concern yourself with it.”</p><p>“Work? This is the beginning of the year. Didn’t you say your schedule gets more packed later? What are you even doing?”</p><p>“I intern for my parents, and you know about my tutoring. When I get more work as the year goes on, I will simply spend less time on support forums.”</p><p>“You spend all your free time on forums? What do you do for fun?”</p><p>“I prefer making my time productive.” ‘I swear I have had this exact conversation with Patton before. They truly are soulmates.’</p><p>Roman opened the door to the classroom, inviting Logan to walk in first. “Wanna know what I think?”</p><p>“Not particularly on this subject.”</p><p>“I think you need to spend more time with friends. What is the point of being <em>productive</em> all the time if it isn’t <em>producing</em> any happiness for you?”</p><p>They both took their seats. “Who says I’m not happy? I just said that I <em> enjoy </em>being productive.”</p><p>“Yeah, well do you <em> enjoy </em> walking around like a zombie?” Logan didn’t respond, instead pulling out his copy of <em> Of Mice and Men </em>. “How about this? You come over to my dorm Sunday for movie night. See how you feel about not literally working yourself to death for five seconds.”</p><p>“I am not even close to dying of exhaustion, and this movie night will likely be at least a few hours.”</p><p>“That’s not… You know what? Fine. Just keep on making yourself miserable.” Logan watched him pull out his own copy of the book. “You know, it was Patton’s idea to invite you. I just forgot about it until now.”</p><p>A rush of adrenaline coursed through Logan’s system as he sat up. “Patton is also coming to your movie night?”</p><p>“Woah, there. First you completely dismiss it, but once Patton's coming, you’re all in? I’m starting to think we aren’t even friends.” Logan couldn’t tell if Roman was actually offended or not. “Though, you did say you’re clients aren’t your friends earlier, so yeah. I guess that really is what you think.”</p><p>“I didn’t mean to insult you, I-”</p><p>“No need for that. You’re still invited. I’ll win you over eventually with my good looks and charm.”</p><p>Logan sighed in relief. ‘Okay, he is certainly just joking around.’ The bell rang. “Okay, I’ll see if I can go.”</p><p>“Excellent.”</p><p>Mr. Poslin walked up to the front of the class. He gave everyone a mini-quiz to make sure they did the reading before asking everyone to answer more theme-based questions with a partner. Logan and Roman teamed up, of course, and finished rather quickly.</p><p>“Even though the book is soooooooooooooooooooooo boring, at least it’s short,” Roman said. “How long do you think until we finish?”</p><p>“A couple more weeks at most. I don’t know if I’d say it’s boring. It’s a nice reread.”</p><p>Roman’s eyes widened. “Wait, you’ve read this before? How does it end?”</p><p>“I am not about to spoil a book for you in the middle of you reading it, even if you ask for it.” ‘Not to mention it’s rather sad and I’d rather not see your reaction to it. Hmmm. Perhaps I should warn Patton. Then again, there would be no conceivable way to convince him to read it with the ending in mind..’</p><p>“Fine, whatever...” He started twirling his pencil. “Hey, can I ask you something?” Logan nodded. “I was talking to people in my drama class this morning about weird soulmate things.”</p><p>“What kind of things?”</p><p>“Like, a pair of soulmates marrying and having a kid with people without soulmates. I didn’t… It made me realize how much I don’t know about these things. Do you know a good place to start so I can… not be as much of a jerk?”</p><p>Logan smiled. ‘It is rather admirable how much he wants to combat his trained bigotry.’ “Of course. I’ll help you with that in any way I can.”</p><p>Patton - Tuesday, September 10, 10:36 PM</p><p>Patton wished he had every class with Logan. Not just because of his company, but because he kept Patton productive. During every psych period, he insisted they both finish what they need to before talking to each other. That resulted in the two of them finishing much faster than everyone else most of the time, including today. </p><p>“Do you think we’ll end up talking about what dreams mean?” Patton asked.</p><p>“Possibly, but not in the way you expect. Most psychologists agree that the specific content within dreams don’t reflect anything meaningful about the person having them in most cases.”</p><p>“Oh…” Patton frowned. ‘I thought there could be something in this class I already knew a little about.’ “Hey, how do you know so much about this stuff?”</p><p>“I find it interesting. I mostly got interested in the subject for support forum purposes, but I started spiraling into other intriguing subjects.”</p><p>“Cool…” He took a deep breath. ‘You know that wasn’t what you wanted to talk about. Come on, Patton. Just ask it.’ “Logan? Am I a good desk neighbor?”</p><p>Logan looked up at him, confused. “Yes. You are nice and don’t disrupt my work.”</p><p>“Oh, okay, cause… Someone that sat next to me in Health moved seats and I’m pretty sure he moved because of me.”</p><p>“What makes you think that?”</p><p>“He didn’t talk to anyone but me last week. He didn’t even move up a row or anything, so I know it wasn’t a sight thing.”</p><p>“What was your interaction like?”</p><p>“I thought it was okay. I talked to him before class a little bit and answered a question he asked me.”</p><p>“If you were nice and helpful, there is no reason for you to feel as if you did something wrong. Even if they had moved because of you, it must be for illogical reasons that do not reflect negatively on you at all.”</p><p>Patton smiled. “Thanks. That makes me feel a lot better.”</p><p>Logan started to go back to whatever assignment he was doing for another class, but stopped in the middle of doing so. “You are an Empath, correct?”</p><p>Patton just sat there confused for a moment. Constantly knowing the emotions of his two soulmates played such a large role in his life that he didn’t understand how Logan could be unsure. Then again, he rarely talked about soulmate related things with him, knowing his history with bullies. “Yep. Why?”</p><p>“I speak to Empaths sometimes online. I notice a lot of them have a tendency to put the responsibility of everyone’s happiness on themselves. Some of them even go to therapy for it. Would you consider doing that?”</p><p>‘I mean… Jeez, I hadn’t thought about it. I just… I don’t know. It’s just hard, knowing whenever your soulmate is upset. Right now it’s fine. Roman’s bored and our other soulmate is confused and a little stressed. It could be a lot worse.”</p><p>“Empaths by nature carry a high emotional burden. There would be no shame in asking for help carrying that burden.”</p><p>Patton smiled shyly at his desk. “Thank you. For everything.” ‘Logan is so nice! He’s always helping others and stuff. I don’t like how he always acts cold, like he doesn’t care. It’s obvious he does. He wants to help people and can do it without freaking out like I do. That’s one of the things I love about him.</p><p>‘…. Love….’</p><p>He looked back over at Logan. ‘Do I… Do I love Logan?’</p><p>Virgil - Wednesday, September 11, 12:33 PM</p><p>Virgil had mixed feelings regarding Logan not being at the library during lunch today. On one hand, he had no one to judge him for holding off his chemistry homework until the lunch before it was due. On the other hand, Logan was the only person he knew that could calm him down when he panicked and he was seconds from doing exactly that. He was almost done, but something about the work pushed his anxiety through the roof. He forced himself to do his breathing exercises nonstop while finishing up. Once he did, he packed up and went to the classroom so he could sit against the wall and not move until class started.</p><p>Sadly, he didn’t have long before that happened. He took his seat next to Roman and wished he could just time leap past the next two hours. “Good afternoon, Nightmare on Emo Street,” Roman said. “Please tell me you're in a better mood than you were last week. ” Virgil knew Roman tried to change seats and the teacher wouldn’t let him. That hurt a little, but was completely understandable.</p><p>“You lost your only pencil and I didn’t wanna give you one of mine. I don’t owe you anything. I don’t ask for anything from you. Just let me do my own thing, kay?” Virgil hated himself more with every word that left his mouth. He <em> needed </em>to make sure Roman didn’t like him. If Roman liked him, he’d want to hang out. If they hung out, he’d have a better chance of learning Virgil’s secret. He couldn’t risk Roman becoming a part of his life. He was just glad he’d been able to change seats in health so he wasn’t forced to give Patton similar treatment.</p><p>“In what world is asking for a pencil stopping you from ‘doing your own thing’?” </p><p>Thankfully, the bell rang before Virgil was forced to respond. Class started with the teacher going over the homework. Much to Virgil’s surprise, Roman raised his hand to answer almost every question. He theorized that he’d worked extra hard to show him up.</p><p>Roman’s reaction every time he got a question right ranged somewhere between a decathlon team member during a competition and a gameshow contestant. He was so loud Virgil could barely stand it. Maybe if he told Mr. Skeller about the risk of hearing loss that came from sitting next to Roman, he’d reconsider letting one of them move. The longer class went on, the more bewildered Virgil felt about the concept of dating Roman. He couldn’t imagine any timeline where that would happen.</p><p>It took about an hour before the inevitable happened: Mr. Skeller gave out a worksheet for lab partners to work on together. “You gonna write this time?” Virgil asked.</p><p>“I only didn’t write last time because <em> someone </em>wouldn’t give me a pencil.” They slowly made their way through the questions until Roman suddenly started staring at his jacket. “Why are you wearing that thing? You’re making me feel hot just looking at it.”</p><p>“This is hot to you? Didn’t you live in Arizona?” The words left Virgil’s mouth before he could think through the implications. ‘Nononononononononono’</p><p>“How do you know that?” Virgil didn’t respond. “I’m serious.” Sill nothing. “Have you been stalking me or something? What’s…”</p><p>Virgil stopped hearing Roman’s voice. He didn’t know if he’d stopped talking or not, but either way it wasn’t reaching him. ‘I shouldn’t know that. I don’t know how to explain it. I…’</p><p>
  <strike> <em> I hate Arizona. It’s so hot right now, we can’t even go swimming cause the water’s too hot. </em> </strike>
</p><p>‘He can’t know. I… I don’t… I don’t have any soulmates. I’m not his soulmate. I can’t..’</p><p>Two hands clapped right in front of Virgil’s face. “Hey!” Roman yelled. Virgil blinked, suddenly aware of the world again. “Do I need to get you out of here or something?” Virgil shook his head, not able to make his mouth form words. “Alright. I’ll cover for you or whatever if you have to leave. Just… stop saying creepy stuff, okay?” He nodded. “Good. I’ll finish this up. You rest your head on the table or something.</p><p>Virgil happily complied. While he was no longer panicking/dissociating, he felt terrible. The attack left him weak and Roman’s kindness just made him feel worse for being a jerk to him. </p><p>He kept his head down for almost the entire rest of the period. “One last thing before class is over,” Mr. Skeller said, “next session, we will start having partner homework. Every week, I will give every partnership and assignment and they will need to complete it together outside of school hours.” Virgil dug his nails into his palms, not looking up to get Roman’s reaction. “Most people will work on this during free period, but that is obviously not mandatory. I recommend everyone exchange contact info with their partner now.</p><p>“Give me your phone so I can put my number in,” Roman said, obviously not happy about it. Virgil almost did before realizing something. ‘I already have Roman’s number in my phone. He can’t know that.’</p><p>“I don’t have mine on me. Can I put my number in yours instead?” Roman sighed dramatically and handed it over.</p><p>Roman - Thursday, September 12, 12:20 PM</p><p>Roman didn’t want to think about the fact that he had Chem after lunch. Nothing about that awful partner of his made any sense. Him being a complete jerk made sense. It sucked that he was stuck with him, but he got it. It was the freakouts that threw him off. First with Remus, then almost with him. Whenever he considered telling Mr. Skeller about how terrible he is, he started to feel bad for the guy. ‘Guess this is what I get for being an honorable prince.’</p><p>“So, Roman,” Logan said, “You have yet to update me on your research.”</p><p>“You’re what?” Patton asked. Logan filled him in on Roman’s earlier request for resources on abnormal relationships.</p><p>“It’s going good,” Roman said. “Apparently, there are cases of pairs of soulmates combining to have a relationship. That’s cool.”</p><p>“Wait,” Patton said, “why didn’t you know about things like that when it had nothing to do with people without soulmates?”</p><p>Roman took a deep breath. He really didn’t like talking about Arizona, especially in front of Remus. Luckily, he didn’t seem to be paying attention, instead focusing on his art. “My community wasn’t just not having a soulmate equals bad. The main idea was that God or whatever picked out the perfect person/people for a person. I’d never heard of groups combining or adding another person before.”</p><p>“I have always despised rhetoric like that,” Logan said. “Even ignoring the obvious closed-mindedness, the argument assumes there is a deity that assigns that sort of thing, which we do not know to be the case.”</p><p>Patton gave Roman a hug. “I’m happy you’re learning about this stuff now.”</p><p>Roman hugged back. “Thanks, but I should’ve learned this a long time ago.”</p><p>Patton pulled back and gave him a stern look… Well, as stern as his face was capable of being. “It is not your fault you weren’t taught this, okay? You’re learning now and that’s what’s important.” Roman thanked him and took another bite of his sandwich. “Hey, I just remembered. Anything new with that Chemistry partner guy?”</p><p>Roman groaned. “Still a jerk.”</p><p>“Who are we talking about?” Logan asked.</p><p>“My Chem partner. He’s a complete jerk. He wouldn’t even let me borrow a pencil last week. I found out yesterday that we’ve gonna have to meet up outside of school to do projects and stuff soon, so that sucks.” He pulled out his phone. “Least I got something funny out of it.” He scrolled to Virgil’s contact and showed the screen to Patton. “Who puts their full name in when making a contact?”</p><p>“Roman!” Patton pouted. “I’m sure lots of people do. I know he’s mean to you, but you don’t have to be mean back.”</p><p>“There could also be practical reasons behind it,” Logan said. “For example, it specifies which person they are if you have multiple contacts with the same first name.”</p><p>“Yeah, cause there are <em> so </em>many Virgils out there.” Logan stared at him for a moment before taking the phone out of Patton’s hands. “What are you doing?”</p><p>“He’s…” Logan started before cutting himself off, staring at the contact. Roman and Patton gave each other a confused look. This was the first time either of them had seen Logan at a loss for words. “He’s in my History class. I don’t know if I would call us friends, but he seemed kind enough during my interactions with him. I struggle to imagine him being a ‘jerk’, as you put it.”</p><p>“Um…” Patton started playing with the strings on his backpack. “What does he look like?” Roman and Logan described him as well as they could. “Roman, did I tell you about the person that moved in my Health class?” He nodded. “That’s him, I think.”</p><p>“Allow me to get this straight,” Logan said. “We have all met the same person and he acted very differently in every case. With me, he was shy but nice, Patton saw him as shy and aloof, and he is rude to Roman.”</p><p>“Sums it up,” Roman said. “What does that even mean, though? Does he have something against me and Patton, or does he just really like Logan or something?” Before either could respond, the bell rang. They all reluctantly went to their classes, agreeing to finish their conversation later.</p><p>Virgil - Friday, September 13, 11:48 AM</p><p>Although P.E. certainly could’ve been going worse, it wasn’t by any stretch of the imagination great. Virgil had never been athletic… At all. He never had nearly as much energy as the kids around him. His dad made him try out for a soccer team once, which didn't end well. He almost passed out and the coach had pulled him aside and asked about his eating habits. Virgil was confused by the question and said everything was fine. After all, it wasn’t like his parents were starving him. He just had to skip a meal every once in a while. Nothing serious.</p><p>His mediocre performance in P.E. was only hindered by his jacket. He had a thinner one specifically for P.E. and always brought water just in case he started to get dehydrated. He didn’t know if it was due to that or the fact that he hadn’t run in months, but he got one of the worst times on the mile. As expected, other kids in class took notice.</p><p>“What’s a skinny dude like you doing coming in with all the fatties,” one of the boys in his class asked. Virgil made an active effort to not remember anyone’s name. He didn’t respond as he sat down in the grass, taking a sip of water.</p><p>“Isn’t it obvious?” another one asked. “Skinny dudes like that don’t have any muscle. His legs would probably snap if he tried to make them run faster.” Virgil wanted to say something, anything in response, but he knew that even a good insult would just encourage them. He needed to save up his energy for working with Roman during free period after this.</p><p>“Yeah. That’s why you’re always wearing that jacket and changing in the bathroom, right? You embarrassed?” Virgil continued ignoring them, staring at the ground, until one of them grabbed his arm to pull him up. “Oh yeah, I could break this thing just by squeezing it if I wanted to.”</p><p>Virgil pulled his arm away, surprised he was able to get loose that easily. <em> They can’t see it. What if there’s a message. No one can see. No one can know. </em>His breathing sped up as tears started to fill his eyes. He was spared further insults when the coach told everyone it was time to go to the locker rooms.</p><p>He barely made it to a stall before collapsing. He wanted to just run out of there and go find Roman or Patton. ‘<strike>They can help. They can help. I need help. I need them.</strike>’ He slapped himself. ‘I don’t have soulmates. I don’t need help. I can help myself. I have to help myself.’ Remembering the advice he’d found a while ago, he rolled up his left sleeve to see if there was a message, something he reserved for episodes.</p><p>“My dear soulmate,</p><p>Patton just texted me saying you aren’t feeling well again. I’m very sorry and wish I could do more to help you. When we do meet in person, I will defend you against all demons, including the ones within your head. Stay strong, and know things will get better.”</p><p>Virgil found himself scratching his arm. ‘He’s so good he wants to help and he doesn't know me and I’m terrible in class I have to but I don’t want to I can’t see him right now I won’t be able to I can’t I need him I need help I can’t be mean to him I can’t why am I only getting worse what’s happening.’</p><p>“Virgil?” Someone asked from outside the stall. ‘Coach Jackson.’ “You doing okay in there? Do you need someone to take you to the nurse?”</p><p>‘I need to calm down I need to calm down I need to calm down I need to calm down I NEED TO CALM DOWN.’</p><p>Then next thing he knew, Virgil was outside the bathroom telling Coach Jackson he was okay. Then he was outside. Then he was sitting against a wall somewhere. Nothing felt real. Perhaps nothing was real.</p><p>Logan - Friday, September 13, 1:35 PM</p><p>Logan was abnormally intrigued by his Spanish homework. The first part was normal; He had to copy a list of spanish words and their definitions onto a study sheet and answer a few questions. That only took him a small portion of his free period. The next part required him to find a short, Spanish children’s book and take a shot at translating 10 sentences from it. He’d never heard of a teaching method like that but admired the practicality of it. </p><p>The library has a small amount of foreign children's books to help students practice. No one went over there very often. That was why Logan was surprised to see someone there, especially someone he knew was supposed to be somewhere else.</p><p>“Virgil?” he asked. Virgil was curled up behind one of the bookshelves playing some mindless game on his phone. Roman had told Logan earlier that the two of them were supposed to meet during their free period to “get their dumb assignment over with."</p><p>“What are you doing here?” Logan asked. When Virgil didn’t respond, he tapped him on the shoulder. Still nothing. Logan realized how stiff his posture was, then how dazed his eyes looked. ‘Is he dissociating?’ Logan knelt in front of him. He lightly pushed Virgil’s phone down so he could make eye contact. “Are you okay?”</p><p>Virgil blinked a few times and slowly put his phone back in his pocket. “Yeah, um… Yeah, I’m just…” He gestured vaguely to his head. “I’m not really…. here right now… I’m…. I’m trying to ground myself. I don’t… what time is it?”</p><p>“What time do you think it is?”</p><p>“Um… I think free period started a few minutes ago?”</p><p>‘So he knows it’s free period, meaning he forgot about meeting Roman. That is actually better than the alternative. It would be unwise to throw him into a panic right now.’ “Free period has been going on for about 30 minutes now.”</p><p>“Oh…”</p><p>“That’s perfectly normal for someone in your state. I can help ground you, if you’d like. I was just working on Spanish. Are you also taking that class?”</p><p>“I… Yeah, I haven’t done it yet.”</p><p>“I can help you with it. The first part is fairly repetitive. It may help you.” Virgil nodded and they both stood up. Logan quickly grabbed two of the Spanish books as he guided Virgil to his table. He saw the librarian watching the two of them. “Stay here,” he said to Virgil. “I’ll be right back.” he walked over to the librarian. “Good afternoon, Ms. Clawfield.”</p><p>“Same to you, Mr. Smith.” She nodded to the table. “How’s he doing?”</p><p>“He’s dissociating. We should be fine.”</p><p>“Okay. Just don’t be afraid to take him to the nurse if he needs it.”</p><p>“Of course.” He went back to the table. Virgil had taken his book and notebook out but was just staring at the pages. “The assignment is to get the words from page 26 and answer the questions on 27.”</p><p>Virgil nodded and got to work. Logan watched him for a little bit before working on translating the book. He was surprised by how easy it was. He looked up when he was done to see Virgil still writing definitions, albeit faster than he was at first. “How are you doing now?”</p><p>Virgil looked up at him. “Better. A lot better, actually. I normally hate this sort of homework, but it helped a lot. Thanks.”</p><p>“Of course, though I disagree that this is not a good type of homework. Studies have shown that writing something down strengthens one’s memory of it.”</p><p>“Oh, I know that. Kinetic learning, or something like that, right?” </p><p>Logan nodded, surprised. “It’s kinesthetic learning, but that is still correct. I figured I was the only person in our grade who knew about that sort of thing.”</p><p>“Oh, well, I used to be really bad at school. Still am, but I’m better. I’ve figured out that that kind of learning doesn’t really help me that much. I’m an… it’s auditory learner, right, or am I wrong about all of them?”</p><p>“No, that one is correct. Although you say you are bad at school, I admire your drive to improve yourself in that regard.”</p><p>Virgil smiled shyly. “Thank you.” They both continued working on their own subjects. For English, the teacher for some unknown reason insisted that notes be taken in pen. Although he found the order very counterproductive, it gave him a good test for Virgil. Despite how kind Virgil may be around him, Roman’s tales of his behavior still gave him pause. While he doubted his new friend could possibly be as mean as Roman described him as, there could’ve been some sides to him Logan had yet to see. He felt bad for wanting to test him after his period of emotional distress, but if all went well, Virgil wouldn’t even understand anything out of the ordinary had taken place.</p><p>“Virgil?” He looked up again. “Do you have a pen I can borrow?”</p><p>“Um... “ He checked his bag. “No, actually, sorry. Here…” He stood up. “The librarian might have one. I’ll ask her for you.” He walked away.</p><p>‘So then, he not only passed the test, but he went above and beyond to do so. Perhaps Roman misunderstood something about his interaction with Virgil last week, or maybe he’d done something wrong to Virgil first without realizing?’</p><p>“Back.” Virgil held out a black pen. Logan thanked him. His plan, prior to this entire interaction, was to directly ask Virgil about his interactions with Roman and Patton to obtain his perspective. However, seeing his friend calm in his company, he couldn’t bring himself to do so. Something was obviously going on in his life and, while he was curious, he couldn’t risk robbing Virgil of a source of comfort.</p><p>Patton - Friday, September 13, 3:05 PM</p><p>“My lab partner is officially the worst,” Roman said as he met up with Patton by the English building.</p><p>“Why? What happened?” Patton took his hand as they walked to Roman’s dorm. Fridays had officially become date night, and they decided to have a more relaxed date this time. Remus was even kind enough to agree to hang out in the library until they were done.</p><p>“He didn’t even show up. I had to spend the last two hours working on other classes alone cause Mr. Skeller wouldn’t let me leave. I tried calling him but it just went to voicemail.” He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. “But you know what? Whatever. I’m not gonna care about that right now. We are going to have the best date ever. We’re gonna talk about movies, shows, musicals, and all sorts of things that aren’t my terrible lab partner.”</p><p>“Well, in my opinion it’s good to talk out your feelings, but we can just have fun, too. I haven’t seen that many musicals, but we can talk about those other things.”</p><p>Roman stopped walking. “What do you mean you haven’t seen that many musicals!?” </p><p>“Well, my moms haven’t really been into that, you know? I’ll watch something with you if you want me to.” </p><p>Roman was suddenly in a much bigger hurry to get to his room, where he showed Patton his collection of production recordings. Patton spent a good few minutes looking through them before coming across one that interested him.</p><p>“Okay, Pat,” Roman said. “I don’t think that’s about what you think it’s about.”</p><p>“But it’s called Cats.”</p><p>“Yes, there are cats but… It’s not gonna be as… cute as you probably think it is.”</p><p>“How could cats not be cute?”</p><p>Roman rolled his eyes. “Fine, you win, but don’t blame me if you get confused and wanna quit halfway through.”</p><p>Patton took his hand. “If I get confused, you can help me.”</p><p>Roman grabbed the DVD and laughed. “No, I really can’t. I’m not even sure ALW knew what this musical was when he wrote it.”</p><p>Roman started act 1 on his computer and… yeah, it wasn’t even remotely close to what Patton had been imagining. He thought it would star actual cats, but looking back that was a weird assumption. Would it even be possible to train a cat to do that?</p><p>Patton was also surprised to hear Roman singing along. “The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious cat and there isn't any need for you to doubt it.”</p><p>“I thought you didn’t like this?”</p><p>‘What? Oh, no, the musical is literally just a bunch of cats auditioning to die.”</p><p>“Then why are you singing?”</p><p>Roman sighed. “One does not simply listen to an Andrew Lloyd Webber score and not sing along, no matter how much they don’t like the show itself. I’m not a fan of the man, but boy can he write a bop.”</p><p>“Well, I like the dancing.”</p><p>“Well, yeah. Everyone likes the dancing.”</p><p>They made it to the end of the first act. “Snack time!” Roman got up and more or less ran to the kitchen. Patton followed him. “You want some popcorn?”</p><p>“Of course.” Roman got out two bags and put one of them in the microwave.</p><p>“While I am enjoying my time with you today, I think I’m gonna pick the musical next time.”<br/>“What? No, I like this one. It’s confusing, but fun.”<br/>“Okay, but I wanna get you watching something fun that also isn’t about a death cult. The Legally Blonde musical is shockingly good. How about that?”</p><p>“I haven’t seen the movie, but I know a lawyer’s in it.”</p><p>“Yeah. Wait, Logan’s parents are lawyers, right? Maybe he’d wanna see it for our movie night. I don’t know what he thinks about musicals, though. Might not be <em> productive </em>enough.”</p><p>‘Logan…’ Patton had tried to avoid thinking about Monday’s realization. He really didn’t want to mess with his relationship with Roman but… feelings are feelings. He couldn’t fight them, not in any healthy way. “What do you think about Logan?”</p><p>He took the popcorn out of the microwave. “Oh, he’s great. I wouldn’t’ve invited him if I didn’t like him. He’s a bit much sometimes, but he helped us out a <em> lot </em> and-”</p><p>“I think I might really like him,” Patton blurted out before he could stop himself.</p><p>Roman stopped in the middle of putting the other bag in the microwave, putting it down instead. “As in, romantically?” Patton nodded. Roman was frozen in place, brain trying to process this. Patton was relieved when he felt mostly panic and confusion from him, not anger.</p><p>“That doesn’t mean I like you any less. I still love you and am so happy to be your soulmate. I just-”<br/>“I know, Patton.” He took a deep breath. “I’m not mad, but you probably knew that.” He laughed dryly. “Why am I only just now realizing how weird it is that you always know what I’m feeling?”</p><p>“Roman, I-”</p><p>“No, it’s fine, just… I want some time to think about it.”</p><p>“I haven’t talked to Logan about it at all. I wanted to talk to you first.”</p><p>“Thank you, but… I wanna be alone right now.”</p><p>Patton opened his mouth to reply, but nothing came out. ‘I had to tell him, but I hate that I hurt him.’ “I’ll go. See you Sunday?”</p><p>“Yeah, um…” He held out the popcorn. “For the road?”</p><p>Patton smiled weakly, took the bag, and left.</p><p>Roman - Friday, September 13, 5:28 PM</p><p>“Daylight, I won't care if it finds me, with no breath in my body,” Roman half-heartedly sang along to the musical. Part of him felt bad for finishing without Patton, but he needed something to clear his head so he could actually process what he’d said. If anything, Roman was the real victim here, since this meant he’d have to watch act 2 again at some point. “Touch me. It's so easy to leave me.” ‘This song has no right to be as relatable as it is.’</p><p>Of course, he knew Patton wasn’t going to leave him. For all the research he did, he never found any cases of soulmates leaving each other. Dating other people, sure, but they always <em> liked </em>each other. If anything, Logan should be the one feeling left out. Patton had told him about Logan’s history with bullying over not having a soulmate. When he got reunited with his childhood friend, it immediately got overshadowed by Patton meeting his soulmate. Still, it wasn’t as it Roman was jealous. He trusted Patton and the fact that he was honest with him meant a lot.</p><p>“And there's how you address a cat!” He exited out of the movie, not bothering to stay for the bows. ‘Alright, time to actually process this.’ He opened Google and typed “Soulmate has a crush on someone that does not have a soulmate.” Before he could press enter, he got a text from Remus.</p><p>“Hey! Can I come back now? The librarian says I need to leave soon.” Roman took a moment to get mad at himself for forgetting Remus before replying that it was okay.</p><p>He started scrolling through articles. The general consensus was, as long as everything was consensual and no one kept any secrets, this sort of open relationship was perfectly healthy. Many sources emphasized that a soulmate should be allowed to not let their romantic soulmate enter another relationship if they felt uncomfortable with it. Was Roman uncomfortable with it? Maybe at first, but reading other people’s stories made him feel a lot better. ‘If Patton wants to date Logan, maybe I shouldn’t get in the way of that. Lord knows that nerd needs a social life…’</p><p>He eventually stumbled upon a forum site (not the one Logan uses) where people shared stories about their open relationships. Most of them were very wholesome, saying things along the lines of “I get to live with my true love and one of my best friends. What more could I ask for?”</p><p>With a forum as big as this one, it was inevitable that there would be some hate. One poster said, “People with soulmates should stick to their own groups instead of infecting others,” and added a link to an article titled “People Without Soulmates Should NEVER Date Someone With One.” Roman could instantly identify it as propaganda, but couldn’t resist the urge to click on it. He’d never spoken to a Free Spirit, after all, and was curious to find out what kind of stereotypes they would have about people with soulmates.</p><p>The article did not disappoint. It was full of stupid rhetoric such as “people with soulmates are inherently more emotionally dependent than those without and will push the emotional burden of the relationship onto others” and “everyone with soulmates is a Soulist, whether they know it or not.” He couldn’t help but laugh at most of it. He didn’t take any of it seriously until he got close to the bottom.</p><p>“My sons would not be the strong people they are today if some beta came in and corrupted them.” The article included a picture of the sons and…</p><p>“Oh my god…” Roman scrolled to the top of the page to look at the name of the writer: Jacob Conners. He pulled out his phone to check Virgil’s contact. Sure enough, his last name matched the author’s. He clicked on the writer’s profile.</p><p>“<b>Movement Leader - Jacob Conners:</b></p><p>Jacob joined our movement 30 years ago at our Maine headquarters. His wife, Linda, also does work with us. They have two sons, Virgil and Dmitri, who are both frequently referenced in both of their articles. Due to his great skills in research and debate, Jacob quickly became a big name here. He has done take-downs on almost every Soulist leader, full list below. Recently, the Conner’s family has been asked to move to California to start a branch there, battling the overwhelming Soulist influence. It will be a hard task indeed, but we are sure he can do it.”</p><p>Roman scrolled through the list and, sure enough, both his parents were on it. For some reason he couldn’t understand, he started cracking up. “This is insane. This is totally insane.”</p><p>Remus walked through the door, staring at him confused. “What’s going on?”</p><p>Roman could barely contain his laughter long enough to respond. “I think I know why Virgil doesn’t like me.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Wow, what a chapter! I've been excited about this since the idea popped into my head. I hope you all liked it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Feel free to write a comment if you have any critiques or questions about the story. I am always working to improve my work.<br/>Also, I apologize for projecting my feelings about Andrew Lloyd Webber musicals onto Roman here. I don't get the chance to talk theater much, so I kinda went bananas here.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Lessons in Empathy</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW: Child abuse, Panic attacks, Child neglect, Manipulation, Unhealthy Eating Habits, Discussion of therapy and support groups, Mild swearing.<br/>Other Note: This chapter does not contain any spoilers for the new Sander Sides episode. For my thoughts on the episode, see the note at the end.<br/>Updated 7/30: Fixed a couple of minor errors.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Virgil - Saturday, September 14, 7:38 AM</p><p>Virgil was surprised when he woke up early Saturday morning, mostly because he had no memory of going to bed. The last thing he remembered was sitting down on his bed to… He looked on the floor next to his bed and found his history textbook and notebook on the ground. “Dang it…” He picked them up and put them on his bed, happy to see nothing was bent. His stomach rumbled, making him realize he’d missed dinner. Everyone ate breakfast at 9, so he’d have to hold out until then.</p><p>“Virgil!” Mom screamed from another room. A wave of panic rushed through him, followed by shame.</p><p>“Yeah?” he yelled back.</p><p>She walked into his room. “Why is your phone off? I tried to call you to ask for help with something and it went to voicemail. I have told you many times to never turn that thing off.” </p><p>He reached into his pocket - he never got changed for bed - and pulled out his phone. It wasn’t off, but airplane mode was on. “I’m really sorry, Mom.”</p><p>“Whatever. You get a warning this time, I guess. You’re lucky Dee took care of it.” She slammed the door as she left. He fell back on his bed with a sigh. ‘I must’ve turned it on when I was out of it yesterday.’ He turned airplane mode off. He had 10 texts and 5 missed calls. It was the texts that surprised him. ‘I never get those.’ They were all from a contact named Ryan. ‘Who is…? Oh!’ When he put in Roman’s contact, he decided to change the name to Ryan for the next time Dad goes through his phone.</p><p>Ryan 1:05 PM: Where are you?</p><p>Ryan 1:10 PM: ???????????????????????</p><p>Ryan 1:12 PM: Hello?</p><p>Ryan 1:14 PM: Mr. Skeller is mad I’m just sitting around here. Where are you?</p><p>Ryan 1:17 PM: If you can’t make it, at least tell me.</p><p>Ryan 1:18 PM: You know this is your assignment too, right?</p><p>Ryan 1:20 PM: If you don’t show up in 5 minutes I’m making you do the assignment by yourself</p><p>Ryan 1:25 PM: Times up</p><p>Ryan 1:27 PM: Mr. Skeller won’t let me go to another class. Now I’m stuck doing homework for other classes all by myself</p><p>Ryan 1:05 PM: Call me when you decide to stop being the worst chemistry partner ever.</p><p>‘Oh my God I ditched Roman!’ He’d completely forgotten about him after coming out of his episode. Without thinking, he clicked on his contact and called him.</p><p>Roman answered after a few rings. “First you ditch me, then you wake me up <em> way </em>too early.”</p><p>“Roman, I am <em> so </em>sorry. I didn’t-”</p><p>“Save it. I know you don’t like me, but this is insane. I’m going back to bed.” He hung up.</p><p>Virgil put his phone down and buried his face in his hands. ‘I’m such an idiot! I can’t believe I just ditched him like that.’</p><p>Virgil forced himself to get up. ‘I should just deal with it so I don’t have to think about it more.’He started working on the chem project and quickly realized why it was for two people. It was definitely possible to complete on one’s own, but it’d take almost triple the amount of time. ‘Guess this is what I get for being a terrible partner…’ He let himself get completely absorbed in what he was doing.</p><p>By the time he finished, he had no idea how much of the work was accurate. ‘Maybe Roman will be okay with checking it. He’ll probably want to since this is his grade, too.’ He felt something wet on his face. ‘Tears? Why am I crying?’ He became aware of many sensations at the same time. His hand hurt, he had a headache, his body felt weak and he was <em> starving </em>. ‘Guess I missed breakfast, too. Oh well. I did this to myself.’</p><p>He left his room, hoping to find a small snack and some advil, and ran into Mom. ‘Wait, are my eyes red? I didn’t check to see if it looked like I was crying.’</p><p>“Hello. Guess you haven’t been hungry recently. You missed breakfast.”</p><p>‘Okay, so either I look normal or she’s ignoring it.’ “I was actually gonna-”</p><p>“Wanna help me with the dishes?” Before he could respond, she handed him a towel and got back to scrubbing. </p><p>‘Guess I’m doing this now.’ Thankfully, it didn’t take long. When they finished, Mom pulled him into a hug. Virgil froze for a second before hugging back, closing his eyes.</p><p>“You did good today. It’s good that you can work while being emotional.” ‘So she did notice.’ He was thankful that she let it be instead of embarrassing him. She pulled back. “Now, go back to your room until lunch, kay?.”</p><p>He looked at the clock, which said ‘11:30’. They never ate until 12:30. He almost pointed out that he hadn’t eaten for almost 24 hours before nodding and going to his room.</p><p>Patton - Saturday, September 14, 1:08 PM</p><p>www.EmpathyforEmpaths.com</p><p>“While Empaths are rare, your struggles are important to talk about. Constantly knowing the feelings of those you are close to can be very stressful, especially when you are not in contact. That is why we have created a way for Empaths to connect to each other and get the advice/support they need.”</p><p>Patton continued scrolling down the webpage. They had many different options, such as online groups specifically for minors, for people with a soulmate with a mental illness, and just for people frustrated by their soulmate’s lack of communication. He wanted to talk to his moms about it before doing anything, but it was good to know what he was getting into. He wanted to try a free option before even thinking about something like therapy.</p><p>Just as he was about to look more into the specific groups, he got a phone call from Roman. Patton focused on his emotions. He was both nervous and excited. Happy to know Roman wasn’t upset, he answered. “Hey, Roman. I’m really sorry for just springing that on you last night. I just… wanted you to know.”</p><p>“That’s alright. I’m happy you told me. It just… was a lot. I’ve thought about it and, while I definitely need more time, I’m open to the possibility of opening our relationship.”</p><p>Patton smiled. “Thank you! I promise I’ll talk to you about everything and of course I don’t even know what Logan thinks yet and I won’t actually ask him out or anything without letting you know and-”</p><p>“Take a breath there, Pat.”</p><p>“Sorry, I’m just excited. And remember that you can tell me no. I only wanna do things if you’re okay with me doing it.”</p><p>“You are an Empath, Patton. You would know if I’m only telling you yes cause I wanna make you happy.”</p><p>“Oh my god! I just realized something! Empath. Patton. Empatton!”</p><p>“First of all, that barely works. Second, how have you gone this long without making that connection?”</p><p>“And earlier, you said that you were open to opening our relationship. Was that a pun?”</p><p>“Not even close.”</p><p>Patton put his phone on speaker so he could clap. “Very proud of you, Ro!”</p><p>“Think whatever you want, but know that, if I were to make a pun, it would be way more creative than that.”</p><p>“Pun-off at movie night?”</p><p>“So you’re still up for that?”</p><p>“Of course, but have you talked to Logan yet? He called earlier saying he was trying to call you.”</p><p>“Umm.” He could feel Roman’s guilt. ‘Oh no…’ “I noticed that yeah, but I haven’t called him back yet. I promise I’m not jealous or anything, but he only called twice and I don’t know if I can talk to him yet. I’m worried I’m gonna start thinking about it and bring it up to him and it’ll get awkward and I don’t wanna ruin this for you.”</p><p>Patton smiled and his eyes started to water. “That’s so sweet of you. You aren’t even totally okay with it yet and you’re still making sure I get to tell him? Awwww.”</p><p>“It’s nothing, really. Did he tell you what he wanted to talk to me about?”</p><p>“Something personal that wasn’t too important and he can’t come to movie night if it’s too late.”</p><p>“Movie afternoon doesn’t have the same ring to it, but I’m fine with it. I need both of you there cause I have something to tell both of you about.”</p><p>“What is it?”</p><p>“I can’t tell you right now, but I’ve been doing some research and found something very interesting.”</p><p>Their conversation went on for a little while, mostly talking about random things. It wasn’t until Mom called him out for dinner that he realized they’d been talking for hours. They hung up, excited for tomorrow, and he went to the kitchen. As he was leaving his room, he made the split second decision to grab his laptop. His support group stuff was still up. ‘I better tell them about it before I can decide not to.’</p><p>They both look confused when he walks out, obviously not expecting the laptop. He took a deep breath, willing himself to speak, but words wouldn’t come out. He’d never been good at asking for help,  and this was no exception. Mama took the laptop and had him sit down. His moms took a minute to read it over.</p><p>Mom was the first to speak. “Thank you for coming to us with this. I honestly don’t know why we didn’t think about this earlier with your other soulmate.”</p><p>“So…” Patton said. “You’re okay with it?”</p><p>“Of course,” Mama said, closing the laptop. “We can get you set up after we eat. That okay with you?”</p><p>He smiled and nodded, giving them both a hug.</p><p>Roman - Sunday, September 15, 9:21 AM</p><p>“Hi, Mom and Dad!” Roman said as his parents’ faces popped up on his computer. He video chatted them with Remus every Sunday. After three weeks, they finally managed to do it without technical difficulties.</p><p>“Hello!” Mom said. “How are my babies doing?”</p><p>“I haven’t had to turn in anything late yet!” Remus said.</p><p>She playfully clapped. “Good for you!”</p><p>“How about you, Roman?” Dad said.</p><p>They all spend a good half hour catching up. Remus told them all about art (and reluctantly talked about other classes when Dad pushed him). Roman told them about play auditions coming up in about a month. Mom and Dad caught them up on all the gossip at home. Roman didn’t really care about any of that, but still paid attention to be polite.</p><p>Eventually, the conversation turned to Patton. Roman had to restrain himself from gushing about how amazing he was.</p><p>“As much as I love seeing how happy you are,” Dad said, “I think we’re making your poor brother jealous.” Confused, Roman looked over at him. He looked a little upset, but not jealous.</p><p>“Oh, sorry dear,” Mom said. “Don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll find your soulmate soon.” ‘What is she- Oh, Oh no.’ Remus opened his mouth to respond but nothing came out. He looked at Roman as if begging him to save him.</p><p>“Um, yeah, probably,” Roman said. “Um… We’ve both been hanging out a little with our other friend, Logan.” Without warning, Remus got up and left the dorm room.</p><p>“Oh, no.” Mom frowned. “Here, you two keep talking. I’m gonna call his cell.”</p><p>“No!” Roman didn’t want either of them talking to Remus about his soul status. “We’ve already been talking for a while and we both have work to do. I’ll go find him.”</p><p>They said their goodbyes and Roman left the dorm. He found Remus sitting on the ground by the door and sat down next to him.</p><p>“Why did you lie?” Remus asked.</p><p>“What do you mean? I was trying to change the subject.”</p><p>“No, you said that I’m gonna meet my soulmate soon. I don’t have a soulmate.”</p><p>“I know, Remus, but they don’t know that I know that. We need to keep it that way until we can officially move out and-” Remus got up and started walking to the stairs. “Where are you going?”</p><p>“I don’t wanna go to movie night. I’m gonna go to the library or something.” He left.</p><p>Roman went back into his room and laid down. ‘What was I supposed to do? I couldn’t let them know that I know Remus doesn’t have a soulmate. Still, I know how much it hurts Remus to even hear someone say he has a soulmate. I could’ve been more vague and still changed the subject. I’m an actor and part of acting is improv. Instead of being creative, I just hurt my brother.’</p><p>He needed a distraction. He went over to his planner and looked through the assignments he had left. Chemistry was sitting at the top. His guilt morphed into anger. The next thing he knew he was pulling out his phone and scrolling through the website he found Virgil’s dad on, F3 (Freedom From Fate). For some reason, reading through the posts made him feel a lot better. At least he was better than those jerks. He was trying to get more accepting. All they did was repeat the same ignorant talking points in different ways as if competing to find the most offensive way to say ‘people with soulmates are inferior and make everyone around them weaker by existing.’</p><p>He hated the way Jacob Conners talked about his sons. It was as if he were God and they were both his gift to humanity. That was probably why Virgil wouldn’t give him a pencil. It was beneath him. ‘I can’t wait to show this stuff to Patton and Logan…’</p><p>Logan - Sunday, September 15, 2:00 PM</p><p>Logan wasn’t sure exactly what a movie night entailed, so he did a little bit of research before showing up. While different groups had varying rules, many had a system where everyone suggests a movie and the group votes on what they want to watch. He didn’t know exactly what was expected of him since Roman didn’t answer his phone and failed to call him back. It was Patton who told him it started at 2 PM.</p><p>That was why, when he showed up exactly on time, he had a copy of Big Hero 6. “Oh, look at you coming prepared!” Patton said as he held the door open for him. Apparently, Patton had arrived early. Was he supposed to do that, too?</p><p>“Welcome, Sir Logan!” Roman said. “I see you are well armed with a Disney classic, but I am sure to come out the victor in the end.” He held up a copy of Beauty and the Beast.</p><p>“I, um…” He got closer to whisper to Patton. “Am I supposed to continue the metaphor?”</p><p>“Nah,” he said at normal volume. “We already have popcorn, so…” He grabbed Logan’s arm and pulled him over to the beds. “Let’s just relax. Roman had something he wanted to show us first.”</p><p>Roman sat down on his bed while the others sat on Remus’s. “Where’s Remus? I thought he would be here as well?”</p><p>“He, umm, he changed his mind.” Roman pulled out his phone and typed something. “I should’ve set this up before now… Good.” He looked back up at them. “So, Logan, have you heard of Jacob Conners?”</p><p>He thought for a moment. “The name sounds familiar.”</p><p>“Well, when I was doing research earlier, I found one of his articles. He’s pretty big in F3, or Freedom From Fate.”</p><p>“Oh, I don’t look much into big organizations like that when it comes to my support forum stuff. All I know is that a lot of my online associates are working to label them as a hate group.”</p><p>“Which is why I found this first!” He handed them both his phone. It was the man’s profile on the group’s main site. Everything about it seemed normal until…</p><p>“This is Virgil’s Dad,” Patton said. “What a coinkydink?”</p><p>“This is more than that, Pat. This is-”</p><p>“Absurd,” Logan cut him off. “Are you trying to imply that your lab partner doesn’t like you because his parents are both prominent members of a bigoted group that rivals your parent’s bigoted group?”</p><p>“Think about it. He immediately didn’t like me and Remus and likes you. His dad has done responses to both of my parents. According to Patton, he’s neutral to most people. This has got to mean something.”</p><p>“What it means is that he gets along better with me than he does with you and he happens to come from an ignorant background. What are you trying to imply there? Does Virgil have a list of everyone his dad has ever argued with <em> and </em>their immediate family me memorized?” Logan knew he was getting mad and had to stay rational, but this was ridiculous. Virgil seemed to have enough problems without rumors like that spreading.</p><p>“I don’t know what exactly is going on, but something is. I don’t get why you don’t see it.”</p><p>“Guys…” Patton said, likely trying to deescalate the situation.</p><p>“Virgil is my friend, and I think you need to take a step back and think this through before making any sort of accusations.”</p><p>“Your friend ditched me when we were supposed to work on a project we have together. He is literally hurting himself just to be a jerk to me.”</p><p>“He ditched because he was dissociating in the library.” Logan instantly regretted it, but the response had the desired effect. Roman’s face fell, unsure of what to do with his entire view of the situation flipped on its head. “I meant to tell you that in private, since Virgil doesn’t seem to like people knowing about it, but I thought you needed to know. That’s why I kept calling you. I didn’t want you to get mad at him when it wasn’t his fault.”</p><p>“What happened?”</p><p>“I found him trying to ground himself in the back of the library. I don’t know what happened before then, but I assume he’d had a panic attack. He had one in front of me the previous week. I have a working theory that it has something to do with his homelife, but that’s mostly irrelevant to my point.”</p><p>After a few seconds, Roman grabbed his phone from Patton and put it down. All of them just sat there, unsure of what to do.</p><p>“Okay, I think we all need a nice movie to take our minds off this,” Patton said, moving to sit on Roman’s bed. Logan hated letting the conversation end there, but knew they weren’t getting anywhere.</p><p>“I don’t really care what we watch,” Roman said.</p><p>Logan got up as well. “The same applies to me.”</p><p>Patton forced a smile. “Okay then, looks like I get first pick.”</p><p>Patton - Sunday, September 15, 4:30 PM</p><p>Logan didn’t stay long after Tangled ended. Sure, he’d told his parents to pick him up at 4:30 and such, but it was obvious he wanted to go. Patton couldn’t blame him. Nothing about their time together wasn’t insanely tense. He’d thought starting a movie would calm things down but... It didn’t. It looked like Patton would have to take a different approach.</p><p>“Do you have to leave, too, or can you stay and watch some episodes of the office with me?” Roman asked.</p><p>Patton smiled weakly. “I know you’re still not feeling great after that fight earlier.”</p><p>Roman sighed, laying back on his bed. “Being soulmates with an Empath makes it way too hard to hide my feelings, you know?”</p><p>Patton sat on the bed next to him. “I do, but I think that’s good. It means we get to talk things out so you can feel better sooner!”</p><p>“Yeah, I guess.” He sat up. “I’m not mad at Logan, by the way. At least, not anymore. I just… I don’t understand what’s going on with Virgil. He’s right that my ‘he hates me because his dad made a hate-post on mine one time’ theory doesn’t make sense but… Virgil doesn’t make any sense.”</p><p>“Well, that must mean that there are things we don’t know that could make it make sense. I don’t wanna take sides here, but… I don’t think he’s a bad guy.”</p><p>“I… I don’t think so either but… I think I want to?”</p><p>“Wanna know what I think?”</p><p>“Sure, Pat.”</p><p>“I think you still feel bad about Remus, and when you read all that stuff about Virgil’s dad and saw that he also has parents with not-so-good ideas about soulmates, and… put those bad feelings on him.”</p><p>“Huh…” Roman playfully hit his leg. “All that and you’ve only been in psychology class for a couple weeks.”</p><p>Patton laughed. “Well, it helps that I know what you’re feeling. Just… maybe try talking to Virgil?”</p><p>“Sure, I guess I can try, but if it turns out he actually is a bigot that memorized the name of everyone his parents don’t like so he can someday get revenge, you and Logan both owe me twenty bucks.”</p><p>“Deal.” They both shook hands. </p><p>“I’m not calling him til tomorrow, though. This has been a long day.”</p><p>“Sure thing. Oh, I just realized I forgot to tell you something.” Patton pulled out his phone and got to the Empathy for Empaths website. “I joined a support group yesterday.” He handed the phone to Roman.</p><p>He spent a few minutes reading through. Patton felt a few expected emotions from him (surprise, guilt), but also some unexpected ones (happiness, relief). Roman handed the phone back. “That’s great, Pat. I’m happy you’re getting help. I just wished I knew-”</p><p>“It’s okay, Ro.”</p><p>Roman gave him a quick hug. “Let me guess: Logan was the one that recommended it?”</p><p>“Yeah, actually.”</p><p>Roman smiled. “Yep… He’s really good for you, isn’t he?”</p><p>“I like spending time with him, so yeah.”</p><p>“Okay then. I think you should date him.”</p><p>Patton had to stop himself from jumping up in excitement. “Really? After that fight, I thought you'd be more against it.”</p><p>“Well, you’ve got a lot of love to give. And anyway, I think he was right. I’m being too hard on Virgil… Should probably change his contact back…”</p><p>“What did you change it to?”</p><p>Roman tried to hide his smile. “Would you hate me if I said Audrey 3: Purple Addiction?”</p><p>“I don’t know what that means?”</p><p>His mouth fell open. “Okay then, it looks like we’re watching Little Shop of Horrors next.”</p><p>Logan - Monday, September 16, 10:09 AM</p><p>When Logan arrived early to History class, he wasn’t surprised to see Virgil there already as well. He was a very punctual person for someone who claimed to be bad at school. Logan walked over to him. “Good morning, Virgil.”</p><p>He flinched, as he always did when surprised, and looked up at him. “Oh, hey Logan. Do you need anything?”</p><p>Logan frowned. ‘The flinching was a major concern, but with the news that his father is who he is… While he seems to adore his sons in his posts, people with a harmful mindset can be rather toxic people to be around.’ “I don’t need anything. I just wished to ask you how you are doing.”</p><p>“I’m okay. I’ll try not to have a meltdown in front of you again.”</p><p>“You were dissociating, something you cannot control.”</p><p>“It would be great if I could, though.” He started rubbing his lower right arm. Logan wasn’t well versed in body language enough to know if that meant anything significant. “If you don’t need anything else, you should probably go to your desk. I know you like to get everything out before class starts.”</p><p>‘Right, it is odd for me to go out of my way to speak to students before class. My reason for doing so is to learn more about Virgil to better understand how to help him, but I can’t tell him that…’ “I… I actually wanted to offer my services to you. My schedule is quite empty right now and you mention wanting better study skills to get better grades. I can assist you with that.”</p><p>Virgil stared at him. “I, um…. I… Thank you, but I don’t… My parents like me coming home directly after school, so I’m not sure if I can.”</p><p>“I can go to your house if you wish.” ‘That would actually be the perfect opportunity to better understand his family life.’</p><p>“I can ask them about it. Thanks.” They exchanged numbers before Logan went to his seat. He’d only just arrived before the bell rang, but it was worth it.</p><p>Class went by quickly. There were no partner assignments, so Logan didn’t have any more excuses to talk to Virgil. He planned on going with him to the library, but Patton was already there to meet him as he left the room. “Are all your teachers willing to let you leave early whenever you wish?” Logan asked.</p><p>“No, I just… ran a little bit.” He smiled. “Can I ask you something?”</p><p>“Yes, of course.” Patton took his arm and guided him to a quiet area.</p><p>“Okay, um.... I knew what I was going to say before, but now it’s not there.” He laughed. “Wow, I should’ve prepared better.”</p><p>“That’s alright. Take your time if you need it.”</p><p>“I already talked to Roman about this, and he’s fine with it, so… Do you want to go out with me?”</p><p>‘What?’ Logan didn’t know how to react. Of all the things, he never expected this. Part of him wanted to say yes. Hell, pretty much all of him <em> wanted </em>to, but….</p><p>
  <em> “This is why I hate people without soulmates. All of us have everything figured out, but NOOOOOOOOOOOO. You all have to come in and screw things up.” </em>
</p><p>‘No. I won’t let idiotic ideas such as that ruin this. I want this. He wants this. Saying no is a net loss.’ “Yes, I would like that.”</p><p>Pulled him to a hug. “Yes! Thank you!” He pulled back. “Is it weird that I really wanna just run over and tell Roman? Wow, I’m really just realizing how weird this might be for you two. Are you sure-?”</p><p>“Yes, I do understand what this entails, and I’m okay with it.”</p><p>Excited, Patton grabbed his hand and took him to the quad. “Roman!” They found him sitting by himself in their usual spot. “Look!” He pointed at their interlocked hands.</p><p>“Oh, that’s great!” Much to Logan’s relief, Roman seemed genuinely happy for them.</p><p>Virgil - Monday, September 16, 3:48 PM</p><p>‘It’s okay. Just ask them. You’re allowed to ask for things sometimes. It’ll be fine.’ Virgil took a deep, calming breath before approaching Dad, who was sitting on the couch. “Hey, can I… Um… I want to ask you something.”</p><p>Dad paused the TV. “Of course. Whatcha need?”</p><p>Virgil sat down next to him. “I have a friend in my History class that wants to hang out with me after school. Is it okay if he comes over at some point?”</p><p>Dad put a hand on his shoulder. “You’re allowed to have friends over. Why wouldn’t you?”</p><p>Virgil relaxed. “Thank you.” He quickly went to his room before he could change his mind. He pulled out his phone to text Logan to fill him in and sat down to do homework. </p><p>The rest of the day went smoothly. The family ate dinner at 5 (Virgil now makes sure he has an alarm set for 15 minutes prior to every meal), he finished everything due the next day, and didn’t have to use his breathing technique once. </p><p>Just as he was about to lay down and relax, he got a text from Dee.</p><p>Dee - 6:21 PM: Happy early birthday</p><p>The message came with an audio clip. Before Virgil could play it, another text came.</p><p>Dee - 6:22 PM: Use earbuds</p><p>Confused, he did as instructed. The clip was of two people arguing. He recognized the voices as Mom and Dad.</p><p>Mom: Why did you say yes?</p><p>Dad: Why not? Isn’t it good that he’s making friends and getting more independent?</p><p>Mom: How many times do I need to tell you we don’t want him to be independent until we know he’s going to listen to us? What’s gonna happen if he makes friends with the wrong people and decides to find his soulmates or something? Did you even ask what his friend’s soul status is?</p><p>Dad: Do you really think he would have the nerve to bring someone with a soulmate here? He’s terrified of us. *laugh* You should’ve seen his face when he tried to ask if someone could come over. It was hilarious.</p><p>Mom: Fear-based compliance is not sustainable forever, especially not when he leaves us.</p><p>Dad: What are we supposed to do? Lock him in our house forever? *pause* I know you don’t like talking about it, but he is going to meet his soulmate someday. We need a plan for when that happens.</p><p>Mom: You’re right. I don’t want to talk about it</p><p>Dad: Sweetie-</p><p>Mom: We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. Burn it, if we have to.</p><p>Virgil slowly put the phone down as the clip ended. The next thing he knew, he was in the bathroom throwing up. He couldn’t stop shaking. His vision was blurry. ‘What was that? Why? What?’</p><p>“I see you got my text,” Dee said, leaning in the doorway.  Virgil couldn’t bring himself to respond. “Come on.” He helped Virgil get to his feet, flushed the toilet, and took him to his room. Despite rarely getting to go into his brother’s room, Virgil could barely pay attention to any of it.</p><p>Dee led him to the bed and got him to lay down. “Jeez, I didn’t think you’d freak out this much.”</p><p>“Why… Why did you send that to me?” His voice was barely more than a whisper.</p><p>“To help you understand what I told you before. Mom and Dad are not trying to help you. They are selfish assholes you shouldn’t listen to.”</p><p>“I… They…. I need to…”</p><p>“Virgil, I am trying to help you see the truth here. You need to leave. Report them to the police, run away, stand up to them for once. I don’t care, but you can’t just play their game.”</p><p>“What are you doing, then? If you think all that’s true, then why aren’t you reporting them or running away?”</p><p>He sighed. “Don’t tell either of them, but-” he laughed. “What am I saying? You never talk to them unless you have to… I’ve made some friends here and I’m saving up money to buy an apartment with them. I thought I’d be fine just leaving moment’s notice… Maybe I’m going soft, but I can’t leave without knowing you aren’t just gonna sit here taking it forever.”</p><p>“...That doesn’t explain why you aren’t reporting them. If you think they’re committing some crime, then-”</p><p>“They literally are! Forcing someone to lie about their soulmate is a crime. I know it. You know it.” Despite his fatigue, Virgil managed to get up. He made it to the door, but Dee grabbed his arm. “You realize you are just proving every soulmate stereotype, right? You’re just going with the flow, not standing up for yourself. You are a weak, dependent crybaby. Fight back for once. I’m not about to fight your battles for you.” Virgil pulled his hand back and walked away.</p><p>Roman - Monday, September 16, 7:00 PM</p><p>Remus didn’t come back to their room until 7. Roman didn’t say anything, but was happy to see him safe. He hadn’t said a word to Roman since Sunday morning, instead spending his time somewhere else on campus.</p><p>“Good evening,” Roman said as Remus laid down on his bed. ‘Now or never…’ “I’m sorry about yesterday.” No response. “I promise I want to help you. It’s just… who knows what’ll happen if they find out I know your soul status? They might force you to move back and… I can’t do that to you. I should’ve thought about this more and talked to you about it. It’s just… I don’t know what I’m doing, but I’m trying to learn.”</p><p>Remus looked back at him. “I’m not mad at you… I don’t think. You’re helping me out a lot and stuff. You’re the reason I’m not with Mom and Dad now forced to pretend some random person is my soulmate or something. I still have no idea what their plan is cause they never told me anything.”</p><p>Roman moved to his bed and put an arm around him. “Whatever it is, it’s not going to happen. You’re my brother, and you’re not gonna have to lie for the rest of your life.”</p><p>“It… it feels like something is crushing me every time someone says I have a soulmate. I feel trapped and I can’t breathe or think and…”</p><p>“I’m so, so sorry I did that to you… ever.”</p><p>“It’s okay, just… Try not to?”</p><p>“Deal.” Roman hugged him tighter before letting go and grabbing his laptop. “Wanna watch The Office?”</p><p>“Sure, but I get to pick the episode.” Remus took the laptop and started scrolling through Netflix. “Oh, by the way, I talked to Virgil earlier today. Or, well, I tried to. He just sort of ignored me. I’d be offended, but he kinda ignores everyone, ya know? Anyway, I don’t think he’s a bad guy. He just doesn’t… act like a bad guy. Sure, he wouldn’t give you a pencil, but maybe he only had one and wanted to pretend he had more or something? I dunno. I just think he would’ve been mean to me if you theory about him was right. Well, not that ignoring me isn’t mean, but still. He ignores everyone.”</p><p>“Thanks for investigating, but I don’t think he’s a bad guy, either. Logan kinda talked sense into me.” He sighed. “That reminds me, I promised Patton I’d try talking to Virgil today and forgot. Mind if I call him while you pick an episode?”</p><p>“I already picked, but sure.”</p><p>Roman got up. “We’re watching Stress Relief again, aren’t we?”</p><p>“It’s the best one and you know it.”</p><p>“We just saw it a few days ago.”</p><p>“I could watch it every day forever and be okay with it.”</p><p>“Whatever…” He walked into the hallway and called Virgil’s number.</p><p>“Hello?” Virgil’s voice was weak, as if he’d just woken up.</p><p>“Oh, sorry, I didn’t mean to-”</p><p>“It’s fine. Just tell me what you need.” He sounded more stern now, as if he’d just remembered to put on an act. ‘Huh…’</p><p>“I just wanted to talk to you about our Chemistry thing. It’s due Wednesday and-”</p><p>“I can send you a picture of my answers. You should probably check it over to make sure everything’s right.”</p><p>“You… you did it by yourself?”</p><p>“You literally told me to do it myself in your texts.”</p><p>Roman pinched the bridge of his nose. ‘Right, I forgot about that. Wow, I’m a terrible person…’ “I… listen, a friend of mine saw you at the library and told me you looked like you weren’t doing good. I shouldn’t’ve jumped to conclusions like that. I didn’t mean to actually make you… Want me to do the whole assignment next time?”</p><p>“Why would you do that? I missed our meeting and that was my punishment. It makes sense.”</p><p>Roman remembered what Logan said about his homelife-theories and felt sick. “You weren’t feeling well and forgot. I can’t get mad at you for that.”</p><p>“That’s not an excuse. Just… I’ll send you my answers tomorrow. Goodnight.” He hung up.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading! Be sure to comment any questions/criticisms you have.<br/>Special announcement: I now have a tumblr. I'm very bad at social media things, but if anyone is interested, feel free to follow me. Link to that: https://nerdywriterhaven.tumblr.com/<br/>As for my thoughts on the newest episodes: WTF WAS THAT!?!?!?!? I mean, I love it, but wtf? If you want to know my thoughts better, I wrote down all of my thoughts with timestamps and screenshots as I watched the episode. You can find my tumblr post with the link here: https://nerdywriterhaven.tumblr.com/post/616963924559085568/new-sander-sides-reaction<br/>5/3 Update: Hey. I just wanted to put a note on here saying I’m pretty sure the next chapter is gonna take longer than usual to come out. I’m starting to enter an episode of “depression”, which always murders my drive to do anything. I put depression in quotation marks cause I’m not diagnosed and the episodes rarely last more than a few days (sometimes I just need to sleep the feeling off). It’s possible I’ll feel better sooner than I expect and the chapter isn’t later than normal, but I wanted to put a warning here just in case. Thank you for all the kudos and comments. The support means everything to me.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Crucial Steps Forward</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW: Toxic thoughts, child abuse, mild panic attack, dissociation, near-death experience, unsupportive parents<br/>Update 7/30: Fixed some small things.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Roman - Tuesday, September 17, 12:45 PM</p><p>Roman knew he had to talk to Logan about their respective relationships with Patton. One thing commonly stressed in the resources he’d found was communication between all parties is vital for open relationships to work. Walking from lunch to English alone with him was a great time to do it. ‘Say something say something say something say something say-’</p><p>“Just to make sure we are both on the same page,” Logan said, “know that I understand that, should our relationships with Patton not work out, your partnership with him takes priority.”</p><p>Roman was relieved to not have to be the one to bring it up, but didn’t particularly like the way this was going. “Listen, I’m trying to become <em> less </em>Soulist. You spouting Soulist nonsense like that isn’t helping.”</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>“We’re both in an equally real relationship with Patton. Mine isn’t automatically more important just because we’re soulmates.”</p><p>Logan blushed. “No, I guess not.” They reached the classroom and took their seats. “I suppose I’m not being particularly fair to myself.”</p><p>“You’re not being fair to Patton either. He obviously really likes you.”</p><p>“Yes, I… I suppose so.”</p><p>Roman frowned. The bell rang before Roman could ask exactly what he meant by that. The teacher asked everyone to get into groups of two to answer a bunch of thematic questions regarding <em> Of Mice and Men </em>, which they had recently finished.</p><p>“I’m mad at you, by the way,” Roman said jokingly.</p><p>Logan stiffened. “What for?” He asked.</p><p>‘Note to self: Logan is not good at picking up on friendly mockery. Refrain usage until further notice.’ “You knew how this awful book ended and didn’t think to warn me?” He smiled that time, hoping to lead Logan on without calling him out for misreading signals.</p><p>Logan relaxed. “Oh, you are exaggerating your feelings on the matter for comedic effect. Noted. You have my apologies.”</p><p>Roman held back a sigh. “Alright, let’s get through this so I never have to think about it again.”</p><p>With Logan’s detail-oriented memory and Roman’s vast knowledge of storytelling, they got through the assignment much faster than the teacher likely intended. Roman was surprised when Logan didn’t immediately begin working on some other assignment.</p><p>“Since you have Chemistry tomorrow, and I do not believe you have met up with Virgil to do your assignment, I feel the need to ask what exactly your feelings are towards him at this moment.”</p><p>“I… don’t know, honestly. He’s very rude whenever I’ve seen him, but I don’t think he’s just a jerk like I used to. I mean, he literally did the entire assignment by himself as some sort of punishment for missing our meeting.” Logan’s eyes widened at that. “Yeah, that’s not normal, especially not for a jerk.” Roman sighed dramatically. “I wish he could just be this villain I could hate and be done with it.”</p><p>“Well, I’m actually going over to his house tonight. I want to see how he interacts with his family. Even with a third party there, I should be able to gain some insight.”</p><p>“Well then, <em> Sherlock </em>, keep me updated on whatever you find.”</p><p>Logan - Tuesday, September 17, 3:07 PM</p><p>While Logan was definitely nervous to meet Virgil’s family, Virgil somehow managed to be the more anxious of the two of them. He had been drumming his fingers on his leg since his Mom picked them up.</p><p>“So, how long have you lived in SoCal, Logan?” She asked.</p><p>“My whole life. Why do you ask?”</p><p>“Oh, well, we moved here a little while ago. It was kinda jarring to move somewhere with such a Soulist influence. We weren’t used to that.”</p><p>‘Ah, she is attempting to learn my soul status. A quick way to judge her degree of bigotry would be to lie and claim to have a soulmate, but I cannot risk getting Virgil in trouble.’ “Yes, I did have some issues with other children in the past over my soul status, but that has become less of a problem more recently.” </p><p>She nodded, satisfied with his response. “My poor Virgil also had to deal with such things before high school, right dear?”</p><p>“Yes,” Virgil immediately responded. It was only then that Logan realized how quiet he’d been this entire time, as if he only wanted to talk if invited into the conversation.</p><p>They soon reached the house and got inside. The lack of family photos surprised Logan, given how much Virgil’s father seemed to adore his children in his posts. Virgil didn’t waste any time getting to his room. His posture relaxed the second his door closed. The room was oddly bare, with only a bed, a dresser, and desk. Even the walls were plain white.</p><p>“I should’ve warned you about this before,” Virgil said, taking his books out, “but I didn’t tell them you were coming over for tutoring.”</p><p>Logan also took his stuff out. “Why not?”</p><p>“I don’t… It just didn’t come up, and it’d be weird to say something now, so…”</p><p>Deciding not to press for further details, Logan quickly went over the priority system he’d shown Remus before. He was surprised when Virgil put English as more difficult than Algebra, but didn’t ask any questions. Once that was done, they decided to work on Spanish together. Virgil had a speaking test the next day and wanted to study.</p><p>“You know,” Logan said, “with a class schedule such as ours, we should theoretically finish assignments prior to the day before they are due. That especially goes for studying.”</p><p>“Right, it’s just…” He nodded to the door. Logan could vaguely hear a conversation from the living room, but understood none of it. “Small house.”</p><p>“And your family would not be okay with you practicing your Spanish?”<br/>
“I… I mean…” He looked down. “I’ve never asked them about it, but we’re all supposed to be mindful of each other, right?”</p><p>“Of course, but studying is an important-”</p><p>“Yeah, I know, but-” He took a breath. “Sorry for cutting you off, but I… I’ll talk to them about it.”</p><p>Logan almost pointed out that he shouldn’t ask for permission to practice for Spanish, but decided against it. ‘At this rate, pushing him too far will just make him defensive.’ They made good progress, nearly perfecting Virgil’s pronunciation of most of the words, when Virgil got up. “I’m going to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.”</p><p>Once he left, Logan considered going through Virgil’s things. While that would be a very immoral act, uncovering abuse would make it worth it. Someone else walked in before he could make up his mind. ‘This must be Virgil’s brother.’</p><p>“Hello. Logan, right?”</p><p>“Yes. Why do you-?”</p><p>“How is Virgil? At school, I mean?”</p><p>Logan tilted his head. “Quiet, I suppose. We are in History together and only really talked because of a school assignment.”</p><p>“But the two of you are friends, correct?”</p><p>“Yes, I would say so. Why are you asking me about this?”</p><p>“Is there really something wrong with me looking out for my little brother? He’s never really had friends before.”</p><p>Logan sighed. ‘If he’s asking me questions, I may as well ask some back.’ “How is Virgil here?” He knew how obvious the intent behind his question was the second it left his mouth. Luckily, Virgil’s brother didn’t seem to mind.</p><p>“He stays in here most of the time. It doesn’t surprise me that he’s quiet at school. Let’s just say Mom and Dad aren’t exactly the best confidence boosters when it comes to him.” They heard the toilet flush. “Here.” He handed Logan a piece of paper. “Call me if anything happens at school. Our parents tend to… overreact about some things.” He left just in time for Virgil to never know he was there.</p><p>Patton - Wednesday, September 18, 3:13 PM</p><p>Logan and Patton’s date was going great. Sure, they weren’t really talking much and didn’t have any plans besides walking around town, but as long as Logan was happy with it, Patton was, too. He just liked seeing Logan relax a little. That was supposed to happen at the movie night, but that didn’t go so well.</p><p>“I’m struggling to remember the last time I took a walk like this.” Logan said.</p><p>“Well, maybe you should do it more, then. It’s nice to just… not do things sometimes.”</p><p>“Yes, you’re right, but… My parents don’t even know where I am right now.”</p><p>“You didn’t tell them about us?”</p><p>“No. Not… Not yet.” Patton hadn’t meant to sound judgey, but based on Logan’s expression, he figured it must have come across that way.</p><p>“You don’t have to. I just want you to be happy, ya know?”</p><p>“Right. I have no issue with them knowing necessarily. My main issue is bringing it up. They don’t talk about their views on soul status around me, so I don’t know exactly where they stand.”</p><p>“Aww. Well, think of it this way: They got you into a school where you wouldn’t be bullied as much for not having a soulmate. That’s gotta mean something.”</p><p>“I suppose you’re right. I’m.. not an expert on this topic.”</p><p>Patton took his hand. “But you are, though. You literally go on forums all the time to help people with things like that.”</p><p>“Huh… Yeah, that’s true.”</p><p>“Let’s try an experiment. You get yourself into forum-master mode, and I’ll ask you about your situation. Then, you respond like you would to that post.”</p><p>“That… actually sounds like a good idea.”</p><p>“Awesome. Let me get into character.” Patton let go of Logan’s hand and did the warm-up exercise from High School Musical.</p><p>“What are you doing?”</p><p>“The Sharpay and Ryan thing.”</p><p>“I have no idea what that is.”</p><p>Patton’s eyes widened. “Okay, I’m telling Roman to add HSM to the watchlist.” He did the exercise again. “Dear fellow forum users-”</p><p>“That’s not how they talk.”</p><p>“I have started dating my very best friend.” He elbowed Logan playfully. “He has a couple of soulmates, and I don’t have any. I live in a Soulist area and my parents used to be Soulists. I know they at least aren’t as extreme as they used to be, but I don't really know exactly how they feel now. I’m worried they won’t like it if I tell them I’m dating someone with soulmates. Please help.”</p><p>“If you feel there is any way sharing this information will put you in harm's way, I would recommend keeping it a secret until you have a proper support network. If not, you should talk to them about it. As long as it is safe, it is almost always best to know rather than worrying about what ifs.”</p><p>“Well, very helpful forum person.” Patton wrapped an arm around his waist as they walked. “I don’t have any reason to think saying something will put me in danger. Even if things did go wrong, I know that my boyfriend will do everything he can to help me, because he really wants me to be happy. He’ll support me no matter what.”</p><p>Logan chuckled. “Okay then. I’ll try to tell them soon.”</p><p>“Oh, are we dropping the bit?”</p><p>“Yeah, I think I got it… Do you really mean that, though?”</p><p>“What? That I’ll support you? Of course!”</p><p>“Thanks. That… That means a lot.”</p><p>Virgil - Friday, September 20, 1:00 PM</p><p>Given the complete failure that was the past couple of weeks,  Virgil reluctantly came to the conclusion that trying to be mean to Roman simply wasn’t going to work. For starters, Roman obviously saw through it by now. It also just made Virgil feel bad. It wasn’t like not being mean meant they were friends. He could easily continue to keep his distance.</p><p>As much as Virgil had dreaded working with Roman during Free Period, it actually wasn’t so bad once they got started. It was certainly a lot less stressful than working on the last assignment by himself. Roman’s brother sat near them with his partner. Virgil hadn’t spoken to Remus since that one time in Art, so he wasn’t too worried about that.</p><p>Roman flipped through their packet and groaned. “How did you do this all by yourself? I’m getting a headache just thinking about it.”</p><p>“Who says I didn’t get a headache?” He’d meant it as a joke, but Roman didn’t seem to find it very funny.</p><p>“I’m sorry about that. I just.. I assumed you were just being a jerk.”</p><p>“I <em> was </em>being a jerk. Don’t worry about it.” He flipped through his textbook to find the next answer.</p><p>Once they made it about halfway through, Roman laid his head on the table. “I’ve been defeated. I cannot go on like this much longer!”</p><p>Virgil rolled his eyes and looked up at Remus. “Is he always like this?”</p><p>Remus thought for a second. “Only when other people are around.”</p><p>“Way to play along, bro?” Roman sat back up.</p><p>“To be fair,” Virgil said, “it’s hard to work off you pretending to die of too much chemistry homework.”</p><p>“Okay, there is no way <em> no one </em> has died from that.”</p><p>“If you can find me a case of someone dying from that specifically, I’ll do every group assignment myself for the rest of the semester.”</p><p>Roman gasped dramatically. “I wouldn’t wish such a fate on my worst enemy.”</p><p>“Sounds like you need a better worst enemy… or worse worst enemy.”</p><p>“Ugh, it’s so hot in here,” Remus’s partner said. She pulled her hair back, revealing a beautiful soulmark of waves crashing on a beach on her neck.</p><p>“Woah, that’s so pretty.” Roman said. He leaned forward to get a better look as she blushed.</p><p>“Roman’s is also cool,” Remus said. Roman took that as a cue to roll up his left sleeve, showing off his mark.</p><p>“You’re so lucky,” she said. “I wish mine was in a normal place like that.” </p><p>Virgil’s hand subconsciously moved to touch his own neck. ‘Don’t think about it. Don’t think about it.’ “So, where’s your mark, Remus?”</p><p>“Oh, he doesn’t have one,” Roman quickly corrected him.</p><p>“...What?” ‘That doesn’t make sense. I specifically remember Roman writing about-’ the realization struck him. ‘I’m doing it again. I shouldn’t know this. Why am I acting off information I don’t know. I don’t know this. I can’t do this. I can’t-’ He dug his fingernails into his palms to avoid showing his panic. It seemed to work, seeing as no one else commented on it.</p><p>Roman’s phone pinged. He sneakily checked it from under their desk. “Give me a second. We’ll get back to work once I’m done.” He took out a marker from his bag and started writing on his arm. Virgil realized Patton must’ve told him their soulmate was feeling anxious. Seeing Roman stop what he was doing to try and  comfort him helped him calm a little, although Roman had no way of knowing it was for him.</p><p>Logan - Friday, September 20, 6:48 PM</p><p>Logan had been putting off speaking to his parents since his date with Patton. Sure, he logically knew nothing bad would happen. Even if they were against it, wouldn’t kick him out… At least, he was fairly certain that was the case. It was always possible they could still hold a lot of Soulists values that they have been suppressing for his benefit, and him telling them this would make all of that come out.</p><p>He shook his head. ‘Even if that is the case, the fallout is inevitable. I have nothing to lose by getting it over with.’ He took a deep breath and walked over to them sitting on the couch. “Hello,” he said awkwardly.</p><p>“Yes?” Mom said. He moved to standing in front of them as Dad turned off the TV.</p><p>“I wanted to talk to you both about what I was doing Wednesday.” He took a deep breath. “I was on a date.”</p><p>Both of them sat up straighter. “Truly?” Dad asked. “That’s wonderful, son. Who were you with?”</p><p>“Yeah, why didn’t you tell us?” Mom said.</p><p>“I was with Patton.” Both of their faces fell.</p><p>“But… I thought he had a soulmate?” Mom asked.</p><p>“Yes, that’s correct.” Logan’s heart rate began to increase, along with his desire to get out of there.</p><p>“Then why… Why would he…?”</p><p>“Well, it’s actually not uncommon for people with soulmates to open their relationships up for people without them. Patton’s already talked about it with one of his soulmates. He’s completely okay with it as long as we’re all honest about everything.”</p><p>“What about his other soulmate?” Dad asked.</p><p>“That’s-” Logan stopped himself. ‘I actually hadn’t thought about that before now. According to Patton, their other soulmate has a lot of emotional issues. What will happen when they inevitably meet them and they don’t approve? Or worse, they lie about approving just because they feel as if they have to, thus making their emotional state worse?’ “Patton still hasn’t met them. When he does, we’ll figure out what to do then.”</p><p>Mom and Dad both look at each other before turning back. “Well, we’ll support you with whatever you choose to do,” Mom said. Dad nodded.</p><p>“Okay. Thank you.” Logan hurried to his room and laid down. He didn’t understand why he felt so sad. ‘They said they’ll support me. They didn’t kick me out or yell at me. This went well.’ He thought about the concern and confusion in their eyes. He knew that they only support him because he’s their son. If he were anyone else, they’d probably think something was wrong with him. ‘They probably actually do think something’s wrong with me. They just won’t say it.’</p><p>He pulled out his phone and considered calling Patton. He couldn’t bring himself to push call. Everything just felt wrong. Part of him wished they were just actively against it. At least then it’d be honest. At least then he’d be justified in feeling upset.</p><p>Patton - Saturday, September 21, 9:26 AM</p><p>Patton always felt nervous signing into his support group. Sure, he knew he belonged there and found it helpful, but part of it felt wrong. He wasn’t the one going through his soulmate’s emotional hardships. He was just… hyperaware of them.</p><p>Thankfully, the other members of his group all related to that feeling and told him it was normal. It would take some time, but eventually the feeling of wrongness would fade and he’d feel more comfortable talking to them about these things. For now, he spent most of his time just reading everyone’s posts.</p><p><span class="u"> Abby </span>: I really just wish they would talk to me. I mean, they know I know they’re lying. Why are they even bothering to try and hide it?</p><p><span class="u"> Ron </span>: Easy. You aren’t calling them out. If they think they can get away with it, they’ll try. People don’t like talking about their emotions.</p><p><span class="u"> Abby </span>: Right, but nagging them until they talk about it feels wrong.</p><p><span class="u"> Pauley </span>: Obviously they don’t have to talk about something if it makes them uncomfortable, but it still hurts you. That feeling is valid.</p><p><span class="u"> Ron </span>: Don’t nag. Just make it clear you know how they’re feeling and want to help. That’s really all you can do with some soulmates.</p><p><span class="u"> Pauley </span>: What do you think, Patton?</p><p>Patton smiled. Pauley was probably his favorite of the members he’d interacted with so far. They always went out of their way to make sure Patton didn’t feel left out for being the newest member.</p><p><span class="u"> Patton </span>: I agree, but I’ve never really had any problems with that with Roman. Once I ask him about it, he’s pretty honest.</p><p><span class="u"> Abby </span>: That’s good! Still, you don’t know how your other soulmate will be when you meet them.</p><p>For the first time, Patton considered telling them about the issues he was having with his other soulmate. Ron, the head moderator, already knew, but that was it. It was hard to bring up since there was no real solution. Nothing would really be gained by bringing it up, but…</p><p><span class="u"> Patton </span>: I know they have something bad going on in their life right now. They’ve always had bad episodes of panic and sadness, but it’s just been getting worse. A couple weeks ago, it suddenly got real bad and they have episodes every couple days. They feel so lonely and I just want to help. I’m worried that, even when we do meet, they’re not gonna trust me enough to let me help like I want to.</p><p><span class="u"> Pauley </span>: Can you tell me exactly how they’ve been feeling recently in episodes?</p><p><span class="u"> Patton </span>: I don’t really know how to describe it. There’s a deep feeling of loss, and a lot of sadness and panic.</p><p>Pauley took a while to type out their response.</p><p><span class="u"> Pauley </span>: Before I first met my soulmate Jared, I think I felt that at one point. The next day was when we first met. I found out he felt a weird connection to me in class the day before and something told him I was his soulmate. He said he was scared so he didn’t try to talk to me. He didn’t know about attachment withdrawal and had an episode that night. Is it possible your soulmate has met you and now has attachment withdrawal?</p><p>Right as Patton finished reading, the message was deleted and Ron was typing. ‘I might know them already? But who would it be? What would that mean?’</p><p><span class="u"> Ron </span>: Pauley, we can’t let you lead other members like that. You are making an assumption about the situation. We do not know what Patton’s soulmate’s situation is and jumping to conclusions could lead to disastrous consequences. Patton, I’m sorry about all of that. I’m sure everything will be okay in the end. I wish you and your soulmates well.</p><p>‘What if they go to school with us? Should I tell Roman about this? No, if I’m wrong I don’t want to get his  hopes up. Why would they not say anything if they know who we are? They have our numbers and everything.’</p><p>He shook his head. ‘I’m not getting anywhere thinking about that right now. Ron’s waiting for me to respond.’</p><p><span class="u"> Patton </span>: Thank you! I just can’t wait to be able to help them.</p><p>Roman - Sunday, September 22, 4:00 PM</p><p>Roman was very excited for the first proper movie night (last week hardly counted). Tonight, they were meeting later, Remus was there, and no one had any absurd claims that would make everyone uncomfortable throughout the entire movie. As soon as Logan arrived, everyone sat down besides Roman, who was holding a DVD behind his back.</p><p>“Whatcha pick, Ro?” Patton asked. They’d decided it would be easier to just have everyone take turns picking the movie.</p><p>“Well, as much as I would love to take this opportunity to watch a Disney classic, I recently learned that <em> someone </em>has yet to see a movie musical masterpiece.”</p><p>“I appreciate the alliteration,” Logan said.</p><p>“Now, for the grand reveal!” He showed them the DVD.</p><p>Remus clapped. “Yes!”</p><p>“<em> Little Shop of Horrors </em>,” Logan said. “I’ve never seen it but I’ve heard of it. It’s known for changing the ending of the stage production quite dramatically.”</p><p>“Really?” Patton asked. “What happened?”</p><p>“Let’s start watching!” Roman put the CD in. When Patton wasn’t looking, he made eye contact with Logan and put a figure to his lips. As much as he loved the stage version, he knew Patton wouldn’t appreciate the “plants take over and kill everyone” ending</p><p>Things started out perfect. Logan and Patton seemed invested and Roman and Remus got to sing along to the amazing songs. Remus was, as always, very active in his enjoyment of the movie, dancing along whenever he got super excited. The excitement spread to the rest of them.</p><p>“The guy sure looks like plant food to me!” Roman and Remus sang together. Patton, who thinking about it should be upset about the discussion of murder, just seemed happy to see the two of them so into the movie. “You need blood and he’s got more than enough!” At that line, Remus dramatically flung his arms out, knocking Logan off the bed.</p><p>“Oh, shoot-” Roman quickly paused as Patton got up to make sure Logan was okay.</p><p>“It’s quite alright. I merely landed on my ankle in an odd way. It should be fine in a short while.” Patton helped Logan up and sat down between him and Remus as Remus apologized. Roman smiled. ‘They’re actually quite cute together.’</p><p>The rest of the night went well. Remus didn’t accidentally cause any more injuries and Patton was sufficiently fooled by the movie’s fake happy ending. “That was fun!” Patton said. “I can’t wait til next week. Who’s picking?”</p><p>“Remus can pick.” Logan said, standing with minimal pressure on his left ankle. “He missed the first week, so it’s only fair.”</p><p>“OHHH!” Remus said. “I’m gonna have lots of fun with that.” He laid down on his bed.</p><p>“Here, I’ll walk down with you guys.” Roman opened the door for them.</p><p>“We should take the elevator this time,” Patton said, supporting Logan’s left side despite him claiming it wasn’t necessary.</p><p>“Okay, but fair warning: this elevator is the worst of all time.” He pressed the button before leaning against the wall.</p><p>“Now, do it now!” All three look in the direction of the dorm.</p><p>“What’s Remus singing?” Patton asked.</p><p>“Oh, it’s a song cut from the movie. It’s his favorite, so he’s bitter about it.” Roman heard the elevator open behind him and turned to walk in without looking. </p><p>Time seemingly slowed down and he heard someone scream “Look out!” He stopped himself just before taking that step forward. Someone pulled him away as more people spoke. ‘The elevator’s not there. What happened? I almost…’</p><p>“Are you okay?” Logan asked. He must’ve been the one to pull him back, because his hands were still on his shoulders.</p><p>“Yeah… Yeah, I’m… Patton… Our soulmate… Savior…” Roman’s brain was still struggling to process what just happened. ‘I almost fell down an elevator shaft. I almost died.’ He looked over at Patton, who was now panting.</p><p>Logan looked between the two of them before taking Patton’s hand. “Try to breathe, okay? 4 in, hold 7, 8 out.”</p><p>“Something’s… Something’s wrong, Roman…” Patton said as tears filled his eyes. “They’re terrified. Like, about-to-die terrified.”</p><p>Virgil - Sunday, September 22, 6:12 PM</p><p>‘What did I do? Why did I do that?’ One second, he was helping Mom clean in the living room and the next he saw something and his soulmate was about to fall and he had to help him and-</p><p>Someone was yelling, but Virgil couldn’t tell who. His chest hurt as he tried to force Oxygen to reach his lungs. He wasn’t in reality anymore. Reality hurt. He had to get out.</p><p>Someone grabbed his arm and he screamed. He couldn’t help it. He was just scared and didn’t know what to do. He couldn't be here. He vaguely understood he was in  pain but had no idea what caused it. He was just scared and didn’t know what to do. There was more yelling. Was Dee saying something? When did he get there?</p><p>Something happened and now Virgil was in his room. The door slammed behind him. Dad was in there with him, still grabbing his arm. ‘No no no no no no no no no no’ He didn’t know what was happening. He was just in more and more pain and he couldn’t stop it. He tried to scream but something muffled it. Was there something in his mouth? When did it get there? What’s happening?</p><p>Virgil wasn’t sure how or when but at some point it was over. He found himself curled up in the corner of his room crying. He couldn’t stop and air still wasn’t getting to his lungs right.</p><p>‘Why did I do that? I don’t have soulmates. I did that and I don’t have soulmates. I’ve been good for so long. Why did I do that? No no I haven’t been good. I’ve been reading Roman’s messages. I’m not supposed to do that. Why did I do that? That was bad and I did it. They’re trying to help. Mom and Dad are trying to help. I’m bad. Why did I do that?’</p><p>He heard his door open. ‘Is that Dad? Why is he back? What’s going on?’ Virgil couldn’t bring himself to look up as the person walked closer.</p><p>“Virgil?” he asked. ‘Dee?’ “Can you look at me?”</p><p>“I… I’m sorry. I… I didn’t…”</p><p>“Virgil, I need you to look at me, okay?” Virgil didn’t move. “I’m gonna touch you, okay?” Still no response. “Okay. Here we go.” Dee picked him up.</p><p>“I’m sorry…” Virgil mumbled into his chest.</p><p>“I am, too.” Dee walked out of the room. “Let’s get you somewhere safe.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I somehow managed to do it, guys. I fought through my anxiety and depression and managed to get this chapter out not too long after the last one. I hope you guys liked it. If you have any questions, please feel free to leave a comment or go to my Tumblr: https://nerdywriterhaven.tumblr.com/<br/>The Logan section was heavily inspired by my experience coming out to my family. They aren't outwardly against me being bi, but they still say homophobic things, such as saying gay people have a certain look and showing disgust at gay representation in media. A clear example that sticks out to me is this one time I was telling my about how Brooklyn 99 is one of the only sitcoms I like and she responded 'you only like it because that one guy is gay.' I really wasn't that bad compared to other things, but... the implications behind that boggle my mind and I hate.<br/>That aside, despite my bad mental health at the moment, I had fun writing this chapter and hope you had fun reading it.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Love and Care</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW: Child abuse, aftermath of physical abuse, panic attacks, trauma, victim sympathizes with abuser, negative self talk, mild swearing<br/>Other Warnings: This chapter contains spoilers for the newest Sander Sides episode<br/>Update 7/30: Fixed some small things.<br/>Updated 8/16: I've now written a delete scene that takes place before and a little bit during this chapter. Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25945954</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Virgil - Sunday, September 22, 11:53 PM</p><p>It was always terrifying to wake up not remembering ever going to sleep. It was ever more frightening for Virgil to wake up on an unfamiliar couch and hear a voice he didn’t recognize yelling. “What exactly is your plan here?” the person said.</p><p>“I’m going home to pick up some of Virgil’s things from our house and come back,” Dee(?) said. Despite his terror, Virgil attempted not to give them any sign he’d woken up. ‘Where am I? What happened?’</p><p>“You can’t just drop your traumatized brother off at my house and leave. What if he wakes up and you aren’t here? Are you thinking ahead at all? What do you think your parents are gonna do when they wake up to both their kids suddenly gone? Pure intentions or not, this is kidnapping.”</p><p>“No. This is harboring an abuse victim for their own safety.”</p><p>“Are we sure that’s how the police are going to see it? What if you get charged with kidnapping at the same time your parents are charged with child abuse?  Then, Virgil won’t have any legal adults left to turn to. Want to know the best way to make sure that doesn’t happen?”</p><p>“Em, please-”</p><p>“Pull out your phone, dial 911, and tell them ‘Hey, my parents have been emotional and physically abusing my brother since he was born. Please send your nearest officers to get their butts in jail.’”</p><p>“It’s not that simple. I have a plan, okay? I’m going to pick up some clothes for Virgil, as well as try to find his phone, tell Mom and Dad I want to borrow Virgil before and after school for a college project knowing they always listen to me, and improvise from there. We won’t call the police until Virgil is ready for us to do so.”</p><p>“Until… You realize this is a form of victim blaming, right?”</p><p>“In what way is giving Virgil some agency here victim blaming?”</p><p>“You are literally demanding Virgil see through more than a decade of constant brainwashing from the people he trusts more than anyone before he’s able to get proper help.”</p><p>“That’s not… Fine, go ahead and think that. I’ll be back soon.” Virgil could hear Dee’s heavy footsteps as he stormed out of wherever the hell they were.</p><p>“Jan… Janus!” ‘Wait, who’s-’ The door slammed, causing Virgil to flinch. “Oh! Sorry, kid.” It took Virgil a second to realize the stranger was now speaking to him. He sat up. The action hurt a little, but nothing he couldn’t manage. The man joined him on the couch. “My name’s Emile. I’m a friend of your brother’s from college. We’re in a psychology class together. This is my apartment. Dee’s gonna be back soon.”</p><p>“You…” Virgil grabbed his head as his brain tried to catch up to what’s going on. “You called him Janus?”</p><p>“Dang it.” He sighed. “Yeah. He prefers that name, actually. There’s a lot you don’t know about your brother, but I’m sure he’ll tell you when he’s ready.” Emile got up. “I’ll get you some water and food, okay. Jan said you didn’t get dinner, so that plus dehydration might be giving you a headache. If your head still hurts later, I’ll give you something for it.”</p><p>“Why.. Why am I here? I don’t even remember leaving my room.”</p><p>“How much do you remember?”</p><p>“I-” <em> Soulmate in danger. Panic. Pain. Crying. </em> “I know what happened, I just.. I don’t know why I’m here.”</p><p>Emile put something in the microwave and came back over with some water. “Your father hurt you. Jan didn’t think you were safe there, so he took you here for now.” Virgil went to take a sip and noticed he wasn’t wearing his jacket. Something was written on his arm, but it looked smeared. ‘What? Where’s my jacket? Why aren’t I wearing it? Did Emile see something?’ “Sorry, but we had to take the jacket to check you over for injuries. There was a message from one of your soulmates. I guess they fell asleep or something and the ink got all messed up. I wrote it down for you in case you want to read it and he cleaned off the message before you could.” Virgil's breathing started to pick up. “You aren’t going to get in trouble, okay?”</p><p>After a few seconds, Virgil managed to make himself nod and take a sip of water. “Why didn’t Dee… Janus think I was safe?”</p><p>“Um… You are covered in bruises right now. Nothing that serious or anything but… you were hurt there. That’s not a safe place to be.”</p><p>“He… I was doing something wrong. I know I’m not supposed to do it but I did. And… I’ve been reading Roman’s messages for a while now. I…”</p><p>“... Virgil, I’m going to ask you a question and I want you to think about it before answering. If a friend of yours told you their parent beat them because they broke a rule, would you tell them they deserve it?”</p><p>“I…” He imagined Logan coming to school with a black eye. Logan plainly saying his Dad punched him because he didn’t do all his chores. ‘No, no. This is different. Logan is good. He does what he’s supposed to do. He’s independent and helpful. He’s nice and good and I’m not. I messed up. I broke the rules over and over and over again because I’m weak and I can’t help myself. I need their help. I need them. I-’</p><p>“Virgil,” Emile said. “Can I touch you?” Virgil shook his head. “Okay. Can you look at me?” He could manage that. “Good. Now, copy what I do.” He put his arms straight out in front of him, palms facing out. Then, he put one hand over the other at the wrists and interlaced his fingers. Lastly, he swung his hands and arms toward his body and placed his interlocked hands on his chest. Virgil copied him. The microwave went off. “Good job. Do you know the 4-7-8 breathing technique?” He nodded. “Good. Do that while I get your food.”</p><p>The position comforted Virgil in a way he wasn’t expecting. ‘Is this supposed to simulate a hug or something? ...Wow, that’s sad.’ By the time Emile came back with food (soup), Virgil was already feeling a lot better. “Thank you.”</p><p>“No need. I shouldn’t have tried to confront you like that. I’m studying to become a therapist, but I’ve still got a long way to go.”</p><p>Virgil ate a few spoonfuls of soup. “Well, you don’t need to help me, so you’re doing pretty.”</p><p>Emile smiled. “Thank you.” He grabbed the remote for his TV. “Now, how do you feel about watching Avatar: The Last Airbender while you eat before you go back to bed?”</p><p>“I don’t know. I’ve never seen it.”</p><p>His mouth flew open. “Okay, you no longer have any say in the matter. We’re doing this.”</p><p>Roman - Monday, September 23, 6:06 AM</p><p>Roman had thought his first sleepover with Patton would be fun. They’d play board games, watch movies, and stay up until 4 am talking about random things that don’t matter. He’d never expected it would’ve been him hugging Patton until he cried himself to sleep, and yet that was the case.</p><p>
  <em> It would be hard to describe the chaos that took place after Patton broke down by the elevator shaft. Someone called maintenance (probably Logan), but that was all Roman knew for certain. Roman and Patton just huddled against the wall with each other as Logan explained what happened to the adults when they showed up. Logan also talked to both his and Patton’s parents about what was going and why they didn’t make it to the car immediately. Roman had never been more thankful to have Logan around. Despite the chaos, he pulled through and gave the two of them space to process everything. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Patton tried to convince his moms to let him sleep at Roman’s dorm that night, but given that was against the rules, Roman went over to his place instead. After discussing it with Remus, of course, who was furious that Roman almost got hurt because an elevator couldn’t do its job. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Just before getting into bed, Roman wrote a message to their hurting soulmate. “If you are at all physically able to respond to us, please do. You can ask us not to respond to you and we’ll respect that. Both of us are really worried about you. In case you didn’t get our message the first time, here are our phone numbers: </em>
</p><p>
  <em> 457-983-4604 </em>
</p><p>
  <em> 845-364-2139” </em>
</p><p>When Roman woke up, he looked over at the clock and groaned. ‘Of course I’d manage to wake up 2 hours too-’ When he rolled back over, he saw Patton staring at the ceiling. “Hey,” Roman said. “How long have you been awake?”</p><p>“Not long. I’m just thinking.”</p><p>Roman took his hand. “What are you thinking about?”</p><p>“Our soulmate didn’t respond.”</p><p>Roman looked at his arm and the messed up message. ‘Stupid. I should’ve thought of that.’ “Do you want me to try again?”</p><p>“No… They’re fine right now. The emotions are weak, so they’re probably sleeping.” He turned on his side to face Roman. “How are you?”</p><p>“You know how I’m feeling. I’m more worried about you.”</p><p>“I’m… I’m okay, I think. You’re okay, and our soulmate is more okay than they were last night. I’m alright if you’re alright.”</p><p>“Right, but I still think we should talk about it.”</p><p>Patton sighed. “I know. I’m gonna talk to my support group later.” He wrapped his arms around Roman, resting his head on his chest. “Is there… I know you were scared and stuff, but… did you learn anything about them when you heard them? Did they say anything important?”</p><p>He thought for a moment. “No, they just told me to watch out. I didn’t really get anything out of it”</p><p>“Oh… okay. Thank you.”</p><p>Roman hugged him tighter. ‘I need to do something to fix this. It isn’t just hurting them. It’s hurting Patton too. There’s gotta be something. This can’t happen again.’ “Do you know if I have to actually be in danger to make the Savior thing happen?”</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>“What if I write to them saying I’m gonna do something to trigger their ability. When it happens, they tell me their name so we can find them.”</p><p>“No!” Patton sat up. “Are you serious? We can’t… No! What if you get hurt? What if they don’t read the message and get scared for you? I mean, they freaked out after you almost fell last night. I think that’s what triggered what happened last night. I’m not gonna risk you getting hurt just to hurt them again, too.”</p><p>Roman sat up as well. “Right. I was being stupid. That.. I just want to help.”</p><p>Patton hugged him. “I know, but… I’m not just worried about them, you know? I’m worried about you. I want you to be okay and happy.”</p><p>Roman hugged back. “Fate brought us together, right? Everything will be okay.”</p><p>Patton - Monday, September 23, 7:56 AM</p><p>Patton laid his head on his desk the second he sat down for school. Part of him regretted going at all. There was little possibility of him being productive and he had friends in every class. Still, he didn’t want to worry Roman by not coming. The worse Roman felt, the worse he felt.</p><p>Once class started, he pulled out his notes but didn’t write anything down. It was hard to focus. Every word went in one ear and out the other. He just wanted to go home and lay now. None of this really felt real. He focused on his soulmates’ feelings. Roman was excited, which made sense with him being in Drama. The other one’s still felt weak. ‘They must still be asleep.’ The idea that they could be hurt so much they couldn’t go to school the next day made Patton’s heart ache. He couldn’t know for sure that they were hurt, since pain isn’t an emotion, but the increasing amount of fear and helplessness followed by guilt? It made sense. ‘Plus, it happened after they used their Savior ability. If Pauley was right and they’ve been in Attachment Withdrawal, someone had to be forcing them to not meet us. What if that person also didn’t want them using the Savior ability?’ He couldn’t let himself think about it. It hurt too much.</p><p>Someone knocked on his desk. He looked up to see Ms. Bannados. Everyone else was working on… something. “Hey. Can I talk to you outside for a minute?” She asked, smiling. He nodded and they left the classroom. “I got an email from your mom this morning. She said you had a rough night and might need to go home.”</p><p>“I’m okay. I’m just a little tired.”</p><p>“Well, how about this? There are beds in the nurse’s office. You can tell them you’re not feeling well and lay down in there for the rest of the period. If you’re still not feeling up to school, call your parents. You can come back and pick up the work we did today later.”</p><p>“But… I’m not sick.”</p><p>“Not physically, but if you need a mental break, you should take it. They’ll let you listen to music.”</p><p>Part of him wanted to protest, but it made sense. Him being there didn’t accomplish much. “Okay. Thank you.” She smiled and went back inside to grab his things. He made his way to the nurse’s office and, just as she said, they let him go back and lay down without question. He fell asleep almost instantly.</p><p>The nurse woke him up when the bell rang for the passing period. Despite not feeling as tired, part of him died at the thought of going to his next class. He took out his phone to call one of his moms and saw a text from an unknown number.</p><p>848-990-2394 9:03 AM: Your soulmate is fine. He’s going to spend today resting and then he should be okay. This isn’t his phone and I didn’t get his permission to send this. I just thought you deserved to know since I don’t think he’s planning to talk to you two yet. Don’t hold that against him. He’s going through a lot right now. Please don’t respond to this. I won’t talk to you again unless he says I can. Thank you for caring about him.</p><p>All feelings of dread and worry faded, replaced with pure glee. ‘He’s okay! Oh my god, I know his gender now! He has someone that’s helping him and-’ Roman called him and he answered immediately. “Roman! Did you see?”</p><p>“Yes. It’s so good to know that our Prince is okay.”</p><p>“Where are you? I wanna give you a hug!”</p><p>“Meet me by the field.” </p><p>Patton hung up and ran over there. They wrapped their arms around each other as they laughed and cried. ‘He’s okay!’</p><p>Logan - Monday, September 23, 12:15 PM</p><p>Logan called Virgil the second he left the history classroom. Maybe it was over dramatic - there were lots of reasons to not come to school one day - but he couldn’t stop himself. He had to make sure he was okay.</p><p>He tried not to panic when it went straight to voicemail. ‘Phones die. He might be sleeping. This is fine.' He debated calling Virgil’s brother. Sure, he gave it to Logan so he could call if anything happened at school and that wasn’t the current situation, but...  He called.</p><p>“Hello?” he said.</p><p>“Hi. This is Logan. I’m-”</p><p>“Virgil’s friend. I remember you. Do you need something? I am at work right now, but my boss allows occasional personal calls and such.”</p><p>“Oh, my apologies. I’ll be quick. I just want to know if Virgil is okay. He isn’t at school and didn’t answer his phone.”</p><p>“I’d call you out for that codependent bullshit, pardon my language, but it’s understandable given Virgil’s… entire life. He’s fine.”</p><p>Logan gave him a second to elaborate before realizing he was done. “That’s good to hear. I can collect his assignments for the day if you wish.”</p><p>“That’d be great, actually. I don’t get off for a bit, but I can get it from your house once I’m out.”</p><p>“Okay. I can do that.” They both said goodbye and hung up. Logan walked over to the normal lunch meeting place. He saw Roman and Patton leaning against each other and Remus doodling with his tongue sticking out.</p><p>“Good afternoon, everyone,” Logan said as he approached them.</p><p>“Oh!” Patton untangled himself from Roman and got up. He pulled something up on his phone and handed it to Logan. It was a text from an unknown number. He read it.</p><p>“It’s good to know that your soulmate is safe.” He handed the phone back.</p><p>Patton hugged him. ‘I know! I mean, I wish I could actually talk to him, but this is good, too.”</p><p>As much as he would love to hear more about this, Logan knew lunch would be the best time to collect things for Virgil. “I’m sorry to change the subject so suddenly, but you had health with Virgil this morning, correct?”</p><p>“Yeah, why?”</p><p>“I just spoke with his brother. He had to stay home today, so he asked me to collect whatever he needs for him.”</p><p>“Virgil wasn’t-” Patton cut himself off, deep in thought about something.</p><p>Before Logan could ask what was wrong, Remus said, “I have art with him next, but we’re probably just gonna keep working on the same project. I’ll text you if anything else happens.”</p><p>“Thank you. That would be very helpful.”</p><p>“Roman,” Patton said, “is it okay if I walk with Logan to Health?”</p><p>“I appreciate the enthusiasm, Pat, but you don’t need to get my okay every single time to hang out with Logan.” Logan held back a laugh. It was cute how keen Patton was on making sure everyone in their relationship was okay with everything.</p><p>“I don’t do it every time. I just don’t wanna ditch you.”</p><p>“Ditch away.”</p><p>Patton bent down to give him a hug before taking Logan’s hand. “Let’s go!” </p><p>“How are you feeling after last night?” Logan asked as they walked.</p><p>“A lot better now that I know everyone’s okay. Is everything good with you? Did you talk to your parents yet?” It took Logan a second to realize he was gripping Patton's hand tighter. “It’s okay if you haven’t. I don’t wanna pressure you or anything.”</p><p>“I, um.. I did talk to them. They said they supported me.”</p><p>“You don’t sound as happy about that as I thought you would. Anything you’re not saying?”</p><p>‘I guess his Empath ability goes beyond his soulmates.’ “They said that but… I don’t think they actually meant it.”</p><p>Patton pulled him into a hug. “I’m sorry. I’m sure they'll actually come around at some point. If not, I’m not gonna leave you. ‘Kay?”</p><p>Logan hugged him back. “Okay.”</p><p>Roman - Monday, September 23, 1:23  PM</p><p>In a strange way, Roman really liked Mondays. He had both Drama and English, his two most social classes. Drama because, well, that’s how drama is, and English because the teacher always gave them way too much time for independent work.</p><p>While Roman would normally spend that time chatting with Logan, his friend didn’t seem all that into it today. “Hey. You doin’ alright?” Roman asked him.</p><p>“Yes, I’m okay. I’m just thinking about things.” Logan didn’t make eye contact as he spoke, instead staring at his desk.</p><p>‘Did something happen with Patton?’ “Listen, I don’t know how good you think you are at hiding your emotions, but you aren’t great. Tell me what’s going on or I’m calling Patton. You know he’s never gonna let it go.”</p><p>“No, don’t get him involved. It involves you more, anyway.” Logan took a deep breath. “What will happen when the two of you meet your other soulmate?”</p><p>Roman tilted his head. “We’ll help him out in any way he needs and give him lots of hugs?”</p><p>“No, I mean…. With Patton and me. I… He’s already going to be behind on bonding with the two of you, and according to Patton he’s constantly experiencing emotional distress. The last thing I would want is to make him feel further left out.”</p><p>“That’s not… Logan, you’re a part of this group, okay? I don’t know how Patton feels about it, but you’re not going to just get tossed aside the second he shows up. If he is against the idea of you being with Patton, then we’ll talk about it.”</p><p>Logan nodded. “Thank you. I should talk to Patton.”</p><p>The rest of the period went by smoothly. Afterwards, he said goodbye to Logan and went to meet Patton at his dorm. He shivered when he saw the caution tape on the Elevator but didn’t allow himself to think about it for long. Patton arrived at the room shortly after he did.</p><p>They started off watching The Good Place together. The plan was to just relax, but Roman knew it wouldn’t last. Still, he expected to at least get through an entire episode before things got serious. Nevertheless, about 15 minutes in, Patton asked, “What did our soulmate sound like last night?”</p><p>Roman paused the show and thought for a moment. “He sounded urgent, but I didn’t really get anything else from it. I just… heard something in my head that wasn’t me. It didn't even sound masculine or feminine or anything.”</p><p>“Okay… So nothing that could help us find him?”</p><p>Roman wrapped an arm around him. “We’ll find him when it’s time. I don’t think there’s anything else we can do right now.”</p><p>Patton nodded and leaned into him. “I don’t… I don’t think I can focus on this right now.”</p><p>“That’s alright. What do you want to do, then?”</p><p>“I… I wanna know what to do when we do meet him. I wanna know how to calm him down, make him feel loved. I wanna help him.”</p><p>Roman let go of him and exited out of Netflix on his laptop. He opened up Google. “Where should we start?”</p><p>Logan - Monday, September 23, 4:02  PM</p><p>Dee 3:55 PM: Wait for me outside your house. I’ll be there in a few minutes.</p><p>Logan had texted him his address a while ago along with all the digital work and was now patiently waiting for the man. He thought a lot about what he was going to say. This was someone who lived with Virgil but seemed at least semi-invested in Virgil’s well being. They were meeting away from the likely-toxic environment of his home. This was the perfect opportunity to ask him some questions. The tricky part was figuring out which ones to ask. Direct questions could scare him off, but anything vague would be too easy to dance around.</p><p>Dee arrived before he could come up with a solid plan. He got out of his car and walked over. “Hello, Logan.” he said. “Are you doing well?”</p><p>“I am fine, thank you.” Logan handed him the stack of papers.</p><p>“Thank you very much.” He turned around and started going back to his car.</p><p>‘Wait, he’s just leaving? No, I can’t let him do that. I need to ask him about Virgil. This is the perfect time to do so.’ “Do your parents abuse Virgil?” Dee stopped dead in his tracks. Logan wanted to slap himself. ‘Really, that is the question you went with? The one most likely to end with him never speaking to you again?’</p><p>“Define abuse.” Dee’s voice was soft and uncertain.</p><p>“Physical maltreatment. Aggressive language that is usually said unjustly, intemperately, and angrily.”</p><p>Dee turned around and walked back over to him, obviously angry. “Don’t just spout the dictionary at me. Tell me what it means to you. When you say my Mom and Dad are abusing Virgil, I want to know exactly what you are accusing them of.”</p><p>“Neglect. Verbal abuse. Emotional abuse. Corporal punishment.” A realization struck him. ’His parents both talk openly against people with soulmates online. Virgil always wears a jacket even when it’s hot. Anxiety and dissociation are both common symptoms of… of…’ “Force him to lie about his soul status.”</p><p>Much to Logan’s surprise, Dee started laughing. “Wow. Just… wow. How long have you known Virgil? A couple weeks.” He laughed harder. “I lived in the same house with him for years and I didn’t figure out any of that. I mean, I knew it was happening, but did I think it was wrong? <em> Noooo </em> . Of course not. I just thought, ‘yeah, people with soulmates <em> are </em>lesser than us and need us to teach them how to be stronger so they can function. Guess all this is normal.’ I had to go to college and take a psychology class before the thought even occurred to me that maybe, just maybe, what they were doing was wrong. I really am the worst brother in the world, aren’t I?”</p><p>“Dee,” Logan tried to cut off his rambling. “Where is Virgil right now? Is he safe?”</p><p>He took a deep breath and it was almost scary to watch him go from downright hysterical to calm. “Yes, he’s alright. He’s at my friend’s apartment right now. You don’t have to worry about him. I think he’ll be back at school tomorrow.”</p><p>“Do the police know?”</p><p>“They’ll know when Virgil is ready for them to know.”</p><p>“But-”</p><p>“Save me the lecture. I’ve already gotten it from my friend. Virgil is safe. That’s all that matters.”</p><p>Logan pinched the bridge of his nose. While having his suspicions confirmed was good (all new information was good), it was a lot to take in. “So, Virgil is alright? His parents can’t get to him?”</p><p>“I will never let them hurt him again. Trust me on that.”</p><p>Logan nodded. “Okay. As long as he’s safe.”</p><p>Virgil - Monday, September 23, 4:43 PM</p><p>Virgil’s day had been different, to say the least. He was allowed to wake up past noon without consequence and could more or less do whatever he pleased. In fact, Emile refused to let him help with dishes. “You are my guest,” he’d said. “Your only jobs are to watch TV and do school work if you have to.” Emile took most of his classes online, so he didn’t have to leave at any point.</p><p>In order to make up for not doing any work the previous day and missing school today, Virgil decided he should only be allowed one episode per every 30 minutes he spent working. Once Dee - no, <em>Janus</em> - came back with today’s class work, he upped it to 40. Emile hated that plan, but Virgil saw it as necessary. Each assignment took twice as long as it should have because he had trouble concentrating. The unfamiliar environment left him on edge. His body also still felt sore. He had to sit in a very specific way to feel comfortable. </p><p>“Alright, times up!” Emile took Virgil’s textbook and turned on the TV. Virgil suppressed a smirk as he leaned back into the couch. “This one’s one of my favorite Avatar episodes.”</p><p>Virgil found it odd that someone his brother’s age would be this into a kids' show, but he had to admit he was enjoying it. It was funny, the plot was engaging, and the animation was very well done. As the episode went on, he could understand why Emile liked it so much. It gave a lot of backstory to both the hero and the antagonist. It was oddly complex for a Nickelodeon show.</p><p>The show cut to a council meeting as Emile stared at him, as if waiting for a reaction. Virgil didn’t understand why until later, when the antagonist got publicly humiliated and scarred in front of a huge crowd of people. Virgil sat up and gripped the armrest harder.</p><p>Emile paused the TV. “Are you okay?”</p><p>“Yeah, it’s just… that was really mean.”</p><p>“So you don’t think Zuko deserved that?”</p><p>“What? Of course not. He was trying to stop them from sending a bunch of people to die and now he’s got this huge scar on his face.”</p><p>“But he was told not to talk during the meeting. If this is the correct punishment, then-”</p><p>“Sure, it’s against the rules, but he was trying to save people. That’s gotta mean something.”</p><p>“So you think it’s okay to break the rules if it means saving someone?”</p><p>“Well, yeah. Why are you even asking me this? It’s obviously-” Then it hit him. “No.”</p><p>Emile tilted his head. “No?”</p><p>“This has nothing to do with me. We’re supposed to be watching a show .I’m not letting you turn this into a therapy session.”</p><p>“Why did you think I was talking about you if it doesn’t relate to your situation at all?”</p><p>“Because that’s what you did last night!”</p><p>Janus walked over to them. “What’s going on-?”</p><p>“When am I going home?” Virgil asked him.</p><p>“... Are you wanting to go home?”</p><p>“Of course I am! I’ve been at a stranger’s house all day and Mom and Dad are worried and I don’t want to get in trouble and Emile keeps trying to make me turn on them. I’m fine now. They aren’t gonna hurt me again if I’m good. Just take me back.”</p><p>Janus sighed. “I already told them you aren’t coming back for a bit.”</p><p>“What did you tell them?”</p><p>“I’m curious, too,” Emile said. “You haven’t told me any of your gameplan here.”</p><p>“I told them that you will be staying with a friend of mine for a bit... and also happened to mention that any kidnapping investigation the Police launch will end with them discovering you have a soulmark.”</p><p>“What? That’s not a plan!” Emile said.</p><p>‘They know I’m hiding from them. I’m avoiding punishment. I can’t go back. Dee won’t let me go back. I need them. I’m bad and I need them. I need to get stronger and better. I need their help. I can’t go to them. Dee won’t let me. He’s gonna tell the police. He’ll get them in trouble. That’s not fair. They’re helping me. They-’</p><p>Someone touched Virgil’s shoulder. ‘DANGER.’ He swung his limbs wildly to get this person away. The next thing he knew, he fell onto the ground. The jolt of pain brought him back to reality. Janus was standing over him, grabbing his nose as Emile tried to get him to step back.</p><p>“You can’t just touch someone when they’re having a panic attack,” Emile said.</p><p>“He hit me!”</p><p>“Good.” He lightly pushed Dee aside and knelt in front of Virgil, who’s vision couldn’t focus right. “Do you know of the 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 grounding technique?” He nodded. ‘Logan…’ “Okay. I’m still gonna walk you through it.” They did the exercise together. “Do you wanna go to sleep?” Not entirely present, Virgil nodded. Emile helped him back onto the couch. He curled up and fell asleep instantly, too exhausted to even think.</p><p>Patton - Monday, September 23, 5:23 PM</p><p>When Patton felt a sudden rush of fear and anger from his soulmate, he knew something was going wrong. “Roman, I…” He couldn’t finish the sentence. ‘Please be okay. Please be okay. Please be okay. Please be okay. Please be okay. Please be okay.’</p><p>Roman put an arm around his shoulder. “It’s okay. We’re doing everything we can right now.”</p><p>Patton gasped as the mix of emotions turned into pure panic. “I can’t…. I can’t keep doing this. He’s not okay. I need to help him. Please.” He burst into tears.</p><p>Roman pulled him against his chest, resting his chin on his head. “It’s gonna be okay, Pat.”</p><p>“He needs me and I can’t do anything. I hate this. I’m so useless. What’s the point of me knowing he needs me if I can’t even do anything?”</p><p>“Patton, you… You’re not useless. Not at all. I love having you around. You make my day better just by existing. You care so much. You encourage me to be better. You make sure Logan and I are both okay. I couldn’t ask for a better boyfriend.” Even as their soulmate’s panic faded, Patton couldn’t stop crying. “You’re his soulmate for a reason. You know why that is?” He shook his head. “You’re gonna take care of him like nobody else could dream of. You’re gonna know the second he needs a hug and give him twenty because you can’t help going above and beyond like that. You’re gonna be with him and love him so much.”</p><p>Patton smiled through his tears. “You’re gonna love him too.”</p><p>“Oh, of course. I will fight any monster I must to keep the both of you safe. And we will all be safe some day. We just need to stay strong until then, right?” Patton nodded. Roman kissed him on the forehead. “I love you, Patton.”</p><p>“I love you, too.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Wow, this one came out quick!  Thanks again to everyone who left a comment in regards to my mental health. I am honestly doing a lot better right now. It helps that things have slowed down at work. I hope you guys all like this chapter. If you have any questions/criticisms, feel free to leave a comment or message me on my Tumblr. Link to that: https://nerdywriterhaven.tumblr.com/<br/>I hope everyone was able to understand the Avatar section. For some reason, my brain thought it would be okay to write it under the assumption that everyone on the planet has seen it. I hope it makes sense even if you haven't. I also couldn't resist throwing in a few references to some other things I love.<br/>Patton's "I'm alright if you're alright" is a reference to one of my favorite songs right now, This December. (Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FpIsc2N0CNw) It's on my personal Patton playlist on Spodify. It's about seasonal depression and I love it SOOOO much.<br/>The other reference is somehow even more obscure but I couldn't stop myself from putting it in. Janus's "codependent bullshit" is a reference to my favorite podcast Off-Book. They are an improv musical podcast. That comes from one of their live shows. I highly recommend checking them out. Each episode is its own standalone musical. Link to the live show: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ivf58k53nu0&amp;t=640s Link to the specific song I was referencing: https://youtu.be/Ivf58k53nu0?t=2317</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Connections</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW:Child abuse, aftermath of physical abuse, panic attacks, trauma, victim sympathizes with abuser, negative self talk, swearing (one f-bomb), self harm, unsupportive parents</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Janus - Monday, September 23, 5:38 PM</p><p>Emile paced back and forth in his room as Janus held his nose with a paper towel. “How is this still bleeding?” Janus asked. “Kid’s stronger than I thought…”</p><p>“And you’re dumber than I thought.” Emile said as he collapsed onto the bed. “I can’t believe you’ve lived with someone with a panic disorder for years and didn’t know you can’t touch him when he’s having an attack without permission.”</p><p>“Well, whatever. This bloody nose can be my punishment.”</p><p>Emile looked up at him, his expression softer. “That isn’t a punishment. That’s a consequence. You don’t deserve to be punished. I just… Do you even understand why you weren’t supposed to touch him? Why he hit you?”</p><p>“He didn’t want to be touched and wanted to get me away from him?”</p><p>“No. Well, kinda? When someone’s panicking like that, they can sometimes have no idea what’s going on around them. You need to make sure they understand you’re not a threat before touching them, or they might respond as if you are. It could make it worse.”</p><p>“Okay, so what do I do if he says no? Or doesn’t say anything?”</p><p>“Stay calm, keep talking to them, and try to get them to control their breathing. I can teach you some stuff later.”</p><p>“Why not now? He’s probably gonna sleep for a while.”</p><p>Emile got up and leaned against the wall. “What…. How do you think things are gonna go from here? What’s your <em> entire </em>plan?”</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>“You’ve made me an accessory to kidnapping. I want to know what you think is going to happen now.”</p><p>“Once we get Virgil to understand he’s safe here, he’ll agree to call the police on our parents, Assuming you’re on board, we should be able to buy a bigger apartment together and Virgil could stay there. I’ve done some research into this. Once he meets his soulmates, one of their parents will get custody after passing a screening.”</p><p>“While doing your research,” Emile did air quotes when he said research, “did you see how often victims are the ones reporting the abuse?”</p><p>“Well-”</p><p>“Almost never. Most kids taken away from parents that forced them to lie about their soul status need to go to therapy for a long time to understand what happened to them was wrong. Virgil legitimately believes that he deserved to be hurt yesterday.” His eyes started to tear up. “Listen, I am all for the rest of your plan. I would want to help him even if you left right now. But we need to call the police. We can’t just sit here and wait for Virgil to overcome years of brainwashing.”</p><p>With his nose finally done bleeding, he angrily throws the paper towel away. “I hate them. I hate them so much. They only care about keeping their stupid fucking ‘people with soulmates suck’ narrative alive. They don’t care about me, about Virgil, about anyone else. How many other people are doing this to their kid because of them? Why aren’t people doing more things to stop this? All Mom and Dad had to do was give the doctors a few grand to lie about Virgil’s soul status on his birth certificate. There are doctors in Maine that secretly cover up things like this. There are Facebook groups and websites specifically made to teach parents how to lie about this. There are different rules like ‘make sure you’re their main source of comfort so they rely on you’ and ‘keep a strict eating schedule so they know they need to follow your rules’ and things like that. That’s cult things! I looked it up, and those are all things cults do.”</p><p>“Which is why we should tell the police. All of those things shouldn’t be allowed to operate. If you can give the police names, that would be huge.”</p><p>“Right, yeah, let’s go ahead and take away some more of Virgil’s agency.”</p><p>“That’s not-”</p><p>“I’ve already hurt Virgil enough.” Janus sat down on the bed, facing away from Emile. “I want to be the one to help him. I want to make him better. Make up for all the times I told on him for reading his arm.” He laughed dryly. “They made me a part of it. They tricked me into thinking it was good for me to tell on him. That I was helping him be better. It makes me sick to think about. I caused at least a third of the punishments he’s gotten. I did that. I need to make it right.”</p><p>“... You didn’t tell me that.”</p><p>“How could I? I… I hurt him.”</p><p>Emile moved to sit next to him and put an arm around his shoulder. “Sure, but you’re helping now… There is a new problem, though. In order for things to go well, Virgil needs to trust us. We can’t expect him to trust you after that. I’m not saying you’re a bad person. You’re doing what you need to do now, and that’s wonderful. You just need to be okay with the fact that Virgil might not trust you for a while. I know you want closure and you want to make up for everything, but he’s more important.”</p><p>“Then what… what do you think we should do?”</p><p>“I’ll give you until the end of the week. If I don’t see any reason to keep holding it off, I’m calling the police.”</p><p>“Deal.”</p><p>Logan - Tuesday, September 24, 10:00 AM</p><p>Once passing period started, Logan set off on his mission to find Virgil. Dee had given him strict instructions to not tell anyone about Virgil’s soul status and not let Virgil know he knew, but nothing was stopping him from making sure Virgil was safe. Hiding one’s soul status was bad enough, but Virgil’s situation was more than that. Anxiety was a common symptom, but flinching? That flashback he had in the library a few weeks ago? Those were different.</p><p>As he checked in on every class Virgil had missed the day prior, he understood how illogical he was being. It was very unlikely he would just happen to show up when Virgil did, and even if that did happen, what would Logan do? He couldn’t ask him how he was and expect an honest answer. All he could really do was confirm that he was well enough to be at school. Since Virgil still wasn’t answering his phone, seeing him in person would be the only way to do so.</p><p>Alas, his searching was in vain and he had to go to his next class. It was Psychology with Patton. He found the class quite enjoyable on its own, but the company helped. Between assignments and lectures, they talked about random things going on in their lives.</p><p>Once that class was over, Logan temporarily parted ways with Patton to visit the library. ‘Okay, if Virgil isn’t here, I’m done looking for him. I can’t continue to obsess over his well being.’ Thankfully, it didn’t come to that. He found Virgil doing homework in the back corner of the room. Logan debated whether or not he should approach when Virgil looked up and waved at him. ‘He’s invited me over. I may as well.’ He walked over.</p><p>“Hey,” Virgil said. “Thanks for getting my stuff for me yesterday.” He gestured to the work in front of him. “Still catching up.”</p><p>“It was no bother. I’m just glad you’re feeling better.”</p><p>“I would feel a lot better without this work, but that’s the price I pay for taking a day off.”</p><p>Logan wanted to respond with ‘You didn’t take a day off. Your parents hurt you and you needed a day to recover. That’s not on you at all and you certainly shouldn’t be punished for it.’ Remembering that he wasn’t supposed to know any of that, he settled with, “It is not taking a day off if you are sick. Your body spent yesterday healing itself. That is not a leisure day.”</p><p>“That’s true, I guess.” He moved his work to make room at the desk. “You wanna join me?”</p><p>It was tempting, but… “I promised people I would eat lunch with them. I simply wanted to see if you were here to make sure you were okay.”</p><p>Virgil blushed as he looked back down at the desk. ‘Right, that wasn’t supposed to be said out loud.’ “Thank you, but I’m fine. You can get back to your friends.”</p><p>Logan nodded and left. He sat down with the normal group. “Where’d you go off to?” Roman asked.</p><p>“I was talking to Virgil in the library.”</p><p>“Aw. Is he feeling better?” Patton asked. Logan nodded reluctantly.</p><p>“You know,” Roman said, “You never told me what happened when you went over to his house. How’d you get his brother’s number?”</p><p>“I’ve decided to respect Virgil's privacy. The things going on in his life are personal. I don’t believe you need to concern yourself with his safety.”</p><p>"His safety?" Roman sat up straighter. “I wasn’t even thinking about that until now.”</p><p>“I can spy on Virgil next period if you want,” Remus said, not looking up from his drawing.</p><p>“Spying is bad. You shouldn’t do it.” Patton said.</p><p>“He’s not nearly sneaky enough to get away with it, anyway,” Roman said.</p><p>Remus gasped dramatically. ‘Probably got that from Roman.’ “That’s it. I’m gotta report back to Logan instead of you.”</p><p>“No, you don’t have to-” Remus cut Logan off.</p><p>“I’m gonna do it.”</p><p>Patton sighed, likely resigned to the reality that nothing short of preventing Remus from attending class would stop him from going through with his plan. “So, what’s up with you, Lo?” he asked.</p><p>He thought for a moment. In all honesty, he was very tired. The stress of worrying about Virgil on top of his family issues made him get very little sleep the previous night. “I’m fine. How are-” A yawn cut him off.</p><p>“And the truth comes out,” Roman joked.</p><p>Patton frowned. “If you’re tired, maybe you should talk to your parents about not working so much at their law place.”</p><p>“Yeah, I’m not even sure if they can make you work there. Aren’t there child labor laws for something?”</p><p>“My parents have not broken any laws,” Logan said. “And anyway, I don’t even know how I would bring it up. I’m honestly okay.”</p><p>“What if I was there with you?” Patton suggests. “Moral support!”</p><p>“Considering they have yet to fully approve of our relationship, that may not go so well.” ‘Knowing them, they will likely blame Patton for my sudden lack of work ethic.’</p><p>“Wait, since when are they against you and Patton?” Roman asked.</p><p>Logan felt himself tense. “I spoke to them last week. They said they’ll support me, but… I could tell they didn’t agree with my decision.”</p><p>“Well, screw them, then. That’s even more reason Patton should go. Show them how awesome Patton is and they’ll have to change their mind.”</p><p>‘I don’t think Patton’s the problem here…’ Still, Patton had such a determined expression that he couldn’t say no. “Could you come over tomorrow? It can double as our date.”</p><p>“Sure!” Patton gave him a hug.</p><p>Soon, lunch came to an end and they had to go to their third period classes. With Roman’s company, the period passed rather quickly. Before going their separate ways, Roman said, “If Remus did anything weird during his ‘spy mission’, let me know and I’ll take care of it.”</p><p>As Logan hung out in front of the school waiting for his Dad to pick him up, he got a call from Remus. ‘Here we go…’</p><p>“Incoming message to HQ. I have some new leads.”</p><p>“Okay, no, we aren’t doing that. If you insist on telling me about this, just do it quickly.”</p><p>“Awwww. Fine. I talked to him before class. He kinda jumped when I tapped his shoulder. He told me he was sick yesterday, but he didn’t look at me when he said it. In this one show I saw one time, that meant lying. When class started, I kept watching him.”</p><p>“Did you get any work done?”</p><p>“No, but that’s fine. I’m ahead anyway. Plus, I saw something <em> really </em>important. When I went to go grab something up high, I could see his tummy a little bit. Some of it was kinda purpley, so I think that was a bruise. There was also a burn mark I think, but I couldn’t see it as well.”</p><p>Now feeling dizzy, Logan had to use the wall to support himself. “Thanks for letting me know.”</p><p>“What do we do now? That’s pretty bad, right? Do you think his Dad hurt him or something?”</p><p>“I know that he’s fine now. You shouldn’t worry yourself with it. Goodbye.” He hung up. ‘Oh my God…’ He felt like throwing up. He’d known Virgil was recently in an abusive situation but… ‘It’s over now. He’s safe. His brother is helping him. It’s fine.’</p><p>Patton - Wednesday, September 25, 3:00 PM</p><p>Patton could tell Logan’s father wasn’t happy about him coming over to Logan’s house. The entire car ride was tense. At first, no one said a single word to each other outside of greetings and basic introductions. Patton decided he should at least try to fix that. “It was really cool to see Logan again at school.”</p><p>“Yes, I’m sure it was.” Mr. Smith said. “I remember when we first had him change to private school. He missed you, but I was convinced we made the correct call.”</p><p>“Oh, I think so, too.” He went to take Logan’s hand, but he shook his head in protest.</p><p>“Why did you go to Southside? You have a soulmark. While I’m sure there are other benefits to the school, the protection against discrimination was one of the biggest selling points I could see.” With Logan’s silent permission, Patton told Mr. Smith about how Roman wrote about going to that school and he wanted to get in to meet him. “Hmm. It was my understanding that people shouldn’t seek out their Soulmates. Fate should bring them together naturally.”</p><p>While the tone was far from confrontational, the intention to speak against Patton’s actions was clear. He could see Logan’s posture stiffen besides him. “Well, fate decided to make Roman a Courier. I naturally wanted to find him, so I did!” Logan smiled at that, but his father didn’t respond.</p><p>Once they got home, Patton expected Logan to get his mom and talk to both of them about interning. Instead, Logan led him straight to his room. Logan let out a deep breath the second he got the door closed. “I can’t. I can’t do it.” He looked more visibly shaken than Patton had ever seen him.</p><p>“Don’t worry. I’m here to support you, remember?”</p><p>“I know, but…” Patton was shocked to see tears in his eyes. “I can’t do it. I won’t. It’s…”</p><p>Patton hugged him. “Okay. It’s okay. I’m not gonna make you do anything, okay?”</p><p>“You came here for me. This was supposed to be our date night and I’m wasting it on this and I’m not even doing it.”</p><p>Patton let go and kissed him on the cheek. “This is a big thing for you. I get it. I just want you to be happy.”</p><p>Logan blushed. “Thank you.” He sat down on his bed. “I can’t understand why I can’t talk to them. Everyone else can talk to their parents. I just… I don’t know. I don’t connect with them, I suppose. I feel as if they both have this secret code that allows them to speak to each other, but they forgot to teach it to me. Or they hadn’t cared to.”</p><p>Patton sat down next to him and took his hand. “Connections like that have to go both ways. If you’ve been doing everything you can to connect to them, and it wasn’t working, that’s on them. I don’t think you should have to try so hard if they aren’t trying at all. If you tell them you don’t wanna work for them as much anymore, and they’re upset, it’s not your fault. You shouldn’t make yourself unhappy to make them happy, right?”</p><p>Logan nodded. “You know, I used to think I was the entire problem. I thought it was because I didn’t have a soulmate that I had trouble with things like that. They certainly thought so.”</p><p>“But we both know that’s not true. You’re a great friend to Roman and Me. Remus likes you a lot, and you made your friendship with Virgil all on your own. You just have better people around you now. That gives you lots more options for friends.”</p><p>“Yes, I…  I suppose so…”</p><p>“I think that, since you grew up around so many Soulists, you kinda think like them sometimes.” Patton took a deep breath. “Roman told me you thought our relationship wasn’t as important and mine with him.”</p><p>“I don’t think I said that.”</p><p>“You told him you thought our relationship was less of a priority.” Patton’s vision got blurry as tears flooded his eyes. “I don’t think so at all. I care about you just as much as I care about Roman. You are both amazing people that I want to be around as much as possible. You are so smart and nice and good and… I love that about you. I don’t want you to think anything else, okay?”</p><p>Logan nodded. “Okay. I lo-... I feel the same about you. I want to be with you. I’ll talk to Mom and Dad at some point. Just… not today. I’m not as ready as I thought I was.”</p><p>“And that’s okay.”</p><p>Virgil - Thursday, September 26, 7:36 PM</p><p>Virgil could understand why Emile liked Avatar so much. The plot, characters, humor, and animation were all amazing. They were a few episodes into season two at this point (much to Emile’s annoyance, Virgil insisted on working on homework between episodes, so they couldn’t go that fast). Once the episode they were just watching ended, he pulled out his Algebra work.</p><p>“You’re almost done with that, right?” Emile asked. Virgil nodded. “Good. I wanna watch the next episode once you’re done.”</p><p>“It’s gonna take me less than 30 minutes. I need to wait at least that long between episodes.”</p><p>“Come on! This next episode is a classic and you’ve been working hard all day. I refuse to risk you watching Zuko Alone half asleep. It requires your full attention.”</p><p>‘So it’s a Zuko-focused episode…’ Although Emile hadn’t brought it up since that first time, Virgil couldn’t help but connect to that character now. Of course, Zuko’s father was much worse and he really needed to stop trying to please him, but… Virgil shook his head. “No, I shouldn’t be taking as many breaks as I have been, anyway. It’s bad enough that I’m doing work the day before it’s due. I need to catch up.”</p><p>Emile frowned. “I hate your school. I swear, you work more than most middle class workers do. This is literally discouraging people from taking days off when they need to.” Virgil opened the book to the right page and got to work. Emile sat next to him. “I’m gonna help you. That way we can do it faster and get to this episode. I’ve already got my hopes up. We’re doing this.”</p><p>Virgil looked away from him, playing with his shirt sleeve. He was already giving Virgil his couch, food, and time. Now, he was going to help him with homework. It was too much. He didn’t have the right to take this much from him. He was only doing this for Janus. He probably didn’t even like Virgil.</p><p>“You okay?” Emile asked, snapping Virgil out of his thoughts. Virgil sighed. ‘He’s the one that wants to watch the next episode so bad. I might as well just do what he wants.’ </p><p>With the two of them working together, the rest of the assignment only took them 15 minutes. Emile pulled up the next episode. “This is a great one, Virge. You’re gonna love it!”</p><p>As the episode started, he could see why. Learning more about Zuko’s life before his banishment was very interesting. His only problem was Azula. He couldn’t help but feel uncomfortable every time she was on screen, but he couldn’t figure out why.</p><p>“Dad’s going to kill you!” Azula said. “Really, he is.” Virgil felt himself flinch at that.</p><p>
  <em> “You’re gonna meet your Soulmates soon. How long do you think it will take them to kick you out when that happens?” </em>
</p><p>Virgil shook his head. ‘No, that’s not the same. Janus is trying to help me. He cares about me now. Azula’s terrible. It’s not the same.’</p><p>The episode ended. “How did you like it?” Emile asked.</p><p>“I thought it was good. Lots of cool backstory things.”</p><p>“Good.” Emile got up. “I’ll let you get back to your homework. Try to get some sleep, though.”</p><p>Virgil agreed and got started on History. It didn’t take him long to finish, so he went to sleep pretty early. He hoped he could get a restful night for once, but that rarely worked out.</p><p>
  <em> The closet door shut in front of Virgil. “No, please! I’m sorry!” he shouted. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “It’s okay, sweetie,” Mom said. “I’m just gonna keep you in there for a few hours this time. You’ve been so good recently, and I was so proud of you. I wish I didn’t have to do this. I want you to be better. You might not see it now, but I am helping you, okay? I love you. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “No! Wait, please! I’m sorry!” he cried out as he heard Mom walk away. Everything was dark. He couldn’t see, couldn’t more, couldn’t breath. </em>
</p><p>He woke up crying. He was shaking and could barely get air to his lungs. ‘I need them. I need Roman. I need Patton. They can help. I want them. I need them.’ He slapped himself. "I don’t have soulmates. I don’t have soulmates.” He subconsciously started scratching his arms. While he had once only fallen into Attachment Withdrawal once every few days, it was now a nightly occurrence. ‘It’s probably because I don’t have Mom and Dad. They made me stronger. They helped me. I can’t fight this on my own. I’m weak. I never should’ve left. I should go back. I need to go back.’</p><p>He found his eyes gravitating towards his right arm. ‘<strike>Messages help. Messages help. Roman.</strike>’ He tried to fight the urge - ‘weak, weak, weak’ - but it won out in the end. <strike> Un </strike>Fortunately, nothing was there.</p><p>“Virgil?” someone said. Virgil flinched hard, almost throwing himself off the couch. “It’s okay. It’s just Emile.” The person slowly walked over to him.</p><p>‘It’s okay. It’s not Dee. He won’t tell.’ “Stupid,” he muttered to himself. ‘Janus wouldn’t do that now. He’s trying to help me. I’m being ungrateful.' He started scratching again. ‘I’m terrible, awful. I need Mom and Dad. They make me better. I need them.’</p><p>“Virgil, I need you to stop, okay?” ‘Stop what? Stop freaking out for no reason? Stop being weak? Stop-’ “I’m gonna grab your hands, okay? I just need you to stop hurting yourself.” Emile gently held his hands. “Virgil, are you… Is this Attachment Withdrawal?” Virgil nodded. “Okay, um… I don’t really have a lot of experience with that, but I’ve heard hugs can help. Do you want a hug?” He shook his head. “Okay, that’s alright. How about an arm around your shoulder?” Virgil knew he should say no, but… He nodded. Emile helped him sit up and wrapped an arm around him. “It’s okay, Virge. Everything’s okay.”</p><p>It took a while, but he eventually calmed down. “Thank you. You… You shouldn’t’ve had to deal with that. You’ve helped me a lot already.”</p><p>“Maybe I didn’t have to help, but I wanted to.” He took his arm off him. “Virgil, if you’re up for it, I need to ask you a question.”</p><p>“Go for it.”</p><p>“Have you met your soulmates already?” Virgil opened his mouth to say yes, but… It wouldn’t come out. The word got caught in his throat. “You can nod if that helps.”</p><p>“I… I don’t have soulmates.”</p><p>Emile frowned. “We both know that’s not true. Just nod yes or no, okay?” He nodded. “Have you told them about it?” He shook his head. “So you know who they are but they don’t know who you are?” Nod. “Okay, that’s… I’m gonna be honest with you. Attachment Withdrawal always gets worse as it goes on. Soulmates will connect at some point or another. All you are doing right now is making yourself suffer just to hold off the inevitable. I think it would be best for everyone if you told them. They probably want to meet you, and you need to meet them.”</p><p>“It’ll go away, right? If I fight long enough, right?”</p><p>“Did your mom and dad tell you that?” Nod. “That’s not true. Not really, anyway. It will just get worse and worse until you’re feeling it constantly. You might be able to get used to it, but… that’s no way to live your life. I don’t want that for you, and, deep down, I don’t think you want that for yourself, either.”</p><p>“No… I don’t…” He yawned, thoroughly exhausted.</p><p>“I’ll let you get back to sleep. Remember what I said, okay?”</p><p>Virgil laid back down and quickly fell into a dreamless sleep.</p><p>Roman - Friday, September 27, 1:00 PM</p><p>While he’d previously dreaded Chemistry, Roman more recently found himself looking forward to it. Virgil, officially done with his mean act, was honestly an amazing partner. His sarcastic comments under his breath made the boring lectures bearable, and he was actually pretty smart. They almost always finished their labs early and got to work on other classes as everyone else finished up.</p><p>Free Period was no different. They were just ten minutes in and they already got through a good portion of it. “Is it just me, or are these getting easier?” Roman asked.</p><p>“I think we’re either getting smarter or just stopped caring as much if we get it right.”</p><p>“Jokes on you, I never really cared.”</p><p>Virgil smiled. “Wait, I just realized. Where’s your brother?”</p><p>“We’ve been working for more than ten minutes and you just realized he’s not here?”</p><p>Virgil rolled his eyes. “Excuse me for working on the assignment.”</p><p>“Remus is at art right now. He apparently didn’t get any work done on Tuesday and has to catch up. His partner’s pissed off.”</p><p>“Does that mean you’re gonna get pissed off when I tell you I missed class on Monday and might need to go to art during Free Period at some point?”</p><p>‘Oh, right. I forgot about that.’ “If you missed because you were sick, then it’s fine. If you showed up, then Remus would’ve gotten sick, then I would, then I’d be mad at you.”</p><p>“My Chemistry partner is a germaphobe. Got it.”</p><p>They got back to work and finished nearly an hour before the period ended. “Yes!” Roman said. “Go us!” Virgil reluctantly gave him a high five.</p><p>“This is great, cause I’ve got a lot of work to catch up on.” Virgil started pulling his textbooks out.</p><p>“Oh, come on. Don’t you wanna hang out?”</p><p>“I’m super behind and this is a good time to take care of things.”</p><p>“Please?” In all honesty, Roman genuinely enjoyed talking to Virgil. He knew he’d never willingly hang out with him outside class, so this was his only chance.</p><p>“Fine. Spanish homework is pretty mindless, so I can do that while we…” his voice trailed off. Roman followed his line of vision to his arm.</p><p>“Oh, I told you I’m a Courier, right? Apparently, one of my soulmates was upset last night and I didn’t wake up to my other one’s, who’s an Empath, text about it, so I didn’t have anything for him to help calm him down. Now I’m trying to have something there all the time in case they need something.”</p><p>“Your… Your Empath soulmate woke up in the middle of the night because of the bad emotions of your other soulmate?”</p><p>‘Shoot, I probably shouldn’t be talking to him about this, especially since Patton isn’t even here to okay it.’ “You don’t have to worry about it. We've got it covered.”</p><p>Virgil nodded, not making eye contact. He pulled out his Spanish stuff. As he worked, they mostly talked about random things, such as the play auditions and random pieces of media. They kept going like this until there were about five minutes left of class and Virgil got a text. “Dang it…” he said.</p><p>“What is it?”</p><p>“My brother won’t be able to pick me up for a bit. He says I should just wait in the library.”</p><p>“Or, you could come to my dorm?”</p><p>Virgil shook his head. “No, I wouldn’t want to intrude or anything.”</p><p>“It’s not intruding if I’m inviting you. Come on.”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“We can watch Nightmare Before Christmas.”</p><p>“... I don’t know how you found my weakness, but fine.” He texted his brother.</p><p>Once class was over, they both made their way to the room. Remus joined them right before the movie started. Things went well at first. Virgil didn’t seem too annoyed by Remus singing along and, for the most part, just let himself relax.</p><p>Things didn’t start to go wrong until about halfway through the film when Remus got a phone call. He looked at the caller ID, panicked, and gave the phone to Roman. It was their mom. He answered. “Hey, Mom!”</p><p>“Roman? Where’s Remus?” Remus shook his head.</p><p>“He’s working. He’s actually really into it right now, and I don’t want to interrupt him.”</p><p>“Okay. Tell him to call me later.”</p><p>They both said goodbye and Roman gave the phone back to Remus. “I’m going to the library.” Remus left before he could say anything.</p><p>“Okay,” Virgil said, “I’m totally fine with pretending I didn’t see any of that if you want, but what just happened?”</p><p>Part of Roman just wanted to tell Virgil to forget about it, but… Something in Virgil’s expression of genuine concern made him decide otherwise. He looked at the ground, playing with his shirt. “That was our Mom. She’s been… You remember how I said Remus doesn’t have a soulmate?” He didn’t look up to see Virgil’s response. “I didn’t always know that. My parents made him lie for years. I didn’t know about any of it. When I found out, I wanted to get him out of there, so I got us into this private school where we could stay at a dorm. Mom and Dad are still calling a lot, trying to check in and make sure Remus is still lying and stuff. I’m trying to stop him. It hurts him every time he hears someone say he has a soulmate, even more when he has to say it. I’m… trying to protect him from that. I know it’s not gonna work forever, but… I’ve gotta do something.” He finally forced himself to look up and saw that Virgil was… crying? “You okay?”</p><p>“I… Um…” He wiped his eyes. “That’s not… I’m sorry. I can’t.” His breathing started to pick up.</p><p>“Hey, don’t… Breathe with me, okay?” In his panic, Roman couldn’t remember anything he’d read about helping with panic attacks. “Just in and out. It’s okay.”</p><p>After a minute or two, Virgil still wasn’t calming down. ‘I need Logan. Should I call him? What do I do?’ Before he could act, Virgil held his right arm out to him. “What…?”</p><p>“I… I can’t say it. I can’t. Emile said I need to tell you but I can’t. I can’t. I’m not allowed. I can’t.”</p><p>“Virgil, what do you want me to do?”</p><p>“Sleeve. Pull… Pull up the-” he covered his mouth with his left hand, sobbing now.</p><p>‘No. There’s no… No way.’ “Slowly, Roman pulled up the sleeve. He couldn’t get a good look before Virgil pulled the arm away again, but he saw enough to recognize his own handwriting. ‘Oh my God. OH MY GOD!’</p><p>Before Roman could fully process that information, Virgil pulled himself into a ball, gripping his hair. “Why did I do that? Why did I do that? I can’t. That’s wrong. I wasn’t supposed to. Why did I? Bad. Bad!”</p><p>“Virgil, it’s okay!” Roman got off the bed and held up his hands as if he were addressing a wounded animal. “Can I touch you?”</p><p>“Mom and Dad told me not to. I can’t. I don’t have soulmates.” He hit himself. “I don’t have soulmates.” He hit himself again. “I don’t-”</p><p>Without thinking, Roman pulled him into a hug. “It’s okay!” Virgil struggled at first before clinging on as if letting go would mean losing him forever. “It’s okay. I’m here for you now.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Another chapter done! Was it a mistake to randomly change the structure of the story nine chapters in? Maybe, but I'm sticking with it. This one is a big turning point and I'm excited for everyone's reactions. I hope you guys all like this chapter. If you have any questions/criticisms, feel free to leave a comment or message me on my Tumblr. Link to that: https://nerdywriterhaven.tumblr.com/<br/>I hope everyone has a wonderful day. Stay safe out there!<br/>Updated 8/1: Fixed minor grammar stuff and a continuity error.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Many Steps To Take</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry this is a little late. I had a lot of trouble with this one for some reason. At least it's long.<br/>TW: Child abuse, swearing (one f-bomb), panic attacks, victim sympathizes with abuser (past and present examples), negative self-talk, aftermath of mild night terror, relationship issues<br/>Updated 8/1: Fixed mild errors.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Virgil - Friday, September 27, 4:21 PM</p><p>Reality slowly started to come back to Virgil. He’d been crying, but there was a catharsis to it that wasn’t typically there. He was warm, yet shaking. His arms were wrapped around something. That something was hugging him back. ‘Roman.’ Virgil’s throat closed up. ‘What did I do? Why would I tell him?’</p><p>“Come on, Virge,” Roman said, gripping him tighter. “You were doing good. Try not to work yourself up again.”</p><p>Virgil forced a few breaths down to his lungs. This whole thing was wrong, but he also never wanted it to end. He was safe here. If he left, he might never be safe again. He wasn’t used to this feeling. Sure, his parents would hug him sometimes, but never for more than a few seconds. Never like this.</p><p>Like all good things, this had to come to an end at some point. In this case, it was when Virgil’s phone rang. He reluctantly left Roman’s embrace. The feeling of emptiness was instantaneous. Ignoring the urge to disregard the call and keep the hug going until he died of starvation, he answered. “Hello?”</p><p>“Hi, Virgil,” Dee- No, Janus said. “No pressure or anything, but do you know when you’re going to need to be picked up?”</p><p>Virgil made eye contact with Roman. He mouthed ‘stay’. “I’m not sure yet. I’ll tell you a bit before I’m ready to go.”</p><p>They each said goodbye and Virgil hung up. “Okay. I…” Roman let out a deep breath. “This is a lot. I have a ton of questions, but first, are you safe at home?” Virgil felt himself tense up. ‘No. I’m not ready for this. I can’t talk about this. Not like this.’ “If you’re not, you can stay here. We aren’t supposed to let people stay over night, but that doesn’t matter. We can hide you.”</p><p>“Roman-”</p><p>“Remus will totally go along with it. He’s bad at keeping most secrets, but he can when it’s important.”</p><p>“Roman-”</p><p>“It’ll be fine. Maybe Patton can help, too. His moms are chill, so-”</p><p>“Roman!” He finally stopped rambling. Virgil couldn’t fight the smile slowly overtaking him. “I’m with my brother right now. I don’t need you to hide me in your dorm like a stray cat.”</p><p>“Oh, good. I honestly don’t know how you staying here would’ve worked out. There isn’t really much room. I would’ve made it happen, but it’d be tight.”</p><p>“Roman!” Remus burst into the room. He was holding a phone to his ear. He saw them both on the bed and sighed in relief. “It’s alright. He’s fine now… Yeah, I’ll have him call you back.” Remus hung up. He ran over and gave Roman a hug. “You’re okay! Patton called me saying you and your other soulmate’s emotions weren’t good and you weren’t answering, so I ran over here. You need to call Patton back, by the way.”</p><p>Roman pulled out his phone. “Wow, I’m the worst boyfriend. I didn’t even think about that.” He looked back over at Virgil. “Obviously, it’s your choice if you want him to know, but…”</p><p>“It’s… um…” His breathing started to pick up.</p><p>“If you want me to keep this between us, I can. I don’t want this to go faster than you want it to.”</p><p>“It’s a lot. I’m…” Just the idea of talking to another person about it made him nauseous, but he couldn’t say that. Patton was suffering because of his freakouts. What right did he have to keep hurting him for his own comfort. “You can tell him, I just… I’m not ready to meet him. I also don’t think I can hear you say it.”</p><p>“Got it.” Roman got up. “I’ll call him from the hallway. Be back soon.” He left, already calling before the door closed behind him.</p><p>Remus sat down on his own bed. “So, what’s going on?”</p><p>Virgil considered him. Despite being very different personality wise, they had one major thing in common. Before he could think it through, he asked, “Did you ever blame yourself for what your parents did, or think what they were doing was good for you?”</p><p>Remus blinked at him for a moment as the implication dawned on him. “Roman told you?”</p><p>‘God, that was a bad idea.’ “I shouldn’t have brought it up. Sorry.”</p><p>“No, it’s fine. Yeah, actually. For a while. I don’t any more, though. I’m happy I’m away from them.” He hesitated, something that was rare for him as far as Virgil could tell. He looked between Virgil and the door a few times. “I don’t think it was good for you, either.” Before Virgil could respond, he reached under his bed and pulled out a pack of Oreos. “Cookie?”</p><p>Patton - Friday, September 27, 4:35 PM</p><p>Patton jumped when his phone rang, despite expecting the call. He answered without checking the caller ID. “Roman?”</p><p>“I’m fine, Pat. Sorry about that.”</p><p>“But you were… I don’t even know how to describe it. Both of you had such strong emotions at the same time. I couldn’t really figure them out, but I felt a lot of anxiety for both of you. It reminded me of movie night, but that was way worse. This was just a mess. I was worried you almost got hurt again, or went through with your plan we talked about Monday.” He paced in his room as he rambled on. He had to force himself to stop. ‘Roman can’t explain if I keep freaking out.’</p><p>“I didn’t. I promise I’m fine. We’re both fine.”</p><p>‘We’re both?’ “What do you mean?”</p><p>“I found him. Well, he found me, but-”</p><p>“What!?” Patton stopped and put a hand to his mouth in shock. “That’s… That’s amazing! What happened? Where are you? Mama’s home, so I can ask her to drive me over. How is he? Is he with you? Can I talk to him?”</p><p>“I’m really sorry, Patton, but he said he’s not ready to meet you yet, and we need to respect that.”</p><p>“Isn’t…” Patton’s face fell. “What do you mean? Why wouldn’t he want to meet me?”</p><p>“His parents have been making him lie about his soul status. He couldn’t even tell me about it. He just showed me his arm and had a panic attack. A really bad one, too.”</p><p>“But I know how to help with panic attacks. We’ve been researching together. The more people there to support him the better, right?”</p><p>“Maybe, but that’s not what he wants. I know it’s not really fair, but I don’t wanna overwhelm him or something.”</p><p>Patton sighed. “Okay. I get it. That makes sense. I’ll wait for him to make the call.”</p><p>“Good. I should probably get back to him. I promise to update you if I learn anything important.”</p><p>“Wait! Before you go, is he safe? I can talk to my parents if he isn't. We’ll figure something out.”</p><p>“He told me he’s with his brother now. He’s helping him out. I don’t know any details, but he swears he’s safe.”</p><p>Patton thanked him and they both hang up. He collapse on his bed, feeling deflated. He understood why he couldn’t come over. It just hurt. ‘I’ll meet him soon, I guess…’ He sat up. ‘I’ll meet him soon… Oh my God, I’m gonna meet my soulmate soon!’ Suddenly, he couldn’t contain his excitement. Just as he’s about to run out of the room to tell Mama, his phone rang. This time, it was Logan. Patton answered. “Guess what?”</p><p>“Hello, Patton. What are you talking about?”</p><p>“Roman met our soulmate!”</p><p>There was silence on the other end until Logan cleared his throat. “That’s… That’s very good. In that case, I’m surprised you aren’t with him. Is he well?”</p><p>“I don’t know. I mean, he’s not in danger or anything anymore. Apparently, he’s living with his brother now, who’s safe. He just had a panic attack when he talked to Roman about it and they don’t think he’s ready to meet me yet.”</p><p>“He’s living with his… Roman was with Virgil during Free Period, yes?”</p><p>“Yeah, but what does that have to do with anything?”</p><p>“... Please understand that I am reluctant to share theories based on little evidence, but… I know Virgil was recently in an abusive household before leaving with the assistance of his brother.”</p><p>“Wait. So you think…” He remembered first finding out Virgil wasn’t at school at the same time his soulmate was also resting late into the day. “I know he was out on Monday, too. His emotions were really weak all school day, which always means sleeping. I thought about it being Virgil on Monday too, but just thought it was a coincidence.” ‘I could’ve figured it out then. Why didn’t I just say something?”</p><p>“It was a coincidence. Many people besides Virgil were not at school that day. We had no reason to assume your soulmate attends Southside. We don’t know for certain if Virgil is your soulmate, anyway.”<br/>“But, it’s so obvious. He was trying to push Roman and me away ‘cause he wasn’t supposed to talk to us. It makes sense.”</p><p>“It makes sense in hindsight. You had no reason to jump to this conclusion. You still don’t, although there is much more evidence.”</p><p>“Right. You’re right. I’m being silly.” He took a calming breath. “So, what were you calling about?”</p><p>Roman - Friday, September 27, 4:41 PM</p><p>Roman didn’t know what he’d expected when he walked back into the room, but it certainly wasn’t Remus eating a ton of cookies on his bed as Virgil nibbled one while sitting cross-legged on Roman’s. “I thought we agreed to not spend any more of this month’s money on sweets?” He took the Oreo’s container from him and put it on their table.</p><p>“They’re secret, emergency cookies.” Remus gestures at Virgil, who’d curled in on himself tighter.</p><p>Roman took a deep breath. ‘I’ll deal with Remus later. Virgil doesn’t need fighting right now.’ He sat down next to Virgil. “You doing okay?”</p><p>“How did it go?” he asked instead of answering.</p><p>“It was good. I told him we’re okay and you aren’t up for meeting him right now. He’s cool with it.” Virgil nodded and muttered something to himself. Roman could only make out the word bad. “Penny for your thoughts? Or, maybe another cookie?”</p><p>“This isn’t… I shouldn’t be here right now. I wasn’t supposed to tell anyone, and I told one of the two people in the world it was most important I didn’t tell. Everything’s going wrong so fast. First, my brother kidnaps me and threatens Mom and Dad. Then, Emile finds out I’m getting Attachment Withdrawal and tells me I need to tell you. Now both of you know and Remus knows and everyone will know.”</p><p>“It’s okay, Virgil.”</p><p>“I need them. This wouldn’t’ve happened if I just stayed with them. They kept me strong. Less than a week and I’m already going against everything they raised me to do.”</p><p>“Virgil, that’s not… There isn’t anything wrong with you because you have a soulmate. Don’t listen to them.”</p><p>“It’s not… They’re my Mom and Dad!”</p><p>Roman’s eyes met Remus’ and he shook his head. “Don’t,” Remus mouthed.</p><p>‘Well, I suppose he would know more about how he’s feeling than I do.’ “Okay, I’ll drop that for now. Just… take a few deep breaths for me.” Virgil did as instructed. “Can I ask you a question about them, though? Just as yes or no, then I’ll stop talking about it.”</p><p>“I… sure.”</p><p>“Did they hit you?” Virgil didn’t answer at first, instead tightening further into a ball.</p><p>“I saw bruises on his stomach before,” Remus said.</p><p>“What? When did that-?” ‘Right, the spy thing. Jeez, what was he doing that period?’ “Was that from them?”</p><p>Virgil nodded. “It was… I did something I wasn’t supposed to do.”</p><p>Roman fought the urge to throw up. ‘Not now. Save freaking out for later.’ “Can I see it?”</p><p>He shook his head. “They’re probably all gone. He never hits me hard enough to make them last more than a few days.”</p><p>Before Roman could react to the horrifying implications of that, Virgil leaned against the wall, closing his eyes. “Shoot, I forgot panic attacks wear people out. Do you wanna sleep or something?”</p><p>“No, I… I’ll call my brother.”</p><p>As he did that, Roman reached to turn off the completely forgotten movie. “Wait,” Remus said. “We can watch while we wait for his brother.”</p><p>Once Virgil got off the phone, they got back to the movie. It didn’t take long for Virgil to fall asleep, his head rested on Roman’s shoulder. Roman stared at him for a moment, considering. He then noticed Remus also staring. “Did…” Roman started. “I haven’t even considered this before. Did Mom and Dad… hurt you when we were with them? Like, physically? More than making you lie about your soul status.”</p><p>Remus shook his head. “If they did, I don’t remember it. I think it’s kinda harder to lie about not having a soulmate than it is to lie about having one. They just had to make me say I had something I didn’t. His mom and dad had to make him pretend a part of him wasn’t a thing. That might… need more.”</p><p>“Maybe, but we can’t really know that. They still hurt you.” Remus nodded, looking away from him. “If we knew the police would’ve taken us seriously, would you have wanted to call the police on them?”</p><p>“I don’t wanna see or talk to them again, if that’s what you mean.”<br/><br/>Roman sighed. “It wasn’t, but it answers the question.” He felt Virgil move besides him. He wrapped an arm around his sleeping frame. </p><p>Logan - Friday, September 27, 5:08 PM</p><p>After ending his call with Patton, Logan laid down on his bed. Despite the conversations steering away from the topic, he couldn’t stop thinking about Virgil being their soulmate. Rather, the possibility of it. There had yet to be any sort of confirmation. </p><p>He stared at his phone. There was one way to know for sure, but he’d misused that method enough. ‘He gave me that number for emergencies. This certainly wouldn’t qualify.’ Against his better judgement, he called Dee anyway.</p><p>“I’m driving, so I put you on speaker,” he answered. “Try to be quiet. Virgil’s sleeping in the passenger’s seat. I’m pretty sure both of us screaming wouldn’t wake him right now, but I’d rather not risk it.”</p><p>‘He’s asleep this early in the day. It’s possible a panic attack wore him out.’ “I can be quiet. I was just wondering where Virgil was. He didn’t answer his phone.” ‘Technically true, although I never called him.’</p><p>“He probably didn’t take it off silent after school. Are you planning on calling me every time he fails to answer his phone? If so, I’m blocking you.”</p><p>“That would be fair. I won’t call you again after this unless it is important. Out of curiosity, where was Virgil before now?”</p><p>“He was hanging out with his chemistry partner. I had to pick him up late. They didn’t tell me what happened, but I’m pretty sure he had a panic attack there or something. There’s no way he would’ve fallen asleep like this otherwise.”</p><p>Logan took a deep breath. ‘That confirms that.’ “I don’t mean to pry-”</p><p>“You obviously do. I don’t know why you think you’re being all sneaky right now, but it’s pretty obvious you just want more information on what’s going on with him. I’ll answer what I wanna answer, just don’t be all weird about it.”</p><p>“Okay, I’ll do that, then. I just want to know if you intend on getting the police involved. I know I don’t know a large amount of what’s happening with all of this, but I feel that is important.”</p><p>“I… I’ve been thinking about it. At first I wanted to wait until Virgil wanted it to happen, but that isn’t going well.”</p><p>Logan got angry in spite of himself. “Of course it isn’t! He has been-”<br/>“I know. I’ve already heard all of that from my friend. I don’t need to hear it from you, too.”</p><p>“I understand that, but… I want Virgil to be okay. I don’t think keeping him in this in between stage of healing is going to help anyone.”</p><p>“Jeez, I don’t remember you being this passionate before.”</p><p>Dee was right. ‘Why am I acting like this? Is it because I just learned he’s Patton’s soulmate? I suppose that would mean I am stealing his soulmate.’ He shook the thought out of his head. ‘No, Patton would be upset if I were to phrase it that way to him. Still…’</p><p>“... Listen, Logan. You’re Virgil’s friend. He doesn’t have many of those, and you’re pretty good with him from what I can tell. I’ll call you when we call the police, which we will. I think you can help him a lot. More than I can at least.”</p><p>“Okay, I can do that. Thank you.” Dee hung up. Still laying on his bed, Logan felt emotionally exhausted. He glanced at his desk, specifically the schoolwork on top of it. ‘I should be working on that… No, actually. I’m far ahead of schedule. I don’t have any tutoring sessions this weekend.’ For the first time in a long time, he decided to procrastinate.</p><p>Janus - Friday, September 27, 5:32 PM</p><p>Virgil was pretty out of it as Janus half guided half dragged him to Emile’s apartment. Emile predictably started to fuss over Virgil the second they got inside. “Hello! How are you feeling?” Virgil opted to flop down on the couch rather than respond. “Oh, well that answers that.” He left the kitchen where he was making dinner and had Virgil sit up. “You can sleep in a bit. I want you to eat and drink water first.”</p><p>He nodded halfheartedly. Janus sat down next to him. “Want to tell me what happened?” he asked.</p><p>“No, not right now.” ‘Of course not. He’ll probably tell Emile all about it in their little therapy sessions.’ “Were you on the phone in the car?” he asked Janus. “I swear I heard you talking.”</p><p>“It was just a friend. Don’t worry about it.” Emile came back with a Panini and a glass of water. Janus didn’t know if Emile genuinely liked making them more than most food or just enjoyed being able to call them Picani’s paninis.</p><p>“Thank you.” Virgil took a few bites.</p><p>“Yours is on the table, Jan.”</p><p>He reluctantly got up. Just as he’d expected, they started whispering to each other the second he was out of earshot. He could vaguely hear Emile mutter something like “Is it okay if I tell Janus?” ‘You better fucking tell Janus…’ Thankfully, he got up moments later to where Janus was standing. “Before I tell you this, you need to promise not to freak out.”</p><p>“Sure. What is it?”</p><p>“His chemistry partner is one of his soulmates. Specifically, the Courier.”</p><p>“What!?” He started to walk over to Virgil. “Why’d you wanna leave then? Why didn’t you tell me?” Virgil tensed, not looking at him.</p><p>Emile grabbed his arm and dragged him back. “Janus, stop it. That’s exactly what I just told you not to do. Go to my room. I’ll tell you what Virgil is okay with me telling you and that’s it. You want him to have more agency? Give him agency.” Janus let him lightly push him into the room. “While you’re waiting, Google if Attachment Withdrawal is possible if someone doesn’t connect to one soulmate they could connect to if they just connected to another. I wanna know if I should try and convince him to meet the other one.”</p><p>“He doesn’t want to-?” Emile shut the door in his face. ‘Guess I deserve that…’ He sat on the bed and pulled out his phone. ‘Emile should be the one doing this. Instead, Virgil decided to trust a stranger over his own brother.’ Part of him knew that wasn’t fair. He should have the right to be untrusting of him as long as he wants. It still hurt.</p><p>Emile joined him a few minutes later. “What’d you find?” he asked.</p><p>“He’ll be fine for a bit. There’s no definite time scale, but we’re good for now.”</p><p>“Good.” Emile sat next to him on the bed. “Sorry I slammed the door in your face.”</p><p>“Don’t be. I was being an ass. I am an ass.”</p><p>“No, I can see that you’re trying.” He started playing with the edge of his blanket. “I know this isn’t the best timing, but wanted to talk about the police situation.”</p><p>“Yeah, I… I actually have something I need to tell you about that. I caught Mom and Dad waiting for him outside school today.”</p><p>“What? What happened?”</p><p>“I think they wanted to get to Virgil before I did today and take him home. Thinking about it, that’s about the only way for them to get him back without getting the police involved. That’s why we were so late getting here. I made them leave by threatening to call the police. Then, I told Virgil I’d be late and trailed them home to make sure they actually went back.”</p><p>“That’s… scary.”</p><p>“Yeah. That’s why I changed my mind. I want to call the police tomorrow. We’ll talk to Virgil about it first. He won’t like the idea, but we have to do it. I can’t risk them hurting him again.”</p><p>“I agree, but… I don’t think we should do it yet.”</p><p>Janus took a second to process that. “You’re the one that’s been so obsessed with us doing it immediately. What changed?”</p><p>“He’s already overwhelmed. He just took a huge step. If we wait for him to meet both his soulmates, that’s gonna be two people that can help him more than we can. Plus, having soulmates already identified helps a lot with custody issues.”</p><p>“That.. makes sense. So are we setting a specific deadline, or…?”</p><p>“How about this? Once Virgil meets his other soulmate, we have two days to talk to them. I have their phone numbers, so that won’t be hard.”</p><p>“Wait, how do you have their numbers?”</p><p>“They were on Virgil’s arm when you brought him to me. One of them is an Empath, so he was really worried. I messaged them both that he was fine and asked them not to respond. They didn’t, so we know they’re good with boundaries.”</p><p>“You texted Virigl’s soulmates without- You know what, whatever. Continue with what you were saying.”</p><p>“After talking with them, we will all talk to Virgil within the next few days. We’ll make sure he knows we think it’s what’s best for him, but also not lie and say it’s his choice.” He held out his hand. “New deal?”</p><p>“New deal.” They shook on it.</p><p>Virgil - Saturday, September 28, 1:12 AM</p><p>Virgil woke up on the floor. He didn’t remember getting on the floor, nor did he have any memory of falling asleep. As we became more cognizant of reality, he felt his breath get caught in his throat and his body shaking. He tried to remember his dream, but nothing was there. He crossed his arms the way Emile showed him. ‘4….7…….8….....’ Slowly, the left side of his body, the side he fell on, started to hurt. He became aware of other things as well, such as the time on the clock - about 1 am - and the half empty glass of water in front of him. He took a sip in an attempt to calm himself further. Although his shaking hands cause some of the water to spill, it was an overall success.</p><p>He debated whether or not he should get Emile. ‘If he didn’t wake up when I threw myself off the couch like a crazy person, he’s probably deep in sleep. I shouldn’t ruin that.’ He remembered what Roman said about Patton.</p><p>
  <em> “Apparently, one of my soulmates was upset last night and I didn’t wake up to my other one’s, who’s an Empath, text about it.” </em>
</p><p>‘Patton’s probably awake right now. He’s awake and worried about me.’ He pulled his phone out of his pocket - ‘I really need to stop falling asleep in my regular clothes’ - and opened up his contacts. He wanted to call. If not for himself, then for Patton. ‘I shouldn’t do it. I already told Roman. I can’t talk to him. This is already terrible. I can’t. I can’t.’ </p><p>Somehow, he managed to press call. A sleepy voice answered. “Hello?”</p><p>“Hi, Patton. I’m…” ‘<strike> just say it just say it just say it. </strike>’ “Roman told me my freakouts wake you up so… hi.”</p><p>There was a lot of movement on the other end Virgil couldn’t make out. When Patton spoke again, he sounded much more alert.</p><p>“Soulmate! You’re my soulmate! Hi! Oh my God, it’s amazing to hear from you. Roman told me about you!” Virgil felt his chest tighten. “Shoot, I’m making you more nervous. You told me you were freaking out and I’m making you nervous. Wow, I’m not great at this. That’s okay. Let’s go through some exercises I’ve learned. What are five things you can see?”</p><p>When they finished the exercise, Virgil felt a lot better. “Thank you.”</p><p>“Of course! I’m just happy you’re feeling better. You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to be able to help you like this. All I’ve been able to do so far is tell Roman to write you something.”</p><p>“That’s actually helped a lot. And, I’m sorry for apparently keeping you up some nights.”</p><p>“Hey! You aren’t allowed to blame yourself for any of that. It’s not your fault.”</p><p>“Well, I could’ve talked to you sooner.”</p><p>“Sure, but if you weren’t ready, you weren’t ready. Now, we get to be the bestest soulmate trio of all the soulmate trios!”</p><p>Virgil flinched at the word soulmate. “Can we not talk about that, please?”</p><p>“Right, sorry.” There was a pause. “You couldn’t see, but I just did the thing where I zipped my lips.”</p><p>Virgil smiled. “Got it.”</p><p>“I know you didn’t want to meet me today - or, yesterday -, but how do you feel now? It’s fine if you aren’t up for it. I just don’t want you to fall back into Attachment Withdrawal… And I also really wanna talk to you.”</p><p>“Well, we’re gonna have to see each other on Monday for Health?”</p><p>“Oh, so you are Virgil!”</p><p>“You didn’t know?” ‘I thought Roman talked to him.’</p><p>“Roman didn’t tell me who you were, but I thought that might be the case since you weren’t here Monday and Roman was just with you for Chem. About the Health thing, if you want, I can just ignore you. I don’t wanna rush you or anything.”</p><p>“No, I’m not gonna make you do that. I can meet up with you but.. As friends. I don’t… I can’t think about it as what it is right now.”</p><p>“I can do that. Want me to invite Roman, too? If you want people outside of our trio, I can invite Logan, too.”</p><p>“Wait.. Logan as in tall, dark hair, glasses, wears mostly dark blue?”</p><p>“Yeah. I just realized you don’t know I know him. He’s talked about you before. Good things, of course.”</p><p>The idea of Logan saying nice things about Virgil to other people put a smile on Virgil’s face. ‘Small world.’ “Okay. Sure, he can come, too.”</p><p>“Awesome!” They talked for a while longer to make plans for the next day.</p><p>Logan - Saturday, September 28, 9:40 AM</p><p>Logan arrived at the Cafe exactly on time. Or, 20 minutes ahead of time. When Patton called him about this meeting, he asked for the two of them to meet a little bit early to discuss something. He found a table for the group of four and ordered an unsweetened green tea.</p><p>Patton joined him a few minutes later, ordering a Mocha. “Hey!” He gave Logan a hug before sitting across from him. “Whatcha wanna talk to me about?”</p><p>“Right, it is best to get straight to the point. Before I say this, understand that I truly am happy with our relationship. It has brought me great joy and I would like for it to continue.”</p><p>“Me too.” Patton went to grab Logan’s hand, but he pulled it away.</p><p>“Still, given the current circumstance we find ourselves in, I feel we should put our relationship on pause for a short while.”</p><p>Patton’s face fell. “What? Why? We both just agreed we’re happy together. Why are you saying this now?”</p><p>“There are a lot of complicated things going on right now and-”</p><p>“Is it because of Virgil?”</p><p>“...Yes. I thought that was clear.” ‘I don’t understand why we aren’t together on this.’</p><p>“And I thought we already talked about this.” Much to Logan’s surprise, Patton started to tear up. “Our relationship is <em> our </em> relationship. When I talked to Virgil, he told me he wanted us to meet up as friends. <em> Friends </em>, Logan. I want to help Virgil out as much as I can, but he has no say in our relationship. Right now, we are platonic soulmates. Is it possible our relationship will make him uncomfortable? Of course, but even if that is how he feels, that doesn’t mean we break up.”</p><p>“I didn’t say we should-”</p><p>“Did you honestly not think this would upset me? You were just gonna tell me right before the others showed up and think everything would be okay? If you still want us to go on a break, then fine. I can’t force you to keep dating me if you don’t want to, but if your only reason for wanting to is for Virgil, then you’re being dumb.”</p><p>“I…” Logan felt tears on his cheeks. He wiped them off. “I don’t want to take a break. I just… Virgil has had such a bad life, and I didn’t want him to finally meet his soulmates and already feel like an outsider.”</p><p>Patton’s face softened. “I know, but I’m not gonna let that happen. This will take some adjusting, but it’s gonna work out. Virgil’s not going to feel left out, and if he does, I’m not gonna kick you out to fix that.”</p><p>Logan nodded. “Right. I’m sorry. I wasn’t really thinking clearly.” </p><p>When Patton reached out again, Logan let him grab his hand this time. “It’s okay. Just… don’t do it again.”</p><p>“In hindsight, it was a rather flawed plan. It was little more than a dishonest way to avoid telling a lie of omission.”</p><p>“I don’t know what that means, but lying and dishonesty are bad, so that’s another reason I’m happy we aren’t doing it.” He smiled. Logan didn’t understand what he did to deserve Patton. He’d just made him cry five minutes ago and he already forgave him. ‘Is he capable of being angry?’ “How about this? We just rip it off like a bandaid and tell Virgil about it today.”</p><p>“Well, that would be the only way to avoid making the situation worse in the future.”</p><p>“Great!” One of the Baristas called Logan’s name. “Oh, I’ll get it.” He got up, booped Logan on the nose, and walked over to get the drink.</p><p>Patton - Saturday, September 28, 10:06 AM</p><p>Virgil and Roman showed up at their table a few minutes late. Unable to help himself, Patton got up to give Virgil a hug. He flinched back. “Oh, sorry.”</p><p>“It’s fine.. I just wasn’t expecting you to do that.” ‘Well, this off to an awkward start.’</p><p>“Turns out Virge here hadn’t had Coffee before,” Roman said, sitting down next to Patton’s seat. Patton sat back down as Virgil took the seat next to Logan. “I helped him pick something sweet.”</p><p>“I would’ve been fine with regular coffee.”</p><p>Roman rolled his eyes. “No one is fine with regular coffee their first time.”</p><p>“Although we all know each other,” Logan said, “I still feel introductions are in order since that is the purpose of this meeting. Virgil, meet Patton. Patton, Virgil.” </p><p>Virgil gave him a small wave. “‘Sup.”</p><p>“It’s so good to finally meet you! Well, actually meet you. We did talk before.”</p><p>“Right. Roman told me you got upset when I changed seats on you. Sorry about that.”</p><p>“No, it’s fine! I totally get it.”</p><p>Things went well for the most part. Once everyone got their drinks, they mostly just talked about random things. No one brought up soulmates, or the concerning state of Virgil’s homelife. It was nice, but Patton knew he’d have to broach the former subject at some point. “So, Virgil. I know this might not be a thing you wanna talk about, so you can just not answer if you want.”</p><p>Virgil nodded. “Go ahead.”</p><p>“How much do you know about relationships between soulmates?”</p><p>“I know they can be platonic, not just romantic. I’ve also heard of people without soulmates dating a group of soulmates. Sorry if you were looking for more.”</p><p>“That’s more than I knew before meeting Patton,” Roman said.</p><p>“Oh, well that’s good I guess.... I mean, for me. It sucks you weren’t taught that stuff.”</p><p>“There is a little more,” Patton said. “Sometimes, someone without a soulmate will just get into a romantic relationship with some members of a soulmate group, not everyone.”</p><p>Logan stiffened, obviously not looking forward to Virigl’s potential reaction to what this was leading towards. Virgil must’ve noticed this. He looked back and forth at everyone at the table. “Are… all of you dating?” he asked.</p><p>“I’m dating Patton,” Logan said. “I’m not in a relationship with Roman.”</p><p>“Okay. That’s good to know.” Patton tried to feel for Virgil’s emotions. There was some curiosity, but nothing else that wasn’t present before. He’d been anxious this entire time, and this new information didn’t add to that at all. ‘Weird. I wasn’t as worried as Logan about it, but I still expected something. “I know I said this on the phone before, but just to be clear, I’m not trying to date you. At least, not right now. I know some soulmates jump right into dating, and that might be what you want, but I’m not interested in doing that.”</p><p>“That’s okay,” Roman said. “I wouldn’t want to do anything you don’t want to do.”</p><p>“Right, thank you.”</p><p>Patton smiled. “Communication for the win!” Virgil chuckled at that. “Hey, I just remembered. Did Roman tell you about movie night?” He shook his head. “We meet up at Roman’s dorm Sunday’s for movie night. It’s Remus’s pick tomorrow, but he’d probably let you decide if you want.”</p><p>“No, I wouldn’t want to take that from him. I’ll need to ask my brother if he can take me. That, or maybe Emile could do it.”</p><p>“Who’s that?” Roman asked. “You talked about him yesterday, but it didn’t seem like the right time to ask.”</p><p>“Oh, my brother and I are staying in his apartment for now. He’s pretty nice, so he’d probably drive me if I asked him.” Virgil got a text. “Oh, speaking of him, he’s asking if I’m ready to go. Jeez, how’d it get that late?”</p><p>“I’ll text you the time and stuff later.” Virgil nodded and got up. They all said goodbye and he left. “Looks like mission spend an hour with Virgil and not cause him to have a panic attack was a success!” Roman held his near-empty cup up. “To us!”</p><p>Roman - Saturday, September 28, 11:41 AM</p><p>Roman found his walk home from the cafe to be quite relaxing. It was only about 30 minutes away from his dorm and was a nice opportunity to listen to some showtunes. Just as he reached the campus, he got a text.</p><p>Remus 11:42 AM: Mom is calling me</p><p>Roman quickly went to his contacts and tried to call her. It went straight to voicemail. ‘Dang it!’ He ran to the dorms and up the stairs. </p><p>Remus was curled up on his bed with his phone held to his ear. “I… I have…” Roman hurried over and sat on the bed with him ‘No, I promise I haven’t. It’s just hard.”</p><p>“Are you okay?” Roman whispered.</p><p>“I…” He shook his head. Roman grabbed the phone, hung up, and turned it off. “I know I shouldn’t’ve answered, but she wouldn’t stop calling and I know I have to talk to her at some point. It’s just hard and it hurts and I don’t want to.”</p><p>Roman hugged him. “It’s okay. You don’t have to do anything.”</p><p>
  <em> When they were twelve, Roman and Remus both liked playing video games together. There weren’t many interests they both shared, but this was one of them. Today’s game of choice was Mario Kart. With Roman as Daisy and Remus as Waluigi, they were off. Roman almost always won, but that was mostly because Remus always seemed to have an entirely different objective. Most of the time, that objective was making the characters fall off the map in hilarious ways. Doing the course backwards was another favorite. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Things were different today. Remus made the odd decision to go for a genuinely efficient kart rather than the one that looked the coolest. “Actually playing to win this time?” Roman asked. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Eh. It’s boring to just do the same thing all the time.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Once they started playing, Roman quickly learned that Remus was actually quite good at the game. It seemed all that goofing around showed him lots of short cuts Roman didn’t even know existed. By the end, they were neck and neck. Sure, neither of them were in the top three, but that didn’t really matter. The real race was between the two of them. Roman was in the lead, just about to cross the finish line, when Remus yelled “Red shell!” It collided just in time, allowing Remus to secure his place as the victor. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “You jerk! Were you saving that?” Remus nodded. Roman meant to lightly push him in jest, but accidentally pushed him off the couch. He would’ve felt bad about it, but Remus was still laughing. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “You should’ve seen your face!” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Yeah, well-” He cut himself off. The fall caused Remus’s shirt to fly up, revealing his stomach. Roman’s eyes drifted to where his soulmark was. Or, rather, should’ve been. “Remus…? What happened to your soulmark?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Remus stopped laughing. He sat up and pulled his shirt down. “It’s there.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “No, I saw your stomach. It wasn’t there. What happened?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Remus started to breath heavily as tears filled his eyes. “They… I wasn’t supposed to tell you. They didn’t want you to know. I… I…” </em>
</p><p>Roman let go of Remus and pulled out his phone. “I’m not gonna let them keep doing this to you. This is over. That was the last time anyone is going to ask you to lie about your soul status.”</p><p>“What are you gonna do?”</p><p>“What I need to.” </p><p>Remus nodded. “Okay.”</p><p>Roman called his mother. “Hello?” she answered. “Are you with Remus? I was talking to him earlier and he hung up. Can you ask him to-?”</p><p>“What was your plan?”</p><p>“I… I’m sorry?”</p><p><br/>“At some point, Remus is going to be an adult with his own life. What were you going to do then? Is there some sort of arranged marriage thing where people forced to pretend to have soulmates are pressured to be together by their abusive, godawful parents?”</p><p>“Roman, what are you talking about?”</p><p>“No. You don’t get to play dumb with me. How far were you willing to go to make Remus’ life miserable and protect your stupid, Soulist ego?”</p><p>“Okay, I don’t know what that school has gotten into your head, but you’re going home as soon as you can. You can’t talk to your mother that way.”</p><p>“Not gonna happen. Claims of abuse like this are taken much more seriously here. All Remus would have to do is show an officer he doesn't have a soulmark and you’re arrested. The only reason I didn’t want that to happen sooner is because I hope you could be better. And guess what? I was dead wrong. So, here’s the plan. You think you’re doing this because it’s what’s best for Remus? Prove it. I’m going to hang up and block both of your numbers. Remus is gonna do that too. The school will let us stay here for holidays. You aren’t going to see or hear from either of us until you turn yourself into the police.”</p><p>“You can’t just-”</p><p>“Oh, I can and I will. If you do anything to try and get around this, I’m going to the police here. This is going to end with you in jail no matter what happens. You just get to pick how. If you really think you’re doing what’s best for Remus and actually care about us, prove it.” He hung up. </p><p>Remus immediately pulled him into another hug. “Thank you.”</p><p>Roman hugged him back. “No thanks needed.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I hope you guys liked this chapter! I know that it ended kinda similarly to my last chapter, but that whole thing was so satisfying to write. I've been hyped to write it for a long time now. If anyone has any questions or criticisms, feel free to leave a comment or message me on my tumblr. Link to that: https://nerdywriterhaven.tumblr.com/<br/>Somehow, I manged to get some awesome art inspired by this fic. Seriously, it has always been my dream for someone to draw something inspired by my writing. Thank you so much. Link to that: https://thefairywithsketches.tumblr.com/post/618937450952343552/saving-one-of-your-soulmates-from-full-on<br/>In case anyone is curious, here are my headcanons for the other side's go-to Mario Kart character:<br/>Patton - Yoshi<br/>Logan - Toad<br/>Virgil - Boo<br/>Janus - Bowser</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Victory and Defeat</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This one's a little shorter, but also early, so I think that evens out.<br/>TW: Child abuse, panic attacks, victim sympathizes with abuser (past and present examples), negative self-talk, vague violence, dissociation, suffocation, love bombing.<br/>Updated 8/2: Fixed some small grammar/continuity things</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Patton - Saturday, September 28, 12:31 PM</p><p>Patton considered his morning a victory. The meeting with Virgil went better than he could’ve ever imagined. He was even okay with him dating Logan! Virgil currently felt pretty neutral. He’d prefer him to be happy, but that was still a good sign. He was more curious about Roman. Patton had gotten some weird feelings from his boyfriend on his way home. There was a lot of anger, but also a good amount of relief and satisfaction. He’d have to ask Roman about it later.</p><p>For now, he had something else he had to do. His moms were sitting on the couch watching some show he wasn’t supposed to watch until he was older. “Hey!” he said.</p><p>Mama quickly paused the TV as he moved to stand in front of them. “Hi! How’d it go, sweetie?”</p><p>“Good.” He gave them a quick summary.</p><p>“That’s great!” Mom said.</p><p>“Yeah, well, I do wanna talk to you about something.” He took a breath. “Virgil’s with his brother now, but I don’t know what’s gonna happen when his parents get arrested. I should probably google some things about it, but I think… I don’t know how you feel about it.”</p><p>Mom nodded. “I think I know what you’re asking. We’ve talked about it a lot, actually. Both of your soulmates are kinda in a tough spot. It’s odd that both of them have parents… like that, but I think it’s good that they’ll both have you.”</p><p>“In Virgil’s case, custody should go to us,” Mama said. “Since we’ll get some funds from the government for that, we’d have no trouble taking him in. It’s a little more complicated for Roman. I think we could get him as well, but with Remus, there might be some issues. If we were to get custody, I don’t think we would get as much government support.”</p><p>“Not that we wouldn’t try. Even without aid, we aren’t gonna turn our backs on anyone.”</p><p>Patton smiled. “Thank you!”</p><p>“Of course.” Mom’s face morphed into one of disgust. “I hate parents like them. I’d call the police on them right now, but I know it’s a complicated situation.”</p><p>“Are we sure the brother’s okay?” Mama asked. “I know Virgil says he is but… you said he’s still defending his parents. I just want to make sure everything is okay.”</p><p>“Logan’s been talking to him. I can ask him more about it, but according to him, he’s trying to help.”</p><p>She nodded. “Good.” </p><p>They talked a while more about their morning before Patton went to his room. He groaned when he saw his backpack. “Guess I should get to work.” He pulled out his English homework, but before he could get started, his phone rang. He checked the caller ID before answering.</p><p>“Hi, Roman!”</p><p>“I did it!” Patton could hear someone (Remus?) cheering in the background.</p><p>“Did what?”</p><p>“I just talked to my mom. Completely called her out.”</p><p>“Oh my gosh, that’s amazing!”</p><p>“I haven’t felt this great in my entire life. I could do anything right now. I can climb any mountain, slay any beast!” He laughed. “I have no idea why I waited this long. I’m on a roll. Part of me wants to find Virgil’s parents number and keep the train going.”</p><p>“Do it!” Remus could be faintly heard in the background.</p><p>“No,” Patton said. “We’re not gonna do that without talking about it first.”</p><p>“I know, but I want to. I so want to.”</p><p>“What happened? Tell me everything.”</p><p>Roman gave him a detailed summary. “-then I hung up.”</p><p>“Do you think they’ll actually do it?”</p><p>Roman’s excitement died down. “I don’t know. I hope they do, but… I refuse to get my hopes up again. If they do, great. We’ll work from there. If not, screw them.”</p><p>Logan - Saturday, September 28, 5:08 PM</p><p>Logan couldn’t understand why his parents still insisted on having family dinner. It was nothing but an awkward waste of time. Every meal was the same. They’d all say hello,  his parents would discuss their work with one another, he’d tell them school was going fine, and they’d all be on their way. </p><p>Today’s dinner kept to that formula up until the end, when his father said. “You have been meeting with friends a lot recently. I see no issue with you having a social life, but I must ask where this all came from. I’m sure these are not all dates.”</p><p>Logan fought hard not to snap at him. ‘Where has all this anger come from?’ “I have a few friends, not just Patton.”</p><p>“Oh, of course,” Mom said. “It’s just odd that you would insist on going on such short notice.”</p><p>“There were special circumstances.” Logan could not bring himself to elaborate, though he had no idea why. Why keep Virgil a secret from them? If they knew that Virgil also approved of his and Patton’s relationship, that may make them more accepting of it themselves. ‘But they won’t accept it otherwise. I might not have accepted it otherwise. I almost lost Patton this morning because of it. The only reason I didn’t was because he’s so nice. They’re the ones that make me think the way I do. They did that.’</p><p>“Well, if you do not want to tell us more, I’ll accept that.”</p><p>Dad stiffened. “That’s not what we-”</p><p>“Our son is a teenager. Teenagers need some independence.” Logan had no response to that. It was all very unexpected. Granted, he rarely had any sort of honest conversation with them, but this level of respect was quite unusual.</p><p>“Right. I didn’t mean to imply otherwise,” Dad said. “On that note, there is something else we wished to discuss with you. It is regarding your internship at our firm.”</p><p>Logan took a sip of his water. “I know I haven’t been helping out as much as I normally do, but-”</p><p>“That is probably for the best,” Mom said. “We mostly offered you the work because you didn’t really have anything else to do. We thought it might help you.”</p><p>Logan almost dropped his glass. ‘They did it <em> for </em>me? I’ve been stressing to find a way to get out of it and they thought they were doing me a favor.’ Part of him wanted to be angry, but knew the real issue was lack of communication. Communication requires both parties participation. ‘Though I have been participating. I try to talk to them. It’s just hard. They never asked me what I wanted. They just assumed.’ “If you are saying you don’t want me interning anymore, then I’ll stop.”</p><p>“Only if you don’t want to,” Dad said.</p><p>Logan nodded. “Believe it or not, I would rather spend time with my friends than doing thoughtless work until my hands cramp.” Mom and Dad didn’t have enough time to process the scorn in his tone before he stood up. “I’m done eating. Thank you for the meal.”</p><p>He left for his room before either could excuse him. The whole act of rebellion gave him a strange rush of adrenaline he hadn’t been expecting. Before he could channel the feeling into something productive, his phone rang. He checked the caller ID before answering. “Hello.”</p><p>“Good evening,” Dee said. “I heard that everything went well this morning. He didn’t fall asleep the second he got home, so I assume he didn't have a panic attack. Not that Virgil’s told me much.”</p><p>“There was no panicking that I noticed, but you’d have to ask Patton to know for sure. You have his number, right? I remember Roman and he received a text from you the day Virgil missed school.”</p><p>“That was Emile, actually. Have you met him? Emile?” The last part was muffled, as if he’d pulled the phone away from his mouth. He could hear someone say something in the background. “He’s talking to Roman right now.”</p><p>“About what? Is something wrong?”</p><p>“No. Well, nothing new is wrong. My parents are still not in prison, and that’s very wrong.”</p><p>“Are you planning to get the police involved soon?”</p><p>“Yes. That’s what I’m calling you about. We decided it would be a good idea for you and his soulmates to talk to him about it first. According to Emile, he’s not going to be okay with the idea for a while, but hopefully that would help.” Someone said something in the background again. “Oh, Em wants me for something.” Logan assumed Dee must have put him on mute because the other end became completely silent. While waiting for him to come back, he got a text from Roman.</p><p>Roman 5:38 PM: I don’t want you to hear about this from someone other than me first . I was going to tell you sooner, but Emile called me before I could. I confronted my parents and the police will be involved soon. I’ll tell you more once you’re done talking to Virgil’s brother.</p><p>Logan smiled. ‘Nice of him to go out of his way to make sure I heard it from him. That must be what Emile is telling Dee. It certainly is pertinent to the conversation. This context may help Virgil understand the injustice of his own situation.’</p><p>“Hello? Are you still there?” a muffled voice said from his phone.</p><p>Logan put it back to his ear. “I apologize. I’m here. Roman texted me what I assume Emile just told you.”</p><p>“Oh. Good. That saves me some time. I’d talk further, but Virgil will get suspicious if both of us are hiding away in Emile’s room for this long. I’ll talk to you again later.” He hung up.</p><p>Roman - Sunday, September 29, 6:24 PM</p><p>Movie night was going wonderfully. Remus picked a tame movie given his normal tastes (Labyrinth) and everyone enjoyed it. He was nervous at first, not knowing Virgil’s movie preferences, but all was well. Everyone got along just fine. It was a little disheartening at first when Virgil chose to sit on the end next to Logan rather than him or Patton, but that was fair. He was closer to Logan than he was with either of them. Their bond would take some work, but he was more than willing to put in the effort.</p><p>When the movie ended, Remus was very quick to leave the dorm. Roman sighed. The two of them had talked about the conversation the group would have with Virgil after the movie ended and Remus decided he would leave beforehand. Roman only wished he’d been more subtle about it.</p><p>Unfortunately, Virgil took notice, watching Remus as he left with a confused expression. “Is everything okay?”</p><p>“Yeah, he’s alright,” Roman said. ‘Might as well be honest.’ “I told him I wanted to talk to you about something after the movie and he wanted to leave before that happened.”</p><p>Virgil looked back and forth between all of them, posture stiffening. “Okay. What is it?”</p><p>Roman explained the situation with him and his parents. “So far, nothing’s happened. I don’t know how long it’s gonna take for them to do something, but I’m gonna wait for it.”</p><p>“That’s good…” Virgil didn’t make eye contact with any of them. “Patton and Logan already knew about this. Why are you telling me now in person?” ‘Dang it.’ Logan has warned them that Virgil was perceptive and may start to feel cornered. ‘There was probably a better way we could’ve done this.’</p><p>“We… didn’t know how you’d feel about it,” Patton said, keeping his voice calm.</p><p>“Of course I’m okay with it. They’re jerks. I’m glad they’re going to jail soon. I don’t…” He wrapped his arms around his chest as if to hug himself. “This is about my parents, right? You want to arrest them, too.”</p><p>“I know you might not understand right now, but-” Virgil cut Logan off.</p><p>“No, this is not the same thing! First Emile, now you guys. Remus was actually hurt by his parents. Mine were trying to help me. Roman, why are you okay with this? It’s not the same thing. I need them! I miss them! You can’t just take them away like that!”</p><p>“You don’t-” Roman stopped talking when Patton held up his hand and shook his head. Virgil was starting to hyperventilate. Him and Patton stepped back as Logan walked Virgil through the 4-7-8 breathing exercise.</p><p>“I’m… I’m sorry,” Virgil said, leaning against Logan.</p><p>“You don’t need to be sorry. Can I hug you?” Virgil nodded and Roman wrapped his arms around him.</p><p>Virgil left soon after, not saying another word about his parents. Remus came back a few minutes later. “How did it go?” All three of them were laying down, defeated. </p><p>“We went a little bit too fast there, I think,” Patton said.</p><p>Logan sat back up. “This is a difficult task. I may even consider it futile. None of us are certified therapists, and Virgil will impulsively act defensive when he feels cornered. Any more attempts mirroring this one will almost certainly end in failure.”</p><p>“I can talk to him tomorrow,” Remus said, joining Patton who had been sitting on his bed. “He asked me if I thought I deserved what Mom and Dad did. He wants to ask questions and figure this out. He probably just didn’t like everyone ganging up on him like he’s a drug addict that needs rehab.”</p><p>“That’s… a very good point. It does make sense for him to see your perspective on this as more valid.”</p><p>“But, are you okay with doing this?” Roman asked.</p><p>“Yeah, it’s different from talking to him tonight. I just didn’t wanna hear you guys talking about it and stuff.”</p><p>“Okay, then. That’s the plan.”</p><p>Patton sighed. “I knew that he wasn’t gonna go for it right away but… he said he needs them. That’s… That’s really bad.” Seeing tears in his eyes, Roman got up to give him a hug. He pulled Patton’s head against his chest as he cried. “It’s not fair.”</p><p>Not knowing what to do, Remus awkwardly pat Patton on the back. “There, there.” He looked up at Roman, as if asking for approval. He gave him a thumbs up.</p><p>“Okay. I’m okay,” Patton said. “We can do this. We’ll just keep trying and it'll work out.”</p><p>“Of course.” Logan said, watching from the other bed. “Everything will be alright in the end.”</p><p>Remus - Monday, September 30, 1:00 PM</p><p>During Art, Remus had two goals:</p><ol>
<li>Talk to Virgil about his parents.</li>
<li>Don’t make him freak out.</li>
</ol><p>Well, it was more like one goal and one limit on that goal. Like, the first one would be super easy if that second one wasn’t there. But it is there, so he has to do it. Although he technically was only given the first goal, but he wanted to do the second one because Virgil was his friend and he wanted to help. Talking about his parents and making him freak out would be mean, and he didn’t want that.</p><p>He decided to start the conversation somewhere else. Remus didn’t understand why people did that (why not get to the point?), but that’s what Roman did, so whatever. “Hi!” he said when Virgil took his seat. He gave him a small wave in reply. “How are you?”</p><p>“Fine. You?”</p><p>This was going too far into small talk. Remus hated small talk. No one ever got anything from it. It’s just this waste that everyone agreed they should do to be polite. Well, Remus didn’t agree to do anything and being polite was not one of his goals. “Roman told me he talked to you last night about your parents.” ‘Shoot, wait, I did the thing I didn’t want to do. Oops.”</p><p>Virgil nodded. “He said you didn’t want to be there for it. I’m sorry they went behind your back and did that. I think they mean well, but comparing my situation to yours is a little insensitive.”</p><p>“Oh, that part's fine. That’s actually what I’m gonna do right now.”</p><p>Virgil stared blankly at him for a moment before shaking his head. “I’m already behind on our project. I should get to work.”</p><p>“Okay, you can do that while I talk.”</p><p>“No, I… Shouldn’t you work on your project, too? Roman told me you’re behind.”</p><p>“Nah, I finished over the weekend.” He smiled at the thought. He didn’t like Art class very much because he didn’t like being told what to do, but one he got into the project, it was hard to stop. The adrenaline. The feeling of complete immersion into something. It was great. Sure, he was behind on his other classes now, but he'll still turn in everything on time. It’ll be fine.</p><p>“Well, if you insist on talking to me, I can’t stop you.”</p><p>“Awesome. So, you know how Friday you-” The phone on the teacher’s desk rang. Remus had to plug his ears. He was fine with sounds like that, just not when they came completely out of nowhere.</p><p>“You okay?” Virgil asked.</p><p>“Yeah, it’s just-”</p><p>“Virgil,” Ms. Clairey said, “your parents are waiting to pick you up at the office.”</p><p>Virgil froze. “What do you mean?”</p><p>“You have a dentist appointment or something. You can make up today’s work later.” Virgil nodded and considered his options for a moment before he started putting his stuff in his backpack.</p><p>“Wait, what are you doing?” Remus asked. ‘Bad. This is bad. Is he actually gonna go? Why? Why would he go? This is bad.’</p><p>“I’m sorry, Remus.” Virgil got up and left.</p><p>“Wait!” Remus tried to go after him, but Ms. Clairey stopped him.</p><p>“You’re not excused. Go back to your seat.”</p><p>Remus could see Virgil start to run once he left the classroom. “I need to stop him! They’re gonna hurt him!”</p><p>“I know they can be scary, but the dentists won’t hurt him.”</p><p>“That’s not what I mean!” He pushed past his teacher and ran to the door. Once he made it out, he didn’t know what to do. He needed Roman. Roman always knows how to help. He ran to the English classroom.</p><p>“Hey, no running,” someone said. Remus didn’t care to check who. “Stop!”</p><p>Remus made it to the classroom and pulled the door open. Everyone stared at him as he ran over to his brother. Logan was in this class, too. ‘Good. More help.’ “Remus, what are you-?”</p><p>“Virgil’s parents are here.” Before Roman or Logan could react to that, the person who’d been calling for him entered the room.</p><p>“I’m sorry for the intrusion,” the man said, grabbing Remus’s arm. He was campus security. Remus tried to get out of his grasp.</p><p>“What’s going on here?” Mr. Poslin asked.</p><p>“He was running around outside. I’m going to take him to the office.” He started to pull Remus away as he still resisted.</p><p>“You can’t just manhandle my brother like that,” Remus heard Roman say as the door closed behind them. He soon caught up with them. “He was trying to tell me something about our friend. Let go of him!”</p><p>The security person stopped, still gripping Remus’ arm. “If you insist on leaving your classroom and causing a ruckus, then you should come with me to the principal as well.”</p><p>“Fine!” Roman took Remus’s other hand. “Just let go of him.”</p><p>Janus - Monday, September 30, 1:22 PM</p><p>Janus hoped everything went well today for Virgil at school. The previous night had sucked, but Emile assured him that they couldn’t have expected much better. <em> “He’s still not used to being away from them. We need to give him time.” </em></p><p>Despite knowing there was nothing he could currently do, he still felt restless. He paced back and forth in the kitchen as Emile made them both lunch. He only stopped when Emile’s phone rang. “Watch the pot for a second,” Emile said. Janus did as he was asked as Emile grabbed his phone off the counter. “...It’s Patton.”</p><p>“Why’s he calling you? Shouldn’t he be in class?”</p><p>Emile shrugged before answering. “Hello?” His expression darkened as Patton spoke on the other end. “Did you try calling either of them? …Okay, give me a second.” He took the phone away from his ear. He turned the heat off on the stove. “Call Virgil.”</p><p>“Why?” he asked, already reaching for his back pocket.</p><p>“Patton said something feels wrong. He’s not explaining himself well, but Virgil didn’t answer when he called.”</p><p>Janus called him. It went straight to voicemail. Before he could tell Emile that, Logan called. Janus could feel his chest tighten as he answered. “What’s going on?”</p><p>“I don’t know much. Remus ran into my classroom to get Roman. He said your parents are here before campus security made him leave. Roman went with him. I did my best not to react so I could ask my teacher to use the restroom without it seeming suspicious.”</p><p>“What do you mean my parents are there?” Emile’s eyes widened as Janus said that. He put the phone on speaker.</p><p>“That’s all Remus said before security took him away. I assume they are trying to check him out early. Given Virgil’s behavior last night, I’m not confident he would resist.”</p><p>“Sorry, Patton,” Emile said, “I’ll call you back soon.” He hung up and started dialing another number. “I’m calling the police. I’m not taking any chances with this. We’ve waited too long already.”</p><p>‘This is all my stupid fault. If I’d just listen to Emile when we first got here, then- No, I can’t think about that right now.’ “I’ll call you back, Logan.” He hung up.</p><p>Emile put his phone on speaker. “911, what’s your emergency?”</p><p>“We know for a fact that two parents are forcing their child to lie about his soul status. We have reason to believe that the child is currently with them and in danger. They have a history of using severer corporal punishment on him.”</p><p>“Do you have their address?” Janus gave it to them and answered every other question they had. “Officers are on their way. Stay away from the scene until the suspects are apprehended. Please remain available in case further information is needed.”</p><p>“We will. Thank you.” As the call ended, Emile ran his fingers through his hair. “That was awful. I’m gonna text Patton for his parents’ numbers so they can check him out early. You should do the same for Logan. I don’t think that’s gonna happen for Roman and his brother.”</p><p>“They’re both in trouble, so no.” Janus explained the part of Logan’s phone call that he’d missed.</p><p>“Well that’s another thing to worry about. Let’s just do what we can for now. I’m sure everything will be fine with them once the school finds out what was going on and why Remus reacted the way he did.” Before he could think it through, Janus grabbed his car keys. “Where are you going?”</p><p>“To my house.” He started making his way to the door.</p><p>“What? The operator just told you not to do that!”</p><p>“Too bad. Are you coming or what?” Emile sighed before joining him</p><p>Virgil - Monday, September 30, 1:22 PM</p><p>Virgil didn’t have to get in the car with Mom and Dad. All he would have to do was show his mark to a member of the faculty and he’d likely never have to see them again. A very small part of him wanted to. He was scared. They knew he was hiding from them. Knew another person outside their family knew about him. ‘What will they say? <strike> What will they do? </strike>’</p><p>His fear melted away when he saw them waiting for him in front of the school. He ran over and, before he knew it, Mom hugged him. “I was so worried about you. What was your brother thinking?” She kissed him on the head.</p><p>Dad patted him on the back. “Good to see you again, son.”</p><p>“Thank you,” Virgil said, filled with relief. “I’m... It’s good to see you, too.”</p><p>Mom sat in the back of the car with him as Dad drove. She kept an arm wrapped around his shoulder. Virgil couldn’t resist the urge to lean in. “Oh, it was so scary knowing you were away from us. I don’t know what went wrong with your brother all of the sudden. I bet it was his college. We should’ve known better than to let him go to a school down here. He would’ve done much better going back to Maine.”</p><p>Virgil said nothing on the ride home, simply appreciating his mother’s warmth. He couldn’t remember either of them showing him this much affection in his life. It was wonderful. ‘They aren’t mad at me. They aren’t mad at me.’ Once they made it back to the house, his parents had him sit in the living room with him.</p><p>“There is something we need to talk to you about,” Dad said. “Your brother threatened us into not seeing you by saying he would call the police if we tried anything. We had to be real careful to make sure we could see you before he fed the police lies about us.” Slowly, Virgil nodded. “I don’t know what lies he put into your head, but we need to make sure you’re on our side. All we need you to do is tell them that Dee is a liar. That he kidnapped you and is the real criminal here.”</p><p>“The real…?” ‘I… No, Janus is trying to help me. I know that. Emile is really nice, too. Logan, Roman, Remus, and Patton will get roped into this. What if they all get in trouble for siding with Janus? I don’t want that. And then Mom and Dad would know I talked to my soulmates. They aren’t mad at me now, but they’ll be super angry when they find out about that. That was so bad. The worst thing I could’ve done. Why did I do that? Why-’</p><p>“Sweetie?” Mom said. “You’re looking a little lost in your own head there. You okay?”</p><p>“I-” Before Virgil could fully respond, they could hear sirens.</p><p>“There’s no way Dee’s found out about this already,” Dad said, standing up.</p><p>Mom cupped the sides of Virgil’s face. “Just in case, do you remember what your father just told you to tell them?” Virgil nodded. “Good. I’m proud of you. Remember that.”</p><p>A loud knock came from the front door. That was the last thing Virgil heard before he started to lose his grip on reality. This was too much. What was he supposed to do? Mom pulled him up and positioned him behind her. There was a conversation, but Virgil understood none of it. “Come on, sweetie.” His mother nudged him, giving him some clarity. “Tell the nice police woman.”</p><p>“I-” Virgil shook his head.</p><p>“Ma’am, I need you to step away from your child. You too, sir.”</p><p>Mom gripped him tighter. “Come on, son,” Dad said.</p><p>“Dee…” ‘He was helping me, but Mom and Dad are helping too. I can’t. I don’t want this. I just wanna go to my room. I don’t want anything to happen to anyone. I can’t lie. I can’t do that to him. I can’t do this to them either. I can’t.’ “Dee didn’t do anything wrong. He was helping me.”</p><p>Someone hit Virgil and he lost reality again. He felt pain, but didn’t know why. He wanted it to stop. He wanted everything to stop. There was yelling. Who was yelling? He couldn’t breathe right. ‘4-7-8’. He tried the method. It always worked. Except…</p><p>No. No, he actually couldn’t breath. Something was stopping him. He tried to get away but could barely move. He heard more shouting and finally a loud bang before he lost consciousness entirely.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I already apologized vaguely for this on Tumblr, but it bares repeating. I'm very sorry for putting you through this chapter. At least things... are... better? Kinda?<br/>As always, thank you so much for reading! You're views, Kudos, and comments mean the world to me. I am always looking to improve, so if you have an questions or criticisms, feel free to let me know in the comments or message me on Tumblr. Link to that: https://nerdywriterhaven.tumblr.com/<br/>I honestly can't believe this is real, but someone made a freakin' comic, thing base on one of the scenes in the last chapter? Wtf? It's so cool and made my LIFE! So cool. Thank you so much. Link to that: https://thefairywithsketches.tumblr.com/post/619213573374263297/shoot-im-making-you-more-nervous-you-told-me</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Aftermath</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry for the short chapter. Explanation at the end<br/>TW: Children not taken seriously, guilt, victim blaming themself, panic attack, hospitalization, child abuse, bruises<br/>Major Warning: This chapter has a discussion about an incident where a police officer used violence against a criminal. Part of me wanted to entirely take that out of the story given recent events, but I already mentioned the bang at the end of the last part. Given that this is an arguably justifiable case within the context of the story, I hope no one takes offense to it. This is just really bad timing.<br/>Updated 8/30: Fixed minor issues.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Logan - Monday, September 30, 3:00 PM</p><p>Logan’s first instinct once school ended was to call Virgil. No answer. Next was Roman. No answer. Finally, Janus. No answer. As terrible as the situation was, it would at least be tolerable if he knew what was going on. He’d given Janus his parents’ phone numbers when he texted him during class. Nothing ever came of that, furthering Logan’s frustrations.</p><p>Just in case, he messaged his parents saying he would need to stay late after school. Not a lie, but also not letting them in on the situation more than he had to. He then made his way to the front office hoping to find Remus and Roman. Once inside, he scanned the area around the front desk.</p><p>“May I help you,” the receptionist asked. Her kind smile was forced, but Logan appreciated it nonetheless.</p><p>“Yes. Do you know if Roman and Remus Kinner are here?”</p><p>Her smile faltered for a short second before righting itself. “Yes, Principal Martin is with them right now. You can wait for them out here if you wish.”</p><p>‘Well, that is troubling.’ “I have knowledge regarding the situation being discussed. Would I be allowed to speak with the principal?”</p><p>“No, he would not want to be disturbed. He has likely decided their punishments already. If you are not involved with the trouble they caused directly, you shouldn’t bring yourself into this.”</p><p>Part of Logan knew he should appreciate the warning, but that thought didn’t reach his words as he said, “They did <em> not </em>cause trouble. Remus was trying to help a friend and Roman wanted to help him.”</p><p>“I’m sure that’s how you see the situation, but-”</p><p>Ignoring her, Logan took off down the hallway to the Principal’s office. He burst in to see the man frowning at his desk as Remus sat uncomfortably in one of the chairs and Roman slammed his hands on the desk. “You aren’t even listening to us!”</p><p>“What are you doing here?” Principal Martin asked. The twins turned to look at him, relief on both of their faces. “I do not want anyone else involved.”</p><p>“I can support any of their claims. Remus did nothing wrong today.”</p><p>“I don’t know why you think I would value the input of another biased party, but if you want to rope yourself into this, fine by me.”</p><p>“Well, sorry if we want to defend ourselves against being suspended for no good reason,” Roman said. Logan had never seen him this angry. Remus curled in on himself further. </p><p>“I don’t know how much they have told you,” Logan said, “but Virgil’s parents are abusive. The police are now involved. Remus knew of the situation and wanted to stop Virgil from going back.”</p><p>“I’ll ask you the same thing I asked them: why would Virgil return to them if they truly are abusive? You are all making a very serious claim.”</p><p>“I would assume, as a school authority, you would have basic knowledge of the psychological effects of child abuse.”</p><p>“Excuse me, young man. You-”</p><p>“Virgil does not understand that it is abuse. Most kids coming out of a situation like his don’t.”</p><p>“That does not make your claims true. I have no reason to-” Roman’s phone rang. “I thought I told you to turn that off.”</p><p>Roman checked the caller ID. “It’s Emile, one of the adults I told you is helping us. He can confirm everything I just told you.”</p><p>He rolled his eyes. “Fine.”</p><p>Roman answered. Before he could even say hello, Emile said, “I’m in front of the school.” Roman and Logan gave each other a nervous glance at the sound of his strained voice, like he’d been crying. ‘Oh god…’ “I need you to come out here so I can take you somewhere. I’ll explain more in person. Can you also get Logan?”</p><p>Roman looked at Principal Martin, silently asking if they could leave. His face softened and he nodded at them. All three left. “Logan is with us. We’re on our way.”</p><p>Once outside, they immediately saw an unfamiliar young man parked in front of the school. Logan assumed that must’ve been him and they made their way over. He vaguely understood that getting in the car with a complete stranger was a bad idea, but felt no need to object. Emile waved at them halfheartedly and opened the passenger’s side door for Logan. </p><p>With everyone in the car, Emile wasted no time before taking off. “This isn’t the best meeting, is it?” His voice sounded more cheerful now, but it was clearly forced.</p><p>“Is Virgil okay?” Roman asked. Logan looked back at them in the back seat. Remus sat in the middle despite the open seat next to him. Roman had his arm wrapped around him.</p><p>“I… Yes, I think so. I don’t know much about what happened, but he’s at the hospital now.”</p><p>“What happened?” Logan asked. “How’d he get-?” He didn’t even bother finishing the question. He already knew the answer, just couldn’t bring himself to think about it.</p><p>“I don’t know much. We didn’t get there until after the ambulance already left. The police wouldn’t tell me much before taking Janus away for questioning.”</p><p>“Janus?”</p><p>He sighed. “I need to stop doing that,” he mumbled. “That’s a different name Dee goes by. Don’t worry about it.”</p><p>“Do you know what’s wrong with him? How bad is it?” Roman asked.</p><p>“All I know is that he lost consciousness. The police ended up letting Jan text me what hospital Virgil's at so we can go there. Patton’s already there with his parents.” He looked at Logan for a moment. “Sorry we didn’t get you out, too. We were gonna call your parents, but things got really hectic. I was only able to get to it a little less than 20 minutes before school got out. I still let them know I was gonna get you and they’re okay with it.”</p><p>“That’s okay.” ‘I’ll have to ask him exactly how much he told them later.’</p><p>The car ride was mostly silent after that until about ten minutes later when Remus whispers, “I could’ve stopped him.”</p><p>“You did everything you could,” Logan said, turning to look back at him. Roman hugged him tighter. “If you hadn’t run out to find us like you did, I wouldn’t have known to tell Dee. Then the police wouldn’t have known about this until later. You did a really good job today.” Roman smiled at him appreciatively.</p><p>Janus - Monday, September 30, 3:28 PM</p><p>Janus hated every single thing about this. He hated talking to the police. He hates needing to talk about his parents at all. More than anything, he hated not knowing if Virgil was okay. They told him more after Emile left, but that wasn’t saying much. None of it was particularly good, either.</p><p>The officer must have known he was desperate to go, but kept asking him to clarify the same details over and over again. It was slowly driving him mad. Yes, he had known about the abuse, but didn’t realize it was wrong until later. <em> “Please! You can’t tell them!” </em> Yes, the physical abuse had always been a part of this. <em> “Stop, please! I’m sorry!” </em> No, Virgil does not agree that what happened to him was wrong. <em> “Virgil legitimately believes that he deserved to be hurt yesterday.” </em> Yes, he now understood he should’ve reported this sooner. <em> “He said your parents are here.” </em></p><p>Eventually, the officer took pity on him and offered to get him a ride over to the hospital to see his brother. He numbly accepted. On the way over, he took out his phone to text Emile.</p><p>Me 3:43 PM: I’m on my way over. How is he?</p><p>Emile 3:44 PM: The police didn’t tell you? He’s going to be fine.</p><p>He sighed in relief. ‘Thank god.’ He was about to respond when Emile sent another message.</p><p>Emile 3:44 PM: That’s all they said, though. Do you know what happened?</p><p>Emile 3:45 PM: All of us are here, btw.</p><p>Me 3:45 PM: Please try to say everything in one message. We’ve gone over this.Yes, they told me. I’ll tell everyone once I get there.</p><p>Emile 3:46 PM: Sorry</p><p>Emile 3:47 PM: I’ll try not to do that in the future.</p><p>Emile 3:47 PM: Oops.</p><p>Janus smiled in spite of himself.</p><p>Me 3:48 PM: Right, you totally didn’t do that on purpose. Are they letting visitors in?</p><p>Emile 3:49 PM: They said they’ll let two people in at a time soon. They only want family and soulmates rn. Patton and Roman agreed it should be you and Patton first.</p><p>Me 3:51 PM: They want me to go in? I’m fine with both of them going first.</p><p>Emile 3:51 PM: I told them you’d say that and they still think you should. You’re the one that’s stuck with the police rn. Plus, you’re his brother.</p><p>Me 3:52 PM: I think we both know that I’m not exactly brother of the year.</p><p>Emile 3:53 PM: I showed that to them and they’re all calling bs. You’re doing better. That’s all that matters.</p><p>Emile 3:53 PM: So get your ass over here and get in there like the 10/10 big bro you are.</p><p>Emile 3:54 PM: And yes, I sent multiple messages as punishment for your self-deprecation.</p><p>Emile 3:54 PM: And because doing it all at once is HARD</p><p>Emile 3:54 PM: Seriously, how do you do that? Where does that restraint come from?</p><p>Me 3:55 PM: &gt;:-(</p><p>Emile 3:55 PM: You gave your emoji a nose. Wtf.</p><p>Emile 3:55 PM: I did not raise you to commit war crimes.</p><p>Me 3:56 PM: Fuck the Geneva Conventions and fuck you.</p><p>Janus put his phone back in his pocket, still smiling. ‘Only he would somehow make me smile with all this shit going on.’</p><p>Roman - Monday, September 30, 3:51 PM</p><p>Waiting around at the hospital was boring, but that was the least of Roman’s problems. He knew Virgil should be his top priority. He’s his soulmate and he’s hurt. Still, he couldn’t stop thinking about his conversation with the principal.</p><p>
  <em> “If you pull any more stunts like this, we will have no choice but to expel you.” </em>
</p><p>Logically, Roman knew that Remus would never have to see their parents again, even if that did happen. He’d just tell the police what was going on, and it’d be over. Nothing was truly at stake. Even so, the idea terrified him. He preferred thinking nothing would go wrong. Now that felt like an inevitability.</p><p>“Are you okay?” Logan asked. The two of them were alone waiting outside Virgil’s hospital room. The adults and Remus had gone to the cafeteria.</p><p>“A prince is not allowed to be okay when his citizens are not.”</p><p>“I suppose that is true, in a way, but I still think we should discuss this if that would make you feel better.”</p><p>Roman had to fight to keep his leg from bouncing as he drummed his fingers against the side table next to him. “I’m… I’m a coward. I acted as if letting Patton go in there instead of me was a noble act, but that was only because I can’t see him. Seeing it will make it real and I don’t want that.”</p><p>Logan nodded. “That is a normal reaction to a situation such as this. I feel the same way, but I also think I would find comfort in being with him, knowing he will be okay soon. I would suggest focusing on that part, if you can.”</p><p>“That sounds hard, but I’ll do my best.” He forced a smile. “It is good to know his parents are gone now. This isn’t the best way it could’ve happened, but at least it happened.”</p><p>“That is a positive one could take away from this. Good.”</p><p>Roman’s forced smile morphed into a genuine one at Logan’s odd version of comforting someone. If unusual, it was still very effective. ‘If he isn’t already planning on becoming a therapist, he should definitely consider it.’ “Thank you.”</p><p>“There’s no need for that. I’m simply talking you through your thoughts.”</p><p>“If I can’t thank you for that, can I at least thank you for helping with the Principal?  You could’ve gotten in huge trouble.”</p><p>Logan shook his head. “I don’t know exactly what has been going on with me recently. I suppose it is what most people would refer to as a rebellious streak.”</p><p>Roman gasped dramatically. “Our rule-following, ultimate teacher’s pet has a rebellious side?”</p><p>“I suppose so. I may be getting out of hand. First I procrastinated, then snapped at Mom and Dad, and now almost got suspended for bursting into the Principal’s office unannounced. I should probably try to calm myself.”</p><p>“No!” Roman took both of his shoulders. “All of that is amazing. This is a new side of you full of rage at the injustice of the world. If you fuel this flame, who knows what you will accomplish?”</p><p>Logan blinked at him a couple times, taken aback by this development. “I… suppose that makes sense. I would rather get detention than let Remus get suspended for attempting to help another. When the receptionist said he had already decided your punishments, I… I couldn’t stand it. I had to help somehow.”</p><p>“... If I were to kiss you right now, would that be considered cheating?” He didn’t know what he was saying until the words had already left his mouth. He may have meant it as a joke but, now that the thought was out there, he realized he really wanted to. He really, really wanted to.</p><p>Logan looked at the hands still on his shoulders, as if fully comprehending the implications of their position for the first time. He leaned back and Roman allowed his arms to return to his sides. “Well, in that hypothetical scenario, we would need to speak to Patton first, just to be safe.”</p><p>“Yeah, that makes sense.”</p><p>“Even if we were interested in taking our relationship in that direction, now may not be the best time to do so. Things are very chaotic.”</p><p>“Right, of course.” ‘Even if… Oh well. A prince can dream.’</p><p>Remus - Monday, September 30, 4:31 PM</p><p>Remus liked Patton’s moms. They were both really nice and even offered to buy him a cookie. He didn’t want one, thought. It was a weird feeling, not wanting a cookie. Most of the time he either wanted one or was currently eating one. He didn’t want anything right now. Everything was sad and confusing. He thought about how much his teachers would love to see him sitting calmly at a table, not making any sort of noise or doing anything distracting. He would normally always do things like that, but he didn’t feel very normal today.</p><p>Patton’s moms joined him at the table with some sandwiches and a couple cans of soda. “You’re gonna have to eat something, sweetheart,” the ginger haired one said. ‘Did they tell me their names? I hope they didn’t cause I don’t remember. They’d be really sad if I did that..’ She handed him a sandwich. “It’s grilled cheese.”</p><p>He thanked her and took the food. He ripped the crust off before taking a huge bite. The brunette smiled at him. “We wanted to talk to you about some things if you’re okay with that.”</p><p>“Sure. What about?”</p><p>“Well, I don’t know how much you know about custody in cases like this, but Sam and I are kinda experts on it now.” ‘Okay, ginger is Sam. That’s one name figured out. I don’t remember that name, so I don’t think they said it before. I could ask, but that might be weird.’</p><p>“I hope you don’t mind that Patton told us about your situation,” Sam said.</p><p>‘What? Oh, right, we were talking about custody… wait…’ “Are you gonna adopt Roman and me?”</p><p>She smiled. “If we can, I would love to.”</p><p>“Really? But you don’t have to. We could probably just say in the dorms. That’s what Roman said would probably happen. He’s normally right, but you’re adults, so you probably know more.”</p><p>“That could happen, and probably will,” the brunette (‘still need a name’) said, “but you’ll still need a guardian. We just wanted you to know that, worst comes to worst, you’re welcome in our family.”</p><p>Remus felt surprised as his vision blurred and tears rolled down his cheeks. “Thank you.”</p><p>Patton - Monday, September 30, 5:13 PM</p><p>Patton wanted to throw up when he first saw the state Virgil was in, but was used to it by now. It could’ve been way worse. He knew that, but it still sucked. New bruises littered the visible parts of his body, most notably on his neck. Patton wasn’t naive enough to not understand what that was and couldn’t bring himself to look at it since. He instead chose to focus on the various things attached to his body. Most would find that disturbing, but it helped to think about how he was getting help. He would get better, no matter what.</p><p>Virgil’s brother hadn’t said a word since they walked in. Patton wanted to break the silence, knowing this must be really hard for him, but couldn’t bring himself to. He would need support, and Patton wasn’t sure that was something he could provide right now.</p><p>He was pulled out of his thoughts as a groan escaped Virgil’s mouth. “Virge?” Dee said, getting up out of his chair. Patton did the same. “Don’t get your hopes up. The doctor said he won’t wake up for-” Virgil moved around a little bit before his eyes opened slightly.”</p><p>“Virgil!” Patton hurried over to his side. Virgil looked up at him with dazed eyes. “How are you?”</p><p>“Where…” Patton’s heart broke at Virgil’s weak voice. “Where am I?”</p><p>“The hospital, but don’t worry. You’re gonna be fine.”</p><p>“I’m…” he started to raise his hand to touch his neck, but Dee gently grabbed it first.</p><p>“It’s alright, little brother. You should go back to sleep.”</p><p>Virgil stared at his brother, emotions going from confusion to worry. “What happened to Mom and Dad?” Patton realized he didn’t know the answer to that question. He assumed they were both in jail, but no one told him. No one told him anything.</p><p>“As I said, you should rest. Don’t worry about them right now.”</p><p>“No, I… I heard a bang.” His breathing started to speed up, as did the heart monitor. “What happened? Are they okay?”</p><p>“Virgil, you need to breathe with me. I’ll tell you, I promise, just-”</p><p>“Both of you need to leave,” a nurse said as another one entered behind him.</p><p>Patton couldn’t bring himself to move, staring at his panicking friend. Janus reached over to grab his arm and gently force him out of the room with him.</p><p>Roman immediately engulfed him in a hug once he was out of the room. Patton burst into tears. “He feels guilty. Why? Why would he feel that way? It’s not right.”</p><p>He didn’t know how long the hug lasted, but everyone else was back outside the room by the time it was over. Emile had a hand on Dee’s shoulder, who was fighting back tears of his own. “I think I should tell you what I know.”</p><p>“Only if you’re up for it,” Emile said.</p><p>Dee nodded. “While the police were trying to get my parents away from Virgil, he did something to make my dad angry. He attacked Virgil. Mom tried to stop the two officers when they went to save him, and Dad started to choke him. Since that could cause a lot of damage real quickly, one of the officers shot my dad in the leg. I don’t know how legal that is, but that’s all I really know about that. I didn’t ask how he’s doing, but I don’t really care.”</p><p>“Poor kid…” Mom said. “No one deserve that.” Patton couldn’t stop thinking about how guilty Virgil felt. He couldn’t imagine how much learning of this would hurt him. ‘That’s another thing we’re gonna have to work through, but that’s fine. He has us to help him now. He’s always gonna have us.’</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading! I hope you liked this chapter. Link to Tumblr: https://nerdywriterhaven.tumblr.com/<br/>Important note: If you don't want to read all of it, please at least read the tl;dr at the end. Thank you.<br/>I have not been doing well recently. I've gotten a combined total of 4 hours of sleep over the past two days, which is only making my other emotional problems worse. I don't think my depression and anxiety have ever been this bad before. My anxiety has gotten to the point where I'm literally twitching throughout the day and my thoughts of suicide are returning (I'm not going to do it, but the thoughts are there). I know I need therapy, but that's just not an option for me. I can't even drive myself (ironically, my anxiety is the reason I can't drive). I don't even have friends to talk to about this because I'm terrible at connecting to other people. I feel awful most of the time right now, which makes it hard to write. Don't get me wrong, I still enjoy writing, but it's hard to get the energy to do it. I still want to get chapters out because, honestly, receiving nice comments is the best thing my mental health has going for it at the moment. That, and I don't want to leave people hanging. That's why this chapter is short and the ending might feel abrupt.<br/>Since I don't want this note to be all sad, I have a few things I want to link. The first one is something that's a good way to help out with the riots going on without spending money if you don't have it. The video itself explains how it works, so I would recommend just watching it. If also doesn't talk about what's going on outside of the first few minutes, so it's good for people (like me) that are emotionally burnt out and can't listen to people talk about it at all without bursting into tears. I happen to be subscribed to this person, which is the only reason I found it. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FI67K5-xJnA<br/>Next is just two songs that for some reason act as an instant mood improver for me. I don't know what it is about them, but they both make me very happy. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L4Z9LKqmryA - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6R-BR9bzdMM<br/>tl;dr: My mental health sucks, so chapters might be short for a little while.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Aftermath pt. 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW: Hospitalization, panic, mention of child abuse, sympathizing with an abuser, vague mention of police brutality, hospitalization, aftermath of strangulation.<br/>Updated 8/3: Fixed minor issues</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Logan - Monday, September 30, 7:39 PM</p><p>Logan wasn’t jealous when he noticed Patton seek out Roman for comfort in the aftermath of Virgil waking up rather than him. Roman could empathize with the situation and faired better than he ever could in emotional conversations. He didn’t comfort, he rationalized. He gave people solutions. This problem could only be solved by time, and Patton didn’t need Logan to tell him that.</p><p>With Patton’s parents talking to Remus and Janus off on a walk to clear his head, Logan found himself sitting with Emile. The psychology student stood out the most among the group. Everyone else was a friend, relative, or likely future guardian of Virgil. Would Emile fall into the category of friend? He couldn’t have known Virgil long, but a protective, caring instinct was certainly present. ‘Did that have something to do with his major? Janus had mentioned his aspiration to become a therapist. Had he attempted to treat Virgil as a client despite the fact that he is far from certified to view Virgil as such?’ Something told Logan his motivations went beyond wanting to support his friend from school. The way he stared sadly at the door to Virgil’s room said as much.</p><p>As Logan tried to come up with a good way to broach the subject, Emile spoke first. “The hospital’s gonna kick everyone but Janus out soon. Your parents said that they’d be working late today, so I was wondering if you want me to drive you home.”</p><p>“That would be good. Thank you.”</p><p>Before Emile could respond, they both heard someone’s phone ring. They looked over as Roman pulled out his phone and apologized to Patton before walking away. Patton moved to stand with his parents. ‘It is natural that he would gravitate towards parental support.’</p><p>“Are you sad that your parents aren’t here?” Emile asked.</p><p>“No, not particularly. We aren’t really like… that” He nodded his head in the family’s direction as Patton’s moms pulled their son into a group hug.</p><p>“Ah…” He took a sip of his water. “You know, most parents wouldn’t just be okay with a complete stranger picking up their kid from school. I had to explain a lot about the situation in order to get them to trust me. The fact that I knew about your relationship with Patton helped a lot in convincing them I wasn’t lying. Still, they were surprised to find out that you already knew Patton’s other soulmate and hadn’t told them that part.”</p><p>Logan sighed. ‘That will not be a pleasant conversation later.’ “I understand why you told them that. It’s alright.”</p><p>“I’m glad, but that wasn’t the point. I only wanna let you know that they weren’t mad at you, I don’t think.”</p><p>“Really?”</p><p>“No. They were just surprised. They also said they would be okay with letting you miss school tomorrow, so there’s that.”</p><p>“Did they ask you to tell me that?”</p><p>“No, but… Just based on that conversation, I assume there are some communication issues with you guys.”</p><p>Logan laughed dryly. “That’s quite the understatement, honestly.”</p><p>Emile nodded as Roman ran back over. “That was the school,” he said. “The police got in contact with them and Remus and I aren’t in trouble.”</p><p>“Yay!” Patton cheered as Remus visibly relaxed.</p><p>“Well,” Emile said, “it’s nice to have some good news.”</p><p>Virgil - Tuesday, October 1, 6:52 AM</p><p>The sounds Virgil heard as he woke up reminded him of when he first woke up in Emile’s apartment. One voice, Janus, was arguing with the voice of a stranger. Virgil struggled to make out the words as a constant beeping sound grabbed his attention. ‘What? Is that…’</p><p>“-why you have to be here,” Janus said.</p><p>“I have been informed that, when Virgil first woke up, he was immediately thrown into a panic.  I’m here to lessen the risk of that happening again.”</p><p>“Yes, because waking up to a complete stranger standing over him will help him relax.”</p><p>“I’m not making you leave. I simply want to moderate your conversation in order to keep my patient’s stress level as low as possible.”</p><p>“You aren’t his doctor.”</p><p>“If his guardians wish to request a different psychologist once Virgil is out of the hospital, they may, but I am currently assigned to his case.”</p><p>Virgil slowly forced his eyes open. As expected, he saw his brother sitting in a chair next to his bed as a woman in a suit stood by the door. He also saw white sheets, an IV, monitors, and ‘oh my god I’m at the hospital.’</p><p>The next thing he knew, Janus was standing right beside him. “Breathe for me, okay? Four in, hold seven, out eight.” Virgil nodded and did as he was told. “Good. That’s good.” He glared at the woman, still calmly standing by the door.</p><p>“Good morning, Virgil,” she said, taking a step closer. “My name is Dr. Johnston. I’ve been assigned to your case.”</p><p>“My…” Memories came rushing back. Mom and Dad. The police. “What happened? Is everyone okay?”</p><p>“Yes. Everyone will be okay.”</p><p>“But I heard a bang. What happened?”</p><p>“Don’t-” Janus started before Dr. Johnston cut him off.</p><p>“Your father was injured but will be alright.”</p><p>Virgil didn’t know how to feel about that exactly. He felt guilty, of course, but…. He was in pain and couldn’t breathe. Why couldn’t he breathe? “Did…?” He touched his neck. “Did Dad try to…?”</p><p>“I will not claim to know exactly what his intentions were, but you are here as a result of injuries he gave you.”</p><p>Tears blurred his vision. ‘Why would he do that? What did I do? What’s gonna happen to them? Are they arrested? What do I do now?’</p><p>“Virgil,” she said, “Is it okay if your brother touches you?” He nodded before Janus wrapped an arm around him, whispering comforts Virgil couldn’t believe.</p><p>Patton - Tuesday, October 1, 9:21 AM</p><p>Patton wanted to go to the hospital as soon as he woke up, but his moms made him eat breakfast first. Everything tasted bland. Still, Patton did as he was told hoping that would let him see Virgil again sooner. At least he would be able to do so a while before Roman and Remus could. They would need their parent’s permission to miss school and, given the current circumstances surrounding their relationship, that was unlikely. Logan surprised him earlier that morning by texting him that he was already at the hospital. Patton didn’t know the exact state of his relationship with his parents, but letting him go had to mean something.</p><p>When they finally arrived, the nurses informed them that they would only let three people in at a time. Janus walked out when Mom knocked on the door. “Good morning,” he said. The bags under his eyes told a different story. ‘Did he get any sleep last night?’ “Emile is just saying goodbye before he goes to work. Logan and I can wait outside for a bit while you three are in there.”</p><p>“Thank you, but we won’t be here long,” Mama said. “We have to go to work soon. We just wanted to talk to Virgil first.”</p><p>Logan and Emile walked out of the room. “All yours,” Emile said.</p><p>Patton pulled Logan into a hug he reluctantly returned. “Good morning, Patton.”</p><p>He pulled away. “You too. Was everything okay?”</p><p>“Yes. We were able to keep the conversation light with little issue.”</p><p>“We’ll try to do that, too,” Mom said, wrapping an arm around Patton’s shoulders. “Come on, sweetie.”</p><p>Virgil looked better than he had the day before. Still exhausted, but well enough to give them a quick, albeit forced, smile and wave as they entered. “Hey,” he said.</p><p>Patton’s eyes landed on his bruised neck once again. It still hurt to look at, but this time he noticed a detail he hadn’t before: a stormcloud with a lightning bolt on the right side of his neck, small but hard to miss once spotted. Virgil covered it with his hand, likely noticing Patton’s interest. He forces his eyes off it. “Nice to see you, Virgil!” Virgil relaxed and let his arm fall back to his side. “How are you feeling?”</p><p>“Alright. Doctor said I can leave in a couple days. No one’s really told me much more than that.”</p><p>“It’s good to meet you,” Mom said, extending her hand to him. He shook it. “I’m Sam.” She gestured to Mama. “This is my wife, Kay.”</p><p>“Hi, Virgil. I’m glad you’re feeling better,” Mama said.</p><p>He lost his fake smile in exchange for a neutral expression. “Yeah, your Patton’s parents. They told me you were trying to…” He looked down, playing with the edge of the bedsheet.</p><p>“Yeah. We still need to pass a screening and do some other boring legal stuff, but we’re working on it.”</p><p>He nodded. “You… You don’t have to, though. I could… I was fine…” He bit his lip, making eye contact with Patton as if asking for help. ‘What does he need help with? He’s doing just fine and it’s not like…’ Patton focused on Virgil’s emotions. He was uncomfortable, but also afraid. ‘Why would he be afraid of them? What does he think they’re like?’</p><p>Patton sat on the end of the bed, facing him. “They know they don’t have to. They just want to.”</p><p>Mom nodded. “Exactly. Someone’s gotta look after you.”</p><p>“Right,” Virgil said. “Thank you."</p><p>“‘Course,” Mama said. “Now, we really need to get to work.”</p><p>They both said goodbye before leaving. Virgil sighed. “I know you know that I… I’m not trying to accuse them of anything, it’s just… emotions are weird.”</p><p>Patton laughed. “Yeah, that’s fine. I get it.” He got up. “I’ll get the other two.”</p><p>Roman - Tuesday, October 1, 3:48 PM</p><p>Janus picked up Roman and Remus after school to take them to the hospital. It sucked waiting that long, but at least that was over now. He’d gotten weird looks during English and assumed Remus had a similar experience in Art, but otherwise no one mentioned the previous day. While it was good they weren’t in trouble, they also didn’t get any sort of genuine apology. Sure, the principal said sorry during their phone call, but it didn’t sound like he meant it. Did they understand how terrifying it was to know their friend was in danger and not only not be able to help, but almost get punished for trying?</p><p>Roman tried to take his mind off that as they pulled up in front of the hospital. “Go ahead and get out,” Janus said. “Logan and Patton asked me to drive them home, so send them down once you get up there.”</p><p>Remus wasted no time rushing to Virgil’s room. They stood in the doorway as Patton gave Virgil a hug and everyone said their goodbyes. Patton also gave Roman a hug as they left, whispering in his ear, “His soulmark is on his neck, but don’t bring it up.” Logan waved at the two of them before they both walked away. ‘I can’t believe I asked to kiss him earlier. What kind of idiot am I?’</p><p>“Virgil!” Remus ran into the room and pulled Virgil into a hug. He let go before Virgil could even react. “I was so worried about you! How are you? Is everything okay? Why did you go with them? No, bad question. Ignore that. It’s good that you’re good now.”</p><p>Virgil smiled. “I’m okay. Thanks for visiting me.”</p><p>“Of course,” Roman said, sitting on the other side of his bed. “Hanging out with you is way better than being stuck at school.”</p><p>Virgil frowned. “It’s not really fair that everyone has to do school work besides me.”</p><p>Roman stared at him for a moment. ‘Does he not understand how cruel it would be for him to have to work with all this going on?’ “It’s fine. A knight needs his rest after a battle.”</p><p>“I wouldn’t call anything that’s been going on a battle, but thanks.”</p><p>They hang out for a few hours, talking about things like school gossip and Disney. It surprised Roman to learn that Virgil’s perspective on Disney aligned much more with Remus’ than his own. “What do you mean Beauty and the Beast is problematic?”</p><p>“She dates a wolf-man,” Remus said. Virgil nodded.</p><p>“No, she dates a man that happens to look like a wolf-man because of a curse.”</p><p>“Yeah, a man that she’s stuck living with as she’s forced into the role of ‘making him better through her love’. How is that not problematic?”</p><p>“Okay, you know what? Fine, but that’s not what the movie’s about. No one’s walking away from Beauty and the Beast thinking ‘okay, time to find a jerk and date him because it’s my job to make him better.’”</p><p>“You know what? I’ll give you this one, but only if you can name one Beauty and the Beast type story where the woman is the beast character that the man has to learn to love. ONE!”</p><p>“I… Okay, that’s a really good point. How have I never thought about that before?”</p><p>Virgil shrugged. “Nostalgia goggles?” </p><p>Someone knocked on the door, causing Virgil to stiffen. A tall African American woman in a suit walked in. “Hello? I hope I’m not interrupting.”</p><p>“Hey, Dr. Johnston.” He looked at Roman and Remus, blushing a little. “This is my… umm.”</p><p>“I’m a doctor assigned to his case. I just wanted to check in before visiting hours end and meet more of your friends.” The twins each introduced themselves. Roman only just then realized both how late it was and that Janus hadn’t come back yet. “I was just with Dmitri talking with the police. So far everything is going well.”</p><p>It took Roman a second to place who she was walking about. ‘Wow, it is weird to hear someone use that name for Janus.’ Virgil must have felt the same way, because it took him a few seconds to ask, “Do you know how my parents are doing?”</p><p>“Your mother is completely fine. Your father is still recovering, but will be able to leave the hospital within the week unless anything major changes.” Roman didn’t know if he was more shocked by the question or the calm way Dr. Johnston answered it. </p><p>Virgil nodded. “Thank you.”</p><p>“It’s not a problem. Now, for you two,” she gestured at the twins. “Janus said he’s gonna take the two of you back to your dorm before coming back here. I volunteered to get you.”</p><p>“He should go back to Emile’s place,” Virgil said. “He already stayed here last night.”</p><p>She smiled. “I’ll tell him you said that, but it’s not my fault when he doesn’t listen.”</p><p>Roman and Remus said goodbye, promising to come back the next day, before leaving with Dr. Johnston. “I assume you’re probably confused about why I answered his question back there the way I did,” she said. “It’s important that we don’t shame Virgil for still caring about them.”</p><p>“But they hurt him,” Remus said. “Shouldn’t we try and show him that they’re bad?”</p><p>“Yes, but not by making him feel bad for the way he currently feels about them. It’s best to meet him where he is and slowly let him follow you in the right direction.”</p><p>Roman nodded. “Okay, we can try that.” She smiled at him before hitting the down button on the elevator. ‘“<em> Slowly </em> let him follow you”...’ Roman didn’t like doing anything slowly, but this would have to be an exception.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for reading! I'm always looking to improve, so feel free to leave your criticisms or questions in the comments or message me on my Tumblr. Link to that: https://nerdywriterhaven.tumblr.com/<br/>I want to take a sec to thank everyone for the wonderful comments of support you left. It means so much to be. I talked to my boss and she agreed to let me take a few days off (June 12th through June 16th). I probably should've told her more about what's going on so I could use sick time instead of vacation time, but I couldn't bring myself to. Still, a few extra stress-free days will hopefully be good for me. I will also hopefully be back to full length chapters after this.<br/>With everything going on, I'm trying educate myself of BLM issues. I've been watching lots of videos and am almost done listening to "How to be an Antiracist." If anyone has any other recommendations (both for videos and books), I'd love to hear them. As a white person that grew up conservative, I want to break out of my ignorant bubble as much as possible. Thank you.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Small Talks</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW: Abuse, aftermath of abuse, victim sympathies with abuser, very controlling guardians, discussion of starvation and neglect, hospitalization, nightmares, panic attacks, bad communication<br/>Other note: I don't know what happened, but I suddenly got very motivated and wrote over 2,000 words in one sitting. Go me! Hope that didn't make the last half of this chapter suck. I don't think it did, but I'm writing this after midnight. I'm not the best judge.<br/>Updated 8/4: Fixed some minor issues with the story. Nothing major was changed.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Roman - Wednesday, October 2, 7:02 AM</p>
<p>After slowly obtaining enough energy to turn off his alarm, Roman checked his phone for any notifications. He had to read the most recently one three times before he could fully convince himself it was real. ‘Why is Dad emailing me?’ He opened the message.</p>
<p>“Hello Roman,</p>
<p>I know you didn’t want us to contact you, but your mom and I agreed I’d be justified in doing so in this case. Your school called us to inform us of your friend’s situation. In a way, it helped put some things into perspective.</p>
<p>We have decided to agree to your terms and turn ourselves into the police. While we are still trying to figure some things out, we truly do miss the two of you and don’t want to lose you forever. However, given your current situation, I don’t know if you would even want us to do this right now. Our arrest will almost certainly attract public interest. With your friend’s parents position in their community being as high as it is, I’m sure the same will apply to them once more information gets out. We don’t want to make the situation worse by compounding the issue. Your friend will likely need time to recover.</p>
<p>This is not us trying to get out of this. The choice is yours and Remus’. We will turn ourselves in today if you tell us to. If we get no response within two weeks, we will turn ourselves in then.</p>
<p>We love you,</p>
<p>Dad.”</p>
<p>Roman fought the urge to throw his phone across the room. “What’s wrong?” Remus asked, still laying on his bed only half awake.</p>
<p>“It’s…” He briefly considered lying to him. He’d been taking everything with Virgil pretty hard, so he was reluctant to throw anything else at him. ‘Still, he has the right to know.’ “Dad emailed me.”</p>
<p>“Oh?” He sat up. “Can I read it?”</p>
<p>Roman nodded. “Do you wanna read it yourself or should I read it to you?”</p>
<p>“The second one.” Roman did as he asked, purposefully not paying attention to his reaction. “Um… So, what are you gonna do?” Remus asked once he’d finished.</p>
<p>“I was gonna leave that up to you.”</p>
<p>“Really?” He bit his lip. “I… Can I think about it?”</p>
<p>“Of course. The email said we have two weeks.”</p>
<p>Remus smiled. “Thank you.” He jumped up out of bed. “Alright, gotta get ready!”</p>
<p>Roman stared at him, surprised he could jump from topic to topic that quickly. Well, not surprised. He just could never quite get used to it. Remus would never stay sad for long, unless something major happened. While that was a good trait to have, it also played a huge role in Roman not realizing anything was going on with his Soulmark for so long.</p>
<p>He shook his head. ‘I can’t waste time thinking about that right now.’</p>
<p>Virgil - Thursday, October 3, 10:24 AM</p>
<p>Virgil knew who it was the second he heard a knock on his hospital room’s door. No one knocked except Dr. Johnston. She walked in and took a seat next to his bed. “How are you today, Virgil?”</p>
<p>“I’m okay.” In truth, he was a bit lonely. Virgil missed being able to just hang out with his friends while in the hospital, but knew they had to return to school eventually. Janus and Emile were both at school/work too, leaving him with nothing but a laptop Janus had brought in for him.</p>
<p>“That’s good to hear. Are you excited about leaving tomorrow?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, I think so.”</p>
<p>She nodded and took a clipboard with some paper on it out of her bag. “I’m really happy to see that you’re doing better. Now, there are a few things I need to ask you about. If you don’t want to answer anything, you don’t have to. I can always come back later.”</p>
<p>He sighed. ‘I should’ve known something like this was coming.’ “Okay. What do you need to know?”</p>
<p>“First things first, the police asked me to ask you about your brother.” Virgil tilted his head. That was far from what he had expected. “We are aware that he took you from your parent’s house about a week prior to the police being called. He tells us that it was to protect you from them. Would you agree with that assessment of the situation?”</p>
<p>“I… Yes, that was what he was doing.”</p>
<p>“Which would you say best describes his actions: kidnapping or harboring an abuse victim?”</p>
<p>He stiffened. “I wouldn’t call myself an abuse victim, but he didn’t kidnap me. He wanted to help me.”</p>
<p>“Good. In that case, there should be no legal issues with his actions. I’ll pass this onto the police.”</p>
<p>She moved on to asking him more about his childhood. “What kind of toys did you have?” “Would you consider your parents strict?” “Would you say they treated you and your brother differently?” She took notes as he responded, occasionally asking him to clarify some things.</p>
<p>He could answer every question with ease except for her last one. “What kind of punishments did you receive for misbehaving?” He stared at her for a moment, not sure how to respond. “If you want, you can just give me one example.”</p>
<p>“Why… Why are you asking me all these things?”</p>
<p>“Your brother has been talking to the police about all of this. The officers wanted to ask you clarifying questions to ensure he is being honest, but I volunteered since I had to talk to you about some other things. You probably don’t wanna talk to them anyway.”</p>
<p>“So, this has all only been stuff they needed to know? What do you need to ask me?”</p>
<p>She smiled. “If you don’t want to answer the last question, you can tell me. There’s no need to try and change the subject.”</p>
<p>He nodded. "Right, sorry. Yeah, I don’t…”</p>
<p>“That’s alright. We’ll save it for later. For now, let’s talk about what’s gonna happen once you’re out of here.” Virgil had to hold back a sigh of relief. He had no idea what he was supposed to do once he left and couldn’t figure out how to bring it up. “You have three options, and everyone involved is okay with whatever you pick. First, you can continue living with your brother and his friend. Sam and Kay McCollough will still be your guardians, but the two of them will receive funds from the government to take care of you. Your next option is living with your new guardians. This would be the typical route offered to most people in your position, but such a radical change in environment can be difficult. It would be understandable to not go with this. Lastly, your school has informed us that they have a dorm with only one person currently occupying it. They could let you stay there. This is the option I least expect you to pick, but you are welcome to.”</p>
<p>Virgil thought about it for a moment. “They’re really okay with me moving in? They barely know me.”</p>
<p>She smiled. “Yes, they have expressed much interest in you living with them. I did not want to tell you this before because I worried it would put unnecessary pressure on you, but they told me directly that Patton is very excited about it.”</p>
<p>“... What has Emile said about it?”</p>
<p>“Well, he seems to like you a lot. He called you his Avatar-Buddy, so I assume that means something good. He’d be happy to have you with him if that’s what you want.”</p>
<p>“I…” In all honesty, he didn't know what he wanted. Everything had been so crazy for so long and he wanted it to stop. So much was changing at once. Before he knew it, tears began flooding down his face. “I just want to go home.”</p>
<p>She nodded. “You don’t have to give me an answer right now. Remember that it is your decision. Everyone will be okay with whatever you choose.”</p>
<p>“No, I…” He thought about his time in Emile’s apartment. He was always so nice and supportive, but everything felt so temporary. It wasn’t a home for him. It never could be. With Patton… He slept better after his conversation with Patton than he had in a while. He felt a deeper connection with his friends than he’d ever had with anyone else. <strike> ‘This is exactly what Mom and Dad wanted to avoid. I’m becoming dependent. No, I’ve always been dependent. I’m too weak. I shouldn’t get any of them. I should take a dorm and take care of myself. I need to learn to take care of myself. I can’t rely on them. I can’t. I… I...’ </strike> “I want to stay with Patton.”</p>
<p>Remus - Thursday, October 3, 12:15 PM</p>
<p>If they told Mom and Dad to turn themselves in, Roman thinks things will get really complicated and Virgil wouldn’t like that. Remus wanted them to do it, though. They could have been lying. They did that a lot. He had to make sure they would actually do it. Still, he didn’t want to cause more trouble. He wanted to stop thinking about this. He couldn’t, though. He would have to think about it until he gave an answer to Roman.</p>
<p>“Remus? Are you alright?” Remus snapped back into reality. Logan watched him curiously. ‘Right, I’m at lunch.’ Roman and Patton weren’t there, so they must have gone to get food.</p>
<p>“Did Roman tell you about the email?”</p>
<p>He shook his head. “Is something wrong?”</p>
<p>“Um…” ‘Why didn’t Roman tell him? He’s always the one that tells people things.’ He took a breath. “My dad wants to know if we still want them to turn themselves in right now with the Virgil thing going on.”</p>
<p>“Ah. And Roman has left the choice up to you?” Remus nodded. “Would you like my opinion on this?”</p>
<p>“Please.”</p>
<p>“There will never be a perfect time to have this happen. There will always be complications. That being said, this is not ideal timing. Your feelings are certainly a factor in this, and if you want to have them do it now, you have every right, but things may be less stressful for everyone, including you, if you wait.”</p>
<p>“Okay. I’ll do that then. Thanks”</p>
<p>Logan frowned. “My intention was not to tell you what to do. The decision is yours.”</p>
<p>“Right, but what you said made sense, so I’ll do that.”</p>
<p>He thought for a moment “How often is it that you make major decisions?”</p>
<p>“I don’t know,” Remus said. “Most of the time I ask Roman about it.”</p>
<p>
  <em> “Don’t worry about it,” Mom said. “I’ll tell you what to write.” She sat down next to him. The twins were both sent home that day with a get-to-know-you worksheet. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> “Are you gonna help Roman, too?” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> “I’ll look at his when he’s done. I thought you might want me with you when you do it.” They got to work. Everything went well up until the question on Soulmates. </em>
</p>
<ol>
<li><em> What is your soulmark? Do you know what ability you have yet? If so, what is it?</em></li>
</ol>
<p>
  <em> “You know how to answer this, right?” </em>
</p>
<p>“I see… I’ll ask Roman about that later. For now, you should think about what you want to do.”</p>
<p>Remus nodded despite his confusion. ‘But I don’t like thinking about it…’</p>
<p>Janus - Friday, October 4, 8:31 AM</p>
<p>Janus always tried to leave the police station as quickly as possible once the officers were done asking him questions. If he stayed too long, they might be able to call him back again. He hated talking to them. Surely they didn’t need every last detail of what he knew of Virgil’s life in order to convict their parents. All they’d have to do was look at his neck. The only good thing to come out of today’s meeting was that apparently he would <em> not </em> get in trouble for keeping his brother safe. Sure, one could categorize his method of doing so as kidnapping, but the fact that legal issues in that regard were even a possibility sickened him.</p>
<p>He’d almost made it outside when he heard a voice behind him. “Hello, Janus.” He turned around to see Dr. Johnston.</p>
<p>“What are you doing here?”</p>
<p>“The officers on Virgil’s case wished to speak to me about his mental state. I assume you are also here for questioning?”</p>
<p>Janus hadn’t expected that, but perhaps he should have. If the police were not going to interact with him, they would need to know something about how he was doing. “They just finished with me. I was just on my way out.”</p>
<p>“Right. I’m sure you want to see Virgil before he gets discharged.”</p>
<p>He nodded. It’d hurt at first to learn that he would be moving in with the McCollough’s, but he had to respect his decision. “Well, I wish you luck dealing with them.”</p>
<p>She smiled. “Careful talking like that around here. This is their land.”</p>
<p>“I was simply saying that I hope your meeting with them goes well. You could very well be the one to mess it up.”</p>
<p>“I’m sure they’ll see it that way if there’s an issue no matter what.”</p>
<p>“Of course.” </p>
<p>He turned to walk aways before she called out to him again. “Wait a moment.”</p>
<p>“What is it?”</p>
<p>“I don’t know if they told you this, but Virgil put in a good word for you earlier. I don’t want you to be offended by his decision to live with his soulmate. It wasn’t anything personal. This is just a difficult time, and he likely wants some sense of stability.”</p>
<p>He nodded. “It was his choice. I won’t try to fight it.”</p>
<p>Patton - Friday, October 4, 4:02 PM</p>
<p>‘I have a roommate now!’ Patton knew that shouldn’t have been his main focus at the moment, but had trouble not getting excited. Growing up without siblings could feel really lonely at times. He’d had a roll-out bed underneath his for a while that never had much use until now. He figured he and Virgil could take turns sleeping on the good bed until they figured something else out.</p>
<p>Virgil stared at the house when they pulled up. It wasn’t the biggest place, but they were still relatively well off. Emile and Janus had spent some time the previous day helping them move Virgil’s stuff over. There was a depressingly small number of things that had to be moved. Patton tried not to think about that.</p>
<p>“Come on, Virgil,” Mom said, opening the car door for him. “Come inside and I’ll give you a tour.”</p>
<p>That took Patton aback. He thought he would be the one to show Virgil around. Before he could say as much, Mama put a hand on his shoulder and gave him an ‘I’ll explain in a moment’ look.</p>
<p>Once inside, Mama went with Patton to his room. They sat down on the bed. “Have you spoken with Dr. Johnston much?” she asked.</p>
<p>“Not really. Why?”</p>
<p>“She spoke to your mom and me right before we picked Virgil up. She told us a little bit more about Virgil’s… life before now. She also gave us some ways to help make Virgil more comfortable here. It’s apparently good to set up the ground rules immediately, so Sam wanted to give him the tour. Sorry we couldn’t talk to you about it first.”</p>
<p>“What did she tell you?”</p>
<p>She sighed. “Listen, I-”</p>
<p>“I don’t care if it’ll make me upset. I just wanna know.” He felt bad for cutting her off, but knew it had to be said.</p>
<p>She nodded. “Okay. You’re right. The biggest thing she said was that we need to clear about what is and isn’t allowed. If we aren’t, it might make him anxious about everyone. She… she specifically mentioned that we should clarify that he’s allowed to take food from the kitchen when he’s hungry. She doesn’t know the specifics, since she prefers to learn these things directly from her clients, but since he’s pretty underweight, she thinks that his parents probably… used hunger as a punishment a lot.” She struggled to finish the sentence.</p>
<p>“What, do you mean they… They starved him?” He felt nauseous at the thought. He knew they could get violent, but… this was somehow worse to him. The idea of depriving a child of basic human right like that made him sick.</p>
<p>“I also know, from my research, that some parents trying to make their kids lie about their soulstatus use food as a way to enforce their child’s obedience. Like, you eat at these specific times and if you miss it, you just have to starve. I don’t know if they did that, but… I don’t know.”</p>
<p>“That’s… That’s even worse.” Mama pulled him into a hug. He thought about his friend in the other room needing to be told he’d be allowed to eat if he needed to and tried not to cry.</p>
<p>Logan - Friday, October 4, 5:24 PM</p>
<p>Logan didn’t know why he was hanging out with Roman in his dorm room besides the fact that they were friends and friends did that sort of thing. He supposed that was a good reason. He also enjoyed being able to spend time out of his house. Mom and Dad kept giving him weird looks and making small talk. They wanted something. Perhaps a closer relationship with him? Maybe they just liked knowing what was going on in Logan life and this was their punishment for keeping secrets from them. Whatever it was, they needed to start putting some actual effort into it. They should just ask/tell him what they want instead of expecting Logan to read their minds.</p>
<p>The two of them sat on Roman’s bed together watching The Office. Logan didn’t get most of the jokes. ‘What is humorous about people embarrassing themselves or making others uncomfortable?’ Still, some of the characters were interesting and Roman seemed to enjoy himself. He could even recite some of the scenes verbatim. ‘Wouldn’t knowing the punchline make the joke not work? What is he getting from watching this show?’</p>
<p>Once their current episode ended, Logan stopped him before he could play the next one. “Before we continue, there is something I would like to discuss with you.”</p>
<p>“Oh…” Roman started playing with his sleeves. “I think I know what you’re talking about.”</p>
<p>‘Does he? If he already knows of the issue, then this conversation will go better than I previously thought it would.’ “Remus needs to get better at decision making.”</p>
<p>He abruptly stopped messing with his sleeves and looked up at him. “What?”</p>
<p>“Oh, was that not what you were referring to?” ‘I’ll have to ask him about that after this.’ “Remus told me about the email from your father. When I told him my opinion on it, he agreed with me without any thought and moved on. I believe he is used to others making choices for him to a detrimental degree. That is a common side effect of growing up in a controlling environment, which your home must have been for him.”</p>
<p>“Huh…. I haven’t really thought about that before. He didn’t tell me what he wants to do yet, but I’ll talk to him about this later. Thank you.”</p>
<p>‘Oh… Well that went better than I thought it would.’ “It was no problem. I simply saw a possible issue and brought it to your attention. Now, what did you want to talk about?”</p>
<p>“Right… Um…” He blushed. “I’m sorry about the hospital. I know it was super bad timing, but sometimes I just get these weird thoughts and you sounded really cool when you were talking about being angry and… I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>‘What is he talking about? What did he do that would warrant… Oh!’ “You were being serious when you asked to kiss me?”</p>
<p>“Of course! I would never joke about a thing like that. Why would you think that? You gave an actual answer, too.”</p>
<p>“Well....” It was his turn to feel flustered. “You say things ironically a lot, and I did not think you could be serious, so it was logical to conclude you were making some sort of joke I could not understand. I don’t know how to respond to jokes like that, so I just went along with it. I didn’t… You actually wanted to kiss me outside of your soulmate’s hospital room?”</p>
<p>“Not anymore! Well, I don’t mean that I don’t want to kiss you. If you want to… I mean, no. Forget that. I know, in hindsight, that wasn’t a good call, hence the apology. It was a heat of the moment thing. I’m a passionate person. You know that!”</p>
<p>“Yes, but…” He took a breath, trying to process this. ‘I shouldn’t get upset. He has already apologized for his inappropriate romantic advance. That is not important right now.’ “You… you actually want to… Okay, thank you for being honest about your feelings. Communication is important.”</p>
<p>“So, since this has turned into an actual confession… how do you feel?”</p>
<p>“I… I’m not sure what my emotions are at the moment. May I get back to you on this?”</p>
<p>“Of course! No pressure.” He picked up the laptop and put it back in between the two of them. “Let’s keep going!”</p>
<p>Logan noted how quickly Roman pivoted away from the subject. ‘Perhaps that is something he and his brother have in common.’</p>
<p>Virgil - Saturday, October 5, 12:32 AM</p>
<p>
  <em> Cold. Dark. Can’t move. “Let me out,” he tried to scream, but the words got caught in his throat. He went to bang on the door despite his complete lack of energy. It was no use. He couldn’t get out. He cried. </em>
</p>
<p>Virgil woke up in a cold sweat struggling to breathe. He kicked his sheets off as his hands shot up to his throat only to find nothing there. He tried his breathing techniques to no avail. ‘Why am I thinking about the closet? I’m not supposed to think about it.’</p>
<p>“Virgil?” He flinched at the voice before he remembered where he was. ‘Right. I’m with Patton. I’m sleeping on his pull-out bed. I’m okay. I’m not there.’ “Here. Let me…” Patton turned on his phone’s flashlight. “There. Now, can you tell me five things you can see?”</p>
<p>“Pat, I don’t…” He forced a few deep breaths into his lungs. “I’m okay. I don’t need that right now. You can go back to sleep.”</p>
<p>“But…” Virgil looked up to see Patton leaning over the side of his bed with a worried expression. “I can’t sleep unless I know you’re okay. Can you do it for me, at least?”</p>
<p>Virgil went through the exercise to humor him. In all honesty, he actually did feel better afterwards. “Thank you.” He turned on his side to face away from Patton.</p>
<p>“Of course.” He turned the light off, making Virgil think he was done. He closed his eyes right as Patton said, “Do you want me to come down there?”</p>
<p>“What do you mean?”</p>
<p>“I don’t know. Cuddles always make me feel better.”</p>
<p>Virgil smiled in spite of himself. “I’m okay. Thanks, Pat.” He thought about how often Patton must have been woken up by his Empath ability when he was in distress. How many hours had Patton spent worrying about him? Far too many. “I’m sorry,” he said before he could help himself.</p>
<p>“Oh, don’t apologize for having a nightmare. I’m happy to help.”</p>
<p>“No, I mean… I know I’ve probably made you upset a lot whenever I’m… upset. I probably should’ve talked to you sooner. I didn’t really think about how worried you must’ve been about me.”</p>
<p>“Don’t worry about that. It wasn’t your fault.”</p>
<p>Virgil knew who he meant to imply was at fault without him having to say it. Everyone hated Mom and Dad. Everyone. He couldn’t understand why. Maybe they did a few bad things, but all parents do bad things sometimes. All they wanted was for Virgil to be his best self. What was so wrong about that?</p>
<p>Still, they encouraged Virgil to do something that hurt Patton. Patton didn’t deserve that. Patton was good. Nice, independent, and strong. Mom and Dad knew Virgil needed extra help. He was bad. Rude, dependent, and weak. They didn’t know one of Virgil’s soulmates was an Empath. They didn’t know they were hurting anyone else. They were good.</p>
<p>“Virgil?” Patton said.</p>
<p>“Good night, Patton.”</p>
<p>“Oh... Sleep good, okay?”</p>
<p>“I’ll try.” Neither of them said another word and Virgil slowly drifted into a restless slumber.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for reading! I'm always looking to improve, so feel free to leave your criticisms or questions in the comments or message me on my Tumblr. Link to that: https://nerdywriterhaven.tumblr.com/<br/>After taking a few days off work, I feel a lot better. Sure, going back to work this morning suck (I literally spent half the day making up for all the stuff the person who took over for me did wrong, making me very behind on my work load), but I'm still very glad that I took some time for myself. I've finished How to be an Anti-Racist and am now reading White Fragility by Robin DiAngelo (I swear I didn't just pick this because she shares her last name with my favorite Rick Riorden character). This book is honestly so good. I think everyone should at least read chapter 5 if they can somehow, because that opened my eyes big time. I probably won't jump straight into another non-fiction book after this, since it's a little overwhelming and I don't want to burn out, but I'm very glad that I'm doing this. I hope everyone else out there is doing well. See you all with another chapter in about a week.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Choices</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW: Discussion of child abuse/neglect, aftermath of abuse, paranoia, thought spiral, nightmares, implied mild panic attack, mini flashback<br/>I'm so sorry this is late, but I think it's better for it. Hope you enjoy!<br/>Updated 8/5: Fixed some things (mostly redundancy)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Virgil - Saturday, October 5, 5:36 AM</p><p>Virgil woke up far earlier than he would have liked to. Still, early mornings weren’t exactly unusual for him. Oftentimes he would wake up at 4 AM, unable to fall back asleep. He didn’t used to mind much. After all, sleeping in could’ve been dangerous. What if he slept too long and missed breakfast?</p><p>That wasn’t really a thing anymore. At least, that had been what Sam said. During Patton’s Mom’s tour, she’d explained that he could eat whatever he wished, whenever he wished, without even asking for permission. Virgil wasn’t naive enough to believe that. Not entirely, anyway. Sure, maybe he could occasionally grab a snack if he wanted, but surely they wouldn’t allow him any food he wanted. He could easily eat too much, and taking him in was already enough of a burden on them. He didn’t have enough self control to handle that kind of responsibility. They would learn that eventually.</p><p>‘Water would be okay, right? Mom and Dad were always okay with that.’ He got up slowly, making as little noise as possible to avoid waking Patton. He got to the kitchen and looked around the cabinets until he found the one with glasses. ‘Do I need to wash this when I’m done? They weren’t clear on that. Should I ask when they wake up? No, asking isn’t good. Needing help isn’t good. I’m sure nothing bad would come from doing <em> more </em>work than necessary.’</p><p>He filled up the glass with water from the refrigerator and leaned against the counter, taking small sips. His anxiety slowly started to die down. Unfortunately, it shot right back up when he heard voices from the hallway. ‘Oh no. Who is it? What if I wasn’t supposed to do this? Why did I leave Patton’s room? This was too risky. I don’t know if this is okay. I can’t get in trouble my first day here. I can’t.’</p><p>Without thinking, he opened the door he knew led to the pantry and hid inside. ‘Closet. Bad. Too small.’ He forced the thoughts out of his head as the voices became clearer.</p><p>“-we weren’t going to tell him,” Sam(?) said.</p><p>“I know,” Kay said, “but you know Patton. He always wants to help. I couldn’t not tell him.”</p><p>“How hard is it to say ‘Sorry, sweetie, but I’m not supposed to talk to you about that.’?” The refrigerator door opened. “It’s our job to take care of Virgil, not his. If he learns details of Virgil's past from him, that’s different, but we shouldn’t tell him without good reason.” ‘What? What did she tell him?’</p><p>“I get that, but… Patton’s just so hard to say no to, especially when he’s trying to be helpful.”</p><p>“It’s only hard because I’m always the one that has to do it. You only ever get to be the nice parent.” The door slammed, causing Virgil to flinch.</p><p>“I’m sorry, okay? I’ll talk to Patton about this.Try not to stress about this at work.”</p><p>Sam sighed. “Fine, but you better have done that by the time I come back.”</p><p>They both exchanged goodbyes as Virgil tried to control his breathing. He only left the pantry when he was sure Kay had returned to the master bedroom. ‘What were they talking about? What did they know? Did I already do something wrong?’</p><p>Patton - Saturday, October 5, 8:04 AM</p><p>Patton woke up to a phone call from Roman. Remember his midnight conversation with Virgil, he looked over the side of his bed to check on his friend? ‘He’s up already?’ He didn’t have much time to think about that, instead answering his phone free from the worry of waking up Virgil. “Good morning.”</p><p>“The best morning of all mornings to you. How’s Virgil?”</p><p>He sighed. Virgil's complete rejection of any attempt to help him in the wake of his nightmare was far from ideal, but nevertheless expected. “He’s okay, I think. He woke up before I did, so he’s already gone.”</p><p>“Oh, did I wake you up? I’m sorry. I just wanted to check in on the newest addiction to our royal family.”</p><p>Patton got up and put on his cute, light blue kitty slippers. “I’ll check up on him, but why did you call me? Was Virgil not answering?”</p><p>“... Alas, I’ve been caught. While I was curious about Virgil, there’s something else I wanted to talk to you about.”</p><p>“Oh?” Patton sat back down on his bed. “What is it?”</p><p>“Has… Has Logan talked to you about what happened at the hospital? I know he’s better with communication stuff than I am, so maybe he did. I probably should’ve told you before, but I didn’t think about it which was dumb. I-”</p><p>“Roman, take a breath.” ‘What is he talking about? What happened at the hospital? Is there something else bad going on that I don’t know about?’ “Logan hasn’t told me anything.”</p><p>“Okay, well… I… maybe sort of asked to kiss him and then later asked him out… kinda.”</p><p>Patton took a second to process that before a smile spread across his face. “That’s amazing! Did he say yes?”</p><p>“Wait, you’re not mad I didn’t tell you before?”</p><p>“I mean, maybe you should’ve said something before asking him out or anything like that, but I don’t really mind. I’m just excited. We’re completing the triangle!”</p><p>“He hasn’t said yes yet. He wants to think about it. I thought that might mean he wanted to talk to you.”</p><p>“Oh, well I can talk to him. I’ll call-”</p><p>Someone knocked on his door. “Patton?” Mama said. “Are you awake? We’ve been waiting on you for breakfast.”</p><p>He held the phone away from his mouth. “Sorry, I’m up. I’ll be out in a second.” He quickly explained the situation to Roman, promising to call Logan later before hurrying out to eat.</p><p>Virgil was already at the table, staring at the pancake in front of him. “Good morning!” Patton said, taking the seat next to him.</p><p>“I don’t know why you’re sitting down,” Mama said. “The pancakes aren’t gonna walk themselves over to your plate, sweetie.”</p><p>“Right, sorry.” He got up and grabbed one of the pancakes off a plate on the kitchen counter.</p><p>Before he could go back, Mama whispered in his ear, “Virgil’s still trying to adjust here, I think. I’ll try and make sure he eats, but don’t make a big deal out of what he does or doesn’t do. We’re taking baby steps for now.”</p><p>Patton nodded and made his way back to the table. He sat down, grabbed the maple syrup, and proceeded to drown his pancake with it. Virgil stared at him, breakfast still untouched. “Do you want some?” Patton held the syrup out to him. ‘Maybe he was too nervous to ask about it?’</p><p>“Nah, I’m… I’m not really a maple syrup person.”</p><p>“Really? What, do you just eat pancakes plain?” Virgil looked away, blushing from... embarrassment? ‘Shoot, I’m supposed to be encouraging him to eat, not shaming him for how he eats.’ “That’s fine. I’m just not used to it.”</p><p>“You’re good.” Virgil gave him a weak smile. “I actually like peanut butter. I know it’s weird.”</p><p>“Not at all,” Mama said. “I’ll get you some from the pantry.”</p><p>“Wait!” Virgil got up before Mama could even take a step. “I’ll get it. It’s fine. Thank you.”</p><p>She shrugged as Virgil hurried past her. She took a seat at the table and put a moderate amount of syrup on her breakfast. Virgil sat back down soon after with a jar of peanut butter and a knife for spreading. He didn’t look up at them as he ate. Patton and Mama had an empty conversation about how each of them slept to help clear the air. He specifically did not bring up Virgil’s nightmare, though that did still worry him. The way Virgil made no attempt to join in on the conversation also worried him. It was as if he wanted everyone to forget he was there. ‘He probably thinks that’s safer.’ Patton tried to push the thought away so he could enjoy his meal. ‘He’ll get better. He has to.’</p><p>Logan - Saturday, October 5, 9:56 AM</p><p>Over the past couple of hours, Logan remembered why he’d been so concerned with staying on schedule when it came to schoolwork. An entire week of slacking off had finally caught up with him. Deep down, he knew that wasn’t quite the right term for it. Taking time off school to be with a hurt friend shouldn’t fall under a term with negative connotations. It was a good decision with some unideal consequences. He didn’t know what the plan was for getting Virgil back in school. While it would be cruel to punish Virgil for the aftermath of his abusive homelife, he was now almost a full week behind. How would he catch up?</p><p>Logan forced the thoughts out of his head as he finished up Algebra and got to work on History. ‘This is due Monday. I should’ve finished this long before now.’ His phone rang before he could even look at the first question. He answered. “Good morning, Patton. I trust everything is going well?”</p><p>“Hi!” Logan flinched slightly. Even after knowing him as long as he had, Patton’s energy still managed to throw him off every once in a while. “Yeah, we’re good. We just ate breakfast. Mama wanted to talk to Virgil for a bit, so I went back to my room. Virgil had a nightmare last night which really sucked, but he’s better now.”</p><p>“What was it-?” He shook his head despite the lack of anyone around to witness the action. “No, that’s private. Virgil will share what he wishes to share with whomever he wishes to share it with. We should refrain from talking behind his back like that.”</p><p>“Oh, I didn’t think about that, but you’re totally right. He might not wanna open up to us if he knows telling one of us means telling all of us and he isn’t ready for that.”</p><p>“Very true. Now, is that what you wanted to talk about? I hope you don’t take offense to this, but I was hoping to get more homework done.”</p><p>“Ugh, don’t remind me. I barely got things done on time all last week. There was something else I wanted to talk to you about, though. Don’t worry, I’ll keep it quick. I just wanted to let you know that Roman told me about his confession.”</p><p>Logan blushed, thankful Patton couldn’t see it. “Oh… What do you think about it?”</p><p>“I think it’s great! Obviously, I don’t want it to happen unless you want it to happen, but if you do want it that’d be awesome.”</p><p>“That’s… good to know. Thank you.” In all honesty, Logan struggled to place how he felt about the situation. ‘Funny. If I actually were Patton’s soulmate, he’d be able to tell me. Then again, this problem wouldn’t exist if that were the case.’ “I still want to think about it a while more. Roman makes for good company and has many admirable qualities. I’m not opposed to testing a change in our relationship dynamic, though I’m now aware I should have spoken with you before even considering it.”</p><p>“That’s fine. I might’ve been upset if you actually did do something without telling me, but that’s not important right now. If you’re okay with trying it out, why not just do it? Are you afraid of leading him on?”</p><p>“No, I have been upfront with him regarding my tentative feelings for engaging in a romantic relationship with him. If he didn’t listen to me, that would be his own fault. I’m not…” </p><p>
  <em> “This is a new side of you full of rage at the injustice of the world.” </em>
</p><p>‘Could my new ‘rebellious side’ be the cause of this? But why?’ He remembered his parent’s reaction to Logan revealing his relationship with Patton. Their biggest concern had been how Patton’s other soulmates would feel. Dating Roman would likely make them feel better about it. ‘I don’t want them to get off easy like that. They should be willing to accept my relationship with Patton and trust Roman’s approval of it. Dating Roman would take that burden away from them. They don’t deserve that.’</p><p>It was almost funny. At first, Logan’s desire to please them had held him back. Now, he wanted to hold himself back as a form of rebellion. ‘Stupid. I’m so stupid.’</p><p>“Logan? Are you there?”</p><p>“Huh? Oh, right. My apologies.”</p><p>“No worries. I just wanna make sure you’re okay.”</p><p>“Yes, I’m quite alright. I… I just want to think about this a little longer. For now, I should get back to work.”</p><p>They each said their goodbyes, Patton wishing him luck and Logan offering his assistance with schoolwork if needed.</p><p>Roman - Saturday, October 5, 12:14 PM</p><p>After talking to Patton about Logan, Roman dedicated his morning to thinking about what he would say to Remus when he came back from the library. He always went there in the morning since no one was there most of the time. Remus needed to be away from any and all distractions in order to work. Roman couldn’t help but admire the work ethic. Sure, he picked up on things much slower than most and rarely got more than a b- on tests, but he tried. He tried more than most people, certainly more than Roman used to give him credit for.</p><p>Roman remained unprepared for the conversation by the time Remus finally burst into the room at around half past noon. “A bunch of people just showed up. I think it’s a study group or something like that,” he said, laying down on his bed and haphazardly dropping his backpack next to it. ‘No hello. No how are you. He jumped straight to what he wanted to say, just like he always does.’</p><p>“You can keep on working here if you want. I’ll try to be quiet. I need to work on catching up, anyway.”</p><p>“If you think I should, then sure, but my brain’s kinda…” He made vague, nonsensical gestures around his head. “Full, so I don’t think I’d do any of it good.”</p><p>‘<em>“If you think I should, then sure”</em>... This could be a bigger problem than I thought. Why did I need Logan to point this out to me?’ “If you think you need a break, you should take one. You know your limits.” Roman picked up his book bag off the ground and put it on their table. “I, meanwhile, need to get to work.” ‘I can talk to him later once I get a better idea of what I want to say.’</p><p>“Kk.” He sat up. “I can go get us some food. What do you want?”</p><p>Roman almost answered on instinct before catching himself. “I don’t really care. You know what I like pretty much anywhere.”</p><p>“Oh… Well, I don’t want to…” He started fidgeting with the end of his bed sheet. “You pick. It’s fine.”</p><p>He sighed, giving up on his homework. ‘Guess we’re doing this now.’ He got up and sat on his own bed facing Remus. “Listen, I… I know I sometimes take over and act like I’m in charge, but I’m not. When I tell you a choice is yours, it’s yours.”</p><p>Remus nodded, not making eye contact. “I’m still trying to figure out the email thing. Logan told me I shouldn’t do what he thinks I should just because he thinks I should, but… He’s smarter than me. Most people are smarter than me. It’s better if I just listen, I think.”</p><p>“You’re not dumb, Remus. You can make decisions, especially when it affects your own happiness. You can listen to Logan or whoever you want to, but if you disagree, that’s fine. I don’t know why you think you aren’t as smart as everyone else,” ‘No, that’s a lie. I know exactly who probably made you think that,’ “but you are. I’m certainly not smarter than you. I’m just more arrogant, which is if anything a point against me.”</p><p>Remus moved over to his bed and gave him a hug. “Thank you.”</p><p>Roman hugged back. “No need. I’m just being honest.”</p><p>Logan - Sunday, October 6, 5:52 PM</p><p>Logan’s Mom dropped him off at the school for movie night at almost the exact same time Patton and Virgil arrived. “Hi!” Patton waved energetically.</p><p>“It’s good to see the two of you again,” Logan said. “I hope you are both well.”</p><p>Virgil nodded. “Everything’s alright. Patton’s a good roommate.”</p><p>‘Aw!” Patton playfully elbowed him before they all made their way to the dorm building together.</p><p>“Um....” Virgil stopped once they reached the entrance. “Do you mind if… I wanted to talk to Logan really quick.”</p><p>“Oh, sure!” Patton gave him a huge smile before opening the door. “I’ll meet you two up there!”</p><p>Virgil took Logan off to the side. “Is something wrong?” Logan asked. ‘Does he actually not like living with Patton? Is it too overwhelming? It is a rather extreme change in environment.’</p><p>“No. I just wanted to thank you.”</p><p>“What?” Virgil moved back slightly in reaction to his outburst. “I mean, I don’t know what you’re thanking me for, but whatever it is it was no problem.”</p><p>“You helped a lot, even before all of this. I freaked out on you a bunch of times and you helped me with all of it without any real reason to. That was… cool. I don’t think that’s the right word for it but… yeah. Thanks.”</p><p>“You’re welcome, but I did have reason. You are my friend, and therefore I care about your well being. You deserve someone equipped to help you through difficult times. I’m glad I could be that person for you.”</p><p>Logan was taken aback when tears began to well up in Virgil’s eyes. “You cared about me when no one… It meant a lot to me, so you don’t get to brush it off like that. Patton and Roman are good, but… You make me feel safe. I never feel safe, so that’s pretty big. You’re… honestly really awesome, no ‘but’s or ‘it was no problem’s.”</p><p>If Virgil tearing up surprised Logan, needing to wipe tears from his own eyes left him feeling even more shocked. “You’re welcome. Thank you for saying that.”</p><p>Virgil nodded. “Let’s get inside before we both get too feelsy. You guys all have school tomorrow anyway. Can’t stay up too late.”</p><p>“Are you staying home again?” Logan asked before he could think better of it. ‘I shouldn’t pry like that. Virgil can tell me what he wants to tell me.’</p><p>“Yeah. They don’t wanna overwhelm me or whatever, so I’m not coming back for another week. I’m starting more official one-on-one sessions with Dr. Johnston.”</p><p>“But…” While he didn’t want to worry Virgil over schoolwork, the question was so obvious he struggled not to ask it.</p><p>“They told me not to worry about school. I assume that’s what you were gonna ask about.” Logan nodded. “The school asked my teachers to arrange packets for me that cover everything I missed without the same workload. I don’t know exactly how it’s gonna work, but they promised it wouldn’t affect my grades.”</p><p>“That sounds like a good way to address the situation. I’m glad they won’t force you to make up all of the work.”</p><p>He smiled. “You and me both.”</p><p>Virgil - Sunday, October 6, 7:04 PM</p><p>About halfway through the movie, Remus abruptly reached for the remote and paused it. Virgil feared for a brief moment that he would get mad at him for picking a bad movie. An hour of Remus singing along to The Hunchback of Notre-Dame proved otherwise, but logic and evidence rarely won over Virgil’s instinctual self-deprivation.</p><p>“Is something wrong?” Logan asked.</p><p>“No, I just wanna do something. Virgil, come with me.” Remus raced out of the dorm before he could even react.</p><p>“Um…” He looked over at Roman, silently asking for an explanation.</p><p>“I don’t know what he’s doing. You don’t have to go if you don’t want to.”</p><p>“No, it’s…” He stood up. “I’ll see what he wants.”</p><p>He left to find Remus patiently waiting in the hallway. “Good. I actually just wanna talk to you about something. We aren’t going anywhere.”</p><p>“Okay. About what?” Virgil started unconsciously drumming his fingers against the wall as he leaned against it. ‘Come on, me. Don’t get anxious. Don’t jump to conclusions.’</p><p>“Well, I’ve been trying to decide something that kinda involves you a little, but I didn’t wanna talk to you about it because… I’m not sure what the reason was, but I decided it doesn’t matter. I wanna know what you think about it, but Roman and Logan both don’t want me to just do what someone says because they said it, so I might not do what you say I should do. Did that make sense?”</p><p>“You want my advise on something that involves me, but you won’t take my advice if you disagree with it?” He nodded. “Okay, what’s the problem?”</p><p>Remus quickly went into an overly detailed description of events.</p><p>“So, let me make sure I get what you’re asking. Your parents are willing to turn themselves in for… what they did, but they also know about me from the school, so they won’t do it unless you tell them to just in case we’re overwhelmed by it?” In truth, Virgil hadn’t considered the public’s reaction to all of this. He’d know his parents had a pretty big following online, but media attention? ‘Everything’s been fine for now, but what happens when people start wondering why Mom and Dad haven’t posted anything in a while? Will their organization just cover all of this up?’</p><p>“When you put it like that, it’s kinda silly that I didn’t just ask you before. Sorry.”</p><p>“No, that’s fine. That’s just… I didn’t really think about that before. I… I don’t think this will become a big thing, especially if the police do their job and keep this all as private as possible. If this does become a thing, I don’t think it matters when it happens. People will make the connection or they won’t.”</p><p>“So, Roman should tell them to turn themselves in, but try to keep it super private if they can?”</p><p>“They should do that anyway, but yeah.”</p><p>“Funny. Logan told me he thought this wasn’t good timing or something like that.”</p><p>“Maybe it isn’t. Like I said, I haven’t thought about this much, and I really don’t want to think about it more. You do whatever you think you should do.”</p><p>Remus pulled him into a hug. “Thank you!” Virgil forced himself to let it happen until Remus finally pulled back. “Alright, back to the movie!”</p><p>Patton - Monday, October 7, 1:36 AM</p><p>Patton woke up to the sound of his bedroom door closing. ‘That wasn’t even loud. Why did that…?’ He felt intense fear from Virgil. ‘Ah, another nightmare.’ He waited a few minutes before he followed Virgil out of the room.</p><p>Virgil sat on the counter sipping a glass of water. “Hello,” Patton said softly, hoping not to startle him. He evidently failed in that endeavor as Virgil jumped off the counter and futilely hid the glass behind himself. “It’s fine. I just wanted to check on you.”</p><p>“Oh, right.” He cautiously took another small sip of his water while taking measured breaths. “I’m sorry if I woke you up.”</p><p>“No need. I’m here to help.” He walked over to the fridge and took out the milk. “Want some hot chocolate?”</p><p>Virgil’s eyes widened. “Is that… Sure, if you’re sure that’s okay.”</p><p>“Of course it is!”</p><p>Virgil took a seat on the couch as Patton made them each a mug. Sadly, he didn’t have any time to do anything elaborate, but he could save that for another time. They drank in silence, Patton hoping desperately that his friend would open up on his own.</p><p>“What… What did your Mama tell you about me?” Virgil asked meekly.</p><p>“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”</p><p>“I overheard your parents talking. Your Mama told you something about me that your Mom didn’t want you knowing. What was it?”</p><p>“Oh!” The conversation he’d had with Mama Saturday afternoon still confused him. She apologized for telling him about Virgil’s parent’s neglect. He wanted to help, so why would telling him be bad? It hurts to know, but he nevertheless thought it was worth it. “She told me Mom wanted to explain to you that you could take food and stuff whenever you wanted since she didn’t think you’d know that.”</p><p>“... That’s not what I was expecting. I thought… nevermind.” He took another sip of his drink. “This is good. Thank you.”</p><p>“It’s nothing special. I like to add caramel and stuff sometimes.”</p><p>“Well, I don’t really get to drink stuff like this a lot, so… Yeah.”</p><p>Patton for the first time realized how often Virgil cut off his own sentences halfway through. He always spoke slowly, as if planning out every single word. That made sense, considering his upbringing, but it still hurt to notice. “Do you want to talk about your nightmare?”</p><p>He shook his head. “I can’t. Dr. Johnston said it’ll help, but… Not right now.”</p><p>“That’s alright. Just… tell me when you want to, kay?”</p><p>“Okay.” Patton smiled slightly as they both finished their drinks in comfortable silence.</p><p>Roman - Monday, October 7, 4:12 PM</p><p>“I know what I wanna do,” Remus said right as he entered the dorm.</p><p>Roman looked up from his homework at him. “About what?”</p><p>“The email.” He sat down across from Roman. “I wanna respond.”</p><p>“OH!” He closed his textbook and pushed his work to the side. “What are we gonna tell them?”</p><p>“Well, Virgil said that he’s okay with them going to jail right now, but he also said he didn’t want to think about it, so he might change his mind if he thinks about it more. That doesn’t really mean much except he won’t get mad at me if I pick that one. Logan said he thinks I should wait ‘cause this isn’t good timing. Virgil thinks time doesn’t matter ‘cause if people are gonna make the connection they’ll make the connection and make it a big thing. I don’t think so. I looked things up a little bit, and apparently people like to recognize patterns and stuff, so if something that doesn’t happen very often happens more than once at the same time, people will try and connect it even if it makes no sense. It does make sense here because we are connected. If we have Mom and Dad wait to turn themselves in, people might just think these are two different things and not even try to connect it. As long as we’re all careful about keeping this private and whatever, the media might not go all ‘this soulmate group has two pairs of parents that suck in different but similar ways. Look at fate go!’ So, yeah, let’s have them wait.”</p><p>Roman just sat there blinking at him for a few moments. “That… That was amazing. You put a lot of thought into that.”</p><p>He shrugged. “I’ve been thinking for a week or something like that, so it’s not really impressive or anything.” He pulled something out of his bag and held it out to Roman.”Celebration Oreo?’</p><p>“Thanks.” He laughed and took one. “See, you thought it through yourself and came up with a good answer.”</p><p>“If I just listened to Logan before, we’d do the same thing.”</p><p>“Sure, but Logan’s always talking about the work being more important than the final answer and things like that. I’m pretty sure that’s true here, too.” He stood up and grabbed their laptop. “Do you want to write it or should I?”</p><p>“Gimme.” Remus took the laptop and sat down on his bed. A few minutes later, he walked up to Roman with the finished product. </p><p>“Dear Mom and Dad,</p><p>You guys both suck a lot. I really want both of you in jail, but that’s not a good idea right now. Wait until we tell you to do it. No more talking to us until then. No more talking to me after that either. You are both awful parents and I don’t miss you.</p><p>Hate,</p><p>Remus ‘Better than You’ Kinner”</p><p>Roman laughed. “It’s perfect.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for reading! I'm always looking to improve, so feel free to leave your criticisms or questions in the comments or message me on my Tumblr. Link to that: https://nerdywriterhaven.tumblr.com/<br/>Again, sorry this is late. I took a small break from writing and I think that helped get my motivation back. I've been doing better, but some days are still hard. People had a problem with a few things last chapter and I hope this chapter maybe helped with that? At least, I hope I didn't make it worse.<br/>Weird question I want to ask musical fans that read this: I wanna watch Dear Evan Hansen because I've heard really good things about it and like the songs I've heard (Waving Through A Window and Requiem), but the plot makes me nervous. Based on what I know, it sounds like a classic liar revealed story (character accidentally or purposefully tells a lie to a group of people that they grow close to over the course of the story. Right around the climax, the lie is revealed and everyone turns on them until something happens and they all forgive them). I kinda hate that sort of story, mostly because it sucks to know that all of these character dynamics are built under false pretenses and knowing the character's lie will be revealed at some point just makes me feel super anxious the whole time. Does that all apply to this musical? Thank you.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Moving Forward</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW: Aftermath of child abuse, panic attacks, flashbacks, dissociation, self-deprecation, discussion of child murder (both theoretical and attempted), nightmares<br/>Updated 8/7: Very few errors this chapter. I corrected the ones I did find.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Roman - Monday, October 7, 8:12 PM</p><p>Janus 8:12 PM: I hope you don’t mind, but Virgil told me about your dad’s email. It’s not my decision, but my father’s old website posted a statement about the situation. I don’t know if it will affect your decision, but I thought you might want to know.</p><p>Roman looked up at Remus, who’d also gotten the same text. “Want me to read it out loud?”</p><p>“If you want to, sure,” Remus said. Roman nodded and clicked on the link.</p><p>“Dear Readers of Freedom From Fate,</p><p> Many of you have sent us emails regarding the abrupt disappearance of Jacob and Linda Conners. Due to the circumstances behind this lack of activity, we have been reluctant to address the situation until now. There has been much wild speculation. I must ask that you disregard any sources of information aside from this statement. Do not let wild fantasies detach you from the facts of the matter.</p><p>The truth is that they have both left our organization. We are all sad to see such influential members leave us, but it is a necessary loss. The reasoning behind their departure is very personal and therefore will not be discussed in this statement. We will delete any comments that attempt to spread a false narratives about these two wonderful individuals. They have done much for us and we will forever be grateful.”</p><p>“I don’t want to hear anymore,” Remus said, drumming his fingers against his thigh. “Do they know? How can they know and say that? That’s so bad.”</p><p>“It’s disgusting.” Roman turned off the screen and put his phone down. “How dare they call them wonderful people? They even admitted that they would delete comments. How can anyone trust this stupid site?”</p><p>“They’re stupid, too?”</p><p>Roman chuckled. “Probably.” Against all instincts of self-preservation, Roman read the rest of the statement.</p><p>“We will choose a new writer to fill in Jacob’s position soon. Do not think that we are attempting to replace him. No one will ever replace everything that he has done for us. Moving to Southern California for the sake of spreading our message was a huge sacrifice that we will never forget. Even so, we firmly believe that he and his wife would want us to move forward.</p><p>We invite everyone to share their favorite article from Jacob/Linda Conners in the comments.</p><p>Sincerely,</p><p>John Fayward, Head Movement Leader”</p><p>“This is so gross.” Roman tossed his phone onto his bed. “They’re talking about them like they died instead of <em> abusing their child </em> and getting arrested for it. And he ended it with ‘sincerely.’ No, that was the least sincere, garbage thing I’ve ever read.”</p><p>“Yeah, but, I think it could be worse. I was sort of thinking they would openly be like ‘how dare they lie to us about their son. We would’ve let them on this site if we knew they had a son like that. They are garbage and we hate them.’”</p><p>“They just don’t wanna make people not trust their stupid ‘movement leaders’.” Roman fought the urge to punch his pillow in anger. </p><p>“True. That really sucks, but at least that means their arrest won’t turn into a huge media thing. Virgil is probably happy about that.”</p><p>“Assuming he knows about it. It looks like Janus only sent it to us.We shouldn’t bring it up around him just in case.”</p><p>“Or we could just never think about it ever again. This doesn’t really change my decision with the email thing anyway.”</p><p>“Good.” Roman picked up his phone and quickly closed that tab before texting Janus.</p><p>Me 8:21 PM: Thanks for the info. Excuse me while I bleach my eyes to cleanse them of that garbage.</p><p>Virgil - Tuesday, October 8, 9:30 AM</p><p>Virgil had missed Janus and Emile over the past few days. While he enjoyed living with Patton and his moms, relief flooded him as he entered the familiar apartment. Janus offered to drive Virgil to his therapy appointment when he found out Sam and Kay both had work. Since Janus would have to pick him up anyway, Virgil decided to come early (with their permission) and watch some more Avatar with Emile. They were almost halfway through the third season and Emile was dying to watch more after more than a week of nothing.</p><p>“We’re here,” Janus said.</p><p>Emile jumped off the couch. “Virgil!” He hurried over to give Virgil a hug. He returned the hug with ease, happy to see him again.</p><p>“Should I be offended? Our reunion wasn’t nearly this heartfelt.”</p><p>“Well,” Emile let go while still keeping an arm around Virgil and grinned at Janus, “if you watched with us, you too could have this deep bond that can only come from watching the best show of all time with someone.”</p><p>“You two do whatever you want. I’m going to go and consume content intended for adults.” He walked around them to the other room.</p><p>“Rude…” Virgil muttered with a smile as he stepped out of Emile’s side hug and sat on the couch. Honestly, he could listen to their playful bickering all day, but they had a show to watch and Virgil wanted to get through as much as possible before he had to go.</p><p>Emile joined him and grabbed the remote. “Right? I swear, nothing is more childish than obsessing over doing ‘grownup things’. I’ll get him to come around eventually.”</p><p>They blew through their next episode quickly, minds fully engrossed in the story. Next was a midseason two-parter “The Day of Black Sun”. Virgil didn’t say anything as the next episode progressed, though he did notice Emile watch his expression from time to time. Emile did that a lot whenever something big was about to happen. Part of Virgil wanted to know if his reaction to those moments would be better if Emile didn’t always inadvertently foreshadow their existence, but he knew this was better than watching the show alone.</p><p>He sat on the edge of the couch as Zuko lashed out at the firelord, two and a half seasons of character development finally culminating in this one amazing scene. He stared at the screen, fully invested.</p><p>‘It was to teach you respect!’ Ozai scream in desperation thinly veiled by authority.</p><p>‘It was cruel! And it was wrong.’ Something in the confrontation had taken Virgil out of the story.</p><p>
  <em> “Where’s your respect? After everything we’ve done for you, why don’t you ever just listen to us?” </em>
</p><p>“Virgil?”</p><p>
  <em> “You need to show us some respect, boy. We deserve that much after having to take care of someone like you.” </em>
</p><p>“Virgil? Are you alright?”</p><p>
  <em> “Your mom told me you were reading those damn messages again. How can you just disrespect us like that, you brat!? We’ve told you over and over not to do that. You know what the consequences are.” </em>
</p><p>“Janus! I need you!”</p><p>
  <em> “You’re a disrespectful little brat. You’re lucky we even decided to keep you.” </em>
</p><p>“Virgil? Can you hear me?” Virgil reluctantly opened his eyes (‘When did I close them?’) and relaxed against the couch when he saw Janus kneeling in front of him. “Good. Let’s count our breaths, okay? We need to get your breathing to slow down.”</p><p>The two of them sat on the floor together (‘When did I get off the couch?’) until Virgil’s breathing evened out. “I’m sorry,” Virgil said.</p><p>“It’s alright,” Emile said while handing him a glass of water. “You didn’t do anything wrong. We’re happy to help.”</p><p>Janus nodded. “Do you want to talk about it?”</p><p>“No, I…”</p><p>
  <em> ‘It was to teach you respect!’ </em>
</p><p>
  <em> ‘It was cruel! And it was wrong.’ </em>
</p><p>Virgil shook the thought out of his head. “What time is it?”</p><p>Emile checked his watch. “About eleven. We don’t have to leave for your appointment for another 30 minutes.”</p><p>“That is, if you’re up for going.” Janus awkwardly took Virgil’s hand and rubbed his thumb soothingly on the back of his hand. Knowing Janus wanted to help despite his lack of experience helped sooth Virgil far more than the actual motion did.</p><p>“I mean, therapy is supposed to help me feel better, right?”</p><p>“Yes, it will over time, but I know it can be tiring. Your attacks tend to take a lot out of you.” Virgil yawn. “Case and point.”</p><p>“I don’t… I think it would be weird to miss the first one. I wanna get it over with.”</p><p>“I don’t think you should push yourself,” Emile said, “but you can take a short nap if you want. We’ll wake you up when it’s time to go. If you’re not up for it, no one will judge you.”</p><p>“Okay. That sounds good.” He laid down on the couch.</p><p>“I’m proud of you,” Virgil heard Janus say as sleep took him.</p><p>Janus - Tuesday, October 8, 12:07 PM</p><p>When Janus rejoined Emile at the car after escorting Virgil to his appointment, he found Emile pinching the bridge of his nose with his forehead leaning against the steering wheel. “Are you alright?” Janus asked.</p><p>“I’m an idiot.”</p><p>“No, you’re not.” Janus lightly hit his shoulder. “What makes you think you are?”</p><p>“When Virgil first started staying at our apartment and I was playing professional therapist like an-”</p><p>“I’m officially banning the word idiot from this conversation. Just tell me what you’re thinking, no self-deprecation.”</p><p>Emile smiled, still not looking up at him. “I specifically tried to make Virgil relate to Zuko while we were watching. I stopped when I realized it wasn’t helping, so I just didn’t think about it anymore. Then, the day he starts therapy, a very emotionally draining thing, I show him the episode where Zuko runs up to his asshole dad and calls him out on all his abuse. Of course that would trigger him. How could it not?”</p><p>“Maybe you could’ve thought this through better, but there’s going to be a lot of triggering Virgil in the future. He’s still recovering. As long as we try not to, we aren’t doing anything wrong.”</p><p>“Yeah, I know.” He leaned back in his seat. “Thanks. I just hate seeing him like that.”</p><p>“Me too. It should get better. We’ve just got to do what we can.” Nodding, Emile reached to start the car. “Wait! Sorry, I probably should’ve told you this before, but I didn’t have the idea until I was alone with Virgil. I told him we’d stay here so he wouldn’t have to feel guilty if he had to leave early.”</p><p>“Oh. Well, that makes sense, but I totally would’ve driven back early if he needed me to.”</p><p>“Right, but he wouldn’t be okay with asking you to do that.”</p><p>“True.” He pulled out his phone. “Guess we’ve got time to kill.”</p><p>Janus took out his own phone and went to his browser.</p><p>“Dear Readers of Freedom From Fate,” Janus sighed. ‘I forgot I still had this up.’ Against his better judgment, he refreshed the page and scrolled down to the comments.</p><p><b>Janie303250</b>: Wow, I can’t believe this is happening. I loved them so much. Their posts never failed to make my day. So sad to see them go, but I hope they’re doing well.</p><p><b>MikethePup8031!</b>: Jacob Conners has helped me so much. His advice has helped keep my family safe. I am very grateful. I hope he and his wife have a great rest of their lives raising their two, soulmate-free children.</p><p><b>Zanabe3$21%!</b>: Most of the comments like this have been deleted, but earlier I saw some disgusting theories talking about how they used to talk about how to deal with a child that has a soulmate and saying they probably got arrested for doing it to one of their kids. That is awful. For starters, I’ve read those posts, and they’d be doing that kid a favor if this were true. Someone’s gotta get them in line. I’d probably ‘arrange an accident’ if I had a kid like that. Second, that is completely baseless. Have you heard the way Jacob and Linda talk about their kids? They sound amazing. No way could either of them have a soulmate. Keep your dumb theories out of here!</p><p>“Okay, no.” Janus didn’t realize Emile was reading over his shoulder until he’d already plucked his phone out of his hand. “We are not torturing ourselves today.”</p><p>Janus whipped his eyes, shocked to find tears. “They were… They were talking about…”</p><p>Emile pulled him into a hug. “You shouldn't make yourself read that stuff. It’s awful things written by awful people that don’t mean anything.”</p><p>“But… one of them was saying they’d kill their kid if they had a soulmark. There’s so many people like this out there. I… I can’t stop it.”</p><p>“It’s not your job to stop them, okay? You’re already telling the police everything you know. That’s gonna help stop a lot of this. You’re doing so much already, so stop torturing yourself with this.”</p><p>“Okay…” Janus pulled back, whipping his eyes again. “Okay, I’ll stop. Thank you.” He held out his hand palm up.</p><p>“Nope, not giving it back to you. I don’t want you to feel tempted.”</p><p>He sighed. “Fine. I guess that’s fair.”</p><p>“Instead of thinking about that…” Emile showed Janus what he was doing on his phone.</p><p>“Is that…?”</p><p>“An apartment! It’s relatively cheap, so we can afford it on our combined budget. It’s got two rooms, real game changer, and is closer to Virgil’s school, so maybe he could come by if he wants to without someone having to pick him up.”</p><p>“You… you want to get an apartment together?”</p><p>“Well, yeah. That was part of your plan when you didn’t think we’d get the police involved with Virgil. I assumed you were still onboard.” He put his phone down. “I’m sorry. I should’ve asked you. I just figured that you were really stressed out already and didn’t need to get even more stressed thinking about this. It’s fine if you-”</p><p>“I’m in.” Emile smiled and pulled Janus into a tight hug.</p><p>Remus - Wednesday, October 9, 5:39 PM</p><p>As Remus and Roman worked on their French homework, Remus fought the urge to slam the textbook shut and finish the next morning. He tried to focus while his leg shook and his fingers drummed on the table. He realized he hadn’t done anything except stare at the textbook for five minutes straight. Concentrating on concentrating made it very hard to concentrate on his work.</p><p>“Remus?” Roman said. “Do you wanna take a break?”</p><p>He shook his head. “If I stop it’s hard to start again. This is due tomorrow. I don’t wanna wait until tomorrow and wake up late and not finish.”</p><p>“It’s fine. I won’t let you forget.”</p><p>Remus wanted to say no, but knew he couldn’t get anything done right now. ‘It’s like every word I read goes in one eye and out the other. Is that even a phrase? It should be because that’s what’s happening to me right now.’ “Okay. You’re right. Thanks. I’ll go take a walk or something.”</p><p>He grabbed his phone and earbuds before making his way outside. ‘Just a few times around the building and I’ll be good.’ He played the Beetlejuice musical soundtrack and began walking, letting himself leave reality for a little while. The cool air made his brain feel less mushy. He timed his breathing with his steps. </p><p>A phone call brought him back who knows how many songs later. He checked the caller ID before answering. “Hi, Virgil!”</p><p>“Hey. I wanted to take a break from doing school stuff, so I called you. Not that I’m only calling you cause I need a break. I like talking… That’s not… Whatever, you get it.”</p><p>“Yep, it’s fine. I’m taking a break from working, too. My brain wouldn't read anymore.”</p><p>“Same here. Hey, how did things go with the email thing? Do you know yet if they actually did it?”</p><p>“Oh, right, I forgot to tell you. I told them to wait.”</p><p>“Really? Well, my take on it wasn’t really thought out, so it makes sense you didn’t listen to it.”</p><p>“I listened to it. I just disagreed with it so I didn’t do it.”</p><p>“That’s not… Yeah, that’s good logic. It’s not really my business, so you do whatever you want.”</p><p>“Yep. I actually saved a copy of the email I wrote. Do you wanna read it?”</p><p>“Yeah, sure.” Remus sent it to him and gave him a minute to read it. “Wow, that is… wow. Well done.”</p><p>He bowed dramatically for his own amusement. “Thank you. I’m really proud of it. I found out a little bit ago that I’m a little bit too dependent and stuff, so I’m trying to get better.”</p><p>“You… What?”</p><p>“I wanna be more independent. I looked some things up and found out that a lot of people that were forced to lie about their soul status have to deal with this ‘cause those parents tend to try and control most of their kid’s life to make sure people don’t find out. We apparently get used to people just deciding things for us and that isn’t good because- Oh my god, I shouldn’t be talking about this with you right now. Sorry.”</p><p>“No, it’s fine. I just… I don’t… I need to think about that. Bye.” He hung up.</p><p>‘What did I do?’ Within what felt like seconds, Remus made it back to the dorm and collapsed onto his bed.</p><p>“Did something happen?” Roman asked. He got up from the table and sat down on Remus’ bed. “Are you okay?” </p><p>Remus explained what happened during his conversation. “I know he’s still trying to deal with this. Why did I talk about that?”</p><p>“It’s okay. You didn’t do anything wrong.” He pulled out his phone. “I’m going to text Patton to check up on Virgil.  Everything is fine.”</p><p>“But-”</p><p>“We can’t never bring it up. Out of all of us, you know how he feels right now the best. Sharing what’s going on with you probably helps.” His phone buzzed. “Oh! Patton just said that Virgil’s fine, just feeling confused and thinking about stuff. See? Maybe you caused a breakthrough.”</p><p>“Yeah, maybe…” Remus smiled. “Thanks.”</p><p>“Not a problem. Now,” he lightly smacked Remus’s arm, “let’s get this french homework over with.”</p><p> Patton - Thursday, October 10, 4:19 AM</p><p>Patton woke up for no apparent reason long before his alarm should have gone off. Then he felt Virgil’s intense panic. He looked over the side of his bed to see Virgil curled up on his side shaking. “Virgil?” When he didn’t respond, Patton got off of his bed and knelt in front of him. He woke up the second Patton touched his arm. He sat up and tried to scoot away before hugging himself.</p><p>‘Why did I dream about that? I’m not supposed to think about it. I never think about it.”</p><p>“Virgil, please-”</p><p>“I don’t even remember it. I don’t think about it. I’m not supposed to. Why did I dream that?”</p><p>“Virgil, I need you to take a couple breaths. Can you do that?” He shook his head as his breathing sped up.</p><p>“I can’t. I can’t do it. I’m not supposed to think about it but then I did and now I can’t stop.”</p><p>“It’s okay. You don’t need to-”</p><p>“Stop it!” He slapped himself. “Stop thinking, please!”</p><p>Patton grabbed his hand. “Don’t hurt yourself!” Virgil pulled his hand back before bursting into tears.</p><p>“They… They hurt me. They actually hurt me.”</p><p>Patton sat down next to him. “Can I give you a hug?” He nodded. The two of them embraced each other as Virgil cried. Patton fought to hold back tears of his own. “It’s not your fault.”</p><p>“He wanted to kill me. That’s what he was trying to do. He wanted me dead. Why? What did I do?”</p><p>“You didn’t do anything to deserve that. I promise.”</p><p>Patton held him for a long while until Virgil pulled away. “Thank you. I’m… Thanks.”</p><p>He tried to smile. “No problem.” He checked his clock. “It’s almost time for me to wake up anyway. Do you wanna go to the kitchen?”</p><p>“Sure.” Patton helped Virgil up before they left the room. “At least I didn’t wake you up super early this time.”</p><p>“You don’t have to worry about waking me up, but I am happy that you got more sleep.” Once they got to the kitchen, Patton took out the milk, chocolate, and caramel and got to work.</p><p>“To be honest, I actually didn’t fall asleep until about 1.”</p><p>“Why? Couldn’t sleep?”</p><p>“I mean, kinda, but I was actually looking some stuff up on my phone. I was talking to Remus earlier and… he said something that got me thinking a lot. I don’t know if I really wanna talk about it.”</p><p>Patton stopped working on the hot chocolate. “I’m sorry. Roman texted me yesterday to see if you were alright, but you mostly felt confused at the time so I just thought you were fine.”</p><p>“I <em> was </em>mostly confused. It made me think… a lot. You didn’t have to do anything.”</p><p>A few minutes later, Patton handed Virgil his mug of caramel hot chocolate. “Mom sometimes puts sea salt in hers, but I didn’t know if you’d want that.”</p><p>“This is good. Thanks.”</p><p>They moved to the couch in the living room. “You know, Patton,” Virgil said after a couple minutes, “I’m not expecting you to fix all my problems. I know you want to help, but… It’s enough that you help me like this.”</p><p>“Thanks, but I still want to know. I always know how you’re feeling. I should be able to help you more.”</p><p>“You already help a lot. I’ve had more hot chocolate over the past week than I’ve had my whole life.”</p><p>“Well… I’m happy it’s making you feel better.”</p><p>Virgil smiled. “Thanks, Pat.”</p><p>Patton took another sip while debating whether or not he should bring something up or just let them fall into a comfortable silence. “Um… Why did you hit yourself back there?”</p><p>“What? Oh, um…” He blushed and looked down at his drink. “It’s a bad habit. Sometimes when I do that it snaps me out of my thoughts. I know it’s weird but… I don’t know. It’s just something I do.”</p><p>“Have you talked to Dr. Johnston about it?”</p><p>“Nah. I think it’s a little… I don’t know. Should I?”</p><p>“If you want to. I think you should try to break out of that habit.”</p><p>He nodded. “Will do.”</p><p>Patton smiled. “You’re doing really good. I’m proud of you.”</p><p>“Funny, Janus also said he’s proud. I don’t really know what for.”</p><p>“You’re trusting us, opening up more. It’s great.”</p><p>“I don’t think there’s anything great about waking you up in the middle of the night and having freakouts all the time.”</p><p>“Well, that’s not good, I guess, but you’re opening up about this. That’s the first step to dealing with it.”</p><p>“I never even tell you what they’re about.”</p><p>“And I won’t make you. Just know that I’ll be here to listen when you do want to talk about it.”</p><p>Virgil rested his head on Patton’s shoulder. “Thank you… for everything.”</p><p>He smiled. “Of course, Virge. Anything.”</p><p>Logan - Friday, October 11, 6:45 PM</p><p>Logan stared at himself in the bathroom mirror. “I can do this. I can talk to them. They’re my parents. It will be fine.” He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. ‘This isn’t doing anything. Why do people do this in movies? It’s probably just a lazy way of making the character say something out loud for the watchers without it being weird. Yet another reason why books are the superior form of entertainment.’</p><p>Taking a deep breath, he left the bathroom and walked to the living where his parents were watching the news. “Excuse me,” he said.</p><p>“Oh!” Dad scrambled to mute the TV. “Do you need something?”</p><p>“Um… Yes, I want to talk to you.” He moved to stand in front of them. “I know, objectively, that you have been trying more with me. I appreciate that. It’s more than I have been doing lately.”</p><p>“Honey-” Dad grabbed Mom’s hand, signalling her to stop.</p><p>“Even so, I… It is hard to be around you sometimes knowing that you don’t truly accept parts of my life. I know you disapprove of my relationship with Patton.”</p><p>“No, don’t think that. We love you no matter what.”</p><p>“Yes, you love me despite my relationship with Patton. Despite the fact that I don’t have a soulmate.”</p><p>“Listen, we got over the soulmate thing a long time ago,” Dad said. “And, well, we know Patton makes you happy. We were only initially worried about his other soulmates. We believe you when you say they’re okay with it, so it’s fine.”</p><p>“Right, you are fine with it. You can get over the fact that you disapprove in order to support me. That doesn’t change the fact that you disapprove.”</p><p>“Don’t put words in our mouths.”</p><p>“I don’t have to. You’ve made yourselves very clear. You know, Roman, one of Patton’s soulmates, asked me out. I haven’t said yes yet because I knew it would make accepting my relationship easier. I didn’t want to make it easier on you. Now, I can see that that is illogical. I’ve decided that, in order to be happy, I need to not care what you think about what I do. That was not a happy realization to come to. People should value their parents' opinions, but I can’t. It isn’t good for me.” Logan struggled to ignore Mom’s eyes tearing up. “I remember you two deciding not to have any more kids because you couldn’t risk having another one without a soulmate. I… As I said, I appreciate your effort, but I think we have issues that will take more than a few ‘How are you today’s to fix.” </p><p>He went to his room before either could respond, surprised to find tears in his eyes. With a weight lifted off his shoulders, he pulled out his phone to call Roman.</p><p>“Hello?”</p><p>“Hello, Roman.”</p><p>“Woah, are you okay?”</p><p>“Yes, I’m quite alright. I was wondering if you would like to go on a date with me?”</p><p>Roman gasped. “How dare you ask me out when I asked you out first?”</p><p>He laughed. “Then I suppose you may interpret my question as a yes.”</p><p>“I will. And as punishment for making me wait this long, I get to plan the date. I will give you the most romantic date of your life, you jerk.”</p><p>“Well, if you are the one inviting me, it’s only customary that you plan everything.”</p><p>“Okay, no, I was trying to… Whatever. Oh my god, I’m so excited! I need to tell Remus. And Patton. And everyone. Bye!” Roman hung up. Logan layed down on his bed. He didn’t know what to expect, but he looked forward to it.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for reading! I'm always looking to improve, so feel free to leave your criticisms or questions in the comments or message me on my Tumblr. Link to that: https://nerdywriterhaven.tumblr.com/<br/>I have some good news and some bad news. Good news: I have the entire rest of the story outlined, so new chapter should come out faster. Bad news: As you may have noticed, I only have two more chapters after this planned. I was kinda surprised when I realized that. I think part of my motivation issues were rooted in me not having an endgame (outside of a vague ideas I had). When I plotted it out, I realized I was pretty much already there. Expect those last two chapters relatively soon.<br/>In other news, I hereby decree that everyone reading this needs to watch the show Crazy Ex-Girlfriend. It's on Netflix (or, it is in America. I don't know about other countries). I decided to watch it on a whim and I love it so much. I'm in the middle of season three and it's my new favorite show. Not only is it a comedy with deep, mature themes and well-rounded characters, but it's also a musical! Every episode has 2-3 songs and all of them are iconic. Pretty much every song is stuck in my head at all times, but I think I'm a Good Person is a good spoiler-free example of the show's sense of humor. (Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O4hh1YhDfbA).</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Together</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW: Child Abuse, discussion of animal death, dissociation, anxiety, thought spiral, extreme guilt, discussion of a near death experience, vaguely implied PTSD.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Patton - Sunday, October 13, 12:13 PM</p><p>“Hey, Patton?” Mama asked as she sat next to Patton at the kitchen table. “I need to talk to you about something.”</p><p>Patton looked up from his homework and was relieved to not see her scowling or any other sign she was upset with him. “What is it?”</p><p>“Do you remember how, when we were signing you up for that support group, you agreed to let them email me when you didn’t log in for a while?”</p><p>“...Oh.”</p><p>“Yeah. Listen, if you don’t want to do it, I can’t make you, but with everything going on right now it seems like a weird time to quit.”</p><p>“No, I didn’t want to stop. I just.... I joined because I couldn’t stop worrying about Virgil and feeling guilty because I couldn’t help. I am helping now.”</p><p>“And that’s great, but there’s still some heavy stuff happening right now. You just told me the other day that he isn’t always telling us when he’s upset and that makes you upset. While I am more than willing to listen and support you, I can’t empathize nearly as well as other Empaths can.” She ran her fingers through his hair. “I’m not gonna make you do anything, but you should talk to them if you think it’ll help.”</p><p>“I know, thank you.” He subconsciously glanced over to the hallway that led to his bedroom. Virgil was sleeping there at the moment, trying to build up energy for returning to school tomorrow.</p><p>“You’re worried about Virgil, aren’t you?”</p><p>“He already has a lot to deal with right now. What if he finds out about this and gets upset? I don’t wanna make him feel guilty or anything. It’s not his fault at all, but he might think it is. Or maybe he’ll start talking to be more when he’s sad because he’s guilty about not doing that. Then he’ll start sharing things he’s not ready to share and-”</p><p>“Pat, you’re spiraling.”</p><p>He took a deep breath. “Sorry.”</p><p>“It’s fine. Now, this might sound weird, but it’s true and you need to hear it. It doesn’t matter if Virgil finds out about this and it makes him feel worse.”</p><p>“But-”</p><p>“Let me finish. Yes, he is going through a lot right now and we should all do everything we can to help <em> unless </em>helping means hurting ourselves in the process. If you talking to a support group makes Virgil upset and guilty, that sucks and is another thing he’ll have to work through, but you still deserve help.”</p><p>“Okay…. Okay, yeah, that makes sense.” He grabbed his laptop. “I’ll do it right now.”</p><p>“Oh! Okay.” She got up. “Did not realize you would jump straight on it, but good for you!”</p><p>“Well, Virgil’s napping, so he’s probably not gonna walk in on it.”</p><p>She frowned. “You aren’t gonna just tell him? You know, rip it off like a band aid so you don’t have to keep worrying about it?”</p><p>“I will. Just not right now.”</p><p>“Alright, I believe you.” She patted him on the head. “I’ll go to my room, give you some privacy.”</p><p>As she left, he opened up his laptop. The browser was already open on Tumblr. He stopped himself right before he hit the new tab button. ‘I haven’t been on all day. I might as well check it out.’ He refreshed the page and began mindlessly scrolling.</p><p>About 100 pictures of cats, sunsets, and cakes that don’t look like cake later, he heard someone walk up behind him. “I didn’t mean to procrastinate. Just look at this cake! It looks exactly like a bag of Doritos, but it’s not. It’s a cake!”</p><p>“Wow, yeah, that’s cool.”</p><p>Patton flinched and turned around to see Virgil behind him. “Oh, I thought you were Mama. I’m not procrastinating anything. How was your nap?”</p><p>Virgil smiled. “It was okay, but didn’t last long.” He sat down. “I… When I still lived with… where I was before, I got into the habit of eavesdropping on people in the living room to make sure it was okay to come out. I guess I still have a problem with that. Well, both that and eavesdropping in general. The point is, I heard your conversation with your Mama earlier.”</p><p>“What?” ‘Oh my god, I’m a terrible Empath. I didn’t even feel anything from him earlier. Though, I don’t really feel anything right now. Why not…?’</p><p>“As you can probably tell, I’m not upset. I figured you probably didn’t like me keeping things from you. I actually talked to Dr. Johnston about it. She said something pretty similar to what your Mama said. If it hurts me to share things when I’m not ready, I shouldn’t even if not sharing hurts you.”</p><p>“I think so, too.”</p><p>“And I agree that you should talk to your group.” He leaned over and opened a new tab before closing the Tumblr one. “You do that. I’m gonna get some water and finish up the last of my school stuff.” He got up.</p><p>“Wait!” Patton grabbed his hand. “Can I give you a hug?”</p><p>“Sure.”</p><p>Patton jumped up and threw his arms around him. “You’re the best soulmate! I know you aren’t ready to even think about dating, but I’m just really happy to be your friend.”</p><p>Virgil hugged him back. “I’m glad you’re my friend, too.”</p><p>Roman - Tuesday, October 15, 2:58 PM</p><p>Roman stared at the clock in his English classroom, mentally begging time to speed up. He glanced over at his date for this afternoon. Logan may have seemed calm, but the way he fiddled with his pencil betrayed his stoic facade. </p><p>“You need to have the next three chapters read by our next period. We won’t have a test this time around, but we will-” ‘Blah blah blah, who cares? I’m going on a date soon!’</p><p>Roman shot out of his chair the second the bell rang. “Ready to go, Lo?”</p><p>“In a moment, yes.” He started packing everything on his desk into his backpack.</p><p>“You couldn’t pack up when Mr. Poslin was talking? Everyone else does that.”</p><p>“He was talking about our homework. That is very important information.”</p><p>“Thank you, Logan,” Mr. Poslin said from his desk without looking up.</p><p>“Sorry, teach,” Roman said to him before turning back to Logan. “I know I’m being pushy. Sorry, I’m just really excited.”</p><p>“As am I.” He zipped his bag shut and stood up. “I am also sorry for holding us up.”</p><p>“Nah, it’s fine. Let’s go!” He took Logan’s hand and the two of them walked out together.</p><p>“Where are we going?”</p><p>“My dorm.”</p><p>“Ah. I assume that is actually where you were during lunch?”</p><p>“You saw through that, then? I let Remus come up with whatever excuse he wanted for me. What did he say?”</p><p>“He actually just told us you were tired and wanted a nap, but I know you well enough to know that you can sleep anywhere and would never give up the opportunity to lay on Patton.”</p><p>“You wouldn’t either if you just tried it. It’s like sleeping on a cloud.”</p><p>“Sleeping on a cloud would not only be very wet, but impossible because you would fall right through, but I see what you mean.”</p><p>They talked about random things as they made their way to the dorm. Roman purposefully averted his gaze from the elevator when they entered the building. It was technically operational again and ran better than it had before, but… ‘no, never again.’</p><p>Roman stopped Logan outside of his room. “Give me one moment. I have one more thing to do before you can come in.” He hurried inside, plugged something into the wall, and turned off the lights before holding the door open for Logan.</p><p>“Wow.” Logan looked around the room in shock. Red fairy lights decorated the wall as a lamp lit the table, now covered with a white cloth. The table was set with two plates, silverware, two wine glasses, and a bottle of sparkling apple cider.</p><p>“The glasses and lights are from Janus and Emile. They helped set this up. The lights are actually for Christmas but I thought they still fit the mood. Janus also told me that, if I’m using cider as a replacement for champagne, I need different glasses because champagne glasses are thinner but they don’t have champagne glasses and giving you grape juice felt weird. I also wanted a candle but we aren’t allowed candles because the school doesn’t trust students with fire. I’m sorry this isn’t really perfect. I texted you saying I’d make this really romantic but I didn’t actually have a plan, so-”</p><p>“Roman,” Logan cut him off. “This is wonderful. Thank you. I don’t know what I expected, but this is perfect.”</p><p>“Oh! Well, great.” He pulled out Logan’s chair. “I hope you don’t change your mind when I tell you that I planned on ordering Pizza. I figured you would appreciate that more than ramen or a frozen dinner. You get to pick the toppings.”</p><p>“I’ve never had a frozen dinner before, but I’m sure you made the right choice.”</p><p>Roman sat across from him and pulled up a local pizza place’s website on his phone. “I’m ordering a medium pizza. I’ll pick my toppings for my side. You get two toppings for yours. What do you want?”</p><p>“... I would like you to promise not to react negatively to my choices.”</p><p>Roman gasped dramatically. “Please tell me you do not want pineapple.” Logan nodded. “Wow. I can’t believe I’m dating a heretic.” As Roman said that, he laid his phone on the table where Logan could see before adding pineapple to Logan’s half as a clear gesture that he wasn’t being serious.</p><p>“I will never understand why there is such a feud over this.”</p><p>“Me neither, honestly. I just feel obliged to act disgusted by it. Granted, I am disgusted by it, but I’m also disgusted by mushrooms and I wouldn’t call someone a heretic for putting that on pizza. Speaking of which, please tell me you don’t want mushrooms as your second topping.”</p><p>Logan smiled. “Ham is good.”</p><p>“Perfect.” Roman added that to the order before breezing through the rest of the process and putting his phone down.</p><p>“So, how are you? Is there anything interesting happening in your life that I don’t know about?”</p><p>“The drama department is doing casting for Anything Goes right now. I’ve been meaning to practice for auditions, but… It hasn’t seemed very important recently.”</p><p>“If you are interested, you should do it. While we have all just gone through an emotionally tiring few weeks, everyone’s situation is improving. You deserve the chance to do something you want to do. I will admit that I am not very knowledgeable when it comes to theater, but I am sure you will do great.”</p><p>“Well, yeah.” Roman took a sip of his cider. “I’m a shoo-in for Billy, although Moonface Martin would be more fun.”</p><p>“Unless you are worried about not getting the role, you should do what’s fun.”</p><p>“I can just tell them I’m up for both parts. Or any part, really, if they think someone else is better for both roles, which is impossible but they can have their opinions.”</p><p>Roman went on about the musical. He even sang a bit of the title song, upset that he wouldn’t be able to sing it on stage unless they decide to genderbend the entire production, which he would be down for. Logan listened to him ramble on until someone knocked on the door. “I’ll get it,” Logan said, standing up.</p><p>He came back moments later with their food, looking lost in thought. They each took a slice from their own side. Roman ate in silence, waiting for Logan to say what was on his mind, before he gave into the awkwardness. “Did something happen?”</p><p>“What? Oh, no. It’s just… the delivery person said you had a special instruction warning them against using the elevator. Is it still not working right? I’ve seen people using it.”</p><p>“I forgot about that. The note must be saved from before they fixed it after… you know what I mean.”</p><p>“Yes, I do.” He took a breath before continuing. “I am beginning to fear that we did not properly address your emotional state after the incident.”</p><p>“Don’t worry about it. Sure, I’m not really interested in going near elevators, but stairs are better for me anyway. There were more important things going on that night. Everything’s better now.”</p><p>“Just because there are ‘more important things’, that does not mean your feelings and desires are no longer important. Do I need to remind you that you almost died?”</p><p>“No, you don’t!” Logan flinched at the sudden yelling. “Sorry, I… Listen, Remus and Patton both doted over me plenty. I’m honestly not that spooked by it anymore. Thank you for wanting to help, but I just want us to have a nice date.”</p><p>“Okay. Before we change the subject, do you mind if I say one more thing on the matter?”</p><p>“Go ahead.”</p><p>“While Remus was the more direct victim of your parent’s actions, you are still a victim as well. I agree with your decision to have Remus make choices regarding the aftermath of their abuse. However, that doesn’t mean it didn’t affect you. Your opinions have a right to be heard.”</p><p>Roman nodded. “You’re right. Thank you. I’ll… I don’t know. I’ll talk to someone about it. Just not right now. Dates are happy times. I want to talk about happy things.”</p><p>“Okay then. We can do that.”</p><p>Logan - Tuesday, October 15, 5:47 PM</p><p>The rest of Logan’s date with Roman went well. Roman asked a little bit about how Virgil’s doing back at school. “Everything seemed okay to me,” Logan had said. “Mr. Maddison had asked everyone last week to not ask Virgil about his absence, so he didn’t have to deal with any questions.”</p><p>As 6 PM approached, Roman got out a bag for Logan to take his leftover pizza - or as Roman called it, his abomination - home in. “Thank you,” Roman said. “It means a lot to me that you said yes.”</p><p>“I’m very happy that I did. I enjoyed my time here with you.”</p><p>“Same.” Roman held out his hand. “Shall I escort my lovely prince outside?”</p><p>As expected, Dad’s car was already parked outside by the time they made it down. Roman waved at Dad halfheartedly when the two of them made eye contact. “If the car ride back puts a bad taste in your mouth, call me. We can talk a little bit so you can end this day on a high note.”</p><p>“I’ve always wondered where that phrase came from. Did it originate in musical theater? Do happy songs typically end with a high note?”</p><p>“That can be our topic later. I’ll look it up while you sit through an awkward car ride.”</p><p>“So, we're working off the theory that it will go poorly?”</p><p>“Good point. Let’s agree to talk no matter what, then.”</p><p>Logan smiled. “Will do.”</p><p>They said goodbye before Logan sat down in the passenger’s seat. “Good evening, Logan. How did it go?”</p><p>“It was good, thank you.”</p><p>He sighed and started the car. Just as Roman had predicted, the ride home was awkward. Neither of them said a word until they arrived home. Logan attempted to hurry out of the car and make a break for his room, but Dad stopped him. “We have to talk.”</p><p>“So you waited until we got here?”</p><p>“I was trying to figure out what to say. I don’t want to have this conversation in front of your mother.”</p><p>“We don’t need to have a conversation. I already told you both my thoughts before.”</p><p>“Right, but you didn’t let use respond.” He sighed. “I’ll let you go if you’ll refuse to listen but… damn it, I want to say this. Just let me say one thing. Please.”</p><p>Logan nodded. “I know from your perspective, my speech much have come across a childish, but-”</p><p>“Not at all. In fact, I think it was a very mature and rational decision.”</p><p>“...Truly?”</p><p>“Of course. It hurt your mother and I a lot, but we hurt you first. I didn’t know you heard us talking about not having another kid all those years ago, but the fact that we had that conversation at all proves we haven’t been the best parents. We will support you no matter what, but that doesn’t make us good parents. That’s the bare minimum. I want to do better than that. You deserve better than that.</p><p>“I want to talk to you more, ask questions. I’ll do my own research. I just ordered a couple books on soul status and how to overcome biases. You can point me towards anything you want me to read, correct me whenever I say something wrong. I acknowledge that I am ignorant. I want to do better.”</p><p>“Dad, that’s…” He wiped tears from his eyes. “Thank you.”</p><p>“Don’t thank me yet. You can do that once I’ve actually followed through on my promises.”</p><p>Logan nodded and glanced over at the front door. “Where does Mom stand on this?”</p><p>“She.... She is struggling. I think she’s hurt by the idea that she hasn’t been as good of a mother as she could have been. She truly does love you, we both do, but… as I said before, that’s the bare minimum a parent has to do. It’s just hard for her to take the first step. Don’t worry, though, I’m sure she will. She loves you too much to risk losing you.”</p><p>“Should I talk to her?”</p><p>“You can, but you don’t have to. You don’t owe either of us anything. I just want you to be happy.”</p><p>Logan smiled but didn’t respond. He wasn’t quite there yet, but he will be.</p><p>Janus - Wednesday, October 16, 3:35 AM</p><p>Janus stared at his laptop screen, desperately trying to think of more things to add to the list in front of him. He forced his eyes to stay open as he read through what he had already.</p><p>“1. Virgil’s doctor’s name in Maine was Dr. Staighner. I don’t know his first name. He could be paid off to “happen to not notice” a child’s soul mark. I don’t know where my parents found him from, but there are more people willing to do this.</p><p>2. There’s a Facebook group full of parent’s trying to hide their child’s soul status. I think it’s called something along the lines of “Good Moms of Maine”. I only know of this because it happened to be up when I borrowed my Mom’s laptop about a year ago. The moms would give each other tips such. If someone can get into this group, you could possibly get a lot of names.</p><p>3. I specifically remember when I went to Sandy Brook Middle School, the middle school Virgil went to before moving here, that people had to change in front of other students for gym. When I asked my mom and dad about this, they said all they had to do was slip the couch some money to let Virgil do it. I don’t know who the couch was, but we can assume that most teachers there aren’t properly trained on how to spot a child lying about their soul status.</p><p>4. Also at Sandy Brook, my teacher, Ms. Bridgid, showed us a PSA on the dangers of hanging out with people with soul mates.”</p><p>“What are you doing?” Janus flinched and turned around.</p><p>“Emile? What are you doing up?”</p><p>“I should be asking you that.” He walked over and read Janus’ list over his shoulder. “You’ve been working on this for 6 hours, Jan. You need to go to sleep.”</p><p>“It hasn’t been-” He checked the time. “No, you’re right. It has been that long.” He sighed and reached to take a sip of his energy drink.</p><p>“Nope!” Emile took the can and walked over to the fridge.</p><p>“You know they don’t save well.”</p><p>“You know I don’t care.” He sat back down next to Janus. “You already have 13 things listed. They didn’t even ask for a specific number of things for them to look into. Just everything you remember.”</p><p>“Exactly. They want everything. I need to think of as many things as I can. I would probably have more but I spent a couple hours trying to find that Facebook group and now I’m too tired to think.”</p><p>“All the more reason you should go to bed.”</p><p>“Yes, you’re right.” He closed his eyes and leaned on Emile. “... You know, that Facebook group was the thing that first got me thinking that my parent’s bullshit was, well, bullshit. I was scrolling through it and one of the moms… One of them said they killed their kid's dog in order to help them let go of attachments.” He started sobbing. “All of the comments were calling her brave. Only one person said she ‘might have gone too far.’ Then… Then I saw that my mom left a comment on that post. ‘Maybe I should get my son a cat or something and try this.’ I… I didn’t know how to react. I convinced myself she was joking and they were all joking. Maybe she actually was joking. Mom never did it, thank God. Or maybe it would’ve been better if she did. She would’ve bought a cat, I’d see it and freak out. Then I could’ve gotten Virgil and the cat out of there and things would’ve been great. But no, of course not. Instead I sat around for a year thinking about it and letting Mom and Dad do whatever they wanted. I still thought Virgil deserved it. I’m the worst brother ever. The worst person ever. I just let them hurt him. I knew about it but didn’t care. I....” He gripped Emile’s shirt and cried harder. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I wanna fix it. I don’t know what to do.”</p><p>Emile rubbed circles on Janus’ back. “I know you're tired and that's making you kinda emotional right now, but I need you to listen to me. You’re already doing exactly what you need to do, okay? You’re looking at everything bad that happened and trying to turn it into something good. You got Virgil away from your parents and, with this, you can help more people.”</p><p>“That doesn’t change what I did.”</p><p>“No, but it proves that you changed. You did the bad things you did because you were convinced it was right. Everyone around you convince you it was right. You were a victim, too. Just a different kind of victim.”</p><p>“Then why do I feel so guilty?”</p><p>“Survivor's guilt? I don’t know. There’s probably a better term for it. The point is, what you did was terrible, but you are not terrible because you did those things. This person, the person who just spent 6 hours trying to come up with everything he could think of to help, is the real you. This is who you are without brainwashing, without the lies. You’re a good person.”</p><p>Janus got off his friend and wiped his eyes. “I’m such a mess.”</p><p>“Correction: You’re a good person who feels like a mess because they still need a lot more hugs and almost certainly therapy.”</p><p>“Maybe, but not right now.” He grabbed his laptop. “Right now I need to-”</p><p>Emile shut the laptop. “Go to sleep? Good plan!” He stood up and ran off to his room, laptop still in his hands. Janus smiled halfheartedly before falling leaning over and falling asleep.</p><p>Virgil - Friday, October 18, 3:02 PM</p><p>Virgil almost jumped when he heard Roman call for him as he left the art room. “I thought we were going to meet at your dorm.” Virgil said. They’d decided earlier to work on Chemistry together after school since Virgil’s art teacher required him to spend Free Period catching up on his project.</p><p>“Madam Varon let people leave French early, so I decided to wait here for you.”</p><p>“Makes sense.” As the two of them walked to the dorm, Virgil felt his chest tighten. Of everyone in his new friend group, Virgil felt the least secure around Roman. That wasn’t due to anything Roman did. He’d always been nice to Virgil. Too nice, even when Virgil was mean to him. Some part of Virgil understood that he had only been lashing out to protect himself from a perceived harm, but a building is only as strong as its foundation. He couldn’t think of a worse foundation than him being rude to someone that wanted to help him and doing something as petty as refusing to lend him a pencil. ‘Roman’s been really nice, but what if that’s just because he feels bad for me? He has good reason not to like me. Aren’t soulmates always supposed to like each other? Did I really mess up that much? Am I going to be one of the only people in history to make their soulmate not like them? What do Patton, Logan, and Remus think about the way I used to treat Roman? They must know, right? What if they don’t know and Roman tells them later and they get mad at me? What if-’</p><p>“Here we are.” Virgil blinked a couple times as he realized they made it to the dorm. ‘When did that happen?’ Roman stared at him as he held the door open. “You okay?”</p><p>“Yeah, I just… Dr. Johnston calls it a thought spiral. Sometimes when I get those, I start to dissociate a little bit. I… I don’t remember walking inside. It’s just a little bit disorienting.”</p><p>“Do you want to talk about it?” Roman lightly grabbed Virgil’s hand and led him inside.</p><p>“No, I’m okay. Thank you.” ‘None of them hate me. None of them are going to turn on me. Roman understands why I did what I did. He’s been very nice and accepting.' He sat down at the table and took a couple of slow, deep breaths. “Let’s get started.”</p><p>They worked together for about an hour straight before finishing their partner assignment. “I can’t believe this is supposed to take two hours,” Virgil said, putting his textbook back in his backpack.</p><p>“I guess we’re getting through the assignments because we have good chemistry.” Roman winked.</p><p>“... I can’t believe I just had to hear that with my own two ears. I am in physical pain. How dare you?”</p><p>“What can I say? I guess that’s what happens when you date Patton. You might start too since you’re living with him.”</p><p>“Nope, I refused. He will never corrupt me.”</p><p>“Sure.” He smirked. “Also, just to clarify, that wasn’t me hitting on you or anything. I meant platonic chemistry.”</p><p>“I kinda assumed, but thanks for the clarification.”</p><p>“Good. I know you aren’t ready to think about romance right now with… everything.”</p><p>“I’m glad we’re on the same page.”</p><p>“Speaking of everything,” ‘Oh no.’ “I realized that I never really thanked you.”</p><p>“...For What?”</p><p>“For saving me. I don’t know exactly how it works since I’m not a Savior, but I know I would’ve at the very least gotten really hurt if you didn’t stop me.”</p><p>“What are you-?” <em> ‘Elevator. Soulmate in danger. Yelling. Pain. </em> He shook his head, trying to suppress his sudden anxiety. “Oh. No problem. I’m glad you’re alright.” ‘Don’t think about that part. It’s okay. You’re fine now.’</p><p>“It wasn’t ‘no problem.’ I’m sorry. I shouldn’t’ve brought it up. I know something happened after. I didn’t mean to make you think about it.”</p><p>“Don’t worry, I’m fine.” Based on the frown on Roman’s face, Virgil knew he didn’t believe that. “I’m serious. I don’t even really remember what happened after. I just… I also dissociate when… that happens. I just remember being in pain. I couldn’t tell you anything else.”</p><p>“Virgil, you’re literally shaking right now.” He looked down at his arms and… ‘yeah, I’m shaking.’ “Can I hug you?” Virgil nodded and Roman wrapped his arms around him. “I don’t think it really matters if you remember what happened or not. It obviously still hurts you. I mean, I didn’t even get hurt and I still refuse to use that elevator.”</p><p>“... Do you want to ride it together? Do some exposure therapy?”</p><p>Roman let go of him. “That’s a good idea, but not right now. I don’t know if you’re ready right now to act as emotional support.”</p><p>Virgil smiled. “Yeah, probably not.” He wiped tears from his eyes. ‘When did those get there?’ “Since we’re already talking about feelings and stuff, I just wanna make sure… I’m pretty sure I know what you’re gonna say, but I still need to ask. Are you mad at me for being mean to you when we first met?”</p><p>“What? No. Of course not. I get why you did that. You were scared. You didn’t even really do anything bad. The worst thing you did was not give me a pencil once.” They both laughed.</p><p>“Yeah, that was pretty weak bullying. I’m glad I don’t have to do that anymore.”</p><p>“You and me both.”</p><p>Remus - Friday, October 18, 4:26 PM</p><p>Remus shut his Math textbook and sighed. ‘My brain is too tired for this.’ Disappointed in himself for not being able to do more, he packed up and went to his dorm. Before he could enter the building, he saw Virgil leaving. “Oh! Hey!” Remus waved at him.</p><p>“Hey, Remus. How was the library?”</p><p>“Loud and my brain is tired.”</p><p>Virgil smiled. “Yeah, that happens… Listen, I just had a very good talk with Roman up there and it made me feel a lot better about a lot of things, so I promised myself I’d talk to you about a thing I’ve been putting off talking to you about the next time I saw you. I…” He started playing with the sleeve of his jacket. “I didn’t think that would be so soon, but I really should just do it. Since Patton’s Mom isn’t here yet to pick me up, do you wanna talk?”</p><p>“Sure.” ‘Is this about the thing from last week? It probably is. I really hope I didn’t do anything wrong. Roman said I didn’t, but he can be wrong. I really hope he’s right.’</p><p>“Good.” He took a deep breath. “Do you remember a little more than a week ago when you mentioned wanting to be more independent?” Remus nodded. “Well… My entire life, my parents told me I was too dependent. It was just part of being someone with a soulmate. I’m dependent, weak, a bunch of other things.”</p><p>“You’re not weak at all!”</p><p>“I know… I think. I’m trying to know. It’s just… It wasn’t until you said you wanted to be independent that I realized Mom and Dad never gave me a chance. I was a kid when they started saying those things. I don’t know what I did to make them say that. I don’t know if I even did anything wrong at all.”</p><p>“You didn’t. They probably think that about everyone with soulmates. They both wrote a bunch of things about how people with soulmates suck.”</p><p>“Right, the blogs… I’ve never actually read anything they wrote. Is that weird?”</p><p>“I dunno. I never read anything my parents wrote. It’s probably dumb. I actually read some stuff your dad wrote. I wish I didn’t. It was all dumb.”</p><p>“Good to know.” A car Remus vaguely recognized drove up. “Oh. I guess I should go. I kinda lost track of what I was trying to say earlier. I just wanted to thank you. You’ve helped me a lot. You’re a really good friend.”</p><p>Remus tilted his head. “I am?”</p><p>Virgil frowned. “Yeah. It’s been good to talk to someone else that was… You know what I mean. And besides that, you’re honest and easy to talk to. I appreciate that.” He looked back over at the car. “I should go. Thanks again.”</p><p>Remus smiled at himself as he watched Virgil leave. ‘I’m a good friend… I’m a good friend!’ He ran into the building, up the stairs, and into the dorm room. “Roman!”</p><p>Roman, who had been playing on his phone, put it down and stood up. “Is something-”</p><p>Remus pulled him into a hug. “You were right!”</p><p>“As much as I like being right, I don’t know what the hug’s for.”</p><p>“Everything!” He let go of Roman. “Virgil told me that me talking about being independent helped him! I thought I did something wrong but I know it was good now. He called me a good friend!”</p><p>“Of course you’re a good friend. You’re also a good brother.”</p><p>“Really?”</p><p>“Yeah. You’re the best.” They hugged again. Things were still far from perfect, but they were getting better. That was good enough for now.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for reading! I'm always looking to improve, so feel free to leave your criticisms/questions in the comments or message me on my Tumblr. Link to that: https://nerdywriterhaven.tumblr.com/<br/>I hope everyone enjoyed this chapter. I had a lot of fun writing it. It's so weird to think that I'm almost done. Only one chapter left!<br/>Updated 8/9: Fixed some punctuation and grammar things. There were also a few lines of dialogue that I edited slightly to make it flow better.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Epilogue: 6 Months Later</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW: Discussion of child abuse, mild panic attack.<br/>Updated 8/9: Fixed grammar issues.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Logan - Saturday, April 18, 8:03 AM</p><p>Although Logan was used to the occasional good morning text from one of his friends, he was shocked to see 16 new messages when he woke up.</p><p>Emile 6:51 AM: Good morning. Can you call me or Jan when you get up?</p><p>Emile 6:52 AM: Nothing’s wrong, btw. There’s just something I wanted to ask everyone about</p><p>Patton 7:04 AM: Good Morning!</p><p>Patton 7:04 AM: &lt;3 &lt;3 &lt;3</p><p>Patton 7:05 AM: I hope you got good sleep!</p><p>Patton 7:05 AM: Text me when you wake up</p><p>Patton 7:05 AM: Love you!</p><p>Virgil 7:12 AM: Good morning</p><p>Virgil 7:13 AM: In case you’re wondering how I woke up this early, blame Patton.</p><p>Virgil 7:13 AM He gets really loud when he’s excited</p><p>Virgil 7:16 AM: btw, call Emile or Janus when you get up</p><p>Patton 7:27 AM: Oh, actually call Emile before texting me</p><p>Patton 7:29 AM: Ignore that, Virgil told me he already told you</p><p>Patton 7:29 AM: Oops :)</p><p>Remus 7:46 AM: Help! I woke up really early and Roman is still sleeping. I don’t want to wake him up but I’m BORED</p><p>Remus 7:59 AM: Nvm I’m just gonna watch some random stuff on Youtube</p><p>Very confused, Logan sat up and called Emile’s number.</p><p>“Hi!” Emile said. “Sorry for spamming you. I’m so used to morning classes I forgot most people don’t wake up at six.”</p><p>“That’s alright. You didn’t wake me, though I assume you’re the reason Patton, Virgil, and Remus all woke up before I did?”</p><p>“Yeah. I called Patton and Janus called Remus. Big mistake.”</p><p>“They could probably benefit from waking up at an earlier time than they normally would. Anyway, what did you want to ask about?”</p><p>“Right. Janus and I wanted to invite everyone over for dinner tonight and around 6. You interested?”</p><p>‘What? Where is this coming from?’ “Is there an occasion?”</p><p>“Nope. We just thought it’d been a while since we’ve all gotten together. Your parents will be okay with it, right?”</p><p>There certainly was a time when that would be an issue, but now? “With the way my mom has been acting recently, I’m sure she would be upset with me for not going.”</p><p>“Good! Everyone should be coming then. Well, Roman hasn’t technically said yes yet, but I’m pretty sure Remus would physically drag him here if he said no.”</p><p>“Very true.”</p><p>They spoke for a while longer before saying goodbye. He went out to the living room hoping to find Mom. Sure enough, she was sitting on the couch reading. “Oh, good morning,” she said as she put her book down. “I just started reading that book I ordered last week. It’s an autobiography by the youngest child of eight. He was the only one born without a soulmark. The book talks a lot about how that affected him and how his family hurt him sometimes without meaning to. It’s making me think about all of the things I’ve said. For example…”</p><p>Logan smiled as she went on explaining everything she’d read so far. She may have taken longer to start educating herself than Dad did, but once she started she became very passionate. She still refrained from taking criticism and asking Logan questions, preferring to instead more or less give Logan book reports as a way of demonstrating her progress.</p><p>“Thank you, Mom,” he said once she was done. “I’m glad you are enjoying your book.”</p><p>“That I am. Now, did you need anything, or did you just want to wish me a good morning?” He explained to her Emile and Janus’ idea to have everyone meet up at their apartment. “Oh, of course you can go! I would never stop you from spending time with your boyfriends. I love you with them!” Logan had to stop himself from sighing when she said that. It was clear to him that she said things like that to convince herself she was okay with it more than anything else. Still, he had to acknowledge that she was getting better and would continue to do so. He genuinely appreciated that, even if her forced passion was far from ideal.</p><p>Logan thanked her before going back to his room. After texting Emile to confirm he could come, he called Patton.</p><p>“Logan!” He answered. “How are you?”</p><p>“I’m well, thank you for asking. I spent some time last night looking at colleges. I found one with a praised psychology program we both might be interested in.”</p><p>“Ohhh. Tell me more.” While Patton had initially been against Logan looking for colleges already -  <em> “It’s so early! We shouldn’t need to think about that yet.” </em> - he started to come around once he realized how excited Logan was about it.</p><p>The two of them talked about college for a while before moving on to other topics. The entire conversation was rather mundane. Most people wouldn’t think much of these talks, but to Logan they were everything.</p><p>Patton - Saturday, April 18, 10:47 AM</p><p>Patton skipped into his living room after his phone call with Logan ended. Virgil looked up from his homework. “What’s got you excited now?” Virgil asked.</p><p>He frowned. “Sorry again for waking you up.”</p><p>“Chill out. It’s fine.” Sensing Virgil’s emotions, Patton knew he was never angry about that. Patton still felt the need to voice his apology given the fact that Virgil rarely expressed anger about anything. He didn’t know if that was because he didn’t want to upset anyone or because he was nervous about making others angry at him. Even so, it would be another thing for Patton to help Virgil work through. At least he was getting better at telling Patton when he was sad or scared. ‘Baby steps.’</p><p>Patton sat down next to Virgil and leaned over to see what he was working on. “You didn’t do the Health homework yet? I know it’s not due til Monday, but you’re normally ahead.”</p><p>“I just fell a little behind. It’s fine.”</p><p>Feeling Virgil’s slight anxiety, Patton pouted. “You can tell me if something’s wrong.”</p><p>“Nothing’s wrong. I’ve been thinking about something lately. Nothing bad. I’d tell you if it was something bad.”</p><p>Patton nodded before resting his head on Virgil's shoulder. As much as part of him wanted to press, one of the biggest things he learned from his support group was that hounding your soulmate to talk about their emotions was the quickest way to make sure they never did. “You can copy off my work if you want.”</p><p>“Nah.” Virgil chuckled. “I’m pretty sure Logan would crash through the wall and lecture us if we tried. ‘You're not really learning if you’re just copying someone’s answers.’ Yeah, but copying from the textbook is basically that but it takes longer.”</p><p>Patton lightly elbowed him. “Don’t make fun of my boyfriend.” He felt a quick wave of anxiety from Virgil. “I was joking. I’m not really mad.”</p><p>“I know. That wasn’t… I’m not…”</p><p>“You don’t have to explain. I believe you.” Patton thought for a second about what he could change the topic to. “I’m excited to see Emile later.”</p><p>“Only him? Janus is gonna get offended.”</p><p>“No, him too. Emile’s just the only person I know that’s caught up on She-Ra. Even Roman’s behind, the traitor.”</p><p>“Is now a bad time to tell you I haven’t even started?”</p><p>“What? But I told you about it SO long ago!”</p><p>“It’s not my fault my to-watch list of cartoons is miles long.”</p><p>“And it’s not She-Ra’s fault you didn’t have a childhood.” Patton cringed the second the words left his mouth. ‘Oh no! Why did I say that!’ “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that. I was joking and didn’t think about it before I said it-”</p><p>“Pat, it’s okay.”</p><p>“I shouldn’t’ve said that. I’m sorry. I-”</p><p>“Pat!” Virgil grabbed both of Patton’s shoulders. “I’m okay. I didn’t go through 6 months of therapy just to freak out every time someone mentions my childhood.”</p><p>Patton pouted at him. “It wouldn’t be your fault if you did.”</p><p>“I know. I just meant that you didn’t need to feel bad about saying that.” He let go of Patton and handed him the remote. “Let’s watch an episode. Then we should get back to work.”</p><p>Patton opened up Netflix smiling. “There’s no way you’re only gonna watch one episode.”</p><p>“Two then.”</p><p>“The entire first season?”</p><p>“Don’t push it.” The two of them cuddled up with each other as the episode played. Despite Virgil’s self-imposed limit, they ended up watching half of the first season before cutting themselves off.</p><p>Remus - Saturday, April 18, 12:21 PM</p><p>“Yay!” Remus cheered when he saw Roman slowly sit up on his bed. He stretched before looking over at his clock.</p><p>“It’s already noon?”</p><p>“Yep.” Remus sat down next to him on his bed. “I’ve been up for hours with nothing to do. It’s so boring!”</p><p>“You woke up before me? How’d that happen?” Roman frowned. “Did you have a nightmare or something?”</p><p>“Nope.” ‘He still needs to get dressed and eat breakfast and stuff before we can hang out. I wanna do things.’ “Here.” Remus stood up. “I’m gonna make you breakfast. You get dressed.”</p><p>“You don’t have to, Rem.”</p><p>“Already doing it.” He took a breakfast Hot Pocket out of their mini-freezer and stuck it in the microwave. He sat back down at the table. He only had a couple of math questions left before he finished his homework quota for the day.</p><p>He answered the last question right around the time Roman sat next to him to eat. “Thanks,” Roman said. Instead of answering, Remus grabbed a Sharpie and Roman’s right arm. “What are you doing?” Remus began drawing. “Well, I guess I did leave you alone for hours, so sure. What are you drawing?”</p><p>“Secret.” Roman shrugged before taking another bite of his breakfast. By the time the Hot Pocket was gone, Remus had finished his drawing.</p><p>“Wow!” A very detailed Dragon covered the entire length of his forearm. “I should go to a tattoo place right now and have them trace it. This is so good!”</p><p>“You should ask Virgil and Patton first. It’s not as good as my other things.” He nodded at the paintings and drawings hung up by his bed. The biggest one had a small ribbon stuck to the corner with 1st place written on it.</p><p>“You spent weeks on that, of course it’s better. This is still great.” He admired it for a few more seconds. “Logan’s gonna be jealous that he doesn’t have it on his arm.”</p><p>“I can draw on for him when we see him tonight.”</p><p>Roman’s eyes lit up. “We’re seeing Logan tonight?”</p><p>“Oh, right!” Remus explained his phone call with Janus from that morning. “I already told them we’re coming.”</p><p>“Of course we’re coming! But that’s not til 6. What do you wanna do now?”</p><p>“We haven’t gone to that coffee shop for a while?”</p><p>“Sure!” Roman got up to grab their secret stash of cash on top of their cupboard. As he did so, a letter fell onto the floor. Remus picked it up before Roman could stop him.</p><p>“It’s… it’s from the prison.” Their parents had turned themselves in about a month after Virgil’s parents’ trial ended. When that happened, Roman and Remus had a long discussion about whether or not they should be allowed to write to the twins. Part of Remus just wanted to say no. He didn’t want to think about them more than he had to. It hurt. Still, he knew Roman, no matter how much he denied it, missed them. Roman hated them, too, of course. He also had good memories with them that didn’t stop being good just because Mom and Dad ended up not being good. Remus got that, or at least he tried to. After assuring Roman that he actually was okay with it, they settled on occasional letters that Roman could read without Remus having to see them.</p><p>“I’m so sorry.” Roman took the letter out of his hands and threw it on his bed. “I’ll shred it or whatever you want.”</p><p>“It’s not opened. Why didn’t you read it?”</p><p>Roman sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. “It just… it felt wrong after everything they did. Yeah, I know reading this doesn’t mean I’m forgiving them, I don’t think I’ll ever do that, but still.”</p><p>“I told you I’m okay with it. Do you think I was lying?”</p><p>“No, but-”</p><p>“Do you still want to read it?</p><p>“... Yes.”</p><p>“Then do it.”</p><p>Roman stared back down at the note. “Right now?”</p><p>“... Nope, coffee first.”</p><p>Roman laughed. “As you wish.”</p><p>Janus - Saturday, April 18, 4:46 PM</p><p>“So, you have no idea why Virgil wanted everyone to meet up?” Janus asked Emile. Always one to put in the extra effort, Emile was already working on dinner.</p><p>“Even if I did know, I wouldn’t tell you. I wasn’t even supposed to tell you it was Virgil’s idea.” It was true that Janus did kind of force the confession out of his friend, but it was so obvious. Emile could be spontaneous, but not so spontaneous that he’d ask to invite Virgil and all his friends over for dinner the day before. Patton, Remus, and Roman were too excitable to properly keep a secret like this and knew it. While a lot of teenagers wouldn’t fully understand it’s rude to invite yourself over to someone’s house with little time to prepare, he trusted Logan and Virgil would. That left no options left, but Janus also knew that Virgil didn’t always think about the implications of things when he got nervous. He also tended to jump into things he feared he may back out of if he thought about it too much. Once Janus shared all of that with Emile, he didn’t have much choice but to admit it.</p><p>“Fine, keep your secrets.” He watched as Emile spread Parmesan and Mozzarella cheese over the top of his dish. “Need any help?”</p><p>He smiled. “Of course you come to me asking that right when I’m almost done.” He picked up the dish and put it in the refrigerator. “It’s gonna stay in there for a bit. Once we’re closer to time, I’ll take it out and cook it for…” he checked his recipe, “40 minutes.”</p><p>“Sorry. You should’ve asked me if you needed help.”</p><p>“I don’t <em> need </em>help.” He pulled out a bag with two heads of lettuce. “Though I would love it if you could wash your hands and cut up some veggies with me.”</p><p>Emile took out two cutting boards and the two of them got to chopping. “So, what were you up to while I was doing this?”</p><p>“Just some college board stuff.” Janus initially felt bad about taking a gap semester, but now thought that was the best decision he’d ever made. He got to work more shifts (more money) and had time to actually think about what he wanted to do with his life instead of just going with whatever he thought Mom and Dad wanted. (He cringed at the memory of ever giving a shit about what they wanted. Gross.)</p><p>“As in you’re finally figuring out what you wanna major in?”</p><p>“Well, I suppose I might as well tell you about a major life decision while cutting up lettuce.” Emile chuckled at that. “I want to go into political science and become a local politician. Not a big one. If I ever try to run for President, feel free to kill me.”</p><p>“Why would I give up the opportunity to become Vice President?”</p><p>Janus elbowed him. “I’m being serious.”</p><p>“Me too, I’d love to be Vice President. Think of all the Twitter followers.”</p><p>“Emile.”</p><p>He frowned when he saw Janus’ serious expression. “Sorry. I was trying to say I think it’d be a good fit for you. You’re the most Slytherin person I know and we all know the two most Slytheriny jobs are lawyer and politician. In the immortal words of Jim from Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, “Don’t be a lawyer,” so the obvious answer is politician.”</p><p>“If I knew you already had everything figured out, I would’ve just asked you.”</p><p>“Nah, it’s good that you got there yourself. What made you decide, anyway?”</p><p>“I just… I remember how good it felt when those abusive places in Maine got shut down and that was at least a little bit because of something I did. I thought I should do something that would help me do more.”</p><p>Emile raised an eyebrow at him. “You’re not still feeling guilty are you? Cause we talked about this.”</p><p>“I know, but it’s not that. I just want to help.”</p><p>“Well, I think that’s great.” He reached over and grabbed a piece of the lettuce Janus had been cutting. Admitibly, it wasn’t cut as thinly as it could’ve been. “This, however, is not great.”</p><p>“Alright, I know. I’m not used to doing this stuff.” He grabbed the piece back and cut his lettuce up some more.</p><p>“Well, you’re gonna need to get used to doing this at some point. I’m fine cooking for now, but I refused to be your chef forever.” Janus stopped to stare at him for a second. They’d already talked about their relationship and how much they liked being together. Although neither of them really had any romantic interest in each other, or anyone really, they enjoyed each other’s company and couldn’t imagine separating any time soon. Janus knew all of this, but it was still nice to hear terms like ‘forever.’ “What are you smiling at?”</p><p>“Nothing, nothing.” He got back to cutting, knowing Emile didn’t buy that for a second. ‘Janus: Roman god of beginnings. I guess I chose well.’</p><p>Roman - Saturday, April 18, 5:30 PM</p><p>With Emile and Janus’ permission, Roman decided to show up at dinner early with Remus. Their apartment was only about a twenty minute walk from the school. After walking around more today than they normally did, Roman wasn’t surprised when Remus collapsed on the couch seconds after they arrived.</p><p>“Nice to see you, too,” Janus said, leaning against the doorway separating their living room from their kitchen.</p><p>“Don’t be a jerk, Jan.” Emile stepped out of the kitchen and sat next to Remus. “It’s good to see you guys.” They spent the next few minutes catching up as Emile slowly got Remus to sit back up.</p><p>Remus yawned. “Why am I so tired?”</p><p>“Totally not because I woke you up super early,” Janus said. “Again, I’m sorry about that.”</p><p>Emile wrapped an arm around Remus. “You should’ve taken a nap or something before coming over.”</p><p>“No!” Remus shook his head dramatically. “Naps always make me more tired. Always. I hate them. Even if I did want to take one, Roman wanted to come over early. You didn’t tell me why. Why?”</p><p>“Well…” Roman bit his lip. “Everyone always talks about showing up fashionably late, but that’s kinda rude so I wanted to show up fashionably early.”</p><p>Remus tilted his head. “No, that doesn’t make any sense.” Roman looked Janus directly in the eyes. ‘Help.’</p><p>“You know, Rem,” Emile said, standing up. “Getting up and doing something will probably help you. I’m pretty sure Janus has reached his help-Emile-cook quota for the day, so do you wanna take over.”</p><p>“You changed topic really quickly… Oh!” Emile nodded. “Okay, let’s go.” As the two of them entered the kitchen, Remus looked back to mouth ‘sorry’ to Roman.</p><p>“Well, then. I’m surprised you’re more obvious than my brother. Then again, you are much more dramatic.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>Janus sat down on the couch. “Sit.” Roman reluctantly did as he was asked. “What’d you want to talk to me about?”</p><p>He took a deep breath and looked down, not wanting to see Janus’ reaction to this. “I got a letter from my mom and dad earlier this week. I decided I wanted to let them write to me because… I... “</p><p>“You miss them?”</p><p>“No! I mean… I miss who I thought they were, I guess. They’re still the people who raised me, took me to the beach, helped me with my homework, taught me how to dance. They just… also abused my brother. Not just, that’s a big thing. Way more important than the other things. I really do hate them. I also miss them and want to hear from them. It’s… I don’t know.”</p><p>“... Emile is much better at these conversations than I ever will be, but I’ll give it a shot. I think the way you feel is understandable, even though I don’t feel that way. I want my parents to fall down a well, get trapped there until one of them dies, the other one eats the dead one to stay alive longer, someone finds the living one just in time to save them, then the savior recognizes them for the scum they are and shoots them in the head.”</p><p>“That’s… you’ve thought about that a lot.”</p><p>“Oh, that’s just one of the less graphic ones. My point is, I really, really hate my parents and never want to see them again. Some people would think that’s immoral. ‘They’re your parents. You exist because of them. Blood is thicker than water.’ Whatever. Don’t get me wrong, I think they’re idiots, but what I’m trying to say is there’s nothing immoral about caring about your parents, just like there isn’t anything wrong with wanting them to rot in a forgotten prison cell because none of the guards could stand to look at such vile people. You know what your parents did was awful, you picked your brother over them, and because of you, they’re in jail. You did everything right.”</p><p>“Okay, but it still doesn’t <em> feel </em>right.”</p><p>“Ew, feelings.” Janus sighed. “I’m not gonna tell you you aren’t allowed to feel whatever you’re feeling, Emile told me I’m not supposed to do that, but I am gonna tell you that that’s irrational. You’re not doing anything wrong here. It’s not like reading that letter is gonna make you forget Remus doesn’t have a soulmate and start acting all Soulist again.”</p><p>“I used to tell Remus right to his face that people without soulmates are emotionless monsters.”</p><p>“Well, I used to laugh when my parents hit Virgil, so I think I win.” Roman looked up at him shocked. “Virgil didn’t tell you that, did he?” Janus chuckled dryly. “Hope that makes you feel better about whatever the hell you did.”</p><p>“No… I mean, I had no idea Remus didn’t have a soulmate, but who knows what I would’ve done if I did know that whole time? Maybe I would’ve done everything you did. It’s scary to think about, but it’s true. We were both brainwashed to believe what we did. Sure, we aren’t blameless, but they were the awful ones.”</p><p>“Very true... Which is exactly why you shouldn’t feel guilty.”</p><p>Roman smiled. “Guess I kinda walked into that one.” He sighed. “Fine, I’ll read it when I get home.”</p><p>“Good.” Janus stood up. “Emile! I actually managed to make someone feel better by talking to them about feelings!”</p><p>“I’m very proud of you!”</p><p>Roman laughed as Remus ran out of the kitchen. “You were feeling bad?”</p><p>“I’m fine now, Rem. Thank you.” Pouting, Remus pulled him into a hug. Roman smiled as he wrapped his arms around his brother.</p><p>Virgil - Saturday, April 18, 6:00 PM</p><p>Virgil stared at the door to his brother’s apartment. ‘I can do this. It’s okay. I can do this.’</p><p>“Um, Virge?” Patton said from behind him. “Everything okay?”</p><p>“Yeah, I’m… I know I feel anxious, but it’s a good anxious. Well, it’s over something good. I just…”</p><p>“Good evening.” Virgil jumped at the voice. He turned to his left and saw Logan. “Is there a reason you’re standing outside the door?”</p><p>“No, no. Everything’s fine” Virgil opened the door and hurried inside.</p><p>Logan and Patton exchanged a knowing look before Patton forced a smile. “I’m gonna go say hi to everyone.”</p><p>Virgil let out a breath as soon as he walked away. ‘When did things get so spinny?’ “Do you need to sit down?” Logan asked. He nodded. Logan gently took Virgil’s arm and guided him to the couch. They breathed together until Virgil felt less faint. “Good, Virgil. You’re doing good.”</p><p>“I’m being stupid. I’m being so, so stupid.”</p><p>“... You’re the one who wanted everyone to come together tonight, correct?”</p><p>“What? How… how did you know?”</p><p>“Well, I thought it was strange for Emile to invite everyone over out of nowhere. Now you’re having a panic attack with no obvious trigger. It felt like a natural conclusion to come to.”</p><p>“Yeah, well, you’re right. I… I decided to do this so I’m going to do it. It’s just… scary.”</p><p>“...” Logan lightly tipped Virgil’s head up so that they were looking each other in the eyes. “Everyone here right now cares a lot about you. You know that, right.”</p><p>“Yes… I know that.”</p><p>“Then everything will be fine. I can’t claim to know the future, but I doubt anything sort of you killing one of us will lead to anyone here abandoning you. Even then, Janus will likely assist you in disposing of the body with no questions asked.”</p><p>Virgil smiled. “Thank you. That means a lot.”</p><p>“Logan!” Remus called as he burst into the room from the kitchen. “I need your right arm.”</p><p>“What for?” Virgil pulled up his right sleeve to show Logan the dragon. “Ah. Will you be okay if I go with him?” He nodded. Before Logan could even stand all the way up, Remus took his arm and pulled him away to a table across the room.</p><p>‘I’m surprised Remus was the only one to walk in on us.’ Virgil smiled. ‘Patton must’ve stopped everyone.’ He walked into the kitchen and found Roman and Emile talking by the oven.</p><p>“-doesn’t explain why you can’t make the time to watch 13 twenty minute episodes,” Emile said.</p><p>“Well, I’m sorry, but you know my heart belongs to musicals. Those take priority.”</p><p>“Season 5 literally has a musical number.”</p><p>Roman’s eyes widened. “Why didn’t anyone tell me? I’ll watch it as soon as I can, I prom- Oh, Virgil!” He ran over to Virgil and gave him a quick hug.</p><p>“I hate to tell you this, but Patton’s gonna give you the same talk Emile just did,” Virgil said.</p><p>“Ugh! I know. At least I’ll be able to tell him I’ll do it soon.”</p><p>“I also just watch half of the first season with him so he’s in a really good mood.”</p><p>Roman bowed to him. “Thank you for your sacrifice.”</p><p>“It wasn’t a sacrifice. I actually really enjoyed it.”</p><p>“Mind telling your brother that?” Emile asked as he checked on his food through the oven window. “He still won’t watch Avatar. <em> Everyone </em>likes Avatar.”</p><p>“We’ll get him someday.” He looked back at Roman and pulled up his right sleeve. “I assume this wasn’t you?”</p><p>“Alas, I’m not even close to that talented. My artistic talents manifest itself in acting. And singing. And writing sometimes when I want to do something different.”</p><p>“Well, I’ll have to thank Remus. I’d honestly consider getting a tattoo like this.”</p><p>“That’s what I said!  You wanna thank him now? I need to tell him what we’re bingeing tonight.”</p><p>“Not yet. I wanted to talk to Emile first.” Emile stopped what he was doing to look over at them but said nothing.</p><p>“Alright. I’ll leave you to it.” He left.</p><p>“Let me do something real quick. Then we can talk.” Emile put on oven mitts and took a lasagna out of the oven. “There we go. Sorry, I didn’t want it to burn.”</p><p>“That’s fine. I just wanted to thank you for doing this. I guess I didn’t think about how much work that would mean for you.”</p><p>“No need. I love cooking and I easily could’ve made spaghetti if I wanted something easier. I chose to make lasagna, not you.”</p><p>“Right. Well, thanks anyway. I’m sure it was hard to come up with an excuse for Janus.”</p><p>“Yeah, well, I should probably tell you. I’m pretty sure Remus and Roman are the only two here that don’t know meeting up was your idea.” Virgil started to feel faint again and grabbed the counter behind him. “I don’t think anyone knows why, but I don’t even know why so I can’t really know for sure.” Virgil nodded and bit his lip. “Hey…” Emile patted him on the shoulder. “Everything’s going to be fine. You don’t have to worry about anything.”</p><p>“I know. Thank you.”</p><p>Emile nodded. “I have to get Remus. You wanna go out with me or do you need a second?”</p><p>“I’ll go.” They left the kitchen. Emile called for Remus, who apparently really wanted to help out right around the time food was almost ready. Virgil took a second to stare at Roman, Patton, and Logan as they talked at the dinner table. ‘I can do this.’</p><p>“I can’t believe you’ve been here this long and didn’t talk to your brother yet.” Janus moved from behind Virgil to stand next to him. “I’m joking by the way.”</p><p>“I know.” Virgil continued looking at his friends.</p><p>“... I was able to figure out his whole thing was a good idea. It wasn’t hard since you’re pretty obvious and Emile can’t lie to save his life. It wasn’t until now that I realized why”</p><p>Virgil looked up at him. “What do you think?”</p><p>“I think everything’s gonna go wonderfully. I also think that if something does go wrong, we have plenty of knives at our disposal.”</p><p>“No!”</p><p>“Joking. I’m joking.” He pulled Virgil into a half hug. “I’m really proud of you . You know that, right?”</p><p>Virgil smiled. “I do now.”</p><p>“Dinner’s ready!” Emile announced.</p><p>Taking one final calming breath, Virgil walked over to join the others at the table. Emile and Remus walked out with lasagna, garlic bread, and Caesar salad. Everyone took some food and began eating. Virgil took small bites of his meal, just listening to everyone’s conversation. He could’ve just sat there forever in bliss. However, he knew he had a mission to accomplish. ‘I can do this.’</p><p>“Excuse me, can I…” Everyone at the table went silent. “I want to say something.” ‘I can do this.’ “A lot has happened the last few months. You’ve all helped me through so much and I don’t think I can ever make it up to you.” Patton looked as if he wanted to say something until Logan took his hand. “I’m very thankful for everyone here. That’s why I wanted everyone to be here for this. Emile, you barely knew me when we first met. I wasn’t even conscious, but you still helped me. Since then, you helped me through countless panic attacks, gave me a place to live when I needed it, and introduced me to Avatar. That is a debt I will never be able to repay you. Remus, our relationship didn’t start off very well, but now I consider you a true friend. You understand me in ways no one else does, and have helped me in ways no one else ever could. Thank you. Janus, you saw through years and years of brainwashing in order to save me. You took me out of an awful situation and gave me a home better than any I could’ve ever imagined. You are an amazing brother. I would trust you with my life in a heartbeat. I know you probably still feel guilty about some things, but you don’t have to. You’ve more than made up for everything.</p><p>“Now for you three…” He looked at Roman, Patton, and Logan. ‘No backing out now. You’ve been practicing this in therapy. You can do this.’ “I have soulmates. Patton is my soulmate. Roman is my soulmate. Despite not having a soulmark, Logan, I also consider you to be my soulmate in every way that matters. I’m not great at saying things like this, and I probably won’t be for a while, but I… care so much about you guys. Logan, you were my first friend at Southside. No, you were my first friend ever. You helped me through panic attacks without questions, without judgment. That was the first time anyone has ever done that for me. Thank you so much. Roman, I was a complete jerk to you when we first met. That fact that you forgave me as fast as you did still shocks me, especially since you forgave me before you understood why I did what I did. Since then, you’ve done nothing but show me love and support. Patton, you have helped me through so much. You comforted me after every nightmare, hugged me every time I cried, and supported me whenever I needed it. Despite it hurting you, despite me being a stubborn jerk, you never made me talk about things before I was ready. And when I finally was ready, you listened. I can’t thank you enough. It would be physically impossible. Even so, I hope you understand how much I… I love you. I love you so, so much and I… What I’m trying to say, in the most melodramatic, over the top way, is… Will you go out with me?”</p><p>Patton got up and pulled Virgil into a hug. “I love you, too. Of course I want to date you.” It wasn’t until then that Virgil realized he was crying. Everyone was. </p><p>It didn’t take long for Roman to join in on the hug. “It would be an honor to date you.”</p><p>The three of them made room for Logan as he wrapped his arms around them. “I feel the same way. I would love to go out with you.”</p><p>Virgil laughed as he allowed himself to relax in their arms, safe, loved, and happy.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for reading! I'm always looking to improve, so feel free to leave your criticisms/questions in the comments or message me on my Tumblr. Link to that: https://nerdywriterhaven.tumblr.com/<br/>Wow. Just... Wow. I got emotional while writing this both because it was, well, emotional, and because this is the end of a project I poured my heart into. I'm so glad people liked it as much as they did. I've never even tried to write something like this before and I'm both sad and ecstatic to see it come to an end. I'm really proud of myself. Thank you so much for all of your support. It means everything to me.<br/>Just to let you know what I'm planning on doing next, I have two things I'm wanting to do (along with an original work I'm finally gonna start working on). The first thing is actually related to this story. Over the course of writing it, there have been scenes I outlined and then didn't end up writing. They're all still 'canon' (if I can even use that term for a fanfic), but I didn't included them for one reason or another. I want to write a few of them out and post them in a separate story as deleted scenes. The first one I'm going to do is Janus taking Virgil to Emile's apartment and Emile's reaction to everything. This was initially going to be how that chapter opened but I decided against it. I wanted the focus of everything to be on Virgil and his perspective. The outline also ended up getting pretty long, so hype for that I guess.<br/>I also am going to try and complete a Bad Things Happen Bingo card. I got my card recently and pinned it to the top of my Tumblr. While I'm not expecting requests necessarily, I'll take them if anyone has any. I'm pretty sure I'll end up doing Sanders Sides one shots for most of them, but I'm also considering using other fandoms for prompts such as Percy Jackson, Avatar, and MCU. The only prompt I already have a plan for is "The Silent Treatment".<br/>Again, I want to thank everyone for reading this. It means everything to me.</p>
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